Anyone want to join the breakup club?

[Herewegoagain22]

So today, my partner of 3 years ended things with me. Deep down I know it was for the best (for both of us) but it doesn’t stop it hurting like hell. There genuinely is no going back. It’s just going through this horrible period of looking for his texts, wondering what he’s up to, missing him in general and generally just feeling lost that I can’t stand

@wow1111 I feel the same. Sending lots of love.

Just wondering if anyone is also married going through all this? Im torn between starting a legal separation now (as we dont have grounds for a divorce) to just get it over and done with, but then at the same time I think that 1 - I shouldnt have to pay for this, and my ex has not even mentioned it and 2 - I dont want to rush anything as I dont know whats around the corner for us both

@wow1111
H has asked for a 6 month trial separation
Personally I don't see the point in prolonging the inevitable but when I do file for divorce I'm going to do it myself rather than pay for a solicitor
Obviously if he starts getting funny I will but I will try to avoid it

@fedup078 my ex has not even mentioned anything about a separation or a divorce, like nothing at all, I think as its only been two months, I think it might be best to wait for a little while, but then at the same time I dont want to come home to divorce papers if he does it without me knowing. I'm also scared to talk to him about it because I dont want to be heartbroken all over again.. I'm just torn on what to do

'There are several reasons why you can divorce, but only two that you can use if you wish to divorce sooner than two years; adultery and unreasonable behaviour. ... Both adultery and unreasonable behaviour are fault based, which requires one person to blame the other party for the breakdown of the marriage.'

So it all depends on the circumstances. I think getting drunk in the morning with our 1 year old is enough ground for unreasonable behaviour

my ex says that ''I sometimes have an attitude towards him'', by what he means is he doesnt like being told to sometimes help around the house, or to be careful with money as we were meant to be saving to move abroad :) he can be very immature sometimes.

I don't think that can be a genuine reason for a divorce?

But yes, your situation is reasonable.

@wow1111 I don't think the court would accept his reasons
Unless he makes up some bullshit but then you will contest it
You may have to wait the 2 years like my ex did
He told everyone she'd cheated on him. He wanted to keep our relationship a secret until the divorce was through which did confuse me and should have been massive red flags
Turns out she hadn't cheated or at least he wasn't sure if she had he'd just packed a bag one night and left and never went back which is why he had to wait 2 years to start the divorce
Pretty much did the same to me
Prick

@fedup078 I think the court would just laugh to be honest.. I do genuinely think though that he may be going through depression at the moment as he said the other day 'he felt so low he didnt want to be here anymore', and I understand that he feels how he feels, but I just know that I am not the person to cause that.. there is no way I could of.

It just makes me feel funny knowing that I'll be married to him for another two years, but if he did make something up then I would definitely contest it, I'm not being made out to be someone that I'm not

I'm not saying this is the case but a colleagues partner went through a phase of severe depression which ended in him moving out
Turned out he was seeing someone else
If he this is the case he's going to be careful to hide it so that you can't use that as grounds for divorce and a better settlement
Either way what he is doing is very unfair on you and your mental health and you need answers and closure .

@fedup078 if he has met somebody else though, why would he just not tell me, so we could actually just get the divorce started and go our separate ways..?! this is what confuses me! we dont own a house or anything like that, so it would just be us going our separate ways

Morning everyone how is everyone doing today?

I’ve tried to stay off social media for the last few days, it’s 10:35am and I haven’t cried yet so I think that’s some slight positive progress?
I know what you mean about worrying about planning things in the post lockdown world, I’ve also been looking at a holiday, I’ve been to the Dominican Republic about 9 yrs ago on my own following a different breakup but finances probably won’t allow that this time.

Day 3 since ex DP left, house is tidy and feels calm but I feel so lonely and I’m still worried about coping on my own but I’ll have to

I've just been chatted up by the guy who is here to wash my car! He first asked why my boyfriend doesn't do it for me, I replied I don't have one (which is surreal in itself)! I wanted to die inside but it made me smile. I haven't been in the dating game since I was a teenager. I'm so out of touch! How do I learn how to talk to men without cringing? I need to get my confidence up big time.

