Drinking in the morning - everyone does it, right?

[fedup078]

Even when they have young kids?
Totally normal yes?

Well he's just told me to ask around. Don't fancy asking my friends so here we are
I'm being told this is totally normal and everyone does it, so why shouldn't he.

It is definately not normal op unless the person in question has an alcohol addiction.

No of course it's not normal OP. But you know that already.

If he thinks it's normal and does it on a regular basis, he's an alcoholic.

And he's gaslighting you.

You can get support for yourself here:

www.al-anonuk.org.uk/

@StartingGrid
It's in both our names
That'd be nice but he wouldn't go as he is adamant he has done nothing wrong

I don't have kids and don't drink in the morning unless at brunch. Which I haven't been in over a year.

@fedup078

I'm bloody livid I've had my suspicions for a while but caught him this morning He tried to lie to my face Now he's full on with the gaslighting

Sounds like he is getting an alcohol dependency. Boozing in the morning is a sign of alcoholism.

He has to tell you the truth, and not hide it.
Booze is such a nasty drug, so physically damaging.

You're not a fool, OP. He is. You love him and this will be hurting you a lot as his love for alcohol is more than his love for you.

You are right to end it as you have given him chances to change and he has not and gaslighting you is the final straw.

Seen your update OP, glad you are clear in your mind. Don't call yourself a fool, noone gets married thinking the person they love is going to abandon their family. Of course you wanted to hope he would come back to you and the children but you can clearly see now where his priorities lie. At least you know for sure.

So sorry.

Alcoholics drink in a morning.

Normal people don't, no.

No but husband does on Sundays as its his day of . I don't drink. Then he drinks from 5pm. Alcoholic

You know it’s not normal, and so does he.

So sorry, OP. It looks like your relationship may be over. Do you have family and friends you can lean on? Is MIL on side?

I know someone who drank in the morning. My dad in died in his 40s.

I used to have to watch my mum down a glass of vodka before even getting dressed every morning - then she'd drive us to school. Don't put your children through this OP.

No it's not normal at all. Only time we have had alcohol in the morning is Bucks Fizz at Christmas or sometimes mulled wine. And usually after 11.30. I've just remembered years ago when on holiday the hotel where we were staying had wine and vodka on offer at the breakfast buffet which I was a bit shocked at.

Would MIL take him when she brings DC back? Perhaps she can talk some sense into him once she's faced with the actual problem?
If he's not violent physically, don't leave your home....get legal advice asap.

I’m so sorry, OP. I hope that all the voices telling you it’s not normal have been helpful. In my personal experience, alcoholics are desperate to justify their own behaviour when caught and will lie and gaslight in the most abhorrent & shameless way. It is part of the sickness. Good luck.

In our first few months together myself and dh never really left the bed often. So we drank morning, noon and night. Then we had to get up and go to work.

Absolutely not

I think if you feel it's a problem then that's what's most important and your partner should be open to discussing it with you, even if they don't think it's a problem. My partner occasionally drinks earlier in the day at the weekends but never gets drunk (been together 3 years and I've seen him drunk maybe 3/4 times ever) and it wouldn't be a problem for him if he couldn't have a drink. However, I do have slight issues with alcohol (can easily go without but if I start I don't stop and now have a strict rule of not drinking during the week) and I never drink before 5pm unless it's a special occasion (Xmas, wedding, party, holiday etc). Drinking early in the day can be a sign of alcohol dependency but I wouldn't say it's a guarantee unless there are other signs and behaviours.

If it’s Christmas Day... otherwise, no.

My husband does this. He's an alcoholic. The lying is the worse, it's constant. He will lie to you, because he is lying to himself about alcohol dependency. No healthy person in their right mind drinks first thing. for you OP, it's a very tough situation to be in.

@fedup078 I do drink in the mornings, usually 10:30 onwards, and I'm an alcoholic.
A friend of mine was the same until she started at 4:30 to control the shakes before she could get to the shop to steal vodka.
Don't put up with either of us as your partner. We both know we are a mess.

No that's not normal to me. Why would he prefer alcohol in the morning over tea/coffee/water/juice?! That's crazy. Signs hes an alcoholic I'm afraid.

Of course it's not normal, but it doesn't matter how many of us tell you that. He's not interested in our answers. He's interested in you shutting up and leaving him alone so he can carry on drinking.

His next move is likely to be either that we are all uptight and hypocritical and our opinions don't mean anything, or that he's drinking because you're nagging.

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. You can't fix it for him by showing how abnormal his drinking is. He will only change when he wants to change.

In normal times, about once every other month, a friend and I have a big day out and start at breakfast time.

Hardly drink at all in between times.