Anyone want to join the breakup club?

[Herewegoagain22]

So today, my partner of 3 years ended things with me. Deep down I know it was for the best (for both of us) but it doesn’t stop it hurting like hell. There genuinely is no going back. It’s just going through this horrible period of looking for his texts, wondering what he’s up to, missing him in general and generally just feeling lost that I can’t stand

Hi, I’m in please. On day 7 of finding out about my husband’s three and a half year affair with his ‘soul mate’.

My ds is devastated and I’m reeling and sick with shock, trying to untangle a life together. Job hunting etc, solicitors, all for him to pursue his dream

If I never had to see him again, it would be so much easier but my ds is desperate to see him, so he flits in and out while we awkwardly tiptoe around each other. I would love to be rude or blank him but can’t because of our child

Hi @WoodFirTrees @ButterscotchMafia @Scabber and @mcvities. Sorry for the late reply. I'm also really sorry you all had to join this group. But it can be really comforting to know that you aren't going through things alone, and that we're all here if you want any advice or simply just to blurt out how you are feeling to offload. We're all at various stages of our breakup journey which can be really helpful when seeking advice. The majority of the time I got more benefit from this thread than I did from talking to my own friends. We're all here for you, post as and when you need to and remember, please try and take care, it's very easy to neglect your basic needs when you're so hurt and emotionally drained. X

@Herewegoagain22 thank you for starting this thread.

My vent today is that DH is the one who was caught out lying - yet again - but seems to have turned things around on me. We've been NC for days now. It's hard because I would normally be the one one to reach out & try and talk. But I want to break the cycle and set new boundaries this time. He just doesn't seem to care and it's frightening how we've gone from having an every day life together to this.

Trying to be strong and get out, exercise etc. But I'm also checking WhatsApp every 5 mins to see when he was last online. It's not healthy.

Could I join too?

I've done the breaking up, we've gone from cohabiting with our blended family for three years to living apart and then me making the decision to end things. Lots of reasons why.

I'm finding it really difficult, massive changes living on my own with the children, I feel really lonely. My friends are unavailable and I just need to talk to someone about the situation.

I'm at the crying stage, I just want to text him, see him, but I know it's not helpful

@WoodFirTrees that's something I can't fathom either, how it can just go from something to nothing so quickly, and it's like they can just walk off without a care and you're left with the emotional burden.

It's really tough not checking their social media. I blocked my ex for that very reason and it also stopped me from ever feeling the need to reach out during weaker moments. If you can, take a step back and block him on WhatsApp even for a couple of weeks and you will feel the benefit, but it is tough.

@fleapriest welcome! And sorry to hear of your story. You have been really strong to get to this point especially on your own, so you should be really proud. I can sympathise with the 'friends' not being available, and it was a huge let down for me, but I found a lot of strength in myself during that period because I was the only person I could rely on (sounds sad huh).

It's important when you're having weaker moments to remind yourself of all the things that went wrong and what caused you to be unhappy. Write a list in your phone, and read it over when you need to. Sometimes we really need these reminders otherwise our emotions can get the better of us and we can start making decisions based on them and it's not what's for the best. It's our attachments that cause us the most pain - or at least so i realised. You'll get through this, one day at a time. We're here for you x

@ButterscotchMafia
I just read your post, don't despair. I'm divorced and still friends with my ex husband, although we were mortal enemies before, during and in the aftermath of the divorce. When the bitterness subsides, you could be friends again, especially where children are involved. You have probably both gone through too much together not to be friends. Best wishes.

Iv been separated almost 5 months now and I just feel as if I am going backwards. Annoyed with him because he knew I was going out drinking and ended up in the same place as me!! Sometimes we seem to be moving forward then the 'move on quote starts again. Head is fucked.

I'm ready to end my 23-year marriage 🤯

I hate being single when the weather is nice
Don't know what to do so the myself
All my friends are married with families

What's happened @ByTheSea ?