@Ofalltheginjoints I find staying off social media really helps. Out of sight, out of mind as they say.

I would love to go to the Dominican republic. If I ever get to a period where ex is taking DS on a more regular basis I think I would like to go somewhere myself, just for the life experience.

Hi all, just wanted to drop a post in to say thank you to everyone. The last 4 weeks have been really rough, with lots of ups and downs (which will continue for some time), but I genuinely don’t think I could have coped if it wasn’t for you all in here to talk with and sympathise. I really am so appreciative. I never expected when I created this thread that so many people would join. Every time I’ve had a wobble you’ve been there to offer advice or words of wisdom. Thank you so much. I hope we can all get through this together

I'm really sad and fed up big time today :( Hate feeling like this

oh wow days like this are so hard aren't they and nothing helps other than walking through it

Sending massive hugs to you xx

@wow1111 I'm sorry you're having a shit day. We all have them. Try do find one thing you can do to feel a bit better - fave snack? Hot bath? Get lost in a book for a bit?

I've been blasting power ballads today and singing around my house, glad this house is detached as I can't sing! Heart - Alone is my song of choice when I need to get the emotion out.

@herewegoagain22 I'm also so pleased I've found a safe space with others who understand the pain. It's nice to check in with you all. Thanks for starting this

@crochetmonkey74 @Rodeodown thankyou and a nice hot bath sounds amazing actually.. could do with a glass of wine, but told myself im cutting down hahah

@Herewegoagain22 thankyou also, and to everyone else..

as awful as it sounds, its nice to speak to you ladies rather then friends/family, as I just dont think they truly understand

[quote wow1111]**@crochetmonkey74* @Rodeodown* thankyou and a nice hot bath sounds amazing actually.. could do with a glass of wine, but told myself im cutting down hahah

@Herewegoagain22 thankyou also, and to everyone else..

as awful as it sounds, its nice to speak to you ladies rather then friends/family, as I just dont think they truly understand[/quote]
I know what you mean- At times I feel so self indulgent, when there are people who have the most horrendous things going on- and a 'break up' seems such a small, common thing when in reality, I have never felt worse.
Talking here and finding companions who know exactly how I feel really does help

@fedup078

I'm not saying this is the case but a colleagues partner went through a phase of severe depression which ended in him moving out Turned out he was seeing someone else If he this is the case he's going to be careful to hide it so that you can't use that as grounds for divorce and a better settlement Either way what he is doing is very unfair on you and your mental health and you need answers and closure .

Well this sounds familiar. I'm on day 10 of my marriage being over. He left in dec to work on his mental health. Not even 3 weeks later he was having a weekend away with the new woman whilst his mum was here visiting our kids. I'm divorcing him based on his umreasonable behaviour of sharing a bed with her (i have messages stating he did from him) and also his lazy behaviour at home. He earns more so I should do all the housework etc.

@Itsybitsydooda funny you say that, as my ex used the ‘mental health’ excuse as well. He had to go and focus on himself. I am trying not to think that he will be with someone new already but I am sure it is highly likely. It’s all just a bit shit really.

If my ex is with someone new, I honestly would sooner know now and then I can get through it all at once, rather than finding out in a few weeks/months

Mine also "needed to sort his head out" but was with ow within days. Classic cheating script. Why treat us like we are idiots!

In finding it really frustrating how ok H seems with him moving out like it's the most natural thing in the world
But I think that might be because he thinks he'll be allowed back in 6 months where I highly doubt it

@fedup078

In finding it really frustrating how ok H seems with him moving out like it's the most natural thing in the world But I think that might be because he thinks he'll be allowed back in 6 months where I highly doubt it

Yup, totally this, why do they think its fine and dandy?. Cheeses me off beyond belief that STBXH says our girls are his top priority yet he's chosen to move 3 hours away, only see them every other weekend and has not regularly contributed financially since he left in dec yet spent almost 900quid on takeaways in 2 months and 500 on a weekend away with the new woman.