How much did he/should he spend on your engagement ring?

[BlingRing1]

Just curious what everyone's thoughts are nowadays? I've heard of the '3 month's salary rule' (although i also heard it was 2 months and 1 month, so who knows!), but that's from a long time ago. Is it still relevant now? If not then what is better?

How much did he spend (either in £ or relative to salary)? Was it more or less than you thought/hoped he would?

Does it matter to you (honestly!)? Should it matter?

You can care about bring treated well and about having a nice ring though - the two aren't mutually exclusive.
Some people are not that fussed about jewellery, but others are. If you are going to spend any money, it's only worth it if the recipient likes what you've bought. It's not shallow to want to really love something that you will keep forever.

Do people really bother with this anymore? I didn't even think of getting an engagement ring and my wedding ring cost £28!

Is this a joke?

Wish I hadn't asked now!! Don't worry, our marriage isn't doomed, we're very happy and will be for years to come. I'm also not a journalist!

For all those saying I'm ridiculous and grabby for insisting on 3 months salary, perhaps have another read of my post. I said I heard it used to be a thing and I was actually asking what people thought was relevant now. I guess there are a lot who just see what they want to see and not what's actually written.

I'd have said yes whatever he got me, but I'm not going to lie, I would have been disappointed if he'd spent significantly less because he knows I would like the ring and he can afford it. If he couldn't afford it or I didn't want something like that then that's completely different. He paid 2 month salary, but he has the equivalent of 3yrs salary in savings, so relatively speaking it wasn't that extravagant.

I also never said someone should buy something they can't afford, that's incredibly reckless. But if you know it's what she wants, then why shouldn't it feel like a significant spend? Bearing in mind that a 'significant' sum is different for different people, as I've said above.

I would have loved a family heirloom too, like a few have mentioned, but neither of our families have anything like that. But that's another thing about it that I love, it's a beautiful, timeless ring that we can pass down to our daughter when the time comes.

I guess what I've learned is that there are many variables, with some extremes who spend too much or nothing at all, but most get what you can afford (bearing in mind savings, earning and future plans) and considering what she'd like.

I was more interested in the fact dp bought me a ring that he thought would suit my very narrow fingers and he bought the clearest diamond he could afford because he thought I would like how it sparkles. He also for a ring with a twist as he thought I would like it a little bit different rather than a plain band. Clearly a lot of thought went into buying my ring, the price is irrelevant.

For all those saying I'm ridiculous and grabby for insisting on 3 months salary, perhaps have another read of my post. I said I heard it used to be a thing

It was never 'a thing'

It was a deBeers advertising slogan

I couldn’t care less how much is spent. I’d rather have something I loved than something expensive.

My most favourite rings are less than £40. Stuff I don’t wear often over £500.

There are a lot of incredibly judgemental people on here! How dare anyone say you're better than me based on one post you've clearly misinterpreted! I've not judged any of you, just acknowledged that everyone has different values and opinions about things. Comments like that say a lot about you as well you know!

This concept is so weird to me. Who cares what the nominal value of the ring is. Surely the commitment is what you're after? If you're hung up on the value of the ring I'd question how important the actual man is. Plus as a PP mentioned...rather a big cock than a big rock

Spending big dollar on fancy diamonds is shameful IMO anyway - they are so exploitative and lab curated diamonds are far better ethically and environmentally

It all depends really on whether he's approached my father for my hand and they have discussed and agreed what my dowry should be upon our marriage. I doubt he'd want to spend more than £600 if my dear Papa can only offer 3 pigs and a turnip.

Then I get ready for the Netherfield Ball with my sisters...

I have my Nan's ring. I asked my Dad if he would mind, my sister wasn't interested.

If that wasn't an option, I wouldn't have cared. There's a bit of me that would love an expensive bit of jewellery, but I don't think I'd go above £1k, I'd feel really self conscious about wearing anything more expensive.

Nothing

I did not get an engagement ring. We just decided to go and get married.

