Anyone want to join the breakup club?

[Herewegoagain22]

So today, my partner of 3 years ended things with me. Deep down I know it was for the best (for both of us) but it doesn’t stop it hurting like hell. There genuinely is no going back. It’s just going through this horrible period of looking for his texts, wondering what he’s up to, missing him in general and generally just feeling lost that I can’t stand

I am also in Scotland, near Aberdeen! Can't wait to get my lockdown mop sorted!

I've always fancied a solo holiday, but in practice I think I'd be way too nervous. Fancy spa hotel would be lovely though, nice dinners and a plush hotel room where I could lie in. We used to love a theme park staycation with DS, I'll really miss those but I can't do rollercoasters so won't be much fun for DS with just me. I can't imagine ex will be in a position financially to take DS away for a long time, which is sad.

I hope to start to enjoy my new found freedom. But it seems daunting right now since we’ve been ‘locked up’ for so long. I went on bumble the other night to chat and meet new people in the hope of expanding my friendship circle too, matched with a lovely guy but there will never be any spark with anyone for me for a long time, I still miss and love my ex too much. Chatting is helping a little though - even though that’s all it will be. I am scared my ex sees me on there and assumes I don’t care and I’m ‘moving on’, I’m also worried this might scupper any chances or thoughts he might have to come back - even though I know it’s best he doesn’t come back.

On the flip side I’m thinking, he ended things with me and walked away to do whatever he wanted to do, so I shouldn’t be worried about him seeing me? I feel like I am still obliged to be faithful to him despite the fact we’re not together which is such a weird feeling. My head is so conflicted

@Herewegoagain22 this is exactly how I am currently feeling with it all :( my head is so confused, one minute I'm thinking I wouldnt even take my Ex back and the next minute I'm like I just want him to text saying it was all a massive mistake

Herewegoagain
I know exactly what you mean- That's why I have given myself the summer months as a goal- that way I will have entered back into the socialising world a bit before muddling it up with dating!
I also harbour hopes of ex coming to his senses and us working it out but I also know that wouldn't be good for me at all.

In between this, I am still torturing myself with the idea of him already having moved on, getting ready to move on etc..

Mine has already moved on and I can confirm it is torture. She's so much younger than him and can offer him nothing I can. I hope it all comes crashing down around him.

@crochetmonkey74 giving myself the summer sounds like a great plan. Find some friends and enjoy the summer without any pressure on myself to be anything or achieve anything. I'm so looking forward to summer evenings and dinner out in my new garden, which is a suntrap. Maybe one day there will be a nice man to share it with, someone who really appreciates me for who I am and doesn't take me for granted, like my ex did.

I still love my ex, and miss him massively but each day gets slightly easier.

Why are men honestly like this? Have a woman who'd do anything for them and just throw it all away like we mean nothing? That's what hurts me the most!

That sounds like a good plan though, no pressures over the summer and just use it to enjoy ourselves and whatever happens happens I suppose, that is literally the only way I can look at the situation. Why does my ex still tell me he wants me though and will always love me:( why can't he tell me he doesn't love me anymore.. it'd make it a whole lot easier

Mine dumped me to have casual sex with someone I know. She posts everything publicly on her Facebook page and it comes up on my newsfeed, but obviously isn't allowed by him to mention him by name or put any photos up of him, so its all about how she's been treated badly by a man, no they've got back together, no! she's depressed, no! she's happy! on and on. I feel awful for her because she's a nice woman and he would have told her he was single.

I'm pretty sure he only ended it with me because he cheated with her and then worked out that I would probably find out. He went through a phase of being a casual Tinder shagger when he dumped me before and I had my doubts about getting back together with him, but stupidly thought that at 40, he had settled down.

So I have the slightly unusual experience of feeling quite disgusted by him now but also sad for what he has turned into. He even looks different now - much older, as if he's got all the cares of the world on his shoulders, and somehow a bit sleazy/sneaky looking. Its quite bizarre.

@wow1111 I suspect it’s the selfish aspect of keeping you holding on so that if he did decide to return, he knows the door will be open for him. It’s breadcrumbing you to keep you hung up on him. You deserve so much more than that. If he ever did return you’d be on edge thinking he could just walk away again.

