Ridiculous, intense crush on much younger auto mechanic

[lovesplantsnanimals]

I'll preface this by giving a bit of background: I'm a single, never been married 44 year old woman who's been out of the dating scene for 9 years. (by choice, got tired of the online scene, and relationships that didn't work). I've been going to a family owned auto shop for about two years now, and there's this 28 year old man who's just so personable, friendly, sweet, and whom I enjoy talking to whenever I have repairs done on my car. I appreciate the quality of work that his shop does, and will take in bagels, donuts, or something for everyone to munch on to show my appreciation. Feel this intense attraction toward him, but as far as I know , he has a girlfriend or may be living with someone. Today was the day before Valentine's Day, and it was the first saturday (when I had to go in for a repair to get done) that he wasn't there. I remember feeling really crestfallen, and down after leaving, because I assumed he stayed home to be with his girlfriend. I know I have no chance, because I'm much older than him, besides who knows if he even is attracted/interested. Even though I take good care of myself/really watch what I eat/exercise regularly/have laser treatments done to address uneven pigmentation/have a good skincare routine/use an at home microcurrent device to address skin elasticity. I can't remember feeling this level of attraction toward someone, even when I was dating 9 years ago. What is going on? I try to stem the feelings by reminding myself in some cultures, I'm old enough to be his mother, or at least his aunt.

A crush.
Enjoy him from a distance

What's going on, you ask.

At a guess I'd say it's your hormones having a last desperate throw of the dice.

Ignore it; it'll soon pass.

In the meantime, probably best stop taking your car to the garage quite so often, and certainly stop taking them doughnuts. You'll absolutely cringe when you look back at this.

You're probably right, I actually seriously looking into switching mechanics just because of this. . even though it's a probably silly reason to, when there's nothing wrong with the work that they do. But I started taking them treats in, because one of my friends does the same to the shop that takes care of her car. She doesn't have a crush on her mechanic, though. .

There's nothing wrong with having a crush if you keep your head.
I found crushes more enjoyable because reality doesn't ruin it.
Crack on I say.

Gosh, how often has your car needed repairs in two years, OP? I was about to suggest that the shop isn’t doing such a great job if it keeps needing attention, but maybe you’re continually going under the bonnet with a claw hammer so you can see your crush or something!

I know. . I'm certainly not thinking of acting on it. . as one poster said, I'll cringe when I look back on this. I already do, so I think it's best I switch mechanics. Already checked out a couple of auto shops that are open on saturdays (I work in a lab till midnight, so need to find an auto shop that stays open on sat, a lot are closed). And I only go to the auto shop when there's something wrong with my car and only then. It's not like I just stop by if I'm in the area.🙄

Well, it's a 14 year old Jeep Wrangler that's not under warranty, so things start breaking down after 10 years, I'd say. Funny 😁, but not the type to "create" repairs that need to be done.

How often do you need to take your car into the garage op that this has become a regular thing?? And I'd stop taking treats and stuff for them..its a bit cringe.. doesn't matter if you have laser treatments and facials you are still nearly 20 years older than this man and you have no indication that hes interested.

I want to know what micro current device you use to maintain skin elasticity 🤭. I’m in the market for one!

As far as taking in the treats, that was an idea my friend had. .who has no crush on her mechanic. I just thought it was a good idea. .bit unfortunate it's a double standard, when men are with women 20 years younger, no one bats an eye. .but the same can't be said for women. As as far as microcurrent devices go. .I've been happy with the Refa Carat S . .you don't need to buy any conductive gels for it. I bought the lowest priced one of the bunch (they can go up to nearly $380 the Refa body), because I wasn't sure how well it worked. But it's very popular in Japan, and given how Japanese and Korean women really take care of their skin, and have found what works. . I figured it was a good bet.

Buy a newer car!

Erm I'd say exactly the same comment to a man who was chasing a woman 20 years younger than him who has shown no interest. I think you'll end up embarrassing yourself..you asked for opinions and that's what I think.

I wouldn't change garage or stop taking them treats - presumably it's not just for this guy, it's for all of them? I think decent garages are hard to find, and you are in control of you.

You've found a garage you trust and are satisfied with their work, and you're keeping them sweet literally, so they're probably keen to keep you happy.

You're a fully realised human being who is in control of her own actions, so you can fancy the guy and not act on it. Just enjoy looking at him, refrain from coming on to him in public - imagine someone judgemental you know is watching you to keep it under wraps.

Nothing wrong in having a crush. You'd probably regret trying to take it further, so just admire from afar.

I would first find another garage (or a new car), then I would ask him out. You are not certain if he has a girlfriend, ask him if he does. If he says yes, then you would need to leave him alone. If no, then ask him out.

There is nothing wrong with adults dating adults.

Might be an unpopular opinion but I’d say shoot your shot, and change garages.

Find a new garage so you’re not continually seeing him, and so you can avoid seeing him and let the crush die down. But by all means ask him out. It’ll be embarrassing but whatever happens it’ll give you some closure imo. Maybe call up and ask if they can pass a message onto him saying you know this is a bit out there but if he fancies going for a drink sometime here’s your number.

I know people will say you’ll be humiliating yourself but honestly, it’s fine to ask people out as long as you respect their answer and don’t make it weird! And even if he says no, that should help you to stop mooning after him as your brain at least will know there’s no chance and to move on.

Either way... change garages.

Even though I take good care of myself/really watch what I eat/exercise regularly/have laser treatments done to address uneven pigmentation/have a good skincare routine/use an at home microcurrent device to address skin elasticity.

I’m not sure why you provided this level of detail, but it does sound as high maintenance as your car!

