Anyone know how I can tell if my partner is using cocaine?

[findingout88]

I've tried to Google this but it's not very clear.
How is a person physically after doing it? How can I tell? I suspect he is

Right I know from experience from myself and my partner they posts of these things aren't actually giveaways if you are a secret user . The most telling is hiding yourself away and not looking someone in the eye . You do both of these be issue your paranoid they can tell !!!!!

Just to reiterate, if he's addicted to coke - he's not in a relationship with you unfortunately. It's incredibly hard to knock a relationship, where you know deep inside they're a good bloke, but unless he wants professional help - the obsession, cocaine being the worst will always win.. You will have to walk away and it's very painful.

IMO you can’t. Unless you find evidence of bags, cocaine round the nostril or unexplained bank withdrawals which sum up to a bag/bags of cocaine then there’s no way to tell.

My ex is a prolific user. He told me today he has been taking it most days and I didn’t have a clue. We don’t live together or anything (thankfully) but I didn’t click on at all.

I know someone who's husband was a secret coke addict, he got wound up one day, probably in need of his next line , they were in the car with her driving, he managed to kick the shit out of the car radio as she was driving , not sure if the small dc were in the car at the time...
just an anecdote on random fury from a coke user.

the symptoms people have described, would this also apply to other amphetamine, e.g. speed?

@mrsdoubtful

the symptoms people have described, would this also apply to other amphetamine, e.g. speed?

Mostly, yes. But the comedowns are different - the Sunday afternoon 'nobody loves me' and still not being able to sleep despite being shattered are real. There's a lot more fidgeting (and from my experience, less explosive anger/inane wittering) and lollipop consumption. Lots of complaints about legs, etc, aching, as there's usually a lot more movement done under the influence. And no appetite at all, frequently - which can last for days.

Less sniffing, as it's less likely to be snorted (more likely dropped, swallowed if they've got hold of prescription ADHD drugs, or round the gums) and it acts as a decongestant, too.

I worked in clubs for years.

The signs for cocaine are much more subtle than say pills

Sniffing and blowing the nose. Cocaine damages the veins. So nosebleeds too

If he runs it on his gums. He would start eventually to have big holes in the teeth. The guns also bleed a lot. Again. Rama gong the blood supply.

If he’s on it. He would be very talkative. Chatty. Not eat a lot. If he’s using it a lot money would be non existent. Strange phone calls. Etc. Losing weight again if he’s using it a lot.

Leave.

Play the song 'Jack of Speed" by steeley Dan and take the advice.

I cannot reiterate enough the advice given, although I'm sure you're taking heed.

Addicts are a most peculiar section of society. They don't live, they barely exist. Which is heart breaking, frustrating and incredibly unfortunate.

@findingout88 how are you doing today?

@IronNeonClasp

Just to reiterate, if he's addicted to coke - he's not in a relationship with you unfortunately. It's incredibly hard to knock a relationship, where you know deep inside they're a good bloke, but unless he wants professional help - the obsession, cocaine being the worst will always win.. You will have to walk away and it's very painful.

He's clearly not a good bloke though... name calling, being nasty and abusive to op and her on the edge wondering how he's going to be when he comes in, whether she's going to suffer the brunt of his domestic violence bullshit makes him a cunt with or without the cocaine.

I hope you're ok OP

Thankyou all, lots to go through in my head at the min

@Sssloou
I'm ok, I've had endless promises this week, and a week of suspecting absolutely nothing. Don't know if I'm wrong in assuming if he was an actual addict he would've needed it by now, or if he's just likes a binge

I can imagine your head is scrambled. You must be emotionally exhausted and drained. Keep track of what’s happening. Try to detach and pan back so that you are able to emotionally protect yourself, to think clearly and see the bigger picture.

Don't know if I'm wrong in assuming if he was an actual addict he would've needed it by now, or if he's just likes a binge

What’s the difference? Is binging acceptable? How many a month?

With AA they say that it’s not what you drink, how often you drink or how much you drink that defines you as an alcoholic - it’s the emotional impact that it has on the people closest to you that determines whether it is problematic drinking or not.

Same with any addiction. A gambler might only blow out once a month on pay day - could classify that as a “binge” - but it might be enough to destroy trust etc.

@Sssloou
Completely agree with everything you have said and you're right.
Him doing any drugs even once a month is completely unacceptable to me.
I've spent all week trying to learn how to emotionally detach myself from him, it's so hard. I don't even know where to start. I have googled everything I can possibly think of. My life is miserable at the minute wondering why, when, when next. It's awful

Hey OP, there’s a website called Adfam. They support family and loved ones of addicts, there’s a forum with lots of stories and support.
You’ll drive yourself crazy looking for evidence in his behaviour or finding things. Really the only way of knowing for certain is finding physical evidence or a drug test
You can buy good quality tests online. Next time you’re suspicious of his behaviour you could give him the ultimatum?
Ultimately, if he is using, only he can fix his addiction and it won’t be easy for anyone. You’ll need to set boundaries and he will have to accept that to be with you he has to follow them

His promises are only words, If he's at work he has every opportunity to do some, he has basically now turned your life into being paranoid detective...
Even if its the truth, why did he feel the need to do all that coke? What about the money lost ? Being in charge of DC ?
How to & when to stop watching, doubting, worrying ?
He has made this your life

@findingout88 you said you've had promises. I take it he has actually now admitted to his drug use? And going a week without suspecting anything may mean he hasn't had any. Or may just mean he's hiding it better because he knows you're looking out for it. I had 3 years of this and I wasn't always aware of it happening which eventually just made me feel stupid. But addicts are very smart about hiding it when they have to be.

MY ex was a coke head
It can be hard to tell but key things

• if drinking with it don’t appear very drunk even though they’ve consumed plenty of alcohol
• not tired / stays up all night
• kills appetite

Most of all, consider your DC. Do you trust him under his care, without you present?

What affect will his behaviour/changes in character - when under the influence, going through withdrawal or cravings - have on your DC? Have on you? Your and your DC's well-being is being seriously compromised here.

IME I wouldn't touch a coke addict, recovering or otherwise, with a 10ft barge pole. They wreak havoc and it's not always so obvious how.