How much did he/should he spend on your engagement ring?

[BlingRing1]

Just curious what everyone's thoughts are nowadays? I've heard of the '3 month's salary rule' (although i also heard it was 2 months and 1 month, so who knows!), but that's from a long time ago. Is it still relevant now? If not then what is better?

How much did he spend (either in £ or relative to salary)? Was it more or less than you thought/hoped he would?

Does it matter to you (honestly!)? Should it matter?

My ring was £2000. I love it but no longer wear it as it's too big now.

My wedding ring was $80 and I don't wear that, either.

Feeling like it's taking a lot of money compared to one's monthly salary or expensive enough to make someone wince doesn't to me feel automatically like it's a significant spend in terms of what the item means to someone. The whole idea it does is marketing to get people to spend more and of significance when women have limited ways to make money and therefore might need expensive jewelry to sell off in an emergency (many cultural ideas of giving the bride-to-be jewelry or similar items stems from that)

Yes. If you go along with this stuff you're simply embracing being the patsy of a wildly successful marketing campaign that started almost a hundred years ago.

De Beers handled the majority of the world's diamonds and needed to find a way to sell lots of small diamonds they didn't have a market for, so they started an ad campaign that made the association between diamonds and engagements, and actually monetised the ring's cost in terms of male salary (different numbers of months were specified in different countries).

It's exactly the same as the way mid- to high-end restaurants calculate the price profile of their wine lists by relying on someone on a date not wanting to look cheap by choosing the cheapest.

At the time it was probably about 2/3 a months salary but who cares as I loved it and love him.

I actually lost that ring and now wear a family ring which means more than any money could buy as I'm the third generation to wear it.

The most important ring to me is my wedding ring though.

Mine cost about £3000 which at the time was a LOT for him to spend (2 months wages)
It wouldn’t be so much now, and he has bought me more expensive gifts since. I love my ring and would never change it no matter what we earn, though I appreciate it is a very nice ring

(I wouldn't have said no to a little bit bigger though!)

Grabby couldn’t be further from the truth

Ok then.

@ohwaitthatwasme I didn't leave the post running, I was asleep! I think I've responded to most stuff now too and not in a judgemental or nasty way. And there is a subtle difference between making judgements and being judgemental, the former considering the fact there maybe details you don't know and haven't considered, the latter ignoring that and drawing a (usually nasty) conclusion anyway. Your comments so far have portrayed a very abrupt, thoughtless and callous manner, so if, as you say, that does reflect who you are then you are in no position to judge yourself as being better than anyone!

Mine cost around £150 and is exactly what I would have chosen, a small pink saphire solitaire.

OP I can't stand the whole argument over whose ring was cheapest and therefore that means they are the best/loved the most. Give over. This ring is meant to be on my finger till I drop dead so yes, I would like something that looks nice and will last until then. Like I said before, I didn't even care about the money, but just that it was good quality and looked nice!

I didn't leave the post running, I was asleep!

My point was the post was 'running' and you were not actively commenting, so of course you were not judging anyone. It doesn't matter if you were asleep or awake - you were not here. You then jumped back all 'oh I'm not saying anything about you all' - well duh. You were not here. So obviously.

I'm intrigued by this point: why shouldn't it feel like a significant spend?

• more to the point, why should it? Why does your other half have to spend a significant amount on a person in order to be able to ask them to marry? I have no vested interest in this either way, as I'm not engaged. But I can say for certain that if I was bought a nice piece of jewellery, I would never ask what it cost

When I read threads like this I’m glad DH knew me well enough to know I don’t like rings and wouldn’t wear an engagement or wedding ring. He had enough money to spend 000’s but didn’t as a ring wasn’t something I wanted. 25 years later I’ve still never worn an engagement or wedding ring.

Your comments so far have portrayed a very abrupt, thoughtless and callous manner,

Jesus Christ, go back to bed

Not very much, and I paid for half of it.

I’ve since lost loads of weight so it doesn’t fit me any more anyway.

But, I am visually impaired and so have never seen any of these flashy rocks in windows because I can’t. So I would really like to go into a flashy jeweller and have a look at some of these £££ rocks that one can seemingly buy, just to see what they look like, iyswim and what the fuss is all about. I don’t want to own or buy one, I just want to handle them since I’ve never been able to see them. Is that shallow?

I dont even know how much my ring cost .. I didn't ask because it doesnt matter..

@Paintedglass that was said in jest and on reflection was actually incorrect. We went to choose the ring together, after he proposed, and he told them he had a certain budget range. They of course brought out a diamond at the top end, but then we asked to see one at the bottom end too. it was 0.04ct smaller, but the same colour/cut/clarity, saved £1k and looked the same to us. We decided on the cheaper one.

@ohwaitthatwasme I have read everything though and still made no judgement. I'm not really sure what your point is?!

@overwork neither would I, but he wanted us to choose together so there was no way around that

We commissioned our wedding rings and an engagement ring at the same time. My DW could have had a bigger rock, but didn't want anything too obvious (or that would get in the way of being able to wear the ring full time). So we went for a smaller, higher quality diamond and three hand made rings that will forever remind us of a time and place (made in Japan using the mokume gane technique).

Total cost for all three was probably one month's net income - but that was coincidence rather than by design.

I don't have an engagement ring, or a wedding band.

I do however, have a beyond beautiful ring, that was expensive (more than £20k, less than £50k) given to me by a very wealthy ex. It wasn't an engagement ring, it was a birthday present. I love it. I don't wear it now I'm married and it was from another man, out of respect.

I'm not grabby. I'm not greedy. But absolutely I look at it and feel giddy that someone gave something like that to little old me. I think we'd all rather have something big in effort and thought as a priority, over something that was big in value. But it doesn't make you grabby to appreciate someone who does both. He made my birthday so special, then gave me this insane ring. It's possible to to both. It annoys me when people try and belittle this by saying "well you're grabby and materialistic because you acknowledge the cost". Of course I acknowledge the cost. It's huge, and I don't feel bad at all by honestly saying that it contributes (and contributes ,not the sole reason) to how special that ring is to me.

[quote BlingRing1]@ohwaitthatwasme I have read everything though and still made no judgement. I'm not really sure what your point is?![/quote]
At the point I made the comment I was referring to your absence and subsequent return with the 'I haven't judged anyone' thing. Now obviously it's out of date because it was ages ago but it was completely relevant at the time of posting.

I think whats more important is the effort and thought gone to in choosing the ring. Not how much it costs and calculating the multiples of his salary/income to determine appropriate spend. Perhaps you are insecure in the relationship despite him wishing to marry you or perhaps just materialistic. Be happy, you’re getting married - congratulations!

The whole concept of engagement rings makes me cringe.

My engagement ring was £300. My DH proposed to me quite spontaneously and he let me pick my own ring. I am not materialistic and the thought of him spending so much on a piece of jewellery is a bit sickening to me. I think it's very sexist to expect men to spend thousands on a ring to prove their commitment - isn't the promise of marriage enough? I bought DH an engagement watch of the same value so we're equal.

I don't think it matters how much is spent on a ring. I'd be worried if the value of a ring was in fact discussed at all by my husband. There's a 50% chance you'll get divorced anyway and an expensive trinket wont make much difference!

@ohwaitthatwasme you still make no sense, I had responded by that point! I'm sorry if I didn't respond often enough for your liking though, I have other things to do beside mumsnet!