Despite my ex dropping a few texts about his things, I don’t hear from him at all. Mind you, that’s largely because I don’t have to see him and I am NEVER going to reach out to him again. A lot of places I’ve been to recently have reminded me of a time where we were there together, and largely my memories are of me being miserable. It’s funny how you can still love and yearn for someone despite them having made you unhappy. Why won’t my brain register this. I have really low self esteem right now

It’s funny how you can still love and yearn for someone despite them having made you unhappy. Why won’t my brain register this

I could have written this - I know I was unhappy but I can't get beyond the rejection

@Herewegoagain22 yes because its like he doesn't want me to actually move on isn't it!! I think his head has actually gone!

And yes I was also unhappy towards the end also!!! The sooner my brain and heart both understand this the better 👍🏻

wow that was well put, your heart and head both have to understand it

@crochetmonkey74 yep currently my head knows I deserve better but my heart is still saying hang on.. he's your soul mate and all that crap hahaa

Can I join your club?

Post-breakup of a 1.5 year relationship. The beautiful sunshine is reminding me of this time last year. Last march we rapidly moved in together due to lockdown; despite the shitshow of covid, it was a happy, sunny time of cooking, gardening, long walks and being really in love.

Over the last 6 months the relationship degenerated for lots of reasons that I'm still trying to get my head round. He left last month. Wish I could go back to the happy times.

@MMMarmite welcome to our gang. There's something every day that reminds me of happy times, it's tough. It helps me to imagine that he also gets reminded of happy times and it can make him sad too. Even if he doesn't (he probably doesn't because he's a cold hearted bastard).

My ex left on 9th January. I have an unwashed t-shirt of his that I keep beside my bed that still smells of him. It's like a comfort blanket. Even if I'm not sure whether I want him back or not. Pretty sad but you do what you can to get through!

Hello everyone.

Can't stop thinking of the ex tonight. I'm feeling very up and down. One minute I feel ok, the next I'm crying. Can't get my head around it.

Nights are the worst. During the day I can keep myself busy with work but when it hits 6pm I can feel myself dipping in mood. I'm trying to keep busy but it's so difficult in the evening.

I'm thinking of plans for the summer. I need something to focus on, perhaps a holiday or something.

@Hurtandheartbroken123 you're right about the evenings. Work fills the day, DS home from school, dinner cooked and housework done then......nothing. No adult company and loneliness sets in and sets your mind racing. Then the tears come and it's a vicious circle.

I always wake up at like 5am to my thoughts going at 100mph, takes me 30-45 mins of mental torture before I fall back asleep.

At least the nights are getting lighter and lockdown will be lifting soon. We can force ourselves to get out the house and do things.

Thanks @Rodeodown :)

@Hurtandheartbroken123 can you schedule any phone/video calls with friends or family in the evenings? I'm finding calls with old friends really helpful for lifting my mood.

@MMMarmite I am planning on taking up learning French, it gives me something new to do in the evenings after work and I'm planning on scheduling online lessons then so I don't have time to think. It also gives me something new to work towards. I've ordered a course book today and hope to plan an online lesson soon.

Does anyone else ever feel they won't get over it and be happy again?

This might sound a little dramatic so I apologise but it's like my head is telling me this feeling is forever. That I'll never meet another man like him. I have all the classic post break up symptoms, I just feel this is it. This is what I'm going to feel forever.

God I sound pathetic I'm sorry. I know rationally I will one day meet someone new but right now it's like my mind can't compute that fact.

@Hurtandheartbroken123 download the Duolingo app
I think that's what it's called

@Hurtandheartbroken123 yep I feel like im going to feel like this forever

@Hurtandheartbroken123

Does anyone else ever feel they won't get over it and be happy again?

This might sound a little dramatic so I apologise but it's like my head is telling me this feeling is forever. That I'll never meet another man like him. I have all the classic post break up symptoms, I just feel this is it. This is what I'm going to feel forever.

God I sound pathetic I'm sorry. I know rationally I will one day meet someone new but right now it's like my mind can't compute that fact.

Yes, at my worst moments I feel like this- but now 10 weeks on, I occasionally see someone walking along and I think 'ooh he's nice' or I think ' next boyfriend i have I would like him to cook' or little things like that- then I think of my ex and have a cry - but slowly these things will become more bearable- doesn't feel like it now though I know Lots of love to you xxx

@fedup078 yes I have that one downloaded. Thank you though!

@crochetmonkey74 yes I hope soon I can feel it's more bearable. Bloody hard though.

I've been through a few shitty break ups in my life and I always feel like this after so I know I will recover, as I have done with every one before. It's just when you're in the thick of it it's so hard to think you will recover.

Time is the biggest healer and I know at some point in the future I'll be absolutely fine and won't think of him. I know deep down I will heal but it's so difficult to do.