Kept up by the cats but I slept through woke up to horrid text

[Thelovecats69]

My husband was up late last night gaming.
When he does this he Skypes his friends and has noise cancelling headphones so ends up loudly chatting/shrieking through them.

Me and DD were having a sleep over in the lounge, or at least trying - my house is small, one level and open plan. Aka you can hear everything.

At 11.30 he pokes his head in and asks me why Iv gone to bed without telling him. I say he was clearly busy and I was tired. Plus we aren’t sleeping in the same bed tonight anyway so why does it matter.

He texts me ‘did you go to bed because you wanted to get out of sex?’

This is half joking half not. He wants sex every night. I don’t. It’s a sticking point at the moment.

He has had a beer and carries on gaming. I eventually fall asleep with my dd. (Shes 4)

DD and I get up in the night to use the loo, I think twice.

I hear dh get up once and shut the cats out , I assume they are being noisy although didn’t hear anything. I do have form for not hearing much whilst I’m sleeping, although that’s because I work full time so when I sleep I SLEEP! My husband stays at home. And apparently hasn’t had a full nights sleep since 2014. 😒

I woke up this morning to the following texts at 6am.

‘If you wake me, I am going to be mad’
‘You have not got up once’
‘Except for a piss.
The WHOLE night’

‘You let the cats in
You are single’

I haven’t woken him up this morning and have shushed dd when she’s started being loud. I came on here as I have no idea what to say or do about this.
When I went to get a drink I opened the kitchen door and the cats ran in, but I chucked them back out into the garden for now.

@DavidsSchitt

I MEANT HER DH!!!!!!! As he was the one who said the cats had to stay out, or OP was single....?

Bloody hell! I in no way meant the OP.

OP, I do apologise if that is what you took from it as well.

[quote RickOShay]@Thelovecats69
You are very far from a fool. He’s the fool. Are you close to your mum?
Could you go there?
[/quote]
Can you? I understand its hard to tell your mum. But if my dc were in your situation id be really sad if they didnt come to me for help.

See if you can tap into those feelings of peace and calm when your DH was away for 2 months.

Keep calling them up as this is your goal - it’s a reality in very near reach - and this is motivate you through the tough bits to get there.

Know that you have already taken a huge emotional step - this RS is over, you will have your joy and freedom, it’s not IF just WHEN.

Be proud and comforted that you know you and your DD want/need/deserve better.

Emotionally detach in your head from him. Once you do this you release some mental capacity to be able to think and plan.

Currently your brain is in survival mode, preoccupied moment to moment and you don’t have the ability or space to slowly and carefully plot your way out of this. So you need to clear some space in your head, soothe yourself that you are in your way emotionally and all that remains are is considering all of the various practical options open to you - selecting the best one and planning it v meticulously and slowly in private (with support from others) until the day you decide to push the button.

Know that power is back with you.

I would take PP seriously about the NRP part and ensure that you get legal advice on this. I would get emotional support from your DM and / or a trusted friend at work and woman’s aid.

Fantasise about your beautiful new life with your DD. I can be anywhere. You are not tied to schools as she is so young - so decided where and who you want to be around for the next 15 years. Supportive relationships close by are the most important if you are raising a child alone -choose wisely - the money can follow.

Learn about abuse and log all incidents and collect all evidence. You can just pack up and when you are ready even if it’s just temporary for 6 months to give you space to clear your head to decide what happens next.

You are much further along than you realise.

"How did you ever get with such a low-life?
Why did you have a baby with such a low-life?
Why do you stay with such a low-life?
After you leave this low-life, please raise your bar for men and don't go out / live with / marry any more low-lifes!"

Nice victim blaming there .

I wish you well, I was very sad to read your thread. Please put your DD and yourself first

You may actually be better off single. I can't see what he contributes if he doesn't work? you would get help as you would be a single parent. I think there's an online calculator for benefits called entitled to?

Richer or poorer, don't stay with this loser. Good luck

Good luck OP he sounds like a loser don't put up with this crap

Well, lovely ladies…

It took me another 3 months before I did it. But I left him.
Or rather he left me, so I have the house and can keep my job.

When he left I felt relief.
I kept busy but today feel reflective and to be honest, a little lonely.

I came on mumsnet to occupy myself and saw this thread and it reminded me why I got here.

Just wanted to give you an update and say Thankyou for your kind words, helpful advice and resounding LEAVE HIM response.

I have no idea how I’m going to juggle full time work and childcare by myself, but I’m taking it week by week.

Thankyou.

brilliant!

@thelovecats69 wishing you and your dd all the best. Your ex is a horrible prick, frankly, and it sounds like you will be much better off without him. He wasn't a husband, he was a user. You deserve, and must demand, better. And single is definitely better!

How nice of you to come back and update.

Your new life won’t necessarily be easy but it will be better. Because you do not live with an unpredictable joy thief (who was crap, and yet demanding, in bed). You are so much better off and are an example to your dd.

So glad to hear it. Well done.

Well done you!

Excellent.

What made him leave in the end?

Congratulations, you utter star

Well done to you!

Oh my God! I remember reading your thread the first time around, and am so so pleased your free of that dead weight!! How did you manage that?! Well done, seriously.

Re work, does he see your dd so you can work? And pay maintenance?

He's vile! You & your daughter deserve better.

What a weird bloke you have there. Immature, uncaring and on the nasty side. Your daughter, and all the cats are all you need for good company.

Congratulations on your freedom op!
I remember reading the thread way back then. Glad you got away from the git.

He sounds awful

Thanks for the update. Life is going to be so much better for you and your daughter. 💐

So good to hear! Don't worry, you're too nice to be lonely for long.

He sounds alot like my ex, who I was with for 7 years and I finally left him in November last year, my god, it's been the best 9 months of my life! Don't let him crawl back in

Just read this thread for the first time. So happy to read this! Well done! Wishing you, your dd and the cats all the best.