There's no harm in enjoying seeing him and having conversations with him, same as you would with any man you were attracted to. The age thing is neither here nor there. I don't agree he's 'too young'. I don't have such double standards. People are attracted to others for all sorts of reasons. Why just write it off when you don't actually know the situation? The main sticking point is that he may not be single or may not feel the same. I'd enjoy these feelings though and keep an open mind!

Thanks for your replies, everyone. And yes, I would feel the same way about a man who had a crush on a woman 20 years younger, and another woman who had a crush on a man 20 years younger (but I could sympathize with the situation),which is why I feel guilty about my feelings. As far as providing the level of detail. . they say that when women/men reach a certain age. . they either let themselves go, or they become obsessive about anti aging steps. . I guess I picked the latter. Probably was a late bloomer. .didn't start trying to actively date till my 30's, people my age guess my age at 7-10 years younger, probably has a lot to do with being Asian American/staying out of the sun, not letting my weight fluctuate too much/all the preventative steps mentioned previously.
And yes, I feel very strongly about respecting other people's relationships, and view them as off limits if they are involved with someone/married.
Well, I'm changing mechanics, already placed messages to two other shops asking for quotes (need new headlights). . as there are only 3 -4 garages, and he's the owner's son, so he manages the shop. Kind of hard to avoid him if I were to keep going there. As far as getting a new car, I may be moving out of state as soon as a job comes up with the company I'm with, so trying to keep expenses down as much as possible.

@lovesplantsnanimals

Thanks for your replies, everyone. And yes, I would feel the same way about a man who had a crush on a woman 20 years younger, and another woman who had a crush on a man 20 years younger (but I could sympathize with the situation),which is why I feel guilty about my feelings. As far as providing the level of detail. . they say that when women/men reach a certain age. . they either let themselves go, or they become obsessive about anti aging steps. . I guess I picked the latter. Probably was a late bloomer. .didn't start trying to actively date till my 30's, people my age guess my age at 7-10 years younger, probably has a lot to do with being Asian American/staying out of the sun, not letting my weight fluctuate too much/all the preventative steps mentioned previously. And yes, I feel very strongly about respecting other people's relationships, and view them as off limits if they are involved with someone/married. Well, I'm changing mechanics, already placed messages to two other shops asking for quotes (need new headlights). . as there are only 3 -4 garages, and he's the owner's son, so he manages the shop. Kind of hard to avoid him if I were to keep going there. As far as getting a new car, I may be moving out of state as soon as a job comes up with the company I'm with, so trying to keep expenses down as much as possible.

Good for you OP! Taking steps to improve how you feel. Nice one :)

The line about letting yourself go or going to extreme lengths to avoid ageing is really sexist drivel though, as I hope you can see. None of us need to make a decision about ‘how to age’. We’re all ageing whether we like it or not (unless we’re dead).

@lovesplantsnanimals

As far as taking in the treats, that was an idea my friend had. .who has no crush on her mechanic. I just thought it was a good idea. .bit unfortunate it's a double standard, when men are with women 20 years younger, no one bats an eye. .but the same can't be said for women. As as far as microcurrent devices go. .I've been happy with the Refa Carat S . .you don't need to buy any conductive gels for it. I bought the lowest priced one of the bunch (they can go up to nearly $380 the Refa body), because I wasn't sure how well it worked. But it's very popular in Japan, and given how Japanese and Korean women really take care of their skin, and have found what works. . I figured it was a good bet.

Shall look that up. Thank you xx

Oh dear.
I think you should find another garage and mechanic.
And bringing in gifts to them is a little bit embarrassing, i think.
I would be worried that the staff there had sensed I had a crush on him and that they might be talking about me and making fun of me behind my back. This may not be the case at all - but that's one thing i'd be very paranoid about.
I think you need to move on.

You may find it very hard to trust people if you have had your feelings hurt before.
Therefore these 'friend of the family' or 'trusted tradesman' types will become an attractive option for you.

Probably be shot down for being sexist, but there is something attractive about a man who is competent at his job, especially maybe when it's something manual (maybe just my fantasy....!).

Probably you are just responding to this, plus his good looks. As a person he might not be your type at all, age gap or not.

Crushes can be fun but surely they need more fuel - getting your car fixed even a few times in a year isn't enough.

You may look 7 to 10 years younger to your contemporaries by the way, but still seem like a middle aged woman to someone in their twenties. Its not just looks that make someone seem younger but their mannerisms, behaviours etc.

Best to move on, as you seem to have decided.

The vast vast majority of 28 ye old men are not romantically interested in mid 40s women.

He also has a partner.

I don't agree with asking him out, or even asking him if he's single (sounds like he does) .
You'd be embarrassing yourself and him, and wasting your time, and affecting your use of the garage.

People who are friendly, pleasant and person able are generally like that to everyone. They shouldn't be "punished" for it by having inappropriate, unwanted romantic attention.

You need to stop focussing on this young man, and focus on trying to meet a man
Around you age whomis single, if you're lonely etc.

Ha, my Mum had a wild fling with a 28 year old when she was late 40s - that said, they met at a work seminar so they were kind of on a level in some respects.

It didn't last all that long, not even a year I think, but they travelled together and had a good time. She actually (very gently) broke it off after she met someone more her age; she said he'd probably want kids some day and it was for the best.

I found a photo of him she'd kept in her wallet when we were sorting out her things after she died a couple of years ago.

I'm with the other PPs in that it's super unlikely to be a long-term prospect, and unless he's displayed any interest, any prospect at all, but I guess.... Just saying that if you both are interested in each other it could be a harmless happy interlude.