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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

He disclosed my sensitive info

158 replies

IwishIwasBrave · 12/02/2021 16:38

So I am pregnant with a guy, we dont live together. He has 3 children with another woman. This woman is in a new relationship. 2 days ago he went at her house to see his children. An argument kicked off due to him being late few days with child maintenance, which never happened before. She demanded the money. He got angry and told her exactly this "My new girlfriend is pregnant, we are having a baby girl, which you never could have.( She has 6 boys). My girlfriend is a Social Worker and you do fuck all". He then came to visit me and told me all this. I was fuming. I am not even qualified yet, I am student in placement and he discloses info about my job with someone I never saw in my life. Also telling her about my pregnancy,when I want to be out of drama. AIBU to be upset? After all this he said I should keep the baby, he doesn't want anything to do with us.I dont even know how to feel. I also caught him on Dating apps everytime we had an argument. AIBU to think he shouldnt disclose senitive info about my job just to upset his ex?? I am cross, dont know what to think

OP posts:

BumBurnerBum · 12/02/2021 17:24

You are focussing on the wrong issue.

Odd.

RainingBatsAndFrogs · 12/02/2021 17:24

You are right - telling her you could have a girl and she couldn't, and that you are training for a professional role and she is unemployed is horrible behaviour.

pooopypants · 12/02/2021 17:26

You have bigger problems here OP.

I've seen one reply about this but he does realise that the baby's sex is determined by the sperm, no?

He sounds like a massive cunt and you're better off without the headache. 6 kids by one poor woman who he's fucked off and verbally abusive to? And then you wonder why you're where you are?

gaijinetal · 12/02/2021 17:27

we are having a baby girl, which you never could have.( She has 6 boys).

What an absolute dickhead.

Is he a reverse Henry the 8th?

Shaming/rubbing it in the face of a woman for not being able to have a daughter ... When it's the sperm that dictates whether it's a boy or girl.

What does the gender of your baby matter at all, he doesn't need to mention it, other than to be nasty.

Also until.the baby is born and his child maintenance payments are recalculated; it's totally irrelevant that you're pregnant. He could give her a heads up that her cm payments might be affected - so she can figure out if she can make up any shortfall when the baby is born ...
But that's not what he was doing at all, was it.

He was annoyed because she - rightly - was chasing him about his late child maintenance payment, and all he did was try to make her feel bad, out her down and essentially go "nah nah nah" like a child "I'm having a baby and it's a girl,you couldn't get a girl"...
"My gf's a social worker" ... And you're not even yet.

So he's a liar/exaggerator too.

I can't think why his relationship with his kids mother broke down - he seems so mature, reasonable and well-adjusted.

Bet it's not the first time his cm payments have been late either - he doesn't sound like the sort of person you could trust to be completely honest.

DianaT1969 · 12/02/2021 17:27

OP, you have life sussed. It all sounds great. He's lovely. His ex is lovely. You already have children but wanted to 'be a mother'. So that makes sense.
You already know it's a girl at 17 weeks. Aren't those scans amazing!
So he talks about you to his ex. In your golden life with this man as a dad, it's a small price.to pay. Can I suggest you remove yourself from social media, stop listening to him, and rock on with it?

pooopypants · 12/02/2021 17:27

ETA : what's sensitive about that fact that you're pregnant / having a girl? The fact that he said you're a social worker isn't sensitive - it's untrue. You're not yet qualified so that part is a lie.

Suzi888 · 12/02/2021 17:33

Your little girl will be far better off without this abusive man in her life.

gaijinetal · 12/02/2021 17:35

And then there's the implied threat that you are a social worker so therefore could cause difficulties for her and her family should she get mad at him

I agree with this, it was t just about putting her down because she's currently unemployed ... It's about worrying her/feeling superior because he thinks you have power as a social worker.

And he was ok with lying/bending the truth because you're not yet.

He's a bully.

This is how he is to women when he's no longer onside with them. That could be you some day.

