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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Kept up by the cats but I slept through woke up to horrid text

338 replies

Thelovecats69 · 07/03/2021 09:29

My husband was up late last night gaming.
When he does this he Skypes his friends and has noise cancelling headphones so ends up loudly chatting/shrieking through them.

Me and DD were having a sleep over in the lounge, or at least trying - my house is small, one level and open plan. Aka you can hear everything.

At 11.30 he pokes his head in and asks me why Iv gone to bed without telling him. I say he was clearly busy and I was tired. Plus we aren’t sleeping in the same bed tonight anyway so why does it matter.

He texts me ‘did you go to bed because you wanted to get out of sex?’

This is half joking half not. He wants sex every night. I don’t. It’s a sticking point at the moment.

He has had a beer and carries on gaming. I eventually fall asleep with my dd. (Shes 4)

DD and I get up in the night to use the loo, I think twice.

I hear dh get up once and shut the cats out , I assume they are being noisy although didn’t hear anything. I do have form for not hearing much whilst I’m sleeping, although that’s because I work full time so when I sleep I SLEEP! My husband stays at home. And apparently hasn’t had a full nights sleep since 2014. 😒

I woke up this morning to the following texts at 6am.

‘If you wake me, I am going to be mad’
‘You have not got up once’
‘Except for a piss.
The WHOLE night’

‘You let the cats in
You are single’

I haven’t woken him up this morning and have shushed dd when she’s started being loud. I came on here as I have no idea what to say or do about this.
When I went to get a drink I opened the kitchen door and the cats ran in, but I chucked them back out into the garden for now.

OP posts:
GrandmaSteglitszch · 31/08/2021 08:14

Just read all your posts, OP, and I was so pleased to see your update.
That man was making your life miserable. You will be so much happier without him.

Jellybeanlovehearts · 31/08/2021 08:16

Please don't put up with that shit. You'll be so much happier without him.

roundtable · 31/08/2021 08:20

Great news op.

Well done Flowers

Freddy12 · 31/08/2021 08:20

He sounds mental unhinged and stupid
The attitude to sex is mind blowing.
He is probably never going to be any use as a partner and will keep abusing you
Leave the idiot asap

Stickytreacle · 31/08/2021 08:23

There are bound to be times when you are reflective and lonely OP, but better to have self respect than to be treated like dirt by someone who should love and respect you. There is something satisfying about a warm fireside with a couple of cats warm and content to cuddle, far better than dreading a partner's expectations every night. Enjoy your new life with your daughter, and well done for doing the right thing, (but please don't leave the cats out 😉)

mrsdolittle · 31/08/2021 08:23

Great news OP. Absolutely right thing to do.

You, DD and the cats are going to be absolutely fine xx

RAOK · 31/08/2021 08:23

Best update! So happy for you and your daughter 😊

pecanmix · 31/08/2021 08:24

That's great op!!

RubyFowler · 31/08/2021 08:27

Congratulations 👏 well done OP.

SunnySideDownBriefly · 31/08/2021 08:31

Well done - that is such good news! That must be a massive weight off your shoulders.

You can and will cope - you've already done the hardest bit. If your dd's school doesn't have a before or after-school club then find a decent childminder who does drop-offs and pick-ups at your dd''s school. I managed it with a full-time job and my two dds. Another possibility, can you compress your hours and work two longer days to give you three shorter days or something similar? Even if you can do school pick-up on one day a week then it might be worth it?

Itsseweasy · 31/08/2021 08:36

So happy to read this update! Well done OP! It doesn’t matter who did the leaving, what matters is that you are free!

nellly · 31/08/2021 08:37

That's fantastic news op you are
Much better without that horrible bully in your life! Make sure you apply for any help like universal credit you may be eligible for!

Bumpsadaisie · 31/08/2021 08:41

@Thelovecats69

Well, lovely ladies…

It took me another 3 months before I did it. But I left him.
Or rather he left me, so I have the house and can keep my job.

