Cannot sleep in same bed as dh

[Wakingup55643]

Aside from not wanting to sleep in the same bed, lots of background to this, I really can't sleep when he's there as he snores, he takes up most of the bed with his size, and he bounces around in the night meaning if I do get to sleep I just wake up again. I'm exhausted, so I've been sleeping in with my ds9 as there's nowhere else to go. It's not ideal obviously, he shouldn't have his mum in with him, but I need to sleep. Anyway, after a week of this with no reaction from dh, he had a go at me this morning. I told him I cannot sleep with him and I'm so tired, and his response was 'it's medical if you can't sleep, go to the doctors.' I sleep fine in the kids room, so it's not me! But he thinks I'm being unreasonable blaming him for his snoring, which I've told him I'm not blaming him as he clearly isn't doing it on purpose, but the fact is I can't sleep because of it! He insists I go to the doctors about it. He gets to fall asleep on the sofa when he's tired, I stay up til whenever with the kids even though I'm knackered. Am I supposed to just lie there in my bed awake all night? Or go and find somewhere else to sleep? I always feel like I'm in the wrong when we have our 'chats.' Is it me?!!

Oh I share your pain. I spend most nights poking my other half to stop him snoring. Its getting worse over time and I also feel shattered at times.

No its not you. What does he think the GP is going to do about it? he's being ridiculous

Is he very overweight? You say he snores and takes up the whole bed.

We now sleep separately it's bliss!!!

Snoring is medical! Tell him to go to the doctors!

I said the same thing @OldEvilOwl am I supposed to go in there and say I'm here because my husband snores and I can't sleep? She'd tell me to send him in, surely!
And yes he is overweight @MarmedukeDuke so much that he makes the mattress go down in the middle and I feel like I'm sleeping on a hill. Also he doesn't brush his teeth before bed. And I'm the one in the bloody wrong!!!!

I think you have to take control of your life. If you want to stay with him, you need a home where you can have a bedroom each. Is that possible in your current home? Can DC share, or is there a spare room used as a study or dining room. Order a bed and sort it out. If not, move house. This isn't a temporary issue that's going to disappear with a little nagging. Organise a bed and room for yourself.

This nearly ended my marriage. It was awful.

We slept apart for months. He lost weight and used some nasal spray stuff that helped. Also a mouth guard.

I think his reaction was actually a problem too. It was all on him to sort it out. He did and we're ok again now

ive slept apart from DH for 7 years and counting because of this...he snores and no matter how much ive tried over the years to sleep in the same bed as him i just cant...its the noise, the strong smells, his sweating all year round, pitch darkness...i cant fall asleep like that. DH has had an endoscopy but no further tests/treatment. he is overweight too.

i sleep in the living room on a very comfy sofa bed we got from Ikea a few years ago. i now sleep like a baby! sofa bed folds up nicely during the day, comes with a cover we put over the top, just looks like a normal chair and no one would know that i sleep in the living room unless i said something. i actually like us having that space away from eachother sometimes because we live in a small bungalow so we're all under eachother's feet during the day!

He's the one who needs a doctor. He's on a fast track to a heart attack.

Laserlight earplugs are amazing. My husband also snores the house down but I sleep soundly with them in. We also have a super king bed, which also helps.

We used to sleep apart (lucky to have a spare room) when one of us had a cold, but over the last year that's progressed to nearly every night; I snore loudly (weight related) and DH suffers from night sweats and restless legs, so he likes to have a ceiling fan set to 'hurricane' mode going above the bed, which drives me mad! We're definitely better for moving out permanently so if you can find a way to make it work, like the sofa bed suggested, I'd say go for it.

I feel your pain! Every few nights I stay on the sofa just so I can catch up with some sleep. My husband gets all offended and upset thinking that I am avoiding the marital bed! But it's nothing to do with him it's just because he falls asleep at the drop of a hat and snores and sweats all night whilst I lie wide awake!! Yanbu!

@RandomMess

We now sleep separately it's bliss!!!

We do too. Best thing we ever did. We both get a good sleep. We’re happy, we love each other. OP I would seriously consider this if you can.

It's him and he knows it. He's trying to deflect on to you, which is pretty pathetic, but let's be kind and say he's scared of what might happen and/or of the work he'll have to put in to fixing this.

How far are you prepared to go? He won't change unless you give him an ultimatum you're prepared to stick to.

If he is overweight, snores and has daytime drowsiness that sends him to sleep on the sofa, he may have Obstructive Sleep Apnoea. This needs medical attention with a sleep study and appropriate treatment if diagnosed. This is important because daytime somnolence in OSA means he shouldn't be driving.
He really, really needs to get himself to the doctor.

I had the same problem years ago. We now sleep in 2 singles pushed together, with separate sheets and duvets, so when he's thrashing about it doesn't bother me. His snoring is muffled by an earplug in my 'top' ear. I now sleep well apart from my hot flushes.
But you will need to sort this yourself as it's obvious he won't. Buy a single bed and some earplugs and sleep in a separate room at first, I put mine in the living room. No visitors allowed at the moment means no awkward explanations! Once you're no longer frazzled with sleep deprivation torture suggest he also swaps to a single so you can both sleep in the same room. It worked for us.

I wish we had a spare room! We're in one, if boys are in the other. Nowhere to go! :(

Whoever invented double beds needs shooting! Worst invention ever. I hate to share a bed with anyone - hate snoring, fidgeting, getting up for the loo, pulling duvet off me - just awful. Luckily DH sleeps on the sofa most nights and I get a decent night's sleep (with the dog).

Get two single beds. You push them together in the day to look like a bigger bed, but separate them at night. He then can't disturb your sleep space and wearing earplugs helps.

DH and I have nearly split over this many many many times........ he's got restless legs, as well as a sleep disorder. He has had 4 naps already today, he'll fall asleep again after tea and again for about an hour before bed. Then he comes to bed, isn't tired, kicks, fidgets, and disturbs me until around 2am when he gets up for half an hour. About 4am he goes into proper sleep and then can't be woken by the alarm.

I'm permanently exhausted by it... or him. In a row last month, I did point out to him that depriving a partner of sleep is actually a form of abuse..............

Honestly his attitude would have me going ahead with divorce.

You will have your own room and bed then!

Comfortable sofa bed in living room is a brilliant idea

two single beds, ear plugs and he needs to see the dr weight loss and fitness.

Record the noise on a phone and play it to him, demand two separate mattresses and tell him to go to the gp for weight loss assistance.

It's him, not you

You need to get a sofa bed, you can’t sleep in the same bed as your son every night, he is entitled to his own bed, it’s not his fault and this shouldn’t be impacting him like this.