When will women realise that separated/divorced men with kids are 95,% no good. If they were, their relationship wouldn't have broken down. How many women want to break up with their partner and father or their kids, especially when they're young? They don't, they put up with so fkg much before they do (or are left by him).
The cases where the woman is truly at fault or cheated are tiny.

You know now he's a boostful, lying, bullying, indiscrete wanker who's late on cm payments to an unemployed woman with a big family to look after.

Onjnmoeiejducwoapy · 12/02/2021 17:36

OP you’re training to be a social worker so surely you know better than most of us what dysfunctional relationships look like and the impact they have.

gaijinetal · 12/02/2021 17:39

These guys are always "we just couldn't get on, she's a bitch blah blah".

It you found out why they couldn't get on - from a source other than him - you'd know why he's kicking around single, with a pile of kids he's no longer living with full time.

Ideasplease322 · 12/02/2021 17:40

The most worrying part of this thread is if you qualify you will be a social worker.

Eckhart · 12/02/2021 17:40

What do you mean, you don't know what to think? He's not exactly keeping his bad points on the sly, is he. Everything you said about him was awful.

gaijinetal · 12/02/2021 17:41

I also caught him on Dating apps everytime we had an argument.

Didn't even see this the first time.

I rest my case.

Sheepies · 12/02/2021 17:42

He sounds horrendous, and you aren't a social worker anyway, you are a student, so curious what you consider personal info? He was an arse the way he spoke to his ex, but it's his child as well and he will always be linked to his ex, do you really expect him not to ever mention your child?

Theunamedcat · 12/02/2021 17:43

Have you thought about doing the freedom programme?

FYI always double your protection especially with a feckless fertiliser

gaijinetal · 12/02/2021 17:44

I'm glad his ex met someone else - I hope he's better than this guy.

I hope you meet someone better eventually too.

WitchesBritchesPumpkinPants · 12/02/2021 17:50

@Ideasplease322

The most worrying part of this thread is if you qualify you will be a social worker.

Yep!!

Original poster

IwishIwasBrave · 12/02/2021 17:51

Someone on here said that the most worrying part of this thread is that if I qualify, I will be a social worker. May I remind her that I am a human being, and my life story doesn't make me less capable to perform in my career, it makes me understand more the people I work with. I just wanted to get this off my chest, I don't really talk about my problems with people around me. Another thing to add is that another lady commented that I have children, but I wanted to become a mother. I only have 1 other daughter. I'm not in to upsetting people, but I kindly ask who comments this post, to be considerate, I am human too, and I make mistakes.

OP posts:

Coffeeandcocopops · 12/02/2021 17:53

He sounds like a dream. Which dating app is he on - so that I can avoid him. Get rid.

NotMyPremium · 12/02/2021 17:58

So when did you find out you were having a girl? Isn't that usually disclosed at the 20 week scan?

Original poster

IwishIwasBrave · 12/02/2021 17:59

@notmypremoum I went for a private early scan and I know it's a girl since the beginning of feb.

OP posts:

Theunamedcat · 12/02/2021 18:00

@IwishIwasBrave

You should remember the whole being human and making mistakes thing if/when you become a social worker but unless you practice better life choices you will forever have drama and issues from this "man"

Nicolastuffedone · 12/02/2021 18:01

Well, with a bit of luck you have lost your unborn daughters father. I’ll keep my fingers crossed for her......

DianaT1969 · 12/02/2021 18:04

OP, what was that comment about? That when you realised you were pregnant with this dream of a man's baby after a one night stand, you went ahead with the pregnancy because you wanted to be a mother? Fair enough, but you already were a mother
You fell pregnant while 'on the patch'. Condoms are good for protecting against STIs.

litterbird · 12/02/2021 18:05

Good job he's gone OP. Now to figure out your life with a young baby with no support from the father and another child whilst studying to be a social worker. This is totally your choice to continue on this path but as long as you stay away from this man and make better choices you will be ok. I would stay away from relationships for a while.

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