Dating Thread 200 - Spring is in the Air, Ghosters Beware

[cravingthelook]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@crazycatlady20 I hear you loud and clear. I've a very high sex drive but I'm just fed up with the nonsense.

I had an epiphany today and deleted fab, completely deleted. Gone, done. I don't need a site that sucks all my time, 99% of the people on there are just knobheads. I have hidden my profile before but the pull was there to scout around. So I deleted.
I sent my number to the potential irons before I did, I've had a couple of WhatsApps.

I made an ok Cupid profile at the weekend, that's my shot until summer. Then I'm out. Tinder and bumble are up but I never swipe. Hinge is a ghost town. FB dating - I just get weirdo likes.

I keep seeing a colleague I get on well with on the apps, I'm not interested in him but I did reach out and say, we get on great if you want to rant about the apps etc. Let me know and he said yes please. So maybe I'll have a nice laugh about it with him.

Barely anything from Mr Hometown... defo slow fade and I'm not chasing. I'm gutted, but that's mostly because I thought the friendship was strong. It clearly isn't. I spoke to my colleague mate about him today, only because I know J would be down right brutal and tell me straight. I needed the tough talk.

I've cried multiple times a day for the last week. I booked an extra therapy session this week. I think I've hit peak lockdown breakage.

@HairyArsedMan - agreed, dodged a bullet
@GentlemanJay - sounds promising
@DdraigGoch - just protect yourself

@cravingthelook the slow fade is the worst isn’t it?
I still get a sick feeling in my stomach when I think about Mr German and how he approached the end, rather than honesty and a grown up conversation.
I’m also looking into therapy because this lockdown has been the final straw. And I’m in Ireland where there is no end in sight. We are all so envious of the plans over the water for freeeeeedommmmmm (said in my best Braveheart voice😆)

@Mayzee thanks

I guess I told him what to do. In bed last week he said he had tried to put me off and I joked and said, ok honey but you talk to me every day and send me good morning and good night.
I've not heard from him since yesterday afternoon

Maybe I won't hear from him again who knows.

I'm in Scotland- at least DD goes back to school in 3 weeks time

Oh and @Mayzee - I've been in therapy for a year, had great progress and in the last two weeks just felt so broken

I don't even know who I can tell in real life, I guess that means no one

@cravingthelook hope you're feeling better soon. Can you treat yourself at all, hopefully help dispel some of the breaking point blues? Sometimes I purposely watch a sad film so I cry, I allow myself that time slot to be wrung out before bouncing back into an activity that relies on nobody else's input, for personal gain.

@cravingthelook

Oh and *@Mayzee* - I've been in therapy for a year, had great progress and in the last two weeks just felt so broken

I don't even know who I can tell in real life, I guess that means no one

Craving - I hope it will help you get past this. You’ve had a lot to deal with I think with friendships as well as the relationship woes added to lockdown, it’s intolerable. I also have no one to talk to- when I tried to talk about how things are hard with my sisters they more or less brushed it off as nonsense. No one I know gets it as they are all married/ less pressured job

[quote frankiefirstyear]@cravingthelook hope you're feeling better soon. Can you treat yourself at all, hopefully help dispel some of the breaking point blues? Sometimes I purposely watch a sad film so I cry, I allow myself that time slot to be wrung out before bouncing back into an activity that relies on nobody else's input, for personal gain. [/quote]
@frankiefirstyear I found watching It’s a Sin very cathartic because I sobbed my way through it!
Don’t know how healthy it is but it works 😆

@cravingthelook i think you need to take some time to grieve a bit. I rushed into the apps after my last relationship hit the rocks properly last week and then gave up after a few days. Fab was always full of talk but it's moreso now, just chancers. I know a few guys there who say it's dead. They have partners on the site too, and even they, despite swinging away, are in love (bah humbug!) Anyhoo, I doubt you'll find happiness on the sites just now, you need to find peace in yourself for a bit and then go on when you feel a bit happier. You're clutching at straws with the many Johnny Vegas lookalikes on the sites I'm afraid. There ain't no Michael Fassbender as far as I can see...

Bit of an ego boost for me here but a friend popped by and he was saying how good I looked. Now after my relationship went pear shaped, I decided to try to work out, feel happier on my own etc, so I'm definitely of the school now of faking it till I make it! Clearly it works, even though I reminded him I was a bereft spinster at present. Currently taking down all my boudoir shots from my bedroom because I have builders in tomorrow. I really looked the bomb (though 10 years ago ).

@cravingthelook I'll be fine. Reckon that the matchmaking site I'll have the most success on will be Find a Pet. That rescue kitten is definitely a right-swipe.