When he left I felt relief.
I kept busy but today feel reflective and to be honest, a little lonely.

I came on mumsnet to occupy myself and saw this thread and it reminded me why I got here.

Just wanted to give you an update and say Thankyou for your kind words, helpful advice and resounding LEAVE HIM response.

I have no idea how I’m going to juggle full time work and childcare by myself, but I’m taking it week by week.

Thankyou.

Oh yay! Well done you. So pleased to hear this - your ex sounded skin crawlingly awful.

Hope you and your DD can have some peace.

Today my dh has gone back to work and I have to take four kids out for the day all day alone - which I'm slightly dreading but this update and your strength has given me courage 🤣

LalalalalalaLand123 · 31/08/2021 08:46

lovecats I am so happy for you! I remember your thread, I remember feeling so awful for you and your DD, stuck with this horrid thundercloud of a man. Thank you so much for updating - and huge congratulations on being rid of this tosser, you and DD will be a million times happier! Enjoy your new life OP!

missymousey · 31/08/2021 08:49

I'm so happy for you and your daughter! What a relief for you. Now you can be yourself again and find out what a lot of strength you really have.

Please still do the freedom programme so that you don't fall into a similar relationship further down the line.

Nannewnannew · 31/08/2021 08:49

@Thelovecats69 I missed your first posts but have read them all today, all I can say is thank goodness he has left. You deserve so much better than him and his controlling ways. I’m so pleased for you, and yes, I’m sure sometimes you will feel a little bit lonely but just try and take one day at a time. Wishing you and your daughter a much brighter future.

autumnboys · 31/08/2021 08:50

He sounds awful.

OrlandointheWilderness · 31/08/2021 08:52

Ah brilliant update, I'm so pleased for you. I left an ex after posting on Mumsnet and it's good reading it back sometimes. Well done and good luck to you!

MangoBiscuit · 31/08/2021 08:52

Well done OP! I'm so pleased for you. I takes a lot of strength to do that after they've ground you down, so bloody well done! Flowers

autumnboys · 31/08/2021 08:52

Fantastic update, have just read through. Well done, OP. Flowers

BelladiMamma · 31/08/2021 08:54

@Thelovecats69

Well, lovely ladies…

It took me another 3 months before I did it. But I left him.
Or rather he left me, so I have the house and can keep my job.

When he left I felt relief.
I kept busy but today feel reflective and to be honest, a little lonely.

I came on mumsnet to occupy myself and saw this thread and it reminded me why I got here.

Just wanted to give you an update and say Thankyou for your kind words, helpful advice and resounding LEAVE HIM response.

I have no idea how I’m going to juggle full time work and childcare by myself, but I’m taking it week by week.

Thankyou.

Heartfelt congratulations OP

Just think, it took you months not years

You knew how to protect yourself and your DD

You know there's a better future for you both

You can trust your gut and your instincts from now on, because you did the right thing here

Ukholidaysaregreat · 31/08/2021 09:07

Well done OP! I remember reading your thread at the time, so pleased you have managed to get him to leave. Now you and your DD can relax in the house and life will be better without his shit to deal with.

TomFuckery · 31/08/2021 09:08

Christ on a bike.
Leave the imbecile
You're showing your child that his behaviour is acceptable and she could potentially end up with the same kind of partner
Just leave, if you've somewhere to go then start packing up, block him on your phone until you get settled.
He sounds a fucking delight, proper catch ........

TomFuckery · 31/08/2021 09:09

Oops didnt read all the thread Grin....well done

TheSockMonster · 31/08/2021 09:12

I am so glad to read this! I didn’t notice it was an old thread when I clicked on it and my initial thought was that he had transferred his hated and loathing for himself onto you. My second thought was RUUUUNNNN.

I wish you good luck with the logistics of the split and happiness and joy for your dickhead-free future Flowers