@wow1111 I can't believe he's still being a dick and leaving you hanging after 5 months
I mean this with no disrespect but I think you need to get your big girl pants on and initiate divorce. Take back the power, remove him from your life and move on

Can I join?

My nearly 3 year relationship is over, I’ve tried for nearly a year but things have got worse and not better. If I had a £1 for every weekend ruined or times I’ve balled my eyes in my car. I’m better than this, and I deserve better. I’ve tried so hard because I thought he was the ‘one’ unfortunately it isn’t the case. I know it will get better, it all just feels rubbish, like I should have cut my losses a year ago 😢

@Glitterb I know what you mean
So many times I should have ended it
The last time was a total now or never moment as I was about to plough my inheritance into a new house for us and then he proved he hadn't changed

@fedup078 at least he proved he hadn’t changed before you took the plunge.

God I hate break ups, i thought I wouldn’t have to to through one again! I know time makes everything better and I will be fine but it’s still a rubbish process!

@Glitterb yup
I spent so much of my life single and miserable and thought i didn't have to go through it again
Feels like the last 7 years didn't happen and I'm stuck on a sunny bank holiday getting more and more lonely and wound up like I used to
I'm having to stop myself from posting a self pity attention seeking fb post

@Calmate thank you, that actually gives me hope! I’m sure we’ll be able to be friends at some point I’m just not there yet. Unfortunately as he left he’s more than ready to be friends, and can’t really understand why we can’t...

We’ll get there!

Question for you all, especially those in very long relationships or who were/are married - when you separated, did your in laws reach out to you at all, send any kind of message? When I told my family, they sent a short message to my ex saying they were sorry to hear what had happened, that they wished him happiness in the future and that they were still always there if he needed them. He told his family yesterday and I’ve heard nothing. We were together for 19 years. Am I wrong to be upset they haven’t got in touch or am I expecting too much and what my family did was odd?

@fedup078 no self pity FB posts! You are better than that and you know it. Don’t give someone the satisfaction of knowing how upset you are.
The sun is shining so get out and enjoy it, I know it is easier said than done but honestly you will feel better for it. I had an horrendous breakdown this morning as I drove all the way to B&M to find out I had forgotten my mask so couldn’t go in. I was so mad with myself I cried all the way home then sat in the garden all afternoon enjoying with peace with my little dog.

@Glitterb it would have been more of a plea to friends to ask me to do something , I'd have blocked him from seeing it anyway
I used to do this a lot in the past and my fb memories are full of pathetic posts about how bored I am hoping someone would ask me to do something
Ah that's shit and sounds exactly like something I would do
@SorryAboutTheTypos no they didn't

@fedup078 could you message a few friends and invite them to do something? I know I’m far more likely to respond to someone reaching out privately than then posting a general message on FB. In fact if someone messaged me right now to ask to do something it would absolutely make my day so your friends may well feel the same.

Did you expect your ex’s family to message or do you think I’m expecting too much? I’d be very sad if the didn’t want contact, especially for my nephew as I’ve know him since he was a baby and I’d like to keep in touch as he grows up.

@SorryAboutTheTypos all my friends are married with families and I didn't fancy going through many rebuffs on the slim chance of finding someone who was free
I'm not really arsed about staying in contact with his family so I haven't really thought about it

@fedup078 fair enough. I don’t have any friends close to where I live so I’m in a similar situation. I’ve signed up for some new clubs in the hope of finding some friendly people in at least one of them. I hate walking into things and not knowing anyone so I’m kind of dreading it, but if it works and I make some friends it’ll be worth it.

@SorryAboutTheTypos same
What kind of clubs have you joined?
I downloaded an app for platonic meet ups but nothing is happening at the moment .

@fedup078 I’ve joined a couple of different fitness groups. I figured I might as well try and get myself looking as good as possible while trying to make friends just in case I ever feel brave enough to try and meet someone new (can’t see that happening any time soon, these trust issues aren’t going to go away easily).