Dating Thread 200 - Spring is in the Air, Ghosters Beware

[cravingthelook]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

The shower in the main bathroom is too hot but there is another one in the house... Yes, it's the dreaded ick I'm afraid.

Hygiene aside, his laziness and lack of curiosity got to me. I've always got big projects going on at my place, inside and out. He knows how important these are to me but he never asks about my plans, or makes any comments when he gets here and something has changed. I know he doesn't want to help with DIY etc and that's fine, I don't need or want his help, but I hate the fact he's just not interested. He's never excited about anything except sex and drinking.

@cravingthelook

Yes to the ick at 4 days not showering!

I'm sorry I can't agree with you re sex though, I have a variety of toys, but toys can't give you kisses and hugs and strokes and intimacy 😂

You're right, I may start to miss all that again, time will tell.

Sorry to hijack but I have zero matches so I'm thinking I need to add a rabbit to my collection as doesn't look like I'll be getting any action any time soon! There's so many though...recommendations welcome..(sorry to the guys on the post!!)

In my opinion, variety is not the spice of life when it comes to sex toys - efficiency is. I always think I want different ones but the only thing that matters is that it does the job. And what does for one person, doesn't for another....

@havecourage8bekind, we don't take much hijacking... my neighbour told me she's using one by Tracy's dog and it's amazing?! I am very much a toy novice and again I'm afraid I need a kiss and cuddle kind of lover.

I just need a toy that's quiet! DS's bedroom is next door, he's a poor sleeper and the walls are like paper 🤭

Mr Music has spent the day cleaning as he has his DC next week. So maybe his house isn't the cesspit I imagine. Still doesn't solve the nail ick though.

There is no excuse other than war or no water for not having a shower for FOUR days! Especially not if you're sharing a space with another human being 🦨

He hadn't washed for four days? Unless he's got a very good excuse like literally having just got back from an expedition on Dartmoor, frankly he's gross!

Four days is vile, in my opinion! And there's just no excuse? I'd feel so grubby if I didn't shower for a day never mind two...or four! Bet he stunk? X

He did stink. Ugh it was horrific. I’m livid frankly.

I'd have been spraying him with febreeze

@ThisTooShallBeFantastic I'm popping in to say I'm sorry to hear about mr GN. I was there at the beginning and he did seem to add something at that time.

I've also totally given up on dating and men. I have to say it's great. I don't have time between retraining and my hobbies and my kids. it would have to be someone really special for me to make time for them and quite frankly swiping never found me anyone special, just put me off men and relationships.

I'm really happy. I love my hobbies. I also love my toys. And I now have a dog to cuddle up with on the sofa. There's no conditions or irritation. Although she does have dirty nails and definitely goes for more than 4 days without a shower.

I can't see why I'd give up my comfortable life/good self esteem for worrying/heart ache/insecurity/abuse etc. I spent most of my life being coupled up and it's a revelation. I've never been happier

Welcome to the contentment club!

And if anyone wonders if that's the case why on Earth am I still reading the dating thread, it's mainly habit but also I dip in every now and then to see how some of my peers are getting on.

@unambiguousbeard im with you though only been a month swearing off this stuff and i feel a lot happier. My best friend thinks ive become Miss Unavailable because i got hurt but actually i like my quiet, me focussed life for now!

Ah thank you @unambiguousbeard, it’s lovely to hear from you and I’m delighted you’re so happy 😀. I’m actually really excited about this next stage of my life. If a nice-smelling man tips up on my doorstep, great, but I’m certainly not going to be looking for him. Too many other things to do.

@ThisTooShallBeFantastic sorry to hear about Mr GN.

4 days without showering is gross though!

Thanks for all the good wishes for my date. It was a nice walk (another 4 miles to add to my tally for the week) and we had a nice time, but it was another no spark date. I feel a little sad and rejected that she didn't feel it about me, but if I'm honest with myself I didn't get the butterflies feeling about her and although I would have seen her again, I don't think she is the one.

I'm trying to stay positive though - I managed to get a date with someone attractive and interesting, and we had a good time chatting away for 2 hours. I also know it wasn't my outfit or nails that put her off - I looked and smelled good, and would totally have given myself a cheeky snog at the end of the date if I was her!

@ThisTooShallBeFantastic oh yeah I won't be turning anyone away if they fall in my lap and I actually fancy them but that's a little unlikely particularly given current circs.

@Eesha I've absolutely no doubt it's because I'm Ms Unavailable and I can't do the pain again. But then, why do I need to? I'm happy as I am.

I did enjoy dating and I guess I might give it a go once I qualify and once Covid is over. But the thing I liked was meeting new people and going to new pubs and having an excuse to go for a drink in central london. When that's a possibility again I guess I might try dating g again but only with a view to a Fun evening and possibly a shag now and then. But that's likely several years away and I'll probably be well settled into celibacy by then with an unbreakable shell!

@unambiguousbeard that sounds like a good place you're in. I wish I was as happy with being single - definitely something I aspire to.

I think also that when you're in that place of contentment, people are more drawn to you so you're actually more likely to meet someone just when you think you're happy with things as they are.

