He disclosed my sensitive info

[IwishIwasBrave]

So I am pregnant with a guy, we dont live together. He has 3 children with another woman. This woman is in a new relationship. 2 days ago he went at her house to see his children. An argument kicked off due to him being late few days with child maintenance, which never happened before. She demanded the money. He got angry and told her exactly this "My new girlfriend is pregnant, we are having a baby girl, which you never could have.( She has 6 boys). My girlfriend is a Social Worker and you do fuck all". He then came to visit me and told me all this. I was fuming. I am not even qualified yet, I am student in placement and he discloses info about my job with someone I never saw in my life. Also telling her about my pregnancy,when I want to be out of drama. AIBU to be upset? After all this he said I should keep the baby, he doesn't want anything to do with us.I dont even know how to feel. I also caught him on Dating apps everytime we had an argument. AIBU to think he shouldnt disclose senitive info about my job just to upset his ex?? I am cross, dont know what to think

@RBKB

But, pp, the op is venting. For support. Which is what this forum is for. She's not saying he has done something legally wrong. But morally wrong. Why the criticism?? This forum is full of intelligent professional women who have unfortunately experienced poor treatment. Why single op out like this? How about a bit of support? We would indeed have no sw if it was restricted to people with perfect life stories. She's ditching him anyway, read the thread and remember it is so easy to be smug.

I'm trying to be fair to the op she seems to have a determination to better herself and I am in no way smug about anyones life situation as I've found myself single with 2 kids and a very abusive ex so know how difficult the ops situation is.

Bit the op needs to take control of her life. This man is causing so much drama and dragging her into it. Her focus needs to be on her studies her child and having a healthy pregnancy. Throwing a new relationship in the mix with a man who she doesn't know who has drama with the mother of his 3 kids, who isn't financially stable and is on dating websites at every opportunity is not going to help her.

She is taking control, has come on here for support, and people are questioning her fitness to practice. Nice work, mumsnet. As she says, that is for the professional assessors on her course to decide. Not the above.

So are you still a couple?

OP ignore all the utter idiots posting on here. There is NO INFORMATION on here that suggests you are unfit in any way

😂😂

It’s him peoole are saying is unfit.

Ugh

This sperminator

Is probably off creating baby 8 at this very minute.

@RBKB

But, pp, the op is venting. For support. Which is what this forum is for. She's not saying he has done something legally wrong. But morally wrong. Why the criticism?? This forum is full of intelligent professional women who have unfortunately experienced poor treatment. Why single op out like this? How about a bit of support? We would indeed have no sw if it was restricted to people with perfect life stories. She's ditching him anyway, read the thread and remember it is so easy to be smug.

She didn't actually ditch him, he ditched her (she said he blocked her number).

Op all the best, it sounds like you're a good mum and organised and you'll get through this. Plenty of us allow things in our private lives that we would never want a friend to be subjected to, but for your and your DC's sake, I hope that in future you'll be able to see your worth and not accept this. I do also hope for your clients' sake that you see that his behaviour absolutely does make him an unfit partner and parent, whether or not he would meet that definition for you professionally. I hope you can stay free of him.

I do also hope for your clients' sake that you see that his behaviour absolutely does make him an unfit partner and parent, whether or not he would meet that definition for you professionally

This.

This is what I think people are tying to say. No one was saying the op should have a perfect life, that’s silly and over dramatic, and nor were they saying social workers can’t make mistakes.

In her own life she’s a single mum who got pregnant quickly to an abusive man, pregnant whilst studying, he dumped her, in fact he’s even blocked her and told her he wants nothing to do with her or her baby and is abusive to his ex. And she’s posting saying she doesn’t know what to think. People were hoping her training would help her recognise how unfit he is as a parent, but she’s saying that’s too judgemental and a big statement and it makes the posters saying it horrible people. Which would be concerning if she was supporting clients and advising them the same.

You've described a pattern of previous abusive behaviour from him yet insist it's brand new.

