Dating Thread 200 - Spring is in the Air, Ghosters Beware

[cravingthelook]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Well, he's been and gone and my head is a bit of a mess.
He understands I don't want to be with him any more but he's asking for us to be friends, not cut him off completely.
I have a lot of unanswered questions, which I just couldn't verbalise while he was here. I wanted to keep him at arms length and not weaken.
My trouble is, since we split I'm analysing every single thing! Driving myself crazy.

Hair: on men - on head = short please, no pony tails or buns, or flowing locks. Body - gorilla please. Beard - no thanks, stubble fine.
Intimate areas - trimmed but not hairless, but I'm not bothered if it's not trimmed.

Me - I keep my head hair in a neat shortish bob (recently centre parted for reasons the women will understand, trying it out, quite like it), shave legs from knee down only (and only if on a promise really!), Intimate areas - trimmed around the main area, shaved around bikini line. Don't shave etc anywhere else. Shaving arms is daft.

Don't use an epilator on your sensitive bits!

@VanGoghsDog that's basically where I'm at on the man front too! Could you stomach zero body hair on a man then? I'm too nervous to bring up a conversation about it, but if I did what the heck could I say?! I'm hoping it's just the thrill of the newness making him go overkill with the razor!

I've got as far as (almost) full leg with the epilator but the closer I got to the top the sting was unbearable 😅 so had to stop. Just going to use on my thighs from now on though because ingrown hairs were a nightmare for my lower legs, not sure if that's stop with more use but they looked terrible so gave up after two tries.

@NotAgainNoMore I'm glad you got through it.
On what grounds does he think he would make a good friend?
No friend messages their ex asking to meet up.

You are unlikely to get honest answers so I wouldn't lower myself to ask them.

What are you analysing?

If you've got no commitments together I would be deleting and blocking.

Could you stomach zero body hair on a man then? I'm too nervous to bring up a conversation about it, but if I did what the heck could I say?

I guess if everything else were perfect (lol!) I'd put up with it.

I once had a FB who shaved his chest and I asked him to stop because I hated the stubble feeling.

I also once dated a guy who had alopecia all over and I really didn't like that, he was like a big slippery baby!

I'm not sure how you can bring it up, maybe the opportunity will present itself. It's hard, because overall I think everyone should do what they want with their hair, but partners can express a preference. If it's early in a relationship it's a bit rude to mention it.

@SortingItOut yes we had talked through being official, it was just a surprise when he referred to me as his gf, I felt like a teenager again! 😂

I met someone on fab who had zero body hair... I didn't complain as it's his choice but it was a bit off putting. I love some chest hair and I like stubble too.

cat your cat stories are hilarious! I love the sparkly tights one. I am incredibly dog broody and dream of an iron with one. I like cats too. And I don't mind pets being on the vicinity of intimacy, as long as they don't join in.

30 is it time for a name change?

I'm not keen on very hairy men. Chest is fine, back less so. And I like not seeing the hair until their top is off. I also don't like being very hairy myself, although keeping it that way is an enormous faff.

I think I'm meant to meet Mr Nuclear for a Saturday walk. Very unexcited about it, but have not had a single walking date so feel like I need one under my belt as a special lockdown memory.

@HairyArsedMan and @DudeFromThatLondon 🤣🤣

@LongtimelurkerL either film or chat works for me - usually you do a bit of chatting anyway if you're watching a film. I actually prefer sex before food, as it avoids any chance of embarrassing stomach rumblings from digesting dinner!

@cravingthelook this may explain why I'm still single!! Anyone want to adopt some cats? 🤣

I've rejoined Bumble earlier today, and have got 5 matches in my queue after a marathon swiping session although I'm not too confident how many of those will actually get in touch. Maybe 1 if I'm lucky.

I've already seen a few profiles of women I matched with previously, a couple of women I went on a date with and a work colleague. I'm half-expecting to see Miss H's profile appear soon, which I'm dreading a bit.

I'm also going for a walking date tomorrow in a local park with Miss Fashion, but haven't heard anything back from Saturday's date since Monday so I'm half expecting her to cancel.

@30somethingandstillsingle Phew, thats ok then.
I agree that girlfriend makes you think if a teenager, I alternate between girlfriend/partner - I think partner suits our age but then we've only been together 17 months so feels a bit weird but what other options are there 🤷‍♀️

@SortingItOut - I know things were never sexual between them, it's just the betrayal of trust, talking to an ex. He said there were issues between us (true) and he stupidly thought she'd be the ideal person to talk to them about!! Haha! Yep, he's really stupid.
We do/did have problems. Granted. I was an awful partner. Lockdown and menopause really affected me and I closed down.
Hell, don't know what I'm trying to say. Just processing a lot of stuff.

