Anyone want to join the breakup club?

[Herewegoagain22]

So today, my partner of 3 years ended things with me. Deep down I know it was for the best (for both of us) but it doesn’t stop it hurting like hell. There genuinely is no going back. It’s just going through this horrible period of looking for his texts, wondering what he’s up to, missing him in general and generally just feeling lost that I can’t stand

@crochetmonkey74 those kind of moments are really tough. I had the same kind of physical/emotional reaction as you. I find the quicker you block/remove any possible opportunity to see photos etc really helps. I don't foresee seeing things like that getting easier for a long time. But out of sight definitely helps

6 weeks post breakup and today was the lowest I've been... I rang Samaritans. I am hurt, so angry, still love him but hate him and just couldn't see a way forward. I have just deleted all connections with him and his friends, even I could see my stalking was too much. I mostly cried to the therapist but managed to speak eventually. There is no magic wand to speed up time but I have now a logical plan to get on with my life. It will take time and I have a contact when things get tough. This is shit now so looking forward to next year when the pain subsides. He is still such a barstard.

@Wonderlust2 I'm so sorry you reached that point, it is really awful. You have done the right thing by deleting all contact/avenues of being able to look at what he is doing, it really was the best thing I did. It is almost closure in a way and then you don't need to be on tenterhooks waiting on any correspondence, you can focus on you.

I found out recently that my ex has just bagged himself a very nice shiny new job that pays a hell of ALOT of money. He'll be delighted. Whilst I am pleased for him, it just feels they always walk away onto something bigger and better and we're left to pick up all the pieces. It's shit. But what can we do

Know how you feel herewegoagain22. There never seems to be karma for some. All I can do is try and walk away with some sort of dignity, tho there's not much of that left. Oh and learn to spell bastard correctly lol. See I can joke... just. Take care.

@Wonderlust2 yes you are right. Hold your head up high and walk away, you deserve so much more. Focus on you and with everything starting to open up, hopefully you can see friends, get your hair cut and pampered and feel a little more human. One step at a time. There will always be set backs but we are all made of stern stuff, even if we don't feel like it sometimes x

I’m one year post breakup (happened during first lockdown) ...15 years together! I’m so over him yet feel my life turned upside down, grieving my hopes and dreams. Left with a small child mid life and not knowing where life will take me next. I’m tired of being alone already yet dear the unknown with someone else that I will know nothing about. There are highs and lows.

Ex rang today suddenly very emotional and wanting to come home, saying he loved and missed me etc
It did upset me but when he asked if I missed him I was honest and said no
It's such a shame it didn't work out . But I can't let him worm his way back in

@shemesheli a relationship breakdown is awful at the best of times, let a lot for it to happen during something like lockdown. Have you thought of/tried online dating since? I find it a bit of a minefield, steering clear of it for a while longer.

@fedup078 go you. You are really strong to have done that. You have done the right thing and it sounds like you are putting yourself first. It's so easy to fall back into the vicious circle

Hi, just out of an 8 and a half year relationship of many happy memories, but sadly riddled with a huge lack of attraction for years(my lack of attraction), and i probably should have ended it sooner, it happened a week and a few days ago, and obviously he is more devastated than i am but i am still quite upset, he has tried to get me back a few times because we met up a few times just to clear the air, but after finally telling him yesterday that there is no going back, i feel like i have regressed again and i did feel like i was moving forwards because he told me he was on the same page, i care for him deeply and i do believe we would be great as friends because we do have a lot of fun and laughs, but should I cut contact completely, and hopefully be able to remain friends in the coming months, I cant stop thinking about him because i really want him not to be upset and to find someone who he is truly matched with?

Thankyou for the update OP. My former partner & myself are due to exchange contacts on our shared home on June 9th, I'm moving in with friends for a while. Yesterday, former partner asked if I would agree to pulling out of the house sale ! Talk about a head *@% ! Reason is he has health issues (not related to mental health) and says this changes everything . . . not with me it doesn't. I wouldn't be human if I didn't feel sorry for him, but it's too late to cancel everything. He's made me feel bad though. . . what a player. Thankyou all for sharing.

@Sarz1991 we are all guilty of holding on a little longer than we should. It is obvious you care a lot about him and you want to do the kindest thing for him. Sometimes cutting contact for a while helps both parties take a breather and to see things from a different perspective. Like you say, it doesn't need to be forever, but at least for a little while to allow you both to move towards the stage where you can be friends without one party always remaining 'hopeful' of something more. An ex of mine years ago cut me off, at the time it was tough, but looking back, it was actually the kindest thing for me in the long run, as it jump started my healing process - I hadn't really let go until he took the decision to do that

@MarketingMess that must have really put a spanner in the works. I don't know your situation but it sounds as though you are staying strong and doing what is best for you. Staying with friends should hopefully help ease the situation slightly as you'll have some company and people to talk to.