That's why people are questioning.

Social workers don't need to be perfect, they need to be capable of identifying abuse and its dynamics.

Evidently you can't do that and that makes you dangerous to people who need a professional who can recognise the dynamics of abuse, not merely empathise with their difficulties.

Social workers who are oblivious to abusive dynamics until it escalates into someone being hospitalised are not fit to practice.

The op is the one kicking off about her supposedly superior abuse identification skills based on her student status, even as she insists the pattern of abuse she's described is not abuse and does not make someone unfit to be a parent.

Frankly, that's frightening and leads to the kind of dangerous situation other abused women post regularly about on here with social workers completely unable to spot abuse in front of their eyes and therefore leaving children and vulnerable adults at risk.

Of course people aren't just clapping her on.

@RainingBatsAndFrogs

He has 3 other kids He is late paying their maintenance He says horrible things to his ex He uses info about to get at his ex He lies - you are not a social worker, yet. He is immature - flounces when you tell him you are upset with him He goes on dating apps when you argue.

So, you stand no chance of getting much financial help or partnership from him, unless he is v well off (in which case why the hell is he late paying maintenance for his other kids?).

What benefit is this relationship to you?

A case study for the social worker qualifications?

Sorry, low blow, but love honestly? This bloke? This drama? 3 kids he is already letting down.

Boot him as far as you can, and dont ever look back.

Op, you asked a question which people responded to...most answers were, yes you are unreasonable to think the disclosure of your training was sensitive. Then people pointed out you are missing the point...he is clearly toxic and whilst you don't need to be perfect you SHOULD be able to determine abusive behaviour or at least recognise and acknowledge you don't have those skills yet. That is why you are getting a tough time.

Social workers should have awareness of abusive relationships and if you don't have the knowledge yet please get info. The Freedom program was mentioned earlier.

I'm glad this emotionally unhealthy man is out of your life. Our social workers need good judgement so yes you are held to a higher standard in your personal relationships. If it's not a formal requirement for the job it should be.

Good god are you seriously saying that 95% of separated men are no good!? Are you projecting or drunk? What a disgusting generalisation.

In my observation, the vast majority of divorced & separated men with kids (especially young kids) are just, as I've stated in another thread with much agreement) just circulating trash.

There are almost always reasons why they are no longer with their ex partner and mother of their kids; and those reasons are rarely due to unreasonable behaviour, ethics, irresponsibility etc in the part of the mother. It is usually on their part.

I am not projecting, I am married to the father of my child and have been together for years & years.

I do not drink.

It is not a disgusting generalisation, it is an accurate one.

Men are not women, their behaviour in relationships and towards children is in average worse than women. For many of the same reasons that men, at the extreme end of the wedge, make up the vast majority of criminals, of violent crime offenders, of sex offenders etc.

There are of course men who end up divorced and separated with (small) kids for genuine reasons, I know a few; but they are in the minority.

If you meet a man in ops (ex?) Bf's situation, you need to be very careful about why he's in that situation - and take his reasons for the breakdown of his the relationship with the mother of his kids with a hefty dose of salt. He is now proving exactly why you should (rather than risking pregnancy with him).

Instead there's a fourth innocent child fathered by this wanker.

I posted this as this is the first time he has done something out of order.

You said you caught him.in dating sites when you had arguments. Plural.

Yes this is what people are trying to say, social work is not just about empathy and compassion. It is also about being able to identify abuse, to make that judgement call and understand the steps that need to be taken,

Not only is the op showing she’s unable to do that, she’s also arguing she’d never do such a thing, as it’s judgemental and horrible.

If she was saying, I know this is abuse, and I know what I should do, as I’d advise others, but I just can’t bring myself to do it, that would be different.

But she’s not. She’s telling posters they are horrible judgmental people who shouldn’t be saying such a thing about this piece of shit.

