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Original poster

If your DH/DP adores you, what is your secret?

311 replies

ZednotZee · 05/03/2021 21:34

We all know those couples where the male partner visibly adores his wife/partner.
If you are in such a relationship can you tell me what you think it is about you that makes him so devoted to you?

I am in such a relationship and I suspect the reasons for this, just wanted some other opinions.

OP posts:
Spidder · 06/03/2021 09:44

Ooh, I know, I know!!
I asked dh what a masculine sense of humour is.

Toilet jokes. Pretty low level humour.

Mabelface · 06/03/2021 09:45

Because I recognised that behind the issues he has, there's a really lovely man there. I'm very straight with him, no games at all. I pushed him to get help and he's just had a diagnosis of adhd and starts meds tomorrow. He's very lovely to me.

Suagar · 06/03/2021 09:48

Im curious - those of you who have husbands who adore you, are they the "quieter " type?

When I've seen this, I've often observed that the women in these relationships have the stronger or louder personality while the man is more quiet.

anamazingfind · 06/03/2021 09:55

I think it's more to do with the personality of the person who loves. Obviously the person they love has to be a lovely person, but there are plenty of lovely people whose partner isn't devoted to them. My BIL is a real people pleaser and worshipped the ground his late wife walked on. Sadly lost her to cancer. He says all he wanted to do was make her happy, wasn't interested in hobbies like other men, just wanted to go places with her and spend time with her. Relationships and people are more important to people like him.

ShutUpAlex · 06/03/2021 09:58

I’m just his favourite person.

johnd2 · 06/03/2021 10:11

This thread is absolutely lovely and a gold mine of happiness.
Not wanting to crash the thread with science, but for anyone interested, John gottman has done some interesting research over many years about relationships and what imperceptible things strengthen our weaken them. It's well worth looking at if you are not lucky enough to be in a great relationship and you think there's something wrong with you or you can't do better.
Plenty of videos on YouTube and I'm sure books as well.
Happy Saturday everyone!

LimitIsUp · 06/03/2021 10:21

@SignsofSpring

I don't think it's anything intrinsic about the person that is 'adorable'. I've seen women adored who have ranged hugely in personality, looks, femininity and so on.

What they all have in common though is they want a guy (or woman) who is really into them. They look for 'being adored' when they are selecting someone, and tend to ditch players or guys who are not that into them. I'm this type of person, I know I want a partner who adores me, it's my number one criteria in a relationship that the person is really really into me. I don't like being second best and would never in a million years fight over some man and if he was into someone else, that's it, I would go off them instantly.

Unsurprisingly, I ended up with someone that adores me. Also dislikes me on occasion, finds me irritating, finds me stubborn, but being loved in a very deep and constant way is one of life's lovely things.

This sounds like a credible explanation to me.

Its about dismissing the time wasters and the half hearted.

1940s · 06/03/2021 10:23

I think this is a beautiful thread. I am adored by my husband.
But
Two things annoying me.
Some posters listing of examples of adoration that I think are basic partnership standards.
And the OP who assumes she is adored because her outlook is masculine. I think that's utter crap and I'd love OP to define her masculine outlook. I think it's offensive to women to allude to being masculine leading to adoration... not to mention what on Earth is a masculine outlook?! Baffling

HerMammy · 06/03/2021 10:25

I listen to him and am supportive, his ex wife was very controlling and irrational and he loves that I’m pretty chilled but will kick his arse if needed 🤣
Plus he says he’s ‘well punching’ 🤣

Littlefluffyclouds13 · 06/03/2021 10:35

@1940s

I think this is a beautiful thread. I am adored by my husband. But Two things annoying me. Some posters listing of examples of adoration that I think are basic partnership standards. And the OP who assumes she is adored because her outlook is masculine. I think that's utter crap and I'd love OP to define her masculine outlook. I think it's offensive to women to allude to being masculine leading to adoration... not to mention what on Earth is a masculine outlook?! Baffling
I totally agree that the 'masculine outlook/humour' comment is total rubbish.

I'm really feminine, a proper 'girls girl' and I have a ridiculously adoring dh. I also know that other men may find me less ideal Grin

Honeyroar · 06/03/2021 10:57

@Suagar

Im curious - those of you who have husbands who adore you, are they the "quieter " type?

When I've seen this, I've often observed that the women in these relationships have the stronger or louder personality while the man is more quiet.

Yes I definitely am louder, although my husband still has a strong personality and definitely fights his corner in an argument. He’s no push over.
Magnificentmug12 · 06/03/2021 11:09

Hmmm I know a guy who adores his wife especially via social media- you would think she was the luckiest women alive. However I know he constantly slags her off behind her back to his mother so it can’t be that great! She doesn’t know that or anyone else obviously. Things are not always as they seem, someone can act adoring but also be a wanker.

maxineputyourredshoeson · 06/03/2021 11:11

Funnily enough I’ve asked my DH this before after something one of my friends said to me he simply replied ‘because you are you’.

We’ve had a lot of challenges over the years, I became ill with both MH and physical problems and he had to give up work to be my carer. I literally owe him my life after 2 suicide attempts.

He’s not romantic and has bought me flowers twice in the 13yrs we have been together but he will bring me my favourite sweets back from the shops, he gives me a foot rub every single evening. He cooks my favourite food, he makes me laugh until my face hurts etc but most of all he gets me.

He has seen me at my worst and still adores me.

I also adore him, I still get butterflies in my tummy when I see him.

