Husband says no to everything

[WonderLandWoman]

Fed up... no to chickens, no to buying a family tent, no to a trampoline, no to a digital photo frame.

I have Christmas, inheritance and birthday money saved up...

I just wish my husband would be positive. I don't want to go ahead with any of the above ideas if he's going to moan, or work against me.

I should enjoy buying one of those things with the money I've saved but now I just feel anxious that he'll berate my choice or be really negative about it and make me regret it.

What do you think?

Your money you can do what you want, why do you need validation?

why are you accepting this control ? 🌺

The fact you feel that you need to ask permission even to plant fucking daffodils should tell you all you need to know.

This is not right. Your money. Your choice. Unless it directly impacts him in a negative way, which the chickens could so im with him on that one.
Can you buy your own clothes or do you need his approval for that too?

Do you have a mutual understanding that purchases over X amount should be discussed?

Because a tumble dryer seems entirely reasonable unless it falls above the X threshold in which case he'd want it discussed first?

Or is he just tight with money?

Or is 'no' simply his default response? You could try some reverse psychology if so, phrasing and proposing things in a different way

Of course the other side of the coin:
Is he fearful about debt (does he have any or is he scared of it)?

Does he not feel heard generally so feels he has to put his views forcefully to have them taken into account?

I think he’s a miserable bastard. I would tell him that too.

I just feel anxious that he'll berate my choice or be really negative about it and make me regret it.

This part of your OP really stood out for me, so he'd make you regret it if you went against him. That's really quite sinister. I'd be having a serious think about the future.

Why do you have to ask him? I buy stuff I like all the time. My OH will sometimes say "wow, I can't believe you paid x amount for that" I'll laugh at him then that's the end of it.

Get them anyway

Christ it's so annoying when the LTB bandwagon rolls straight in. Break up your family because he doesn't want to buy chickens!

If Mr Noodle asked me my opinion on any of those things I'd say no to each for perfectly fine reasons. If he bought them without asking me then they're wholly his responsibility and I'm not obligated to be in any way involved with their use or upkeep.

Strongly opinionated?

Fuck. That.

Sorry OP but he sounds awful. What a bloody dementor. Buy all those things you want. Enjoy them. Make memories with the kiddos.

My ex was like this.

Note the ex. I grew tired of living with my 'dad' - having to ask permission like a teenager to do things for my children and him saying 'No'.

I decided I'd rather be alone and make my own choices in life than spent it with a joy sucking dickhead like that. I don't see why any adult would constantly have to ask if they were 'allowed' to have something and the other one gets to decide if they've been a good enough girl.

It's hardly a healthy, adult and equal relationship, is it?

I am blissful happy with Dr No...

without Dr No that should read!

Dr No is looooooooong gone!

@WonderLandWoman

Fed up... no to chickens, no to buying a family tent, no to a trampoline, no to a digital photo frame.

I have Christmas, inheritance and birthday money saved up...

I just wish my husband would be positive. I don't want to go ahead with any of the above ideas if he's going to moan, or work against me.

I should enjoy buying one of those things with the money I've saved but now I just feel anxious that he'll berate my choice or be really negative about it and make me regret it.

What do you think?

Either override his objections, or reverse psychology and try the same when your partner suggests x, y, z,.ect

what do you think?

It's called financial abuse. Causing negative consequences to happen (sulking, having a shitty attitude towards your stuff and you for buying it) is behaviour designed to prevent you spending money (because you've judged the negative consequences aren't worth the hassle). It is manipulative behaviour from him, a form of coercive control, which is a crime now. It's not right. It's not ok. You don't have to put up with it. I don't think you should put up with it.

I dumped a 'no' boyfriend. He used to come around most of the time but I am a 'yes' person and I couldn't live with it.

What does 'berating' and 'hitting the roof' look like in your house? I'm trying to judge if you have no boundaries and are passive or he's a bullying arsehole.

Get rid of the bully and buy whatever you like, in fact go overboard and find someone else to bounce on your trampoline.

Blimey I've just realised that my DH is a bit like this. He doesn't "say no" exactly, just puts an obstacle in front of everything or is negative about it. I haven't planted daffodils even though I wanted to, he just kept putting me off (they're a pain to mow, you'll never get them in that hard ground, a planting tool costs £40 blah blah blah) so I missed my chance every year!

I'd get my own way if I pushed hard enough, I just can't be arsed most of the time. I'm lazy and non-confrontational so if it's of average importance to me, I get a bit passive aggressive until he comes around. If it's really important I just do it.

I just considered paying £13 for a vegetable slicer to make a couple of prep tasks easier - then thought of the response (when's the last time you chopped vegetables, this takes up too much space, what's wrong with a knife, this is shit etc) and didn't bother.

I sympathise - but my DH isn't a monster, he just likes being bloody right and saying I told you so. Try getting tougher!

Is he your dad? You’ve saved up your pocket money and daddy still says no.

Be an adult.

Surely it would be more enjoyable to do things alone - he sounds like he'd suck the fun out of anything.

He sounds diabolical.
Just spend your money on what you want.

Ok going against the grain

Chickens? A lot of work. And they need to be kept in at the moment because of ? bird flu or something. Keeping chickens is a definite thing where the family needs to be on board. My grandparents and other family have chickens. They fuck the grass. You need to keep them safe from foxes. You have to care for them obv. Lot of work in setting up etc.

Why do you want chickens? How big is your garden? Why do you want them?

Trampoline. Great in big garden. Not so great in a smaller one. They're a bit of an eyesore and the grass underneath will die. Again a family decision.

Digital photo Frame ok whatever. I don't like them much. Saying no to that is a bit tight.

Dunno.

I said to DH. 3 things.

Do we need it
Where will we put it
What will gerbil say

I made these when he wanted to buy a 10 foot inflatable dalek.

Have you said why not.

I mean DH is addicted to spending so maybe that's why I have a different POV.

@WonderLandWoman

You say your husband is a strongly Opinated !

I say this is co word for being a Control freak !

Your relantship sounds like he treats you like a child who should not be over indulged.
And he like a control freak parent father figure.!😕

I can amagine his control freak miserable ways will affect other parts of your relantship too op?

Such as its must a bit/lot of a struggle to see him as your romantic/sexual partner cause of his Controlling ways.?
(So sex life will take a nose dive hit etc too.!

My ex was exactly the same. No to everything. Like you, I tried to keep the peace . Any tiny going against his wishes provoked an extreme reaction. I wanted some different pictures on the wall after years of having his. He took all his pictures down in protest. I wanted the veggies in the garden planted in squares instead of rows just to see he stated he wouldn't ever help in the garden again.

I eventually divorced him. Taking other behavioural characteristics into account. I think he's on the autistic scale .
Beast advice is to go ahead anyway with what you want. Sod the repercussions.

@
@WonderLandWoman

You and your husband have weird unhealthy Control (manipulative)freak Parent/child dynamic op.

And its no good for your self Cofindence being undermined so often like this !

Its weird as hell he is mistreating you like this op.!

Does he treat indulge himself whithout your say so then?

Does have constant control over your/family household finances like with a very tight massive grip then op?

His way or the high way attitude about most /everything this is a type of Domestic abuse coercive control you financially op.

Its no good .!