Anyone know how I can tell if my partner is using cocaine?

[findingout88]

I've tried to Google this but it's not very clear.
How is a person physically after doing it? How can I tell? I suspect he is

[findingout88]

Also, his bank account statement (opened by him) from the end of last year, was in the drawer. So I looked. There's a couple of £40 transactions to his friends. He says this was money owed. In December when i suspected the most, there were a few withdrawals £80,£220 that I can't see a reason for. Christmas presents he brought were paid on his card.
I honestly don't suspect he's using any sex workers

[findingout88]

@Sssloou
Without saying what he actually does. It's nothing where he can put anyone at risk. I've even contemplated contacting his employer anonymously and saying they need to drug test their staff. It's clearly a wider thing with him and also the people he works with

[Sssloou]

Does he drive to and from work? Driving under the influence of cocaine increases the chances of a fatal accident by x10 - as people are more confident and take risks. Police can test for cannabis and cocaine at the roadside the same as for alcohol.

[Sssloou]

It's clearly a wider thing with him and also the people he works with

How do you know this?

And if so, why does this matter to you and your child?

[findingout88]

@Sssloou
No, luckily he doesn't drive and gets a lift to and from work.

[findingout88]

@Sssloou

It's clearly a wider thing with him and also the people he works with

How do you know this?

And if so, why does this matter to you and your child?

I've heard him tell me stories about other people, I didn't ever actually think he was also the same

[Exofanaddict]

I've been here and done all of this - although didn't lick the bank card. Those random cash amounts are probably paying off debt or buying some. He will continue to lie and if he can't even admit to having a problem I certainly wouldn't stay.
I tried for years with mine with rehab etc and it still didn't work. I'd recommend just getting out before it naked your life even worse.
Someone suggested drug testing.. That is one of the many lows in my life relating to this. Who actually wants to watch their partner piss in a cup to prove they aren't taking drugs? And then watch them try find an excuse when it's positive for cocaine

[gutful]

Oh sorry must’ve missed the part that he isn’t prone to going out much under usual circumstances.

Is he behaving in a way that makes you think he is doing this every day? Week ? Month?

Does he seem down or depressed much? Is there any pattern in when he may be mopey?

People can mask these things if they are consciously trying to deceive people into thinking they are straight - but over time you may have started to spot patterns.

[findingout88]

@Exofanaddict
I actually brought some strip tests, they came and he refused to do them and said they weren't reliable. They were from a chemist. He then said he would only got through a doctor or go private for it. I feel the lowest of the low

[Exofanaddict]

@findingout88 they're actually very reliable. My ex used to take them believing it would be negative despite taking it right before he got home

[findingout88]

@gutful if I'm honest I'd say there were odd binges, say out of a 6 week period there would be 2 days. The end of last year he had some bad news. And the month was awful, I'd say 6 times out of that month.

[typicalvalues]

In my experience, when on it, they become incredibly arrogant. That and fiddling with their nose a lot.

[findingout88]

@Exofanaddict
I know I said exactly the same, he's just passing it off. From what I've read if it was a paid private test they would do hair I think, which i think stays in longer
He's not a bad person, but when this is going on he is. But to see this all going on and having no concrete evidence like seeing him do it, finding it. Or him telling me is just awful

[findingout88]

[quote findingout88]@gutful if I'm honest I'd say there were odd binges, say out of a 6 week period there would be 2 days. The end of last year he had some bad news. And the month was awful, I'd say 6 times out of that month. [/quote]
Which was also when I saw the larger withdrawals on his bank, before that I couldn't see anyone

[Missreginafalange]

@findingout88

Also, his bank account statement (opened by him) from the end of last year, was in the drawer. So I looked. There's a couple of £40 transactions to his friends. He says this was money owed. In December when i suspected the most, there were a few withdrawals £80,£220 that I can't see a reason for. Christmas presents he brought were paid on his card.
I honestly don't suspect he's using any sex workers

Yep the good old £40 transactions, my brother did this a lot especially when he stole my mums bank card... she is a bit lax and it took a few weeks to work out what was happening.

Also, they lie and lie and lie. They will tell you what you want to hear but ultimately the coke is more important. You need to get out now to save yourself a lot of tears and heartache. X

[Sssloou]

He’s v defensive and resistant isn’t he - the strips don’t work - quite informed? Why would he need to behave like this!

Does he drive you and your child in the evenings or at weekends because Benzoylecgonine (BZE) is the cocaine metabolite roadside tested by the police and it is detected up to 30hrs after one off usage and up to 5 days for regular users.

[findingout88]

@Missreginafalange
Is this how much it costs? I don't even know this as it's not been part of my life so I'm finding out as I go along

[Missreginafalange]

[quote findingout88]@Exofanaddict
I actually brought some strip tests, they came and he refused to do them and said they weren't reliable. They were from a chemist. He then said he would only got through a doctor or go private for it. I feel the lowest of the low [/quote]
They are reliable. He doesnt want to do them because he knows it will be positive.

My brother used to crush those vitamin c tablets and mix it with something and try to face the tests..... that's how they get. Lies and more lies

[findingout88]

@Sssloou
No he doesn't, I'm the driver with my own car. I'm making sure I do everything on my own, plus working, while I see what's going on and what's going to happen. I don't trust him

[Missreginafalange]

[quote findingout88]@Missreginafalange
Is this how much it costs? I don't even know this as it's not been part of my life so I'm finding out as I go along [/quote]
Same it had never been in our world before this but that was the magic figure that he was spending and multiplies of £40.

He would also drink to try and disguise it. He lost everything, wife, kids, his home in the end. Took him to a very dark place. H seems to be on the mend now but I'm now NC with him.

[Exofanaddict]

@findingout88 this doesn't make them completely bad people. God knows if it did it wouldn't have taken me three years of trying to help to call it quits. We were due to be getting a new house/start trying for kids when he first admitted to a problem. But after 3 years I was very worn down and tired of having my life on hold. And to be honest by the last time I knew I'd never trust him again and I'd always be wary of it happening again.
You really don't have to pay for private tests. The strip tests will be enough.

[Sssloou]

And the month was awful, I'd say 6 times out of that month.

You need to be careful here yourself. You seem to be filtering / censoring and minimising - even if you are not aware that you are doing this. That’s not a criticism, it’s an observation and understandable that you want to be in denial and clutch at straws.

Initially said you have suspected about 5 incidents in total since Nov. Now you are say that there have been 6 (that you know of) in one month. With his bank statements which months are covered? Have you had Jan in yet? Can you look online at his transactions - will he let you?

Seems that things are quite bad if you have already bought strips and he is talking about GP and private support.

[wewillmeetagain]

Talking a lot about absolute shit, not eating, sniffing lots. Erratic behaviour and severe mood swings.

[SandrasAnnoyingFriend]

£40 will be half a gram (or more likely 0.4)

The fact that it's not a regularity at the moment suggests he could give it up if he wanted to. It's likely the stresses you mentioned, combined with lockdown blues and this is an escape of sorts.
However the fact he won't admit that or acknowledge the plain truth means that you've got a bigger problem on your hands.

You need to take strong and decisive action now, kick him out or leave yourself. Either he sorts himself out or you move on, any other option will be painful and expensive- in both monetary and emotional terms.

[Exofanaddict]

@SandrasAnnoyingFriend sounds about right. Mine was always multiples of £80