Anyone want to join the breakup club?

[Herewegoagain22]

So today, my partner of 3 years ended things with me. Deep down I know it was for the best (for both of us) but it doesn’t stop it hurting like hell. There genuinely is no going back. It’s just going through this horrible period of looking for his texts, wondering what he’s up to, missing him in general and generally just feeling lost that I can’t stand

@SorryAboutTheTypos ah that's good
I'm not sure what to look for really
I'm hoping things will pick up soon
Then I can start asking people if they want to go to this or that or go to stuff on my own

I've been at the gym loads and been out walking, watching my calories and physically I feel the best I've ever felt. Emotionally, I still feel shit though 😅. Nothing is helping so I just keep myself to myself. I play sports so I'm regularly at that three times a week too. Seeing people is great at the time, until I come home and then it all comes rushing back. I'm starting to bore myself feeling like this now 😂

Just found out tonight ex has now slept with someone else, even though on Saturday he was telling me he loves me, I'm not doing his dirty work so drove round and posted the marriage certificate from him to sort the divorce and blocked him on everything.. dirty b*ard couldn't even get a divorce before sleeping with someone.. PRICK I am so angry but so proud of myself for not kicking off, I understand he is technically single but not even sorting the divorce and the way he's been acting towards me it's terrible

@wow1111 what a twat!

@wow1111 what a dickhead. I'm so sorry that happened. Good on you for standing strong. Maybe this is the closure you need to finalise everything (physically and emotionally).

@Herewegoagain22
Well done for keeping fit and helping yourself.
There's a recent thread on MN Relationships board,
Unexpected joys of being single posted by Misty9, may help, i.e. the OP on this thread mentions being able to starfish in bed, other posters have mentioned being able to listen to music of their choice, etc, simple things that are better without a partner.

Oh honestly I have lost all respect for him now, he is having absolutely nothing to do with me

I really feel like being single again has hit me this weekend
I don't want him back or even want another relationship but I hate not having anyone to do anything with . I can't believe I'm back here again . I've felt so strong and positive the last 3 months and now I just feel angry and pathetic like I used to before we were together

@fedup078 I think the good weather can emphasise that feeling more when people are out and about together, in beer gardens, posting their photos on social media etc. But don't be too frustrated about feeling like you've taken a few steps back, healing isn't linear. It is completely normal to go forward and back, in fact I did read that around the 4 month mark people can see a shift in their emotions, usually back the way, and they think they're failing in their breakup journey. If anything, it shows you are still moving forwards

@SorryAboutTheTypos

Question for you all, especially those in very long relationships or who were/are married - when you separated, did your in laws reach out to you at all, send any kind of message? When I told my family, they sent a short message to my ex saying they were sorry to hear what had happened, that they wished him happiness in the future and that they were still always there if he needed them. He told his family yesterday and I’ve heard nothing. We were together for 19 years. Am I wrong to be upset they haven’t got in touch or am I expecting too much and what my family did was odd?

Just out of a 22 year relationship and honestly the in laws weren't great. I've decided to keep very low expectations. My sister in law sent a nice message but she knows somewhat in ex's shadow for various reasons so I know it will be hard to keep in touch.

My mum Managed it with her ex in laws; it just all depends on the set up

Absolutely heard nothing from most of my ex family, still extremely close to his nanna , auntie and a few cousins

He's been on again trying to convince me to let him back
He did sort of admit he knows he was out of order and made some mumblings about getting help but I think it's too little too late
I rang the bank to get the ball rolling on taking the house on in my name only

@fedup078 he needs to decide to get help for his own benefit not as a way to win you back. Maybe he will get help and further down the line you may reflect on how far he’s come and decide it’s the right thing to try again (although it doesn’t sound like that’s what you want), but I would be reluctant to suggest getting back together on the basis that he might get help when he’s shown no commitment to it in the past.