Wedding ring £40

When we got engaged we just stopped at a certain high street catalogue shop that has a jewellery section and bought a ring I liked. It wasn't expensive and probably most peoples idea of costume jewellery. I chose it because I liked it and I was quite happy that we'd agreed to marry the ring was incidental.

I cant believe anyone would calculate how much the ring cost v salary, sounds very outdated and very grabby to me.

Sorry he didnt spend as much as you hoped OP and I hope you do get over it, or maybe LTB

Jiminy Jilikers Batman we seem to have stumbled upon a thread from the 1950s

I had heard that the three month salary thing was an advertisement idea that caught on eons ago. I'm not sure if it was ever really relevant to most people tbh.

Obviously there will be extremes and what people spend on their engagement rings is none of my business.

For me personally, I could not give a fig about what the ring cost or how much of a stretch it was. It's 2021 not 1821 and I just don't think it matters.

"The idea was embedded in popular culture in the West by an advertising drive from the De Beers diamond cartel that started in the lean years of the 1930s. The Depression was a disaster for De Beers, which controlled 60% of rough diamond outputt_. De Beers embarked on what it now describes as a "substantial" campaign, linking diamonds with engagement."

Just awful!

@BlingRing1

There are a lot of incredibly judgemental people on here! How dare anyone say you're better than me based on one post you've clearly misinterpreted! I've not judged any of you, just acknowledged that everyone has different values and opinions about things. Comments like that say a lot about you as well you know!

You've posted with a silly user name and updated notions, it's not the 1950s, you can't be surprised at the answers you've got.

Mine is, who cares, if you want to add that to your spreadsheet

There are a lot of incredibly judgemental people on here! How dare anyone say you're better than me based on one post you've clearly misinterpreted!

I dared. I dared because making judgements is part of every day life. We are taught to judge situations from a very young age, so don't have a go at me for judging. It's human nature. I judged you on the information you gave. If you think my judgement is incorrect then perhaps you didn't give enough or the right information.

I've not judged any of you, just acknowledged that everyone has different values and opinions about things.

Well no, you left the list running for ages to let everyone else comment and eventually came back, so of course you didn't judge us, you were not active!

Comments like that say a lot about you as well you know!

I truly hope my comments do reflect who I am. That's not a negative point. Try harder.

Left the POST running

I said I wanted something to last, so not a cheap piece of tat but nothing that was ridiculously expensive. I didn't put a price tag on it but said I wanted something of good quality and left him to it.

why shouldn't it feel like a significant spend?

Depends on how we're defining significant. My favourite story on here is MrsFeatherDuster's paper clip one. To me, that feels significant and very sweet.

Feeling like it's taking a lot of money compared to one's monthly salary or expensive enough to make someone wince doesn't to me feel automatically like it's a significant spend in terms of what the item means to someone. The whole idea it does is marketing to get people to spend more and of significance when women have limited ways to make money and therefore might need expensive jewelry to sell off in an emergency (many cultural ideas of giving the bride-to-be jewelry or similar items stems from that) .

I've a very unromantic view towards expensive gifts - too often I've seen them more about maintaining a reputation than anything else. My priority with rings has always been comfort - both in fit and in expense. I hate the idea of being a financial pain so the idea someone 'should' wince doesn't fit me, but if that's your thing, all that matters if the person proposing to you knowing and caring about that.

I recall working with a woman who was obessessed with money and people not getting something she didn't have. She was married to a doctor and he once was asked to help somone on a aeroplane and she was was outraged for months that they did not get a refund for their flights .

Anyway, she had a ring that was about £6K (this is 20 years ago and he was only a junior doctor). She told us about the ring every day for years until she left. It had to hurt him financiay otherwise he didn't love her.

I have a lovely ring and it was several thousand pounds. I love it but on reflection I think it's quite shocking that someone would spend that much on someone else. I might go and give the man a kiss!

I think he's quite bemused now.