He disclosed my sensitive info

[IwishIwasBrave]

So I am pregnant with a guy, we dont live together. He has 3 children with another woman. This woman is in a new relationship. 2 days ago he went at her house to see his children. An argument kicked off due to him being late few days with child maintenance, which never happened before. She demanded the money. He got angry and told her exactly this "My new girlfriend is pregnant, we are having a baby girl, which you never could have.( She has 6 boys). My girlfriend is a Social Worker and you do fuck all". He then came to visit me and told me all this. I was fuming. I am not even qualified yet, I am student in placement and he discloses info about my job with someone I never saw in my life. Also telling her about my pregnancy,when I want to be out of drama. AIBU to be upset? After all this he said I should keep the baby, he doesn't want anything to do with us.I dont even know how to feel. I also caught him on Dating apps everytime we had an argument. AIBU to think he shouldnt disclose senitive info about my job just to upset his ex?? I am cross, dont know what to think

He's a bully.

This is how he is to women when he's no longer onside with them. That could be you some day.

^This

His ex partner has 6 kids - I am sure she works hard enough looking after them! Nice of him to belittle her. Be careful Op, what goes around, comes around.

Your decision making and critical thinking seems to be all over the shop. I really don't think that puts you in the right place to be assisting others with difficult social care issues.

Pregnant within a month (I get that it happens, I had an unplanned pregnancy early in a relationship myself) but with a guy who already has 3 kids he can't support because he's not working due to lockdown and even leaving that aside he sounds like a real deadbeat...and you're a full time student only in the second year of your degree. So presumably you have no income of your own, he's going to pay next to nothing, and you'll now be struggling to complete your degree with a baby and an older child with no or limited practical or financial contribution from their fathers. You've obviously made your decision but it's certainly not a route I would have chosen for any or all of those reasons.

I think you're focusing on the wrong thing here. He hasn't disclosed anything sensitive about your job. I dont know why you think merely saying you're a Social Worker is sensitive info

That aside from what you've described he sounds awful. Why would you want anything more to do with him. If he wants nothing to do with you or the baby count yourself lucky. Neither of you need him

@gaijinetal

And then there's the implied threat that you are a social worker so therefore could cause difficulties for her and her family should she get mad at him

I agree with this, it was t just about putting her down because she's currently unemployed ... It's about worrying her/feeling superior because he thinks you have power as a social worker.

And he was ok with lying/bending the truth because you're not yet.

He's a bully.

This is how he is to women when he's no longer onside with them. That could be you some day.

When will women realise that separated/divorced men with kids are 95,% no good. If they were, their relationship wouldn't have broken down. How many women want to break up with their partner and father or their kids, especially when they're young? They don't, they put up with so fkg much before they do (or are left by him).
The cases where the woman is truly at fault or cheated are tiny.

You know now he's a boostful, lying, bullying, indiscrete wanker who's late on cm payments to an unemployed woman with a big family to look after.

Good god are you seriously saying that 95% of separated men are no good!? Are you projecting or drunk? What a disgusting generalisation.

You've actually hijacked the thread rambling on with several different posts making up random scenarios in your head, hopefully in the morning when you wake up your posts might make more sense and not be so nasty

Op this is not about the information the guy is saying but his character or lack of it. If he is willing to be nasty to the mother of his first 3 kids he will be nasty to you.

You need to get your life in order, everyone makes mistakes, letting this guy back into your life would be considered one. Everyone has the opportunity to turn things around.

Focus on your kids firstly then focus on college get your life in order so when you do qualify your in the right headspace because at the moment you need to focus on helping you and your child and the child that your bringing into the world.

@VodselForDinner

Do social workers not have to demonstrate probity and fitness to practice? Some seriously questionable decision-making skills here.

OP, you had unprotected with him and it sounds like he’s cheating on you. You need to use protection with him and get tested for STIs, if you haven’t already done so.

how is she not ‘fit to practice’

@Miljea

Sorry, but I think you're not fit to practice as a social worker, currently.

I am always 'up there', in a 'it's a very difficult job that requires balance, patience and maturity' when posters sat 'My SW is shit', but frankly, you demonstrate neither.