I think PP was right when they said about being someone’s person. I think it’s simply I’m his person and he’s mine.

Loopyloututu2 · 06/03/2021 11:13

For me I think it’s because I’m more physically attractive than him and I’ve also always been of a slightly “treat em mean, keep em keen” mindset!

I know how that sounds - awful - but dh is a very confident, strong individual and he can take it! He’d walk all over a weaker woman. I also look after myself and try to look nice for him - I’m not one for sitting there burping/farting in front of him or treating him like a best mate. We keep it sexy (20 years together!)
I think it boils down to the fact that I wouldn’t settle for anything less than being adored!

I know I sound like a right cow Grin

bumblingbovine49 · 06/03/2021 11:25

I think DH adores me yet I know . I am very much an annoying person to live with I have no real ' caretaking ' instincts and loathe cooking and general house stuff. I have no idea why he does but I think it is related to his general steadfastness and loyalty and the fact that he must find me attractive ( never been sure why)

I am not overly emotional or very outwardly physically affectionate and have quite a brusque loud outward manner with what is probably a quite male sense of humour. With many many men, I fell into the ' friend' category in my youth though not all of course

I am large in stature . I don't mean weight ( though I am very overweight nowadays ), I have very large hands and feet for a woman and very broad shoulders i think this puts off a lot of men as well. DH and I share shoes as his feet are small for a man . I have no idea why he adores me but he seems to He goes out of his way to make my life better in any way he can and has done for nearly 20 years now .

I love him too very much but I have to be honest and say I probably don't take care of him the same way he does me . I obviously look after him if he is ill etc but I do have to remind myself rather than it being seemingly instinctive as it is with him.

EarringsandLipstick · 06/03/2021 11:38

Plus he says he’s ‘well punching

Just hate this phrase.

It's so disrespectful to both parties.

I think there are some lovely examples of 'adoration' here. I agree with a PP that there are also examples that are just basic relationship expectations. I also think there's a lot of cringey responses too, gushing answers that make me feel queasy just reading them.

EarringsandLipstick · 06/03/2021 11:40

For me I think it’s because I’m more physically attractive than him and I’ve also always been of a slightly “treat em mean, keep em keen” mindset!

Loopy I'm sure you're not a 'cow' but yeah, this sounds awful to me. Both the arrogance around your looks & the stated intention of treating someone somewhat badly.

Gwenhwyfar · 06/03/2021 11:40

@Puppylucky

I think it's to do with relationships where for what ever reason the man thinks he's punching above his weight. I really think that if men feel that they have "won" someone better than them then they really put them on a pedestal and adore them.
Yes, this is what I've seen in the relationships around me. Same thing for women with men.
Gwenhwyfar · 06/03/2021 11:47

"George Clooney for example (bear with me!), the way he talks about Amal, as if he - handsome, articulate, multi millionaire actor & entrepreneur - is punching above his weight with her, comes across as fake."

There's been a lot of speculation that the relationship really is just for show.

Gwenhwyfar · 06/03/2021 11:53

"I wonder if the "adoring" element is a feature of a positive and thankful personality. Like, not generally grumpy and negative, but the kind of man who is usually good-humoured and cheerful and can identify his blessings in life, darling wife amongst those?"

Or of confidence/security i.e. a secure man will adore the one he's with while an insecure man is more likely to find fault and be more conscious of what other people may think.

LemonRoses · 06/03/2021 11:54

Im curious - those of you who have husbands who adore you, are they the "quieter " type?
Not true for us, no.

For me I think it’s because I’m more physically attractive than him and I’ve also always been of a slightly “treat em mean, keep em keen” mindset!
Yes, sounds awful. I’m definitely not more physically attractive than my husband. He is sometimes described as handsome. I’m decidedly plain, but I’m told I have a nice smile.

I think it’s about not overreacting to little things, not taking life too seriously, open communication about needs and expectations and honouring your commitment. I also think it’s about choosing wisely and building on that. I’m surprised any man who watches a women give birth to his children can be anything but awed and subsequently adoring.

AndreaMarteau · 06/03/2021 11:56

@AnotherSunrise

This thread should be called... aren't I great
I was just thinking the same thing. Some of these responses...🤢
Gwenhwyfar · 06/03/2021 11:58

@garlictwist

Isn't it a given that your partner adores you and vice versa? Otherwise what's the point?
I think OP's talking about a bit more than just loving each other, like when one partner puts the other on a pedestal. I definitely know some couples like this, doesn't mean the other couples don't love each others.
Gwenhwyfar · 06/03/2021 12:01

@Suagar

Im curious - those of you who have husbands who adore you, are they the "quieter " type?

When I've seen this, I've often observed that the women in these relationships have the stronger or louder personality while the man is more quiet.

That would be the case for my grandparents. They argued a lot so didn't come across to me as the perfect couple, but when he spoke about how beautiful she was in her youth his eyes...
Gwenhwyfar · 06/03/2021 12:03

@anamazingfind

I think it's more to do with the personality of the person who loves. Obviously the person they love has to be a lovely person, but there are plenty of lovely people whose partner isn't devoted to them. My BIL is a real people pleaser and worshipped the ground his late wife walked on. Sadly lost her to cancer. He says all he wanted to do was make her happy, wasn't interested in hobbies like other men, just wanted to go places with her and spend time with her. Relationships and people are more important to people like him.
That reminds me of the widower character in Ricky Gervais's After Life.