@Herewegoagain22 thankyou. the last thing I need right now is another row, so I just calmly told him that the trust had gone, as he pushed for a sale 2 years ago, getting valuers in on my birthday, a definite cruel streak.
Sounds like you are being positive too

Herewegoagain22
Yes it’s been a real struggle but I’m good at coping, appearing to the world as if all is ok when it’s not! :-(
Online dating..... it IS a minefield! I met someone I really like and he’s lovely but although we did hit it off in EVERY aspect ....he seems too weighed down & avoidant due to being cautious as he had a traumatic divorce. We seemed to fall for each other and then he pulled away.... So I’m trying to find the strength to play it cool, keep it light and not always be available.... my heart feels tender. It’s not easy and if it doesn’t work out I doubt I will ever try online dating again... Its gruesome and heart wrenching.

I’ve also started to worry that I will weaken and go back to my DC’s father just because of fears of loneliness .... He’s a twat and I will not but there have been moments of weakness this week. Without a child I couldn’t care less about being lonely or not as you have more freedom! Yet with a child it’s just different. Solo parenting is lonely on my side.

@shemesheli yes I also worry I will cave
Not because I miss him but just because I don't feel comfortable enough in myself to be on my own . Feel like I've failed. I've got very low self esteem and being single has always made me feel very vulnerable . Also because it's sad that ds doesn't have his parents together

Fedup078
I can so relate to how your feeling. I frequently grieve for my sons loss :-(((
I have however, take time to focus on some self care, diet, skin regime, new clothes, running when I can force myself to! I look better than I have in years.... Do take the time to do anything that boosts your self esteem. Big hug x

Today has been better... havent rung Samaritans or cried, a miracle. Really helped to offload, I couldn't seem to function at all yesterday. I hope I never get another day like that, I wanted to die. And yes I still think he is a bastard.

@Wonderlust2 ah man I've been there
I know 'time is a healer ' is so cliche but it's said so often because it is true
When I was 20 the 'love of my life' dumped me via aol messenger (showing my age)
Took me 8 years to find someone else I felt even remotely similar about , he ghosted me after banging on about getting married etc. We worked in the same building. It was hell and nearly finished me off.
Now I think I can finally be happy alone . We put too much of our happiness in other peoples hands when they don't deserve it .

I mean I'm only 25 and understand I'm young but I think I just feel like people start to settle down around this age and I'm doing the opposite, I was married and had my lil family, planned my full life and I just feel like such a failure and I'm so scared to start all over again

Hi
Joining in this thread
I am 2 weeks single from a 17 year relationship
2 dc, iam trying to stay positive but struggling with boredom/ loneliness
Any tips???
Unsure about the future and if il ever meet anyone at my age (35)
Hope everyone is doing ok

@Newusertothis
I'm concentrating on sorting the house out to how I want it
I'm 37 and I don't think I want to be in a relationship again I really feel like I'm done this time

Can I join? I've NC but been around for years.

Been together 2 years, known each other a lot longer. Work together but not in the same department. 3 dc between us, none of them are ours together.

Yesterday out of the blue he said he didn't want to live together anymore. Couldn't give a reason except "if it goes wrong I would walk away with nothing". House is rented, so no risk of losing equity or anything. He wanted to stay together but not live together?! But to me that's a backwards step and I wouldn't be happy having some sort of part time relationship, so that's it.

I am absolutely devastated.

@TwoPaperAirplanes
I'm sorry, where there any signs this news was pending? I hope you move on from a cheeky &*$£@ who wants you to stick around "part time" for him. Similar story with me, both wanted the break but he thinks I will stay in touch, no chance, when it's over it's over. Did you get on ok with each others children, and more importantly did the children like each other?

@Carreterra I'm sorry you've got the same situation no signs, we had a minor disagreement that morning about something but it ended up as a disagreement because of his response to me being annoyed by his constant lack of prioritising me (he was 45 mins late for something we had planned to do, and only thought to tell me when he was already half an hour late. Think helping a mate with his car, not something urgent that meant he couldn't call to tell me).

The kids all get on, they're all close in age so play together well for the most part, except the usual sibling bickering. It's completely blindsided me if I'm honest. I thought we were on the same page with future planning but clearly not.