I am a HCP as well. I have a duty to uphold professional standards myself; and a duty to report a failure of upholding those standards in others.

You aren't yet qualified. You, of course can turn this around. But be aware, if you allow this chaos to impinge on your professional life, you'll be clocked. Sorry, but true.

another one!

how does OP getting pregnant by a dickhead make her unfit to practice?!

OP there are condoms yno. as far as I can see he’s not disclosed any sensitive info whatsoever?

Is this guy's cock made of gold?

Someone should gift him the snip for V day. His poor ex with 6 DC to raise by herself needs one too.

I posted this as this is the first time he has done something out of order. I understand completely he has tried to upset his ex partner is absolutely wrong, hence why I felt the need to talk about it here.
I really don't understand how the things that happen to me make me "unfit for practice". I got to this point in my degree for a number of reasons, I had tones of assignments, placements where I am being assessed on a continuously basis by professionals who are long qualified and also by the service users. My feedbacks are exceptional so there is no need to bash my capability just because I have a personal life. My pregnancy was not made a secret where I work or in the University, I get encouragement and support from them, as it's not easy to do what I do. I also work as an interpreter and look after my child while studying, and I don't feel at all unfit for practice. I kindly asked people to look at my issue from a personal point of view, not as a characterisation of my professional ability. If I posted on here, it meant I was shocked and disappointed of what had happened. It is also not nice at all people on here telling me I was already a mum, so I basically don't have to have any more children. A woman has the right to decide on motherhood, and I am also a woman, not just a student or a robot. I would like to thank everyone for commenting.

@IwishIwasBrave

I posted this as this is the first time he has done something out of order. I understand completely he has tried to upset his ex partner is absolutely wrong, hence why I felt the need to talk about it here. I really don't understand how the things that happen to me make me "unfit for practice". I got to this point in my degree for a number of reasons, I had tones of assignments, placements where I am being assessed on a continuously basis by professionals who are long qualified and also by the service users. My feedbacks are exceptional so there is no need to bash my capability just because I have a personal life. My pregnancy was not made a secret where I work or in the University, I get encouragement and support from them, as it's not easy to do what I do. I also work as an interpreter and look after my child while studying, and I don't feel at all unfit for practice. I kindly asked people to look at my issue from a personal point of view, not as a characterisation of my professional ability. If I posted on here, it meant I was shocked and disappointed of what had happened. It is also not nice at all people on here telling me I was already a mum, so I basically don't have to have any more children. A woman has the right to decide on motherhood, and I am also a woman, not just a student or a robot. I would like to thank everyone for commenting.

I don’t want to attempt to assess your professional capabilities, but I think there are questions about your judgement. I am an accountant, I think people would expect me to keep my finances in order and if I didn’t it might be reasonable for them to wonder if I am fit to operate as an accountant.

Similarly, your private life is a bit of a mess, two children, unfit or absent fathers, pregnant whilst studying etc. It doesn’t sound like someone that has got their life sorted.

Nobody said you can only have one child. You said and I quote you wanted to “be a mum”, people pointed out that you are already a mum. Therefore talking about being a mum, in the future sense, was inappropriate.

I wouldn’t be upset about that. I’d be upset that the father of your child is a Grade A knob.

If I’m honest op, I really can’t understand why this is the hill you’re choosing to die on when you’re pregnant to a total wanker who wants nothing to do with hou and has blocked you. One who already has six kids and is abusing his ex. Really the fact he told her you were pregnant etc pales into insignificance in comparison to the rest of it.

Data privacy is the least of your concerns here.

@Aprlix, how do you know my eldest child's father is absent? You are too quick to judge. And how does my second child's father unfit? Do you even know what unfit means?

[quote IwishIwasBrave]@Aprlix, how do you know my eldest child's father is absent? You are too quick to judge. And how does my second child's father unfit? Do you even know what unfit means? [/quote]
Well he’s abusive and wants nothing to do with you and your kid snd has blocked you. That spells unfit to most people.

And this is the kind of person about to qualify as a social worker. Fills me with confidence.