This guys in there putting the mother of his kids down. Telling her the op is better. Breaking the ops trust. Then blocking the op and telling her he wants nothing to do with her or his child. Going on dating sites to taunt her when they argue. And she’s giving it “I don’t know what to think”

*He is now proving exactly why you should

In fact he was proving exactly why you should be wary & take his explanation of the breakdown of the relationship with the mother of his 3 existing children with a hefty dose of salt ... Before this episode; when he was caught going on dating sites looking for another woman when he argued with you.

(And what were the arguments about?)

Going on dating sites to taunt her when they argue

I wouldn't even presume it was to taunt op.

People like him are capable of thinking "fuck this bitch, this isn't working, I'll get myself another one, I'll go elsewhere".

My god, the drama...

OP ignore the vile people on this thread. I’m sure you will make a good professional. A lot of people posting seem to have MH and/or other issues themselves and are out to cause maximum upset to you. You’ll probably be meeting them while doing your job!

That being said, the guy sounds like bad news from the info you gave so far. I know things can be said in anger and regretted later but this doesn’t seem to be the case here.

You've actually hijacked the thread rambling on with several different posts making up random scenarios in your head

Yeah, sure.

Given numerous other posters have said pretty much exactly what I've said since - where was the hijacking.

Op was spinning this situation as beneficial for her fledgling career as a social work, and in the same vein saying social workers having "linear perfect life" is detrimental to their quality (as a social worker).

Self serving and not indicative that she is truly seeing or learning from this situation, which impacts herself and more importantly her children.

On dear. You've got a real Prince there op.
So what now? If you continue with your pregnancy you know full well you will be a single parent. This man has shown you who he is. He is quite prepared to walk out on you and his child. He doesn't pay maintenance on time for his children so don't expect any financial support there. There is no excuse for this. He should go without first before his own children do.
Not only is he feckless and irresponsible but he is also thick. It is his 'fault' that he didn't produce a female child although he has already told you be doesn't really want a girl does he, he's out.
He is a nasty piece of work who isn't fit to be a father.
Sadly I very much doubt that you will be the last woman to get pregnant to him.

(It's also derogatory to social workers who haven't made poor decisions, but are decent social workers).

[quote IwishIwasBrave]@Aprlix, how do you know my eldest child's father is absent? You are too quick to judge. And how does my second child's father unfit? Do you even know what unfit means? [/quote]
You’ve posted elsewhere that your eldest’s father “isn’t always available and doesn’t pay maintenance”.

I’m amazed that a clearly intelligent woman would have sex without protection against STIs with a guy she barely knew (you say elsewhere you were pregnant within the month).

Please learn from this OP. Your OP focuses on all the wrong things. It doesn’t matter what he told his ex. He’s a horrible person, you’ve clearly not fought very hard to get maintenance (and contact if appropriate) for your eldest and are now rolling over and accepting the same for your youngest before they’re even half cooked. I find that really sad.

I think thr ops trying to portray something better than it is. Obviously her other thread paints a very different picture.

@Ideasplease322

The most worrying part of this thread is if you qualify you will be a social worker.

This :(

A lot of people posting seem to have MH and/or other issues themselves and are out to cause maximum upset to you.

A lot of people posting seem to have frustration and concern that you have fallen pregnant accidentally by a separated Dad of three kids within a month (?) who you've caught on dating sites, who gets into arguments about not paying child maintenance when he breaks the news to his ex partner & mother of his kids (and possibly his kids themselves?) that he's having another child in the most casual, abrupt way (and also in the cruellest way he thinks he can), is indiscrete about info about his new partner (with the intention of intimidating and putting down the mother of his kids) .. and who when challenged has now cut you off and says he wants nothing to do with you or your unborn child ....

And are perturbed that you seem to be saying you think it's actually a good thing that will make you a better social worker than one who hasn't gotten into a situation like this ... And appear to have little thought for the impact on all the kids in this situation (through no choice of their own) especially your own.

There, fixed that for you.