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Original poster

Husband has announced hes not happy and moving out for 6 months

164 replies

Sadsomerset · 28/02/2021 07:45

Hi

We got married 4.5 years ago, second for me, first for him. I am 60 and he is 52. We were very happy, live in a beautiful part of the country with some land, animals. He works full time as a roofer, i lost my part time job in the first lockdown. Since the 2nd lockdown we have argued a bit, i have put this down to the long winter with nothing much to do - he likes to keep busy, making things and riding his motorbike. On friday he looked really fed up after work so i asked him what was wrong, he said nothing but it was obvious he wasnt happy so i asked again. He snapped my head off, said im ffing knackered and all you do is pick pick pick. I tried to say i was just concerned but he just said go away, i dont want to talk to you. This is how arguments always go and then he sulks.

The next morning I had to take older dog to the vets, he has kennel cough. When i got home he went out on his bike, woudnt speak to me. Later in the evening i said can we sort this out. Thats when he said, im not happy and im going to rent somewhere for 6 months and then well see if we want to be together. I think im in shock but cant see how this would work? He says we could still meet up, would i want to? I have told my sons who were great but they live in sussex, i have no other family nearby and my mum died suddenly in november 2019. I feel very sad and alone, all advice welcome and thanks for reading Smile

OP posts:
RedcurrantPuff · 28/02/2021 10:02

Does any man ever do this when there’s not another woman?

AnotherEmma · 28/02/2021 10:08

"His son decided he didnt want any contact with him, his mum told him my husband wasnt his dad. It isnt true. But this isnt really relevant"

Confused
LApprentiSorcier · 28/02/2021 10:14

@RedcurrantPuff

Does any man ever do this when there’s not another woman?
It's possible he is hoping to meet one rather than there already being one on the scene.

But essentially you are right - either another woman or the potential of one will be at the bottom of this.

Fleapit · 28/02/2021 10:16

@RedcurrantPuff

Does any man ever do this when there’s not another woman?
Yes. A friend of mine. Well, not the six-month break thing, but asking for a divorce and moving out. It was emotionally-inept and cruelly-timed (he said he wanted a divorce on the second day of a family holiday his wife had gone to a lot of trouble to organise, with their three children in tow), but there was no one else involved. He’s only just started dating (well, ‘dating’ in COVID terms) two years on.
Fairydustrust · 28/02/2021 10:25

Having a ‘clean break' settlement set out in a consent order is ideal for short marriages. It allows a couple to divorce swiftly and easily so they can move on with their lives. There will be no need for future re-negotiations and no remaining financial obligations for either party. A clean break consent order will protect both spouses from any future financial claims. - this is for marriages of 5 years or less.

Courtney555 · 28/02/2021 10:25

he is trying to stretch the marriage out for 5 years as some courts will consider this a long marriage and his claim on your property and inheritance has a bigger chance of being split more in his favour

Oh my goodness. This.

Don't allow him to do this to you.

litterbird · 28/02/2021 10:26

@RedcurrantPuff

Does any man ever do this when there’s not another woman?
Yes, and 5 years on he is still on his own in his flat. The wife he left has now re married. He is happy, just that marriage did not suit him at all.
Original poster
Sadsomerset · 28/02/2021 10:32

@Fairydustrustthank you for that, ive saved it

OP posts:
lightand · 28/02/2021 10:34

He is stressed.
Personally I would be seeing what I could do to help ease his stress, and see what happens after that.

Chicchicchicchiclana · 28/02/2021 10:37

I don't know why he needs 6 months. Give him a couple of weeks.

That said, it doesn't actually sound like you are all that compatible? I know I haven't got the whole picture but he sounds bad tempered and as though he calls all the shots. Also, your Mum did not like him. Are you sure he's everything you want in a partner rather than a compromise because you don't want to be on your own?

I have to be honest and say I hope you take control of this and don't let him decide your future for you. Move to be nearer your sons, make a new life, 60 is still young enough to do this! Be free of the worry associated with living with this grumpy man.

2bazookas · 28/02/2021 10:38

Let him go. Don't let him set the terms and conditions.

Just tell him, THIS is your choice without consulting or considering me.

But it will be MY choice if , whether and when I ever see you or live with you again. .

Thatwentbadly · 28/02/2021 10:39

@Sadsomerset

My sons have suggested that if needs be we all put our inheritance into a property for me to live in Smileplus my half of the house. There is no mortgage. My mum left me over £16k, i feel i would be wasting it if i use it for living expenses if he leaves. In DH's defence, he earns good money and has put a lot into our joint savings account. I have my own as well
Unless your husband agree to you keeping that separate then you need to your husband is entitled to half of this.

I think you need to collect together all your financial information and speak to a solicitor.

I personally won’t want to be expected to wait around for him for 6 months. Has he always called all the shots?

MrJollyLivesNextDoor · 28/02/2021 10:40

He's not prepared to work at your marriage - he's moody and sulky, silent treatment etc instead of discussing issues with you.

I agree with other PPs -don't let him string this out.

Let him go - in fact I'd be insisting on it if the marriage means that little to him.

And definitely solicitor ASAP

Sorry OP - but you sound strong snd your children sound great. You'll be fine

GentlemanJay · 28/02/2021 10:43

I think he's being very sensible about things. If he's not happy give him space. He he wants you he will come back.

