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Relationships

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How much did he/should he spend on your engagement ring?

455 replies

BlingRing1 · 03/03/2021 22:22

Just curious what everyone's thoughts are nowadays? I've heard of the '3 month's salary rule' (although i also heard it was 2 months and 1 month, so who knows!), but that's from a long time ago. Is it still relevant now? If not then what is better?

How much did he spend (either in £ or relative to salary)? Was it more or less than you thought/hoped he would?

Does it matter to you (honestly!)? Should it matter?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
Fuckitsstillraining · 04/03/2021 01:05

Mine cost the equivalent of €3000 (I'm not in the UK) in 2007 and I paid 50% of that, not the norm maybe but I earned more than him back then so it made sense. We had it and our wedding bands made exactly as we wanted.
Reading your post I think you could be in for some disappointments in the future, you mention that you'd have liked a bigger ring, he could have saved for it in six weeks and if it can be comfortably afforded its not enough but you also mention that you are marrying a frugal man who you didn't expect to spend much, seems he's either careful or tight and you are going to struggle with that.

VienneseWhirligig · 04/03/2021 01:14

£50. We were skint but I love my engagement ring, it was chosen with love. It was admittedly my third engagement - first time round there was a ring that could have come from a cracker, and second time it came from Elizabeth Duke and was really pretty, but then I was 17 and easily pleased. DH had much better taste Grin

LemonSwan · 04/03/2021 01:30

My ring ended up being around one months salary. It is hand weaved 18k red gold - utterly gorgeous and unique. DP had picked out a diamond which would have made it much much more expensive but when he put it on the ring it looked ridiculous. He went for a 0.2ct diamond instead and it suits it perfectly. I have seen rings 20x the cost of mine which are boring with utterly shite quality diamonds. Couldnt get fire off them if you stuck it next to a disco ball. Price isn't everything.

CuntyMcBollocks · 04/03/2021 02:32

The cost of the ring didn't matter to me at all. Mine was second hand, but it's what it means to me that matters the most.

PerveenMistry · 04/03/2021 02:34

@SandrasAnnoyingFriend

What a load of outdated sexist bullshit

This.

And swallowing the marketing ploy of the horrid diamond industry.

Monty27 · 04/03/2021 02:36

OP It's not about the money honey
I'd go for a local jewellery maker and have something really funky.
Congratulations 🎊

TheRulesDontApplyToMe · 04/03/2021 03:47

Well I hope you’ve given up your ring for him.

Covetthee · 04/03/2021 03:57

This is mumsnet so obviously the cheaper the ring, the more real the love apparently otherwise you’re grabby!!

Also don’t bother with the wedding, thats also grabby and you only need to pop to the registry with 2 people off the street so you can prove your love is real.

In answer to your actual question 😛 - i believe mine was 2 months salary, I didnt even know of this ‘rule/tradition- it was my husband who insisted

Gemma2019 · 04/03/2021 04:05

Mine was £395 but it was nearly 30 years ago and DH was 18 at the time and chose it himself. It's a beautiful one carat diamond in 18ct gold and I still haven't seen a ring I like more than mine.

PutYourBackIntoit · 04/03/2021 04:14

Outdated sexist bollocks!

elp30 · 04/03/2021 04:18

I didn't get a ring.

I moved from the US to England to marry my English fiancé. He had to fork out for the cost of the fiancée visa for me and my three-year-old son (from a previous marriage), our airfare and our spousal visas the week after our registry office wedding and a year later, we had ILR (indefinite leave to remain) and its fees. That was several thousands of £'s.

We celebrated 25 years of marriage last week and I still don't have a ring and it doesn't matter either.

Whiskeylover45 · 04/03/2021 04:26

10 quid on mine. Saying that he was going through intensive chemo at the time and the only income we had coming in was his SSP while we waited the 8 weeks for universal credit to be updated due to change in circumstances, and waiting back to hear on his PIP form. It was all we could afford. Personally I've never cared about the cost. It's always been what it represents. At roughly the same time I had bought him a ring I knew he would like during his chemo from wish, same money as a promise I would always stand by him. He's never taken it off, neither have I. We're much better off financially now but I do love my ring, and even if he suggested getting another I would say no.

VegetarianDeathCult · 04/03/2021 04:34

@Covetthee

This is mumsnet so obviously the cheaper the ring, the more real the love apparently otherwise you’re grabby!!

Also don’t bother with the wedding, thats also grabby and you only need to pop to the registry with 2 people off the street so you can prove your love is real.

In answer to your actual question 😛 - i believe mine was 2 months salary, I didnt even know of this ‘rule/tradition- it was my husband who insisted

Or ‘This is Mumsnet, so actual women don’t set any store by such outdated sexist bollocks’?
ElphabaTheGreen · 04/03/2021 04:58

I have always lacked the jewellery gene.

DH wanted to buy me an engagement ring (back in 2005) but I told him there was absolutely no point - I’m a healthcare worker and we’re only allowed to wear plain wedding bands, no stones, and I have zero interest in jewellery besides as I find it irritating to wear. He was still quite adamant so I let him part with £70 towards a ring which has lived in a drawer ever since.