I feel so sad this morning, I admire everyone here who’s walking away saying they don’t want another relationship, but I don’t feel like that. I don’t want one right now, but I’d love to find love again one day and I just can’t see that ever happening. I cannot imagine ever being able to trust anyone again, I had a year of being told I was crazy to suspect anything and being told that if I just improved this, that and the other about myself it would change his feelings for me and our marriage could get back on track. I tried to do everything he asked and none it it was ever good enough. I don’t see how I will ever truely believe that someone loves me or ever trust them not to betray me again. I feel so sad that no only has ex destroyed our marriage but I think he’s destroyed my chance of ever finding happiness with someone else.

@SorryAboutTheTypos I'm the exact same, it's just shattered my trust, I gave someone my whole heart and attention and they made me believe they felt the same and then within a day they change their mind and up and leave like I am absolutely worthless, it's the shittest feeling I have ever come across

It makes me laugh how ex also said we tried everything to make it work, like no we never at all, didn't try marriage counselling or having space or actually sitting down and talking about it? It just absolutely blows my mind

@wow1111
I’m sorry to hear you feel the same, it’s just horrible to feel like this.

I wish mine had been more like yours, just upping and leaving. Instead he told me he didn’t love me, but wanted to work on things and then proceeded to list all the things I needed to improve, while he carried on with his affair, telling me all the time there was nothing going on with her and and that he wanted us to work things out. We did try marriage counselling, he just lied the entire time.

@SorryAboutTheTypos oh gosh so sorry to hear that:( are you married? How long you been together? Honestly males have never shocked me so much as they have knowing what my ex has done and reading posts on here

@wow1111 I’ve just reread my comment and I’m worried it comes across as me downplaying what your ex did and I’m absolutely not meaning to do that at all. I’m just angry at mine for how he treated me. What yours did was totally crappy too. I have no idea why either of them couldn’t have been more honest from the start and saved us from all this hurt. I’ve always forgiven my ex for falling in love with someone else, these things happen, but not the way he went about it. We both deserved more respect.

Oh no its fine!! I understand what you mean! And yeah I think that's why I'm so hurt. It's like knowing he's slept with someone else (a few people think he's said it as a lie to get me jealous and for a reaction) which I don't know if that would be worse tbf! Its not the sex, it's the fact he didn't even sort our divorce out first and he's still been leading me to believe that we would work it out haha, this person is not the person who I fell in love with, since he's left me he's started hanging out with people he doesn't like and has changed so much its such a shame to see

I literally cannot stop crying today. I feel utterly broken. I’m worried I’ve bored all my friends and family with my breakup so I don’t want to turn to them again. I can’t stop picturing OW and remembering all the reasons she was preferable to me. I feel so out of control of my life and so unhappy.

@SorryAboutTheTypos sorry you're having such an awful day. These things happen and they come about when you least expect it. Don't be so hard on yourself. It's really unfortunate that it's part of the process. Heartbreak is really shit. I can sympathise about feeling like you've bored your friends though. Mine were never interested to begin with, so I've always dealt with it myself, or on here getting support from all of you lovely people. What are your plans for this weekend? Do you have things to keep you busy?

@Herewegoagain22 thanks

I’ve got an exercise group booked first thing in the morning to make sure I drag myself out of bed. I don’t know anyone there, but it’s nice to be around people as I don’t have any local friends except for my ex. The rest of the day is quiet. I should probably do some work as I wasn’t at all productive today when I needed to be.

I get my kids back on Sunday morning. I always feel lower when they’re with their Dad. I’m used to having them around all the time and not having them here is hard.

Weekends can sometimes be tough. But then so are you...more than you probably realise/feel right now.

Make sure you do things for you, a nice meal and a glass of wine, a walk, some shopping. Just little self care activities can go a long way. You need to be kind to yourself right now. We are all bad for punishing ourselves for things that often we can't control. We're all here if you need to post or want advice etc.

@SorryAboutTheTypos sorry my post below was for you and I forgot to tag!