How much did he/should he spend on your engagement ring?

[BlingRing1]

Just curious what everyone's thoughts are nowadays? I've heard of the '3 month's salary rule' (although i also heard it was 2 months and 1 month, so who knows!), but that's from a long time ago. Is it still relevant now? If not then what is better?

How much did he spend (either in £ or relative to salary)? Was it more or less than you thought/hoped he would?

Does it matter to you (honestly!)? Should it matter?

Mine was £1000, which is definitely not a month's salary, but felt like a huge indulgence for a piece of jewellery.

It would mean no more to me if he had spent £10k. It really didn't matter to me & we discussed the budget together and I set a cap at £1k

£500 26 years ago. I described what I would like and my DH found it and bought it . My wedding ring matches and cost the same.

We spent zero euros zero cents. We just got ourselves our wedding bands. And that is fine.

Wow. What a lucky man he is...

you still make no sense, I had responded by that point!

Yeah, sorry that is my mistake. I didn't realise there was such a time between your posts.

I'm sorry if I didn't respond often enough for your liking though, I have other things to do beside mumsnet!

It was never about how often you responded. You can do that as much or as little as you choose. Or not at all. I made the mistake of thinking your post about not judging us was written when you returned after absence, which meant of course you hadn't said anything, you hadn't been here. I was wrong though.

I love jewellery but I must tell you off op for not making this a picture thread. That was very wrong of you

Do you wish he had spent more op? I don't think it's grabby to feel that, especially if he could have afforded it. I don't know why we are allowed to want designer bags, top end kitchens etc if the budget allows but must be content with a ring pull if we are to prove it's real love!

Fwiw my dh had not very much and was a student at the time so my engagement ring is MN-approved modest. However, 14 years after we married I bought myself a big, fuck off diamond solitaire to add to it and it has brought me many hours of mindless joy.

So much judgement here OP! I’ve rarely seen as much contempt (or agreement!) on a single post!

It’s funny, because no one seems to care at all what their ring is like, but I’ve certainly seen a lot of huge rocks out there in the world...

I think it depends on who is expected to pay for the wedding. If the couple are splitting the cost, then I wouldn’t expect an expensive ring. If the woman & her family are expected to foot the wedding bill, then the ring is the man’s financial contribution.

@MrsBobDylan

I love jewellery but I must tell you off op for not making this a picture thread. That was very wrong of you

Do you wish he had spent more op? I don't think it's grabby to feel that, especially if he could have afforded it. I don't know why we are allowed to want designer bags, top end kitchens etc if the budget allows but must be content with a ring pull if we are to prove it's real love!

Fwiw my dh had not very much and was a student at the time so my engagement ring is MN-approved modest. However, 14 years after we married I bought myself a big, fuck off diamond solitaire to add to it and it has brought me many hours of mindless joy.

Spot on. If OP is a person who loves jewellery then her partner should surely have wished to buy her the best he could afford. I am very particular about jewellery and can afford to buy quite a bit on a regular basis, so I've always bought my won. My ex sometimes paid for stuff I was going to buy myself because he wanted to get me a ring or something but knew better than pick the piece out himself. It worked for us. I just wouldn't wear something I don't love the look of purely because I have plenty I do love and that I'd rather wear.

Are we taking before or after deductions here, because there's a chance DH owes me a 30k ring!

We went together, picked an engagement ring and two wedding bands spending about £1300 for all three plus the bands engraved inside. The money came from the joint pot.

Every one has different priorities I guess, we put out extra money into the mortgage as finance security means more. I suppose expensive jewellery can always be sold if needed, but I'd be terrified of losing a ring like that!

£190 I think 5 years ago I chose it

@CatherineofOnandon

Here is mine Op.

🤣

@SandrasAnnoyingFriend

What a load of outdated sexist bullshit

Yeah this comment just says what I was going to say. Personally I think the whole idea of a proposal and engament is a bit embarrassing in this day and age. You did ask.

I bought my ring from first marriage. Must admit I would be disappointed with anything so modest if/when dp proposes because money situation is dramatically different, but a month would be plenty, I don't do bling (and that would be a decent budget). We would mutually decide anyway, after I get round to sorting my paperwork aka haven't got around to filing for divorce

@lunar1 That was my thought, tax deduction is huge each month, then there's pension... still what can you buy for £15k???

Shouldnt matter, doesnt matter. Its the person who is holding the ring that matters at the end of the day...its love and that is priceless

I only know because of the insurance we added it to.
Two months. Couldn’t have cared less if it was half a month. Or £200. Or whatever.

I love it because he picked it himself, knowing I would love it. I do. It makes me happy every time I lay eyes on it, knowing the sentiment behind it

Nothing, we didn't get engaged.
Been married 30 years soon

It doesn't matter if you truly love each other.

@AntheasAcquaintance

My husband, aged 32 and a high earner, refused to buy me a ring because he had been "engaged" at school for a couple of months and had therefore already paid for a ring out of his pocket money and it was unfair that he should have to buy another ring. I bought him an Omega watch of his choosing.

It never ceases to amaze me what some women put up with

I've seen a few people mention "eternity" rings but I've never understood the point of these. No relationship, even a marriage, lasts an eternity.

Whenever I've heard of them, the context has always been the guy is trying to dodge the real commitment of marriage and buying an actual engagement ring so the guy buys/they both buy so called "eternity" rings to keep the woman placated.

Antheas, that's so sad. I hope someone has told you that you are worth more .

Iirc eternity rings came about because DeBeers had a load of tiny diamond chips that needed shifting, which weren't big enough for engagement rings, so came up with the idea to sell them to husband's when couples had their first child.

Mine was £300 (reduced from £400!). I don’t buy into it having to cost x amount of months wages. Spend what you can afford on something you like!

😢 I waited 6 years for a ring that never came despite the dreams and the promises.

I'd have worn a ring-pull if it meant the man I loved, and wanted to spend the rest of my life with, felt the same way.

So you maybe wish you'd received a bigger, better, shinier ring OP but what you've actually received is priceless - you've received the love of a person you love and the hope of a happy shared future, and all the joy that will bring. Focus on the upcoming marriage and being together.

DH paid around 15k for my ring (he's a high earner). I wanted a decent size and quality diamond and I love my ring. He made me wait for it but it was worth it in the end.

Nothing, mine is a family heirloom. Three months’ salary has always seemed extortionate to me, but I know I’m privileged that mine was not paid for.