He disclosed my sensitive info

[IwishIwasBrave]

So I am pregnant with a guy, we dont live together. He has 3 children with another woman. This woman is in a new relationship. 2 days ago he went at her house to see his children. An argument kicked off due to him being late few days with child maintenance, which never happened before. She demanded the money. He got angry and told her exactly this "My new girlfriend is pregnant, we are having a baby girl, which you never could have.( She has 6 boys). My girlfriend is a Social Worker and you do fuck all". He then came to visit me and told me all this. I was fuming. I am not even qualified yet, I am student in placement and he discloses info about my job with someone I never saw in my life. Also telling her about my pregnancy,when I want to be out of drama. AIBU to be upset? After all this he said I should keep the baby, he doesn't want anything to do with us.I dont even know how to feel. I also caught him on Dating apps everytime we had an argument. AIBU to think he shouldnt disclose senitive info about my job just to upset his ex?? I am cross, dont know what to think

Well you picked a great prize didn't you. He sounds like really bad news, I'm not sure why you are with him?

you’ve clearly not fought very hard to get maintenance (and contact if appropriate) for your eldest

Well to be fair, there's not much someone can do when a non-resident parent avoids child maintenance, especially if they don't work, or keep changing jobs etc. Likewise you can't force them to see their child regularly or at all if they choose not to.

I just find this situation frustrating given what op's already dealt with re. her eldest child.
Her second child already has a separate, absolute wanker for a "father" and has not even arrived yet.

I hope she will properly sort contraception, cop on to these guys, and take her sweet time with any future partner.

Just to add, not sure why anyone should be having sex with a partner of a month or under without condoms either.

Not sure the term 'unfit' is appropriate in sw practice. Not sure I've read it in a sw report of any kind since I qualified.

This thread is dubious.

Honestly OP, leave this man. Get some distance emotionally from him and then attempt to coparent without a romantic relationship. Focus on you and your children.

He got angry and told her exactly this "My new girlfriend is pregnant, we are having a baby girl, which you never could have.( She has 6 boys). My girlfriend is a Social Worker and you do fuck all".

Jesus, what a knob. Clearly he doesn't know how a baby's sex is decided...

And if you're going to be a social worker, you're going to need much stronger boundaries.

This is not your 'first problem' with your partner if he goes on dating apps whenever you argue!

Far too much drama here, and he just sounds horrible.

Why do all parties in situations like this keep having babies ?

@MrsWindass

Why do all parties in situations like this keep having babies ?

Because only 'perfect people who've never put a foot wrong in their smug lives' use reliable contraception, every time, without fail. According to MN. 😆 'Everyone else', apparently, occasionally gets drunk, or whatever, and in the heat of passion, can't be bothered with it thus don't.

I work in a job that requires me to check the pregnancy status of my clients.

I am stunned at how many stop, go 'Hmm' and reply they could be! I mean, a whole new human life so casually and thoughtlessly conceived.

@user1732578431456

You've described a pattern of previous abusive behaviour from him yet insist it's brand new.

That's why people are questioning.

Social workers don't need to be perfect, they need to be capable of identifying abuse and its dynamics.

Evidently you can't do that and that makes you dangerous to people who need a professional who can recognise the dynamics of abuse, not merely empathise with their difficulties.

Social workers who are oblivious to abusive dynamics until it escalates into someone being hospitalised are not fit to practice.

All of this.

You said: I can't believe that people actually think that being a social worker means being perfect.

I can tell if you're being wilfully disingenuous, obtuse or actually believe that's what people are saying. Nobody is saying a SW should be perfect, far from it. They're saying they should be able to apply good judgement and identify concerning behaviour and abusive behaviour.

You haven't dumped this man, he's blocked you and fucked off. You should be focusing on your studies and your baby, not on why he's such an utter prick and what that means for your relationship. There shouldn't be a relationship other than coparenting and he's made it pretty clear what kind of dad he will be. A shit one.

Unfortunately that means the burdens will fall to you but fortunately it means you probably won't actually have to deal with him that much.

Agree with him that it's over and stop giving him headspace. It's over.

@gaijinetal

I posted this as this is the first time he has done something out of order.

You said you caught him.in dating sites when you had arguments. Plural.

Also this.

This isn't normal, healthy, acceptable behaviour from a partner when you've had a row. You understand that, right?!

This is the kind of poor judgement people are picking up on. You say the incident with telling his ex you're a SW is the first bad thing he's done when he's been on dating sites!!

It’s not the first time he’s done something out of order. The op states in her other thread he isn’t treating her well and doesn’t care about her.

However they were pretty much strangers when she fell pregant. So it was odds on this wasn’t going to work.

She says she’s ashamed, depressed, petrified of being a single parent to two and doesn’t know how she will cope. I think she’s just being defensive on this thread.

Because only 'perfect people who've never put a foot wrong in their smug lives' use reliable contraception, every time, without fail.

I'm very very far from perfect but if I'm.in a new relationship I use condoms until it stands the test of time; at which point I ask to get an sti screen, as I do at the same time. It's not foolproof but the best you can do.

