How much did he/should he spend on your engagement ring?

[BlingRing1]

Just curious what everyone's thoughts are nowadays? I've heard of the '3 month's salary rule' (although i also heard it was 2 months and 1 month, so who knows!), but that's from a long time ago. Is it still relevant now? If not then what is better?

How much did he spend (either in £ or relative to salary)? Was it more or less than you thought/hoped he would?

Does it matter to you (honestly!)? Should it matter?

First engagement - slightly less than one month’s salary after tax. He chose the ring. I hated it. I was also pissed off as I think he got ripped off and if I had been involved I would have chosen something cheaper that I actually liked.

Second time around - no engagement ring. And it was perfect and exactly what I wanted.

My dh spent his £3k ISA on my ring and added s bit more to it too. That was over 16 years ago though. At the time it was about 2 months salary.

Jewellers like the 3 months salary rule.

A week was fine for me. It's some symbolic metal and rocks. I've not even worn it for the past year because it's just something else to get hand gel stuck under.

Engagement rings are a complete waste of money. I'd rather have something useful if he felt the need to blow a wad of cash.

I'd genuinely love to see a picture. I really enjoy the engagement ring threads on S&B and hearing all the stories behind them.

I think it's important (if you are someone for whom the engagement ring matters) that you have something that you think is beautiful and suits your style. That doesn't necessarily have to be expensive. A couple 'should' spend what they can reasonably afford - getting into lots of debt is no way to start a marriage. Id worry about marrying a man who wanted to spend as little as he could get away with since bring tight is an unattractive trait and won't lead to a happy relationship - he should want you to love the ring since you will be wearing it forever. At the same time you shouldn't want him to spend every penny he has on an engagement ring because really it is just jewellery and what matters is the marriage.

Got to love an engagement ring thread on mumsnet. Everyone will shout you down and tell you "you sound so grabby " whilst wafting their expensive rocks around on the other side of their phones.

Op, on here you need to understand your place. If you ever post feeling like you're a bit hard done to, you will be told to get a grip and that they made do with a ring made out of barb wire when they got engaged and they simply loved it because their spouse chose it and that's alll that matters.

@LondonTTC

Mine cost a couple hundred pounds and I was thrilled with it. I'm so touched that someone I love, loves me enough back to buy me a ring and ask me to marry him. That's it. Couldn't care less what it looks like or cost.

Aww that’s lovely ☺️ so true as well.

Yawn. I guess the OP is male. This is so cringeworthy. WTAF is the 3 month rule? You been reading shitty sexist Cosmo again? From the noughties?

I wonder if it’s more of a staid symbol to some people? Like some people wouldn’t be happy with anything less that a BMW/AUDI/Merc?

I don’t believe the average jo could tell a £4000 ring from a £1000 ring? A bigger diamond isn’t necessarily a better quality one?

Good question!

When we got engaged there was no proposal, only a conversation. We agreed to be married and then started talking guest list and venue.

At this point my now DH said he had to get me a ring and we had a disagreement. He wanted to spend 2 months salary and I wanted the money towards the wedding fund. I told him I wanted an inexpensive ring but he was worried that people would think he was cheap which I thought ridiculous.

So in the end we didn’t bother and to this day I only wear my wedding ring. I couldn’t see the point in spending thousands on a trinket when the wedding reception was more important to me personally.

I’d be more bothered about our love than price of the ring, if that’s what your thinking about maybe your more about the money than the love. I would think romance meant you didn’t know the price of the ring, shame that’s what’s important to you.😥

Mine was about £400, less than a month's salary. It's not a diamond, but I had said beforehand that I prefer more colourful stones.

I wouldn't want a very cheap ring that would break quickly.

I definitely wouldn't want to marry anyone who spent several months' salary on jewellery. It would show that we had very different priorities. DP and I knew we wanted to buy a house soon after marriage, so having that money for a deposit was more important to us.

@BlingRing1

I guess I should start.

I think it should bear some relation to your salary/wealth. It would be hard to take it seriously if a millionaire bought you something tiny. Equally, if someone unemployed got a massive loan for something huge, that'd be an incredibly bad start to marriage. I'm not sure 3 months is the right figure though.

Mine is worth 2 months salary from his job (after tax), however he gets bonuses and owns and rents out property too, which increases what he earns overall and I know he is able to save what it's worth in about 6 weeks. He probably could have spent more, but he's very frugal so I never expected he would. Plus, i don't think I'd want to wear anything much bigger on a day to day basis (I wouldn't have said no to a little bit bigger though!).

Overall, I think if you can easily afford it then it's not enough, you need to wince just a bit as you hand over your card!

