Hi I have just joined here. I have been with my boyfriend 10 years, we have two boys 5 and 7. When we first go together I was 19 and we had sex all the time, he did tell me that he had a high sex drive and that he liked a lot of sex. But at the start we were doing it all the time I thought it's never going to change. But it did.
So there were ups and downs in the bedroom department until our first son Was born. I had a c section and wasn't interested in sex but after about a month he put pressure on, saying everyone else does it sooner and moaning about it. Do I gave in to shut him up.
Then after our second son again he pressured me. I had given birth naturally this time and had stitches. I was constipated and really not wanting sex. But he said that everyone does it a couple of weeks after and that we should. So I gave in again. I didn't enjoy it.
He has always wanted to have a mmf threesome, something I'm not up for. And started hinting at it and also suggesting swinging. He said it would make my sex drive come back. I told him it's not for me. Eventually he joined a swinging website.to show me couples. I said to him if he wants he can talk to people but not do anything. And he wasn't aloud to show them photos of my face.
Soon he was talking to a couple and he added Kik messenger on my phone so I could talk to them. I said no I'm not taking to them. He was annoyed and said it makes it look like he is lying to them he has a partner. After I bit of arguing he let slip that he had sent photos of me, my face. I was furious. But eventually he talked his way out of that.
A year passes and he starts telling me that he loves me, but isn't in love with me. So I sit and think. I'm selfish to expect him to live the rest of his life with out trying swinging. So I told him I would maybe try. Eventually we went to a club, it was aweful I didn't do anything just went for a look. So he said we will try another and went to a different one, it's expensive to get in and I felt I had to do something so he wouldn't be annoyed so we had sex together just us. We went back a second time and I thought he is going to be expecting more this time so we met a couple. I was in now way attracted to them. We went to a room and started having sex he wanted me to let the man be inside me so I let him. But it was horrific, I was dry and uncomfortable so I said stop, apologized and went to get my clothes. Then my boyfriend looked and me and said I'm not finished so I had to lay down again and wait for him to be done.
When we left he was so happy, and expressed how much he loved me.
That was the end of any swinging for me much to his annoyance.
Now I am stuck, we hardly have sex I never feel turned on.
He keeps telling me if I don't put out he will go elsewhere. During the Christmas holidays he told me if he knew he wasn't getting any he would of stayed at work.
I feel shit, I should want sex with him but I just can't do it. I told him how I feel and he says he doesn't want split up. On valentine's Day he spent the whole day ignoring me because he hadn't had any. He mutters things under his breath at me. He is always pointing out "fit women" on TV or if we go anywhere he makes it obvious he is looking at them.
Sometimes he will do some housework and expect sex in return for it.
Currently I feel so lost. I feel bad to leave him because we have kids and he says he loves me. I don't want to hurt them. I don't know if I am just over sensitive.
Please give me advice on what I should do