Dating Thread 200 - Spring is in the Air, Ghosters Beware

[cravingthelook]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Its a really difficult year being in this pandemic when you live alone, dont have kids to distract you/keep you company.. cant see anyone, cant go anywhere .. the apps are literally the only way to chat to anyone new, when you delete them you cut off all chances of talking to anyone at all. They are bleak but other than them how are you meant to chat to anyone? Its so tough and lonely and i think a lot of us on here are feeling it

So Mr Music is sweet and really liked me. He made me laugh and it was lovely to get compliments and hear that I'm awesome and he'd like to see me again. I probably will see him again, and we kissed, but I'm not as excited as I was when we'd only spoken on the phone. He's a bit scruffy and he said his house is messy. He's a responsible parent now but used to be a long haired musician and he still has that vibe about him. He seems kind and respectful and was a bit nervous, which was endearing. He's not unkempt, but looks a bit like he might be, iyswim? And someone who is furloughed and only has their kids every other week has no excuse for living in a messy house, and that's the kind of thing that would drive me mad in a grown man. He did say we could get a puppy when we're married though, so there's that🤣

@WeWantTheFinestWines

Sounds like a good date and also good you’re mindful of things that might not suit you as well

Obviously it’s character first, but someone fairly alternatively presented /scruffy (things like longish nails or hair or slightly dirty clothing when initially meeting) doesn’t really do it for me.

Clean clothes, slightly dirty nails. I know he'd been messing with his car, but still... 😐

Haha my controlling side does think sometimes with slightly scruffy geeky mates (who often are the kindest, sweetest, gentlest, decentest souls going) that if they made a FEW changes to their appearance it would make all the difference in dating.

However much me and other women might enjoy their conversation and they have attractive faces and bodies, there's something just not very appealing about going back to a home that looks like a cluttered hoarders lot or going out with someone who is dressed in odd mismatched clothing, as they don't care for superficial things.

But it's all personal choice, and like the thread rules say if something small is cropping up at the start often it gets bigger later on.

Yeah I like a date to make a bit of an effort. I'm the kind that gets my nails and hair and brows done regularly though.

Feeling lonely tonight. I've tidied, shopped and cooked. I made a Chinese fakeaway and it was lush. I even tried making custard creams for the first time. They turned out not bad.

I've the laundry to fold and I've got Netflix on but I hate not being able to go out and just do stuff.

I've got to agree with @SpringlikeBunk that sometimes the little things that would be so easy to change can make all the difference. I'm no clean freak but unkempt would lead me to question hygiene.
Feeling much the same this evening @cravingthelook had a browse on Fab and made a few connections for post-pandemic potentials but very flat about it all.
Again spring I think I am seeking attention

I think the slightly scruffy geeky bloke could give me the ick in the long term... Damn...

...makes note to check nails and trim eye brows before my date tomorrow

I've just had a good chat to her (Miss Coast) on the phone, and we got on well, so fingers crossed it's 3rd time lucky with this weekend of dates!

Clean nails are so important. I look at men's hands and wonder how I would feel about them being on me, intimately. Long nails, scraggy cuticles, grubby hands and dirt under fingernails are all a hard no from me!

Good luck for today @TheCatWithTheHat hopefully 3rd time lucky. Your fitness must be improving with all these walks!
Yes @VanGoghsDog I think along the same lines. I don't expect models or anything and I'm far from perfect, but clean and presentable is a must. You can still be quirky without giving off grubby vibes!

So true y'all. Wondering whether/how to broach the subject with Mr Music...

Good luck today cat

Good luck on your date @TheCatWithTheHat 😁 hope its a third time lucky! 🍀

Good luck cat 🙂

I had a 'date' yesterday but no romantic connection. Back to the drawing board for me.

@WeWantTheFinestWines I think you should be honest with Mr Music otherwise how will he be able to improve himself going forward?
Sometimes when things are your normal you dont realise they are not society normal.

I can't bare dirty nails but I've learnt to accept them sometimes, Mr K is a builder and his hands and nails are always clean unless he comes to me straight from work and then they're grubby but he washes his hands and then once we've sorted the animals he showers.
If his hands and nails were grubby all the time it would be a huge no.