Wanderlusto · 28/02/2021 10:47

So when you try to resolve arguments he accuses you if nagging? Uh oh...possible emotional abuser alert was going off in my head at that. They dont like you to resolve things because they dont want them resolved. They want you stressing and hurting.

He also throws huffs (not normal by the way) and has out of the blue told you he is leaving for six months. And he chooses to do it when your wee dog is not well (so your attention is elsewhere -which he wont like- and you are hurting).

The guy is a knob.

He will be expecting you to be a mess, to beg and plead. For his ego.

Tell him to stay gone!

2bazookas · 28/02/2021 10:55

[quote Sadsomerset]@AnotherEmma
I would like to work, my age seems to be a barrier atm. If the pub in our village opens in may i can work there.[/quote]
Your age is an asset, called maturity and experience and life skills.

. You are steady, reliable, organised, experienced in life; you've worked before and raised children and animals and you have or will have your own home and transport. No dependents, no ties.

Out in the sticks there are always  affluent people  willing to pay such people  for  reliable  help with their household, children,  animals, house sitting while they are away, helping someone just out of hospital etc, new mother,   school holiday cover etc  Lots of part time and temporary opportunities and once you get started,  you'll get  recommended by word of mouth.
B33Fr33 · 28/02/2021 10:58

Don't wait he will take 6 no the to vanish any assets. Just draw a line now.

B33Fr33 · 28/02/2021 11:00

*months
That's what these temporary break people do. They were thinking about it. Wanted to plan it. They slip up, reveal their thinking, fuck everything up then 'sadly' conclude what they had planned all along.

OhioOhioOhio · 28/02/2021 11:01

Yeah the whole, 'he's stressed poor lamb,' is bollocks. You are allowed to be stressed. You are not allowed to leave everyone dangling on a thread because you are stressed. Please don't fall for that op. I did.

Sssloou · 28/02/2021 11:04

Unless your husband agree to you keeping that separate then you need to your husband is entitled to half of this.

This is not true. The inheritance remains solely the recipients unless and until she puts in into a joint asset or the family pot - then it is divided 50/50 after a split.

If she has it in her own name still - 100% remains with her. However OP needs to see a solicitor ASAP.

What did you both bring to the marriage financially? Was the house / land purchase 50/50?

LApprentiSorcier · 28/02/2021 11:10

@GentlemanJay

I think he's being very sensible about things. If he's not happy give him space. He he wants you he will come back.
So the OP is supposed to wait meekly for six months to see if he deigns to come back to her?

Fuck that for a game of soldiers.

Sssloou · 28/02/2021 11:14

What’s his RS history? How long were you together before you married?

Unusual to get married for the first time at 52? Has he owned property or accrued assets / savings before?

Your DM didn’t like him.
He hasn’t spoken with his child for 6 years.
He stonewalls and sulks.
He isn’t looking to constructively resolve issues.

A few red flags. Are there anymore?

You sound remarkably calm - did you deep down know this was coming? Are you surprised?

JustAnotherOldMan · 28/02/2021 11:16

Years ago when I was married, my ex decided she wanted a trial separation and she moved back to her parents, after about 2 months I realised I didn’t want her back ( real drama queen), best decision I ever made, no more stress or walking on egg shells

So.it works both ways, when someone moves out, you may realise you don’t want them back!

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 28/02/2021 11:17

@TheFiend

My mum left me over £16k, i feel i would be wasting it if i use it for living expenses if he leaves. In DH's defence, he earns good money and has put a lot into our joint savings account

I’m looking at this from another perspective. You’ve not been working, your husband is paying for everything while you have a 16k inheritance. Meanwhile, you’re happy for your sons to bail you out using their inheritance. You’re in a much better position financially than most people.

I’m sorry to be harsh, but if a woman was posting that she was the only one working while her dh had a considerable inheritance, but didn’t want to use it for living, everyone on here would be telling her to ltb.

You sound incredibly selfish and he most probably feels like he’s being taken for a ride.

I agree, a man not paying his way or looking for work would have been torn to shreds.

It sounds like he’s had enough and this break is for him to decide if there’s anything worth rescuing.

littlepattilou · 28/02/2021 11:19

@FoxgloveBee

Sorry to read this. I wouldn't do a break. If he moved out, I would file for divorce.

It's hard starting again, but I'd rather be alone than with someone that gives you the silent treatment after a disagreement.

However, my view is slightly swayed by a man that stopped speaking to his child when he was 13...and has continued to not speak to him for 6 years.

All of this. ^ @Sadsomerset raise your bar, PLEASE. You are worth so much more than this. A man in his late 50s who is sulking and pouting and blaming you for something you haven't even done, and who stops speaking to his OWN child, and who wants to have a '6 month break' from his WIFE, is NOT a man you want to spend another minute with, let alone the rest of your life.

If he moves out, file for divorce instantly. Who the fuck does he think he is? Hmm

As a few posters have said, he possibly has got another woman, but even if he hasn't, he is keeping his options open...

Also, as a few people have said, what kind of person stops speaking to their OWN CHILD? IMO, whatever has happened, it can never be the child's fault, as the parent/adult should take the high road, and be the one to smooth things over and put things right. If ever I meet anyone who has no contact with their own CHILDREN, I am like ....... Hmm and I will give that person a very wide berth.