I've been starting to think this weekend that I need to get myself into that place - I felt so down about things the other day that it wasn't healthy, I was in a pretty dark place if I'm honest. I've taken a step back, and am trying to wean myself off the apps so hopefully that will translate into a more healthy mental state.

@TheCatWithTheHat well I'm older than you and I've had my children. Completely different life stage so it's much easier for me. I'm no longer looking for a life partner. I did that but he was abusive and I no longer trust my choice in men. You're at a different point in life. If I were 20 years younger I'd still be looking...

@ThisTooShallBeFantastic I’m sorry things didn’t work out with Mr GN. I’ve been around a while and remember you getting annoyed with him before for drinking all your expensive whiskey so I know you’ve been up and down with him, and you have always seemed a very independent person whereas he sounded a bit needy, although I remember he did add something to your life for a while. I hope the conversation goes well xxx (or you could always invite @havecourage8bekind round to spray him with Febreze as that would probably scare him off 😂😂😂).

@TheCatWithTheHat sorry you didn’t feel a spark with your date, or she with you. Maybe you should take a break for a few weeks. We can go to beer gardens from 12 April so people may be more up for dating then...

@unambiguousbeard glad you are happy and in a good place. Although I hope you are wrong about not getting back to normal for years. I am desperate to get out and about again and to go on holiday.

Can you all believe lockdown was a year ago tomorrow? I was driving over to see Mr G this weekend and thinking back to this weekend last year. I’d spent the Friday night with Mr Beard and remember feeling so lost and devastated when he dropped me home on the Saturday as I didn’t know if I’d see him again (in the end I broke lockdown to go and see him but not for the first 3 weeks). I started to go to a place where my day would stand or fall on how often I heard from him. It wasn’t a healthy place to be and if we hadn’t gone into lockdown I don’t think I would have been like that. It really damaged my mental health. I still sometimes wonder if we would have stuck it out had it not been for lockdown, or indeed if it would have been me that walked away. I guess I will never know,, but I would not live through those few months again for anything. But I’m in a much better and healthier place now, and actually in a healthy (ish) relationship with someone who is lovely to me (crazy ex notwithstanding). I have had to kiss a ton of frogs though, and I still push him away because I’m so determined not to be hurt again. I really didn’t expect it to last 5 months, but here we are... so there is hope.

@TheCatWithTheHat I'm with @unambiguousbeard. I'm late 50s with adult DC and I'm financially and emotionally self-sufficient. Having a relationship feels like a choice now, whereas in my 20s it was some weird, society-driven imperative, then when my marriage ended in my early 50s it was an exercise in validation and sexual rediscovery, making up for lost time. I kind of feel I've made up that time now - literally, Mr GN and I had more sex in two years than I had with XH in 30 years - but I'm over it. I don't want to compromise or be tolerant or be a partner, I just want to be me: a crazy dog lady who is obsessed with her car and her garden . I'm really sorry you have been feeling so down though, as you sound like a real catch and a very nice person. Perhaps have a break from the apps for one month, dig out friends and family and get lots of exercise in the sunshine whenever it comes? Come late April so many more people will be emerging blinking into this brave new post-lockdown world, and the possibilities will be endless...

Ha ha @UtterSocks he doesn't even need Febreze to frighten him off, just pointing him in the direction of soap and hot water seems to have done the trick - I've not heard from him all day, very unusually, so I think he is sulking. Which is the final nail in his coffin frankly.

You've been on quite a journey in the last 12 months, it's lovely to hear you sounding calm and happy.

How long were you with mr beard for @UtterSocks? I was seeing someone only for a few months and that ended this time last year - just as lockdown began... it really hurt me when we split up and i still miss him to this day and think about him a lot.

This thread does make me feel a little less odd missing my old iron. Seems we all have one that got under our skin, and then didn't give a toss about us ☹

It's so difficult isn't it...I mean it's very rare i click with anyone at all. I'm not finding the apps any good at all.

Sorry to hear about Mr GN @ThisTooShallBeFantastic but you sound confident about your decision. I really admire that and wish I had a bit of that confidence in my own decision making. I'm still tangled.
@TheCatWithTheHat I think I'm inclined to agree with the others..a short break til beer gardens etc become accessible, not necessarily for boozy dates but just more, well, date like dates. I'm holding on for the world to feel a bit more normal before I get back on any apps.

ThisTooShallBeFantasic sorry to hear about Mr GN. Hope you're ok.

TheCatWithTheHat the one for you is out there,dont worry. An idea for when you have your next first meet,maybe keep it really short and sweet. An hour maximum. I think we all know pretty much in the first few minutes( seconds!) If someone is our type. It's great you're throwing yourself into long walks and getting to know someone a little deeper than a quick meet,but that could come later. Just an idea and you might find you're not so down if there isnt a spark.
I've been asked to go on a tinder date but I'm really being thoughtful to what I want these days and not sure he is for me or me for him.He travels with work,cycles professionally and is super fit,whilst I have lockdown belly and am the homely sort. But he's 8 miles away so convenient so could be worth a go.