Is this dome kind of humble/stealth brag? In very poor taste whatever

Some kind duh

That ridiculous notion came from a De Beers marketing campaign. It's very sad that people are so shallow as to fall for it nearly 100 years later

It should be whatever you decide together you’re comfortable spending. Dh and I bought the stone in my ring on holiday from a gem market. We found someone who could design a setting and set it a few months after we got back. The stone itself cost £50 (obviously this was not in the UK), and it’s not a diamond became I was clear I didn’t want a diamond. The setting and all the work by the jeweller cost about £500. So maybe at most £600. It’s gorgeous and really unique and is quite literally one of a kind. it’s been more than 10 years now and I still love it and never take it off.

@Offside

A friend of mine was very annoyed that she didn’t have the biggest diamond out of our group of friends. It didn’t matter that she had the best quality diamond, she wanted the biggest diamond so people would oooo and arrrr over it. She also saw her pregnancies as her ‘retirement’. You sound similar OP.

Ooof she sounds delightful!

Mine was about £160. It's more than I'd have liked him to spend but it's very pretty, I love it

To all those who think me 'grabby' or disappointed (there are a few already, oh dear!) then I guess I didn't say it right. It's very hard to convey tone in writing and my post was meant to be fun and lighthearted, so I hoped the responses would be too.

Grabby couldn't be further from the truth, in fact I'm usually a lot more generous with my money than he is (shrouds don't have pockets, after all!). @MichelleScarn what makes you think I won't? Before he asked, I'd been thinking for ages what I could get him when he did, but nothing seemed right and I'm still struggling. He's not really a fancy watch type person (or a ring person @mswales), prefers more outdoorsy ones.....if I can think of nothing else before the wedding then I'll pay for our honeymoon! But if you or anyone else have any better ideas then I'm all ears!

And to those who think I'm disappointed, again wrong. I love my ring, it's simple and beautiful, represents our relationship and family and I wouldn't change it for anything. @Reinventinganna a family ring would have been lovely, but neither of our families have heirlooms like that. Regarding your other comment, I think you've misinterpreted my post, but easily done I guess!

@PurpleDaisies dont worry, I'm not one of those posters! Also, it's a nice sentiment, but 'm not convinced that's true for most people. If he was a millionaire with a lifestyle to match, but didn't want to spend on you how he spends on himself, wouldn't you worry he doesn't see you as equal worth?!

@MrsBrunch that was kind of my question!

@ladygoingGaga you clearly care enough to respond...

@spookycookies I loved the idea of an antique too, but he didnt

@bloodywhitecat I can't even begin to imagine what you're going through. I'm sure it doesn't mean anything from a stranger, but I am very sorry you have to. I truly hope you weren't offended by what was meant be a lighthearted post and I'm very sorry if you were.

@Offside do I? Again, wasn't intended that way. I love my job, there's more chance of him being a stay at home dad!!

@MrsHuntGeneNotJeremyObviously a much nicer way to write what I was trying to, I think!

I think that if you're going to start a thread like this you should definitely post photos of your ring.

Mine was cheap and cheerful because we didn't have much and aren't into flashy stuff anyway. Very happy with each other 20 years later though.

@gurglebelly

That ridiculous notion came from a De Beers marketing campaign. It's very sad that people are so shallow as to fall for it nearly 100 years later

Came on to say exactly this.

How grabby are you?
You sound much like the ex fiancé of a work colleague of mine who took her rock to Graff to check it really was from there and then asked how much it cost.

I hope you stretched yourself buying him a present to?

@SandrasAnnoyingFriend

What a load of outdated sexist bullshit

This!

I find all this a bit bizarre.

When DH and I decided to get married I decided I didn't want an engagement ring - frankly I felt we had better things to spend our money on. We both had 6 figure salaries so it wasn't an issue about money per se more about priorities from my POV.

I got more pleasure from spending more on a new kitchen in the house we had just bought than a ring on my finger.

DH was a bit blown away by this and we compromised by me having a diamond studded wedding band.

For our 10 year anniversary DH surprised me with an "engagement" ring. It's a simple solitaire and it's lovely.

I've no idea how much he spent/what it's worth (I don't really want to think about it if I'm honest - I've just made sure DH has it insured appropriately).

It's value to me is the thought that went into choosing it and the sentiment behind it. I was happy with my wedding band for 10 years and would have been happy for life.

Frankly, if the value of the ring is a priority I think you need to asses your perspective and as lovely as my ring is I very much doubt if I swapped it for a quality fake diamond anyone would notice.

Finally jewellery is a shit investment - it's never worth what you pay for it unless you're buying a "famous" gem.

I've inherited a ring that's insured for £17k which is what I'd have to spend to replace it but I'd be lucky to sell it for half that value.

Well you started op but you didn't actually tell us how much it cost!

Whilst I agree I wouldn't expect a multimillionaire to buy a £50 ring from Argos, the idea that it has to be expensive enough to make him wince to show he really loves you is a bit sad.