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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Kept up by the cats but I slept through woke up to horrid text

338 replies

Thelovecats69 · 07/03/2021 09:29

My husband was up late last night gaming.
When he does this he Skypes his friends and has noise cancelling headphones so ends up loudly chatting/shrieking through them.

Me and DD were having a sleep over in the lounge, or at least trying - my house is small, one level and open plan. Aka you can hear everything.

At 11.30 he pokes his head in and asks me why Iv gone to bed without telling him. I say he was clearly busy and I was tired. Plus we aren’t sleeping in the same bed tonight anyway so why does it matter.

He texts me ‘did you go to bed because you wanted to get out of sex?’

This is half joking half not. He wants sex every night. I don’t. It’s a sticking point at the moment.

He has had a beer and carries on gaming. I eventually fall asleep with my dd. (Shes 4)

DD and I get up in the night to use the loo, I think twice.

I hear dh get up once and shut the cats out , I assume they are being noisy although didn’t hear anything. I do have form for not hearing much whilst I’m sleeping, although that’s because I work full time so when I sleep I SLEEP! My husband stays at home. And apparently hasn’t had a full nights sleep since 2014. 😒

I woke up this morning to the following texts at 6am.

‘If you wake me, I am going to be mad’
‘You have not got up once’
‘Except for a piss.
The WHOLE night’

‘You let the cats in
You are single’

I haven’t woken him up this morning and have shushed dd when she’s started being loud. I came on here as I have no idea what to say or do about this.
When I went to get a drink I opened the kitchen door and the cats ran in, but I chucked them back out into the garden for now.

OP posts:
WTF475878237NC · 31/08/2021 03:57

This is the start of a much better future for you and the children. Don't let him back if he catches you on a (completely normal to have!) bad day and tells you he's changed.

Longdistance · 31/08/2021 04:05

Glad you’re at peace. Just make sure he stays under the rock which he crawled back under and never darkens your doorstep ever again.

PrincessNutNuts · 31/08/2021 04:06

I'm so glad @Thelovecats69

Well done. Thanks

PluggingAway · 31/08/2021 05:08

What a brilliant update Smile

chaosrabbitland · 31/08/2021 05:17

well id have been happy to have let the cats in if it meant he,d have carried out his threat of making me single .

FreeBritnee · 31/08/2021 06:09

Fantastic decision OP!!

Seeingadistance · 31/08/2021 06:20

So glad to read your update, OP! Your life will be so much better and happier!

MrsTerryPratchett · 31/08/2021 06:31

That's great. Thanks

Mummyoflittledragon · 31/08/2021 06:38

I didn’t see your thread the first time. But this is a fantastic update. He was really dragging you down.

BlackShadowCat · 31/08/2021 06:40

That's wonderful news! I bet you will find life much happier and easier without him.

Kotatsu · 31/08/2021 06:45

Fantastic OP.

I left mine at Christmas. After a couple of months of panic at the idea of raising 2 kids alone for the next 10 years, I realised I was pretty much doing it anyway, plus doing the drudge work for him, and now, 8 months on, we're all doing great - kids don't even notice he's gone, we're out and doing things that previously I'd held off on so he could join in (but he'd never commit to any time we could), we have routines and weekend waffles, and it's just lovely.

MrsPerfect12 · 31/08/2021 07:05

Well done OP. I missed your post the first time around. You will manage, I did. Please make sure you check you're getting all the extra help you can. Good luck.

flowersmakeitbetter · 31/08/2021 07:29

Didn't see this thread before but just read your update.

Well done you! You will manage just fine. Stay strong.

Froppysue · 31/08/2021 07:42

Just read the whole thread, so happy for you, well done.
Wishing you, your dd and the cats the best of luck for the future.

Lalliella · 31/08/2021 07:46

Well done OP! How did you get him to go? Wishing you and DD and the cats all the very best for the future.

pixiecircles · 31/08/2021 07:47

Well done OP. There is no relief like it. There will be moments of weakness but you will be happier and calmer and it will be so much better for you and DC!

@Kotatsu your reply made me smile - it's the same feeling that I felt. Finally I could do all those things that I wanted to do and ExP would never commit to or just vaguely agree to but never make solid plans. Like you, DS and I are much happier.

Best of luck OP, the childcare and £££ terrified me too but it really does work itself out, or it did for me at least. You realise how much of the work you actually did in the first instance...

GreekOlive · 31/08/2021 07:48

I absolutely promise you, you will be fine. Life will better for you and your daughter. The future is bright Flowers

Subbaxeo · 31/08/2021 07:50

My first instinct isn’t normally to say LTB but it is for this one. Is this the life you want?

LTB

Subbaxeo · 31/08/2021 07:52

So sorry-have read your update. So very well done and very best wishes to you.

SwimmingUnderwater · 31/08/2021 07:57

Honestly, what is his appeal? I don’t understand! He’s crap in bed, he’s a sex pest. He’s rude and immature, lazy and unemployed. What is in it for you? Get a divorce and get a life. He’s no role model for your daughter either.

crystaltips98 · 31/08/2021 07:58

Well done. Onwards and upwards!

SwimmingUnderwater · 31/08/2021 08:00

Sorry just seen the update. Well done!! Onwards and upwards.

Ourlady · 31/08/2021 08:06

Fantastic update. So happy for that he's gone.

Robertthebrucesthistle · 31/08/2021 08:07

Well done OP, you’ve been through a lot. You’ve got this, it might not be easy but you got this!

crikeycrumbsblimey · 31/08/2021 08:11

It must have been hard to get your life back - honestly you can do anything now!