Equally with myself, I have an allotment and animals, sometimes my hands and nails are filthy but I'd never go out like that and certainly not on a date or when I see Mr K (unless he is at mine also doing the animals)

@TheCatWithTheHat Good luck with your date.

@bangheadhere40 Sorry to hear you didn't have a romantic connection with your date.
Had you been chatting long?

@SortingItOut about 3 / 4 weeks...to be fair I didn't expect I would but thought we could meet anyway.

I matched with a nice one before but he's gone quiet. I'm not going to keep messaging or try and force a conversation.

Well gang I’m afraid it’s countdown to curtains for Mr GN 😕. We’ve had a lovely time together for two years but (a) I’ve reached the conclusion I really just don’t want a man around but he wants to get married and (b) we are not compatible: he is grubby (didn’t shower for four days last week, didn’t change his clothes), lazy, incurious and drinks too much. I’m dreading going through the disentanglement process but I dream of being alone and free, so this has to be done.

I won’t be looking again, I relish the idea of being single from now on.

Still sad though.

@ThisTooShallBeFantastic, I am sorry to read this. At times it appeared that Mr GN added something special to your life. It's not nice is it when you feel the niggles outweigh the fun. You always come across as someone who knows her own mind and likes independence. I'm sure you will find the right words to say what needs to be said with kindness and honesty. Not a pleasant thing for anyone to have to do.
One of my absolute needs in a man is a high level of personal hygiene. Dirty nails or a whiff of unwashed armpit and it would be a no from me. I'm a sucker for a great smelling guy and aftershave on a clean, well presented man is like catnip to me. Putty in their hands.

Same for me @Onesmallstep67 and Mr GN knows this, he just couldn’t be arsed. Plus he put me in the mortifying position of having to point it out to him. I’m not his mum FFS. He has really added to my life, and I to his, but we’re not on the same paths anymore, that’s all. (Obviously there’s more to the story, but this is the straw that broke me and it seemed pertinent, given the clean fingernails discussion.)

@bangheadhere40 If you hadn't met you would always be wondering if there would have been a connection.

I agree with not forcing conversation, if they wanted to meet or chat they'd message frequently.

@ThisTooShallBeFantastic Sorry to hear about things with Mr GN but its really great you are clear on everything in your own mind.
I was always invested in your relationship as you met him on Fab and I met Mr K on Fab.
This disentanglement - is that because he lives with you for some of the week?

What was his reasoning for not washing or putting clean clothes on in 4 days🤢

I think sometimes the scales fall from your eyes and once that has happened there is no going back especially if its things like laziness and drinking.

Being single sounds a great plan, is that single but with an FWB?

Good luck with everything.

@ThisTooShallBeFantastic

Sorry to hear that - I wasn’t around for the start of the interaction but you always seem thoughtful and measured

so I’m sure you’ll negotiate the disentangling in a mindful and sensitive way - I can imagine some sadness will occur as you’ve got decent history, but much better detaching and being independent than feeling irritated all the time!

That’s the great thing about being a woman in 2021 - having choices about exploring and negotiating our relationship status.

I can imagine you might want a man break, but equally you know as well that you if you want to date again you have the skills and experience to navigate the apps.

I’ll probably meet up with Mr Mad as FWB but to be honest I do wonder if I’m done with sex. Mr GN introduced me to the delights of a rabbit vibrator and I think perhaps that’s pretty much all I need now 😂, an actual man is surplus to requirements. We’ll see.

He said he didn’t like my shower 😂. It is a bit temperamental but still... lack of standards isn’t it?

@ThisTooShallBeFantastic I have a rabbit vibrator and a wand (not as good as the vibrator) and I've often thought the same😂

@ThisTooShallBeFantastic What was so temperamental about it that he would rather not wash for 4 days🤢

And what about changing his clothes, that doesnt require a shower.

I think its called the ick and there is no going back.

Yes to the ick at 4 days not showering!

I'm sorry I can't agree with you re sex though, I have a variety of toys, but toys can't give you kisses and hugs and strokes and intimacy 😂