Anyone want to join the breakup club?

[Herewegoagain22]

So today, my partner of 3 years ended things with me. Deep down I know it was for the best (for both of us) but it doesn’t stop it hurting like hell. There genuinely is no going back. It’s just going through this horrible period of looking for his texts, wondering what he’s up to, missing him in general and generally just feeling lost that I can’t stand

Hi @wow1111 DP is dear partner, DC is dear children, people use those to save on typing out the full words.

I’m also having an up and down day, it’s now been a week since ex DP left and whilst the house feels lovely and calm but I’m trying to keep busy and avoid thinking about things too deeply, channeling my inner Scarlett O’Hara with her motto “I’ll think about that tomorrow”

Been to B&Q to try and plan what I need for the house, have to keep busy

Hello all...can I join please?

Just split with my narcissistic, gaslighting, stonewalling (D)P.

He was the perfect man for the first six months of our relationship then he quietly changed into someone that I didn't even recognise.

As with all emotional abusers, he had me clinging to hope and emotional breadcrumbs for months.

I'm left wondering whether he had some kind of breakdown, or whether he was just an arsehole all along?

Deep down. I know I'm better off without him. But sometimes I find it hard to remember that.

I hope you're all doing ok.

Can I join please. 12 days into breakup. 2 very intense years and I loved him so much. He has broken my trust and I am so low. I have completely blocked him and his belongings have gone but the pain is awful. Every day is very long and lonely. I'm trying to think how I can structure my days. Any Ideas?

Welcome @pigsahoy and @Wonderlust2 to our lovely group.

It's still early days for you both and right now is the hardest time. With time it does get better I promise.

Try to keep busy: excercise, walks, work, kids etc but also really take the time to look after yourself: I read, eat well and have lots of long baths and pamper time. You're worth it!

Big hugs to you both

Hello @Wonderlust2 and @pigsahoy. Welcome. Please post in here whenever you need to, we are always here for each other to provide a little support or a virtual shoulder if you need one!

As @ThisTooShallPassOneDay says, it is still early days for you both, and the most important thing to do is focus on you right now. Going no contact, I find, is always the best form of healing, if you can. I also survived the horrible early stages by reading walking LOTS, I also focussed on my house and clearing out lots of crap. Do whatever you can face (and enjoy) but also don’t distract yourself too much as at some point you need work through how you are feeling. It is that fine balance.

We are all in this together x

Ex has been gone almost 3 months now, why do I still think about him 24/7 😫🤯

Thank you for the warm welcome. It's shit to be here but you are very kind.

I'm dreading the weekend as my exH (v good relationship with him) has the kids. I fear it's going to be long and lonely.

How is everyone today?

@wow1111 you were committed to this person. They say our minds tend to hang on to ‘what could have been’ rather than seeing the situation for exactly how it is, and how it’s been for a long time. I have tried to switch my mindset from missing my ex everyday to firmly believing I am better off without him. Doesn’t mean I don’t still think of him every single day. Try not to be too hard on yourself x

This is the worst thing though, apart from maybe being on top of each other a bit too much from like september time, due to living with a family member, we were absolutely amazing!! x

I think thinking about what could’ve or should’ve been is entirely natural, I keep looking around the house thinking of the plans that we had and then trying to pull myself together to think about my new plans but it isn’t easy.

I told people at work yesterday (previously only my manager knew) and clearly I held it together better then I thought last week as apparently people had no idea which actually helped and could mention it without crying to I think that’s progress of a sort?

Dreading the weekend already

I think all you ladies are doing amazingly well in your journey’s. We’re all going to have ups and downs but each day we get through is something to be proud of. I have learned so much about myself during this awful breakup, which i didn’t expect. Hopefully I can use it positively moving forward.

It is my birthday on Sunday and apart from seeing my mum for a few hours, I’ll be spending it alone. I am half expecting a pointless ‘happy birthday’ text from my ex. Not sure what to respond to it if it happens, or whether to even respond at all. It would just feel like he was rubbing salt in my wounds if he did reach out

