Anyone want to join the breakup club?

[Herewegoagain22]

So today, my partner of 3 years ended things with me. Deep down I know it was for the best (for both of us) but it doesn’t stop it hurting like hell. There genuinely is no going back. It’s just going through this horrible period of looking for his texts, wondering what he’s up to, missing him in general and generally just feeling lost that I can’t stand

@Herewegoagain22 thanks

I’m job hunting at the moment. After over a year of being told I’m not good enough by my ex, to now have it from a load of random employers is turning out to be a bit much to take. I’m sure I’ll develop a thicker skin for it all soon and hopefully I’ll have a positive response to my applications at some point too.

Everyone on this thread is so lovely and it’s nice to have you all to turn to when I need to.

I’m hoping over time there’ll be lots of positive stories of how we all came through it and had better lives at the end.

H has been ringing me a lot saying he misses me etc etc
He has an AA meeting tomorrow apparently, bit too little and too late
I was actually starting to feel sorry for him until he rang me at lunch time on Thursday pissed as a fart

@fedup078 that's rough. My father was an alcoholic, and my mum went through some awful and largely lonely times supporting him. He never managed to beat it in the end. It's incredible how much it can take out of the person trying to support them too. You're not his carer, he needs to do this himself, for himself, not anyone else. Your primary focus should be on you and what sort of life you want and deserve.

I haven't heard from my ex (which is bliss), and helping me make strides forward. If I hadn't of cut contact, I think I would have been in an endless cycle of emotions (more than I am at present!!)

@wow1111 how's things with you after what you found out?

@Herewegoagain22 been in such a strong mood, blocked him and haven't really been bothered but I did a nice boudoir shoot today to boost my confidence and I put the pictures on my laptop and ended up looking through all our photos and now balling my eyes out, just so disappointed in him I really am:(

Joining the club, he was arrested on Friday for DV, part of his bail is no contact apart from arranging contact regarding the children, I am still in the house which I desperately want to keep but it will mean that he needs to pay the mortgage, so we will see.

Mixed emotions about everything as a lot of things have happened over the past year which have severely impacted our relationship (bereavement, job losses, financial worries, COVID etc) and I do believe without those we would still be together, so very sad about losing my future with him.

Ex is back in contact with OW.

I feel like such an idiot. I really believed we could be friends, but what I realise now it that I wanted us to stay friends and I believed he wanted it too. He’s not actually shown any sign that it’s the case, aside from being kind to me. I really need to learn to read people better. I feel like a deluded fool.

@Fate32 welcome to the club. I’m so sorry you’ve had to join us, especially with DV involved.

You’re going to feel a huge mix of emotions through this whole thing, but we’re here to chat to you while you go through them x

Struggling tonight, will someone hold my hand (virtually obviously!)

I miss him, i miss him a lot tonight. I’m not sure why I wasn’t good enough or why his feelings changed. I’m old enough to know it was for the best and we both agreed, but honestly this hurts :(
I can’t text him as we don’t have anything left to say. Anyone got a magic wand for this rubbish feeling?

Hello, please can I join too? 10 days no contact. Didn't end nicely. He asked for no contact and hoped I understood. He slept with someone whilst on a short break from me, then we briefly got back together. I'm sure he has gone back to her. He has since unblocked me, not sure why as he asked for no contact.
Its an awful feeling isn't it.
@Glitterb, no magic wand. The best thing I can think of is distraction or journalling. I go over and over things

@Glitterb I'm here . Sorry you're feeling this way, but if it's any consolation, how you're feeling is completely normal. Stay strong, it will pass (it may rear its ugly head again, but it will go as quickly as it appears). Try to look at the situation objectively and why you were unhappy and remind yourself you are doing the right thing by not making contact. Not reaching out solidifies your value. You got this!