Looking back at my history with men (married 3x) - I always go for someone that lacks the essential quality the previous one lacked! Without looking at the fuller picture perhaps, if that makes sense.
Can anyone relate?

I had an FWB from Okcupid who was completely hairless, he shaved everywhere, took a bit of getting used too but as he also had tattoos it wasnt so obvious.

I hate hairy men,my Dad is sooo hairy and hairy men remind me of him😱
When I was having casual sex one of my first questions was how hairy they were....the one time I forgot to ask he was hairy and I made him keep his t-shirt on🤣

Mr K is just right, hair on his legs and arms, very slight hairy chest and shaved everywhere else.
He is covered in tattoos (see the theme) so the hair on his chest isnt that noticeable.

@NotAgainNoMore I totally understand your feelings, my ex husband had numerous emotional affairs throughout our marriage. He never met any of them but it was the lack of respect that pissed me off most.

Please don't accept all the blame for the breakdown of the relationship, a normal partner would have given you space and talked to you when you were ready - they wouldn't have started messaging an ex.

Its good you can see where you've gone wrong in the past with picking partners, can you identify why you don't look at the wider picture?

@SortingItOut - I have such a weird backstory and I'm ashamed - of my poor choices in life. In a weird way I'd like to share it - as a warning to everyone, lol.

Getting in on the hair conversation....

I definitely like stubble on the face... Although I occasionally like that just shaved feeling too, the skin seems super smooth and soft.
I think I'd be a little off put by a man shaving his chest hair, although I don't like huge amounts of chest hair either... So somewhere in the middle.
Intimate area (as someone else put it), I'm not hugely fussy as long as it's 'neat' and not super long and out of control lol.

@DdraigGoch your comment about locking other family members out made me lol!!

@NotAgainNoMore what is it with trying to be friends?! My ex was (and still is!) Absolutely awful to me but still insists every few weeks that he wants to be friends. I'm glad you got through today okay, well done x

I always go for someone that lacks the essential quality the previous one lacked! Without looking at the fuller picture perhaps, if that makes sense.
Can anyone relate?

My dad was violent. In my early relationships I was just so happy not to be being hit that I didn't notice other bad behaviour. Like cheating, lying, being financially unstable, generally unsuitable!

Ugh! Typo...

Should read... Your comment about KICKING other family members out

Couldn't resist starting a new profile lol.

I've decided to actually be brave and " be myself" a bit more - I've gone vegetarian, I don't drink that much as I get older and yes I am more of a hippy geek than a sexy party type (even though I can pass for one, I'm not?).

Plus although I've had my sexy times (that makes me sound fairly Borat -ish) I don't actually have a massive massive drive right now. MrC and Mr Military both had fairly high drives and tbh there were quite a few points of tension over that - I think both ignored basic compatibility issues as they liked the look of me in a red fitted dress.

So I'm going to keep my profile and initial contact very neutral and desexed and not try to be someone I'm not.

@NotAgainNoMore Please don't be ashamed of your backstory, I hope I didnt make you feel like that with my questions.

Apologies if I did🤗

@NotAgainNoMore I flip flop and totally overcompensate for the previous' downfalls so my history goes

Flaky
Clingy
Lazy
Control freak

Never could quite get it right I think because it was like a breath of fresh air to get the opposite (in the beginning anyway).

This time around I've given myself time to have a break and 'reset' so hopefully struck gold with Mr M, but it's taken a lot of time and self learning.

Acknowledging is a huge step though I'd say

@SortingItOut - no, you didn't make me feel bad, sorry. I'm just very reflective right now.
@frankiefirstyear - yep, exactly what I was like, lol. Glad you're all loved up with MrM.

Ffs I’m always saying don’t overinvest early

but I’ve been messaged by a right plum (cute AND smart) and I’ve signed off for the night

but I can’t help going back to look at his chats....

THIS is so me

@WingingItAtLife

Ugh! Typo...

Should read... Your comment about KICKING other family members out

Locking is a good way of making sure that they stay out. Also good for work video calls, in the absence of a lock Matt Hancock had wedged a broom under the handle in a recent interview.

@sleepybunk I've just nearly spat my gin out at that picture...I've had to save it so true!

lol @havecourage8bekind

I'm a big fan of breaks but I've forgotten how exciting/fun it is just having a random flirt and some attention! I was on last summer which is when I met MrC who was then working away for some time, so I've kind of not really had much of that.

(that's me after a few hours after a few days I'll be foaming at the mouth at all the nutters)