I don't use the word unfit with easy, for me or other people. Unfit is a big word with a long assessment period. If I was so quick to call parents unfit, I would be a horrible person, who is judgemental. I would never use the word unfit until solid evidence. Yes, I was blocked, it was a disagreement, but certainly I wouldn't call him unfit as a father. Yes, definitely proud for my chosen career and even more proud I don't go around calling people unfit on an online platform. I can't believe that people actually think that being a social worker means being perfect. If that would be the case, there would be 10 social workers in UK. In my cohort, no one has a perfect life, and definitely there are single parents as well. I'm sorry to say, but I would not feed the people the sentiment that using the word unfit should be done lightly. And this is what makes me convinced I am a good professional. I don't need any more comments, because seems like some people on here think that a social worker has to be perfect. Like that helps people with anything. What matters is understanding and compassion, which are a standard of social work. I'm disappointed that some people expect to be understood but not understand other human beings 🤨

I find it so strange that, as a social worker, you chose to have a child with this man. Such poor judgement, which - as PP have said - does not fill me with confidence about the SW profession.

MrWendell so you actually think I knew all this from the beginning?? It is my first problem I had with him, my pregnancy is 17 weeks, so you're saying I chose this if I would have known. Nice judgement, you wouldn't fish me to judge people in the same way you do with me.

*wish

OP ignore all the utter idiots posting on here. There is NO INFORMATION on here that suggests you are unfit in any way.

You have standards for how others are treated. You are upset as your ex partner bullied his ex partner, using you to do it. That shows empathy and standards.

I am shocked at how dim, and spoiling for a fight, people are on this forum. How ridiculous to believe single motherhood would make you unfit to practice. They should think about the constant criticism overworked social workers face, and be grateful that people do it.

Your daughter will have a lovely sister, and you will be fine without him. Yes, he was really nasty, I agree, and he used you to do it. What a bully.

Child protection social workers do need to be able to assess a famillies insight into their behaviour and whether the family has an awareness of the impact of a chaotic lifestyle on their children.
OP, there is no data protection issue in him saying you are a social worker, although he is not telling the truth as you are a trainee.

It isn't the first time he's done something out of order though is it? You've caught him on dating apps, while you were pregnant. I honestly think you need to take a critical look at some of the decisions you've made here and the reasons you've made those decisions. You come across as intelligent but your life screams chaotic.

Op heres the information we have about the father of your child, he has 3 children and yet was absolutely careless with a one night stand which has resulted in another child. Hes vile to the mother of his 3 children because she pulled him on being late with maintenance. As soon as as you tried to discuss your concerns he blocked you and told you he wants nothing to do with the baby. And you are with him less than 5 months! If he treats his ex like that he will treat you like this.

It sounds like you have decided to give this a go with him based on the pregnancy and now he's going around showing you off like some prized pig trying to rub his exs nose in it? Can you see how childish and disgusting that is? He has no respect for you or her or his children for that matter. Your having a baby with a man who is living week to week on finances who must have no savings if hes late with maintenance and is probably never going to afford to provide housing for the 5 children now in this situation(his 3 and your 2)

Being honest if you do continue with such a man the drama he brings will not only impact your personal life it will impact your professional life plus what happens if she makes a complaint stating that your using your position as a social worker to intimidate her? Not an issue now because your not qualified bit a very real issue in the future.

People are being extremely cruel in some post but what they're trying to say is you need to practice what you preach. Think about the upheaval in your poor daughters life. A new man in her mothers life who if this does work out is bringing 3 step children into the mix and a new baby all in the space of 5 months. That's a huge upheaval for her.

But to answer to your question he didn't reveal any personal information unless it was only you and him that knew you were having a girl? Your not a social worker yet so he just lied about that to her and in the future he will probably use any information he can against his ex and if you become his ex hell probably do the same to you

But, pp, the op is venting. For support. Which is what this forum is for. She's not saying he has done something legally wrong. But morally wrong. Why the criticism?? This forum is full of intelligent professional women who have unfortunately experienced poor treatment. Why single op out like this? How about a bit of support? We would indeed have no sw if it was restricted to people with perfect life stories. She's ditching him anyway, read the thread and remember it is so easy to be smug.