If I thought the condom failed, I'd get the MAP at the chemist asap.

Women I know do similar.

I don't think that's perfect, smug, or anything of the sort.

If you get pregnant by (and continue the pregnancy) with a man you&ve been involved with for a short time and don't really know, you're stacking the odds against yourself that it'll work out.

Of course people can change and relationships can not work out that are long-term, but it's odds on talking about.

How is he a partner (given any definition of the word) after less than 5 months?!

@Bluntness100

It’s not the first time he’s done something out of order. The op states in her other thread he isn’t treating her well and doesn’t care about her.

However they were pretty much strangers when she fell pregant. So it was odds on this wasn’t going to work.

She says she’s ashamed, depressed, petrified of being a single parent to two and doesn’t know how she will cope. I think she’s just being defensive on this thread.

Unfortunately many posters don't go looking around for other threads by an op.

People's responses where not particularly critical of op (only of him) until she claimed her life experience, including this situation, made her a potentially better social worker than one who hadn't had them, which came across poorly for a number of reasons.

@gaijinetal

Because only 'perfect people who've never put a foot wrong in their smug lives' use reliable contraception, every time, without fail.

I'm very very far from perfect but if I'm.in a new relationship I use condoms until it stands the test of time; at which point I ask to get an sti screen, as I do at the same time. It's not foolproof but the best you can do.

If I thought the condom failed, I'd get the MAP at the chemist asap.

Women I know do similar.

I don't think that's perfect, smug, or anything of the sort.

If you get pregnant by (and continue the pregnancy) with a man you&ve been involved with for a short time and don't really know, you're stacking the odds against yourself that it'll work out.

Of course people can change and relationships can not work out that are long-term, but it's odds on talking about.

I agree . I got pregnant young due to a pill mishap and had an abortion . I just knew that was not the life I wanted for me . You have to be proactive in life and look out for yourself .

In any case, op is 17 weeks (?) pregnant and is having this baby, so all contraceptive issues are void until about 22 weeks time; after which op will hopefully learn a lesson from this situation and double up contraception.

Op, he sounds like a shit, destabilising person to have around you and your kids; you've managed before with your eldest and you'll manage again. Set up as much help as you can.

After the initial baby period, having two children had lots of advantages for company, entertainment etc., I wish I had two (h didnt want a second).

Poor kids - what a mess.

I can’t believe this thread, I genuinely can’t. There’s a huge difference between constructive feedback and plain kicking someone whilst they’re down. It’s just turned into a pile on from the same usernames as usual.

@FossilisedFanny

Poor kids - what a mess.

Yup. Not just the new baby, but her existing daughter will be lumbered with him too.

Plus all those vulnerable children OP will encounter if she becomes a social worker. Her bar for what is accepted for children is very, very low.

The issue isn't he told his ex the sex of your baby and your job description.

The issue is that he had 6 kids with this woman and yes uses the new woman to hurt her and make her feel bad.

That because you had an argument he's decided to not be involved.
That when you argue he goes looking for new women to have sex with.

That's the issue

I think going on dating apps after an argument would be enough to boot him never mind everything else.
All this sounds like an episode of Eastenders!

@gaijinetal

Because only 'perfect people who've never put a foot wrong in their smug lives' use reliable contraception, every time, without fail.

I'm very very far from perfect but if I'm.in a new relationship I use condoms until it stands the test of time; at which point I ask to get an sti screen, as I do at the same time. It's not foolproof but the best you can do.

If I thought the condom failed, I'd get the MAP at the chemist asap.

Women I know do similar.

I don't think that's perfect, smug, or anything of the sort.

If you get pregnant by (and continue the pregnancy) with a man you&ve been involved with for a short time and don't really know, you're stacking the odds against yourself that it'll work out.

Of course people can change and relationships can not work out that are long-term, but it's odds on talking about.

I completely agree! Sorry, my sarcasm failed 😂

What I meant was that on MN, if you express amazement or shock at how casually so many seem to fall pregnant with near strangers with no or shonky contraception; you'll get 'Well, aren't you little miss perfect, then? Never having unprotected sex on a whim. Get you!'

The odd responder will agree with you but just about everyone else will admit to unprotected, often drunken sex.

That's where 'all the babies' are coming from!

WTAF am I reading???

Since when do we victim blame on here?? (OP I'm sorry for the victim label) but why the fuck are we battering a young woman for accidentally becoming pregnant with some nob jockey and bringing her career into it?! What the actual hell does thta have to do with out? Do doctors no longer get ill, no? Dentists don't have fillings?

And let's face it, we are all on here cos something has not gone to plan in our lives and we needed a bit of support.

OP, run away from this dick and concentrate on you and your family. He's not worth you or your kids, which I think you know now.
No ones perfect, that's why they're on a problem forum. Take the positive and ignore the negative. Good luck for your future

Social workers do have professional accountability for their relationships. If they are in an abusive relationship, with children and they do not act protectively their practice called be called into question with the Local Authority considering whether they are able to continue in their job, as they are in a position of authority

I completely agree! Sorry, my sarcasm failed 😂

Sorry my sarcasm perception failed :-).