Hi @cravingthelook... just sending some kind thoughts your way as its horrible feeling that broken way.. ive been there many a time.. i bet you’ll start feeling better in a few days now youve cut some crap out if your life. Its really tough but youre not alone... sending and and positive thoughts x

@cravingthelook have some more kind thoughts and positive vibes from me too - sorry to hear you've been feeling so down recently.

@DdraigGoch cats are definitely the way forward! Get swiping on that kitten.

Lots of good vibes @cravingthelook

I think as an intelligent woman-about-town the general locking down of interesting things to do in society is going to be no good for you (am I just the only one who is NATURE WALKED OUT and wants an overpriced coffee and a gallery wander and a cocktail )

but we’re nearly there now 💪🏽

Coffee, gallery wander and cocktail sounds toooo good, literally counting the seconds for all of these things

@DdraigGoch - not sure about country folk, but a puppy works a treat on big city types. This is of course not a good reason to get a puppy.

I always think friends don’t quite know what to do with you if you tell them your feeling down, at least mine anyway. My siblings are not big on sympathy either, but were quite helpful during divorce. I think that’s cos there was a practical endpoint and they really hated my ex.

Slow fade is particularly shit it has to be said. I’m hoping I would call it if it happened to me again. Life lesson and all that.

The dog thing is certainly a well known phenomenon. For reasons unbeknown a cat (no matter how cute) has no similar effect. Apparently they're viewed as less masculine. Trouble with a dog is that a singleton who works shifts (tomorrow for example I'll leave home at 4am, return at 2pm) can't really give a dog the attention it deserves. Two people can do it between them, and singletons who are working from home can walk it in the time that they would otherwise be commuting and on lunch breaks. So you end up in a chicken-and-egg quandary. Dog needed to attract a partner but partner needed to help look after dog. Cats are far less trouble, the house and garden shed were both equipped with a cat flap by the previous owner so no mods needed there.

The pet quandary for me is whichever pet an iron has, I prefer a boundary for upstairs (or at least bedroom) I'm an avid pet lover but I draw the line at sharing a bed and the pets have a sense of ownership when they're allowed in and in my experience they become stressed when boundaries are put in place afterwards (scratching at the door all night, protest messing or destruction around the house, dominating the bed and attacking the newcomer, meowing/whining etc etc). My ex had birds and even they got upset, when ever I spoke they'd all start loudly chirping and squawking 😂 funny til it wasn't!

Cats FTW! @DdraigGoch I hope your sense of humour comes across in your profile, I've laughed out loud at your posts on here!
@cravingthelook just adding to the positive vibes and sympathy. I am in a similar headspace to you. I know you've got a good friend in dancer but my inbox is always open and I've often felt I can really relate to you.
Also very much looking forward to normality resuming and the "date zeros" feeling slightly more date like.

@DdraigGoch - a well placed puss shot on your profile or zoom call can surely work wonders.

Never crossed my mind to think about pets and boundaries. Sounds like there might be some iron - pets anecdotes to mine? I had this iron with a snake, but it thankfully remained in it's tank.

I always have a photo of me with cat on my profile. It’s the moodiest looking animal lol but under that face it’s the most happy and gentle natured.. however the grumpy face of it never fails to attract comments and spark convos!

It also sits on the kitchen windowsill and neighbours remark on the ‘attitude’ of it.. poor thing cant help its face haha! I always think it looks happy, but no one else thinks so 😂

@DudeFromThatLondon

“Puss shot”

= phrase of the day

Hmmm I had an iron whose puss got far too involved in the bedroom - funny but also 😱

My ex is popping round to pick up his stuff today. I'm gonna hate the fact my dog will treat him as a long lost friend!
I've now had 6 nights on my own and have gone thro all my anger, writing letters and lists, that I wont show him, just to get it out of my system.
I'm going to be busy today which will help me not become too anxious about seeing him later. He's brilliant at puppy dog eyes and cries at the drop of a hat so it's going to be hard. I've not seen him since I discovered him cheating - all comms by msg so far.
I'll be back on later tonight to update.

@NotAgainNoMore good luck for later on, if it was me I'd avoid, go in another room and let him get on with it, especially if you think some emotional baggage will be upended onto you!

“I’m an animal lover”

Hey! Got a few people I'm chatting to at the moment after being quite upset at being ghosted a few weeks ago. Definitely amazing advice to have more than one on the go in the early stages - it's meant I'm not over investing into any particular one! Love reading your bios..some really good ones! Refreshing after lots that just "swipe to find out"