@Herewegoagain22 thank you ☺️ i know it was for the best, we weren’t happy but my brain keeps taking me back to all the good times, it’s hard. I won’t contact him like I said, I wouldn’t know what to or need to say. We broke up fairly amicably and agreed it was for the best. I know he will be struggling as well, however keeping in contact doesn’t help anything. When does it get easier? 😔

@Breakingupbadly72 I’m sorry you are going through the same, but do not let this man back in your life, he sounds horrendous! I have been there with an ex and trust me, not worth it

Hi everyone,

sorry to those having a hard time, best to just keep busy and another day will be over with.

I am doing ok, sort of enjoying the peace and quiet but I hate what has happened as the children are missing him so much and they are so young :-(

@Glitterb, I'm feel so damaged by it all. I started counselling. I feel all consumed by the thoughts and the relationship or whatever it was. I'm not going back, I could never trust him.

I hope everyone is managing OK. Its so tough isn't it, to break that link to them. Even though they are not there or with us there is still that attachment. I just want it to go.

@Breakingupbadly72 take one day at a time, and never think it was your fault. What he did is a reflection on him as a person, don’t forget that!

Last few days have been tough, I need to keep busy though. I did have to fight back the tears this morning as I need a plug changing so took it into work for the lads to sort for me and then just said ‘haven’t you got a boyfriend for this’ i know it will get easier but jeez this is tough!

@Glitterb, I ignored all the red flags because we knew each other from the distant past vaguely. He even admitted to a pattern. He swings from relationship to relationship. Tonight I hate him. I hate I feel this way, when he will be putting on a smiley face with his next victim. He didn't respect me. I'm heart actually hurts that I let someone treat me this way, until I feel I lost most of 'me'.
Yes I know what you mean. I've always been independent and in fact single for the most part of 12 years. I took a chance and got burnt. As I'm getting older, I'd love just a little help and companionship. I know what you mean fighting back the tears. I can't even cry yet, I'm just numb.

I'm going on a date tomorrow

@Breakingupbadly72 don’t let him put you off finding someone else when you are ready, not every man will be this person. You deserve to be happy. I’m not going to lie, his behaviour will leave scars but you will come back stronger from it. Please please make sure you have no contact though!

@wow1111 so exciting! Please keep us updated!

I honestly do not understand men at all. Just reading other people's comments on here and other people's posts, it is so scary how they can do what they do.

Found out my ex had been on tinder so I thought why the hell not get myself out there and have fun. Makes me question why he really left. Did he have this single life intention from the start, has he been influenced or just bored/trying to get over me. Really confuses me but hey ho, I have been doing so much better without him I think it's been a blessing in disguise

So it's 4 months exactly now since my boyfriend of 5 years told me he'd never been in love with me and that was the end. We've been no contact. I was doing really well the last 5 or 6 weeks, no tears, just angry at how I was treated really, yet yesterday and today I'm feeling quite down. This is a man in his late 50s and I was his longest relationship. I know it's irrational but I keep thinking the next woman will be "the one" and it'll all work out nicely for him! I'm disappointed in myself because I was doing so well lately.

@Teatimes2
Wow if that was his longest relationship at his age I really think the problem lies with him and you were unlucky
I doubt he will ever settle down

Ex has told me that OW has finally left her husband and it’s looking likely they’re going to start a relationship. I calmly pointed out that I don’t like her and I don’t like the person he is when he’s around her. He basically knows if anything happens with them then I’ll have nothing to do with him aside from managing stuff to do with the kids and our separation. I feel so sad for my kids as I wanted them to have parents that can still get along.

@wow1111 good luck for your date. I hope
it goes well for you. You’re bringing hope to us all 😊

@wow1111 how did you date go??

How is everyone today? I unblocked him and I'm not sure why, despite my counselling session. Had a brief conversation but feels I'm being rejected all over again. I need to figure why I'm doing this to myself. Its like self harm. Why do I still hold out hope? I'm worried I'm making a fool of myself now. Ugh.

Oh, I've also been asked on a date and although I don't think he is for me, I just think what the hell, ill go anyway

@Breakingupbadly72 just be careful with dating if you are feeling fragile, this could end up making you feel a hell of a lot worse!

I’ve been using the Bloom app, it’s basically CBT and I think it’s fab. Really helping me deal with everything