Morning, I'd like to join and looking for some support to remind myself why I finished my relationship last night. I've barely slept but feeling confident I'm doing the right thing.
Partner (now fiancé) moved in with me start of lockdown last year. We'd been getting on ok after dating for a year before he moved in. Was a bit of a long distance thing as it was an hour's drive on a good day and we stuck to mostly weekends. Fast forward a year down the line. Two bed place which is mine, his 19 year old son is living us full time and have his 11 year old daughter for a long weekend every other. I also have my own grown up kids who have moved out been to uni but live mostly at their dads. I'm increasingly fed up, splitting the bills by half even though often the daughter here so I feel I'm paying for her, his son and him. Son has started paying his own way, but not a lot and earns more than me, to get his daughter he uses my car every other weekend to do a 2 hour journey, he was also using it all the time for a couple of months, which was putting 200 + miles every week, so I stopped that. Daughter often miserable when she's here as she hasn't got her own bedroom, and has to sleep on sofa bed, and means to her mum. My partner lets her sit on the phone all day. Evening are hard as everything we have to put on tv is a 12, so after My long week at work I need to sit and watch crap I'm not interested in. Now my partner tells me he has to work all over weekend 1 x a month, so in effect 1 weekend a month for our time. I kind of was going along with this and now I'm very much resenting it after 2 weekends with his daughter. Can't see things changing and only going to get worse as the stepdaughter gets older. I want different things to him. I'm 50 soon my kids are grown up, I've got savings and I want to see the world etc do fun things with my partner, I do love him as he's mostly a good man, but my life is not going anywhere, hence took the engagement ring off last night and said we're over..
WFH today and he will not be back till later. Feeling a bit anxious as it me plus 2 men here later and when I say I meant it last night, and want him to go I really don't know if he will go without a fuss? Also here to support others it's not just all about me, but wanted to put this down and see what others think?

welcome to you all that have joined recently- I am on a bit of an upswing at the moment, feeling calmer and stronger- and even hopeful in some ways- I am starting to even realise I feel a little better and that I had been quite unhappy and stressed in my relationship. I know I will have a low time again at some point, but I am 11 weeks on now and feeling grateful as it got really dark along the way.

@ktb123 you're doing the right thing, I know it's hard sometimes to see it but it sounds like you are on different paths so ending it now will be better in the the long run

I've just been out to buy diy stuff and paint etc
I'm struggling to know where to start because everything in the house needs doing

I'm looking forward to getting to my caravan next week, bit annoying as ex took everything from it, but I am now seeing it as a new fresh start.. make it super girly (even though I did chose everything last time)! Excited to get stuck in, and enjoy it for the summer!

@wow1111 I'm really having to restrain myself otherwise everything in my house will be pink and rose gold including the front door 😂

@fedup078 hahaha, yes I am the same.. I'm doing my kitchen pink and rose gold, I have to have one little area whats super pink.. and I saw pink plates/bowls etc which were too good to resist!

I am still currently living with a family member at the moment, going to stay here and save until I can buy a house.. I'm just glad I have my own space which I can do whatever with!

Hi thanks @fedup078 completely true. How do you cope when they don't accept it, and say we can make this work ... love is stronger, don't throw this away.. I have made my mind up .. he thinks he will convince me. I said we can talk and I will listen but I don't want this life anymore. He has everything at stake unfortunately and I will look like being the bad guy.

@ktb123 I think you need to set a boundary. If you are certain of your decision, then tell him it's final. Otherwise you're only giving false hope and dragging it out.

But you can't force him to agree or thank you for it. If ending the relationship makes you the 'bad guy' in his eyes, then so be it. You have a right to leave, and he has a right to his own opinion.

Hi all, 12 days no contact and I ache from head to foot and so tired. I thought I was ok, keeping busy and walking but I'm totally exhausted today. Anybody else feel physically drained at this stage. I just want to sleep. Thank you.

@Wonderlust2 good for you for getting out walking, I find it one of the best ways to clear my head, although I’m having a bit of a lazy week so far and haven’t done much. Like you, I am feeling exhausted this week. I think it could be the change in weather/seasons as a lot of people I know are feeling the same, and generally just a bit run down.

Then again, we could have been running on adrenaline for a while to get through our breakup so it could be our body starting to relax!

Wonderlust
I am shattered too, and my saving grace has been early nights- I treat myself by going up at about 7pm and sitting with a cuppa, magazines and some chocolate- I am throwing sleep at the problem and hoping that helps!

I just feel really drained at the moment, I cant wait to be able to see different people and get back to some normality.. been keeping a journal which I haven't wrote in for a while and decided to write my feelings down and read back from the last few weeks.. God missing him today, its like a really weird craving feeling I have and just feel really unsettled

I feel like I need a good cry and an early night, this feels so bad. He was really no good for me and there is no going back, just wish I could feel normal.