His mother, however, is obsessed with jewellery. My DFIL passed away recently and she made a great show of giving DH his watch, complete with valuation certificate - £2,700 Shock

I’d rather have a new bloody shed so DH stops storing the bikes in the home office...

Pixxie7 · 04/03/2021 05:00

Does it matter providing you like it?

SexyGiraffe · 04/03/2021 05:03

Mine was his grandmother's, so nothing. But unfortunately a few years later it was stolen (still devastated by that) and he spent around £700 getting another one designed that looked the same. I also would have been a bit horrified if he'd spent ££££ on a ring at the time and I genuinely couldn't give a shit about diamonds. We did spend lots on our wedding though.

HairyChin · 04/03/2021 05:07

Bit of a flashy post op...

Mine was from
Tiffany. A few thousand, yes, but definitely not three months salary.

It really shouldn't matter

frazzledasarock · 04/03/2021 05:12

@Covetthee

This is mumsnet so obviously the cheaper the ring, the more real the love apparently otherwise you’re grabby!!

Also don’t bother with the wedding, thats also grabby and you only need to pop to the registry with 2 people off the street so you can prove your love is real.

In answer to your actual question 😛 - i believe mine was 2 months salary, I didnt even know of this ‘rule/tradition- it was my husband who insisted

The two months salary ‘rule’ was a marketing campaign by de beers. Who being a diamond company would not have any ulterior motives in making that a thing.

My rings were specifically designed for me. I don’t wear them as they aren’t practical to wear everyday.

I love my rings.

I’d have married him regardless even with haribo rings.

ReleaseTheCracken · 04/03/2021 05:27

Mine cost 60 quid from a pawn shop.

ApolloandDaphne · 04/03/2021 05:38

My DH spent £45 on mine in 1984. He had no income at all as he was a student at the time so that seemed very splashy!

He now earns about 200k pa and replaced my engagement ring on our 25th anniversary. It cost about £500 and I couldn't be more pleased with it. I wouldn't like anything more expensive as I would fear losing it and I am not really one for expensive stuff.

IHaveBrilloHair · 04/03/2021 05:42

He spent a lot.
Means nothing since he walked out and left me when our Dd was 6 weeks old.
Saying that, 20 years on I still have a gorgeous platinum and diamond ring, and a beautiful daughter who thinks he's shit.
I win Grin

interest12 · 04/03/2021 05:42

Eww how shallow. You gotta wonder how long marriages like this survive if this is a consideration. From what I’ve seen, the more he spends on gifts, the more likely he’s fucking his assistant.

UltimateBlends · 04/03/2021 05:50

Haven't read through the thread as wanted to put my thoughts first, before reading others experiences/thoughts.

My first, mid 20s, was with haribo rings, then my mother gave me her ring. I couldn't have cared less and loved my mother's ring (from her first marriage) unfortunately, my first marriage broke down (although ex H will never know I regret it massively) mums ring sits in a jewellery box.

I have been engaged for a couple of years now. Its a been sometimes a challenging relationship, when he proposed, it was in our living room, me with a migrane and clearly having an argument with my sons father. The ring is "cheap" £60 or so. I remember at the time being so upset about the whole thing, I think at the time it may even had been my first mumsnet post, I got mixed response s, some telling me that I was lucky, some understanding.

Now I think about it, the ring is quite thoughtful. At the time we had not long been to a beach looking for sea glass. The ring is brown Sea glass in either a silver or white gold setting.

At the time, I was disappointed, with the asking of me, we like to go on walks, in my mind, it could have been something as simple as that. However, like I say, I was asked mid argument with my sons father, with headache in pjs, i as gutted that night.

However... after some time, I realised, my partner was actually sitting himself that night, he wanted to take me out for a meal, but me, being in a bad mood said no... he asked me out of being so scared, knowing he had this ring. I could feel something big was going to happen, and I regret me reaction to him asking to this day.

He had thought of something I would like, he was nervous, he asked me because he couldn't hold it in anymore.

I love old jewellery, I love vintage, I love history, I wasn't what I pictured.

But now, when I think about it. I love my £60 ring. I love that he was so nervous and in love, that's all he could do but blurt out, at my very worst, that he wanted me to marry him.

Things have been up and down over the years (yes, we are still not married) and we went through something big that saw me throwing the ring at him, which actually got run over by a car. Very embarrassing... however, by some luck, nobody picked it up.... and now it sits on my finger, slightly bent, and reminds me marriage is never perfect, never easy, but its what you make it, and if you can get through things together.

Money, really means nothing.

UltimateBlends · 04/03/2021 05:52

Apologies for all the spelling mistakes! Lack of sleep!

Covetthee · 04/03/2021 06:06

I agree there shouldn’t be an expectation just because its an old tradition, and like i said i wasnt even aware of it, i only know the price of my ring due to having to get insurance on it.

I should have added i also spent a fair good amount on my husbands wedding band as it was customised so it should work both ways, not that he expected it but i wanted to.

My point was these threads are always a competition on Who has spent the least on their rings and anything above £10 means your marriage is doomed or not real

I know people with £10k rings who are very happy and some not and some with cheap rings who are not happy.

If a partner is happy to spend that then its fine imo and really doesn’t determine the state of the relationship as so many seem to think so on these threads but once again don’t think there should be an expectation from the other half on how much should be spent.

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