He disclosed my sensitive info

[IwishIwasBrave]

So I am pregnant with a guy, we dont live together. He has 3 children with another woman. This woman is in a new relationship. 2 days ago he went at her house to see his children. An argument kicked off due to him being late few days with child maintenance, which never happened before. She demanded the money. He got angry and told her exactly this "My new girlfriend is pregnant, we are having a baby girl, which you never could have.( She has 6 boys). My girlfriend is a Social Worker and you do fuck all". He then came to visit me and told me all this. I was fuming. I am not even qualified yet, I am student in placement and he discloses info about my job with someone I never saw in my life. Also telling her about my pregnancy,when I want to be out of drama. AIBU to be upset? After all this he said I should keep the baby, he doesn't want anything to do with us.I dont even know how to feel. I also caught him on Dating apps everytime we had an argument. AIBU to think he shouldnt disclose senitive info about my job just to upset his ex?? I am cross, dont know what to think

He's malicious and stroppy.

Prepare yourself because this is likely exactly the treatment you will get when you cross him. You can tell a lot about someone by how they deal with conflict. He's blocked your number?? Waste of space. I think there will be less drama on your own.

From now on i would double up contraception.

A separated guy with three kids, who you caught on dating sites when you had arguments, and who you don't live with .. wasn't a great bet for father to your second child, and is proving that.

You were presumably a single Mum to your first child before you met him so your child has had to deal with their parents splitting (if they were aware of it) and now a imminent younger sibling by a man who comes and goes from their home, and (if their mother has any sense) will not be a full-time, permanent fixture.

He'll turn on you one day, when he no longer thinks your worthy enough to 'show off'. He sounds very disrespectful.

It always seems a cruel joke that mother nature gives these arsehole men super sperm as well. Please see how he is treating the other mother of his children and understand this is how you will be treated soon enough. Just go it alone otherwise your daughters will grow up thinking he is a catch 🙈

I mean this in the kindest way but you really need to put your studies and career first. This guy is no good. He could cause you to lose your job if this behaviour is anything to go by. You need to cut him out and have nothing to do with him. He told the mother of 6 boys she does nothing!! I have a third as many kids and I am broken/exhausted! She’s a flipping superhero to deal with 6 boys on her own plus late child maintenance. What a pig this guy is. Dump please.

So you’re unexpectedly pregnant in the middle of a degree by a guy who already has three kids and a messy past relationship and doesn’t look likely to stick around? Op think with your head now, you need to think of yourself and your children, not what he’s saying to his ex. It’s just unnecessary drama and doesn’t matter. Concentrate on the important issues ahead.

OP you are really focusing on the wrong issues here. He didn’t disclose any sensitive information and even if he had, it would still not be my primary concern.

Those are his facts and he can do with them what he wants. He did get a woman pregnant and she is studying in a certain field.

He is also an absolutely horrible human being and you should make the decision to minimize his influence on your life as much as possible given your current situation.

@IwishIwasBrave I understand why you’re so upset. He’s dragged you into their drama when you absolutely didn’t want that. I get it, I’d be bloody furious too.
I think you’re going to have to be very careful with him and all his drama in the future. You’ll need very clear boundaries so that him and his acrimonious relationships don’t impact on your family and your career. Good luck with your studies. I work with child protection social workers and I’m full of admiration. Not an easy job

@Aminuts23 Thank you so much for understanding my point and for all the encouragement. I love my chosen career and you are right, it is not easy, but it's rewarding in so many levels. I will look at my life experience as benefic in my ability to understand more people. I do believe that social workers should have life experiences that strengthen their ability to be non judgemental and see the bigger picture. I think it would be detrimental to meet a social worker who had a perfect linear life and who doesn't understand how some people might feel in certain situations. I am in the fostering and adoption team, and I also took on projects within the asylum seekers team. I wish you all the best and thank you again for understanding.

He's so stupid, on so many levels.

@IwishIwasBrave I’m a children panel solicitor so we move in the same circles.
And I agree with everything you say. Very true x

How does having this baby as a single parent fit in with your career plans, especially as you are still in training?

I do believe that social workers should have life experiences that strengthen their ability to be non judgemental and see the bigger picture. I think it would be detrimental to meet a social worker who had a perfect linear life and who doesn't understand how some people might feel in certain situations.

Social workers are not going to have experienced every issue that their clients go through though, are they. And they shouldn't have to have. There are things like empathy and judgement through experience.

It's actually also quite dismissive and prejudiced against people who've had what you perceive as a "perfect linear life" : either through luck or through good decision or whatever, to presume they would not be as good social workers.

I have no idea of the circumstances around the breakdown of the relationship with the father of your eldest child, nor their age, not how quickly you got into a relationship with this sterling character of a man, nor how quickly you got pregnant accidentally by this man; all we know is that you weren't using condoms with him, which would've protected you against STDs as well as double protection against pregnancy, and continued the pregnancy inspire of knowing that he's a separated dad of 3 kids (how old?) which should raise a slight alarm as to what exactly happened that his ex would rather raise 6 kids as a resident parent than have him around (or had no choice but to, which doesn't reflect any better on him) and that you were catching him in dating sites. Not sure if that happened after you fell pregnant and decided to continue the pregnancy. He's also presumably been visiting your home, introduced to your eldest, and if you don't continue the relationship (which I think most posters here think you'd be wise not to) will now be out of their life - except as a younger sibling&s das who'll be coming and going/on the fringes .. and probably as disruptive a d as poor an influence as he is on his older kids' family.

There's a lot there; writing it off as beneficial to your intended career is not doing your or your kids any favours.

*you or your kids.

Oh and I'm sure he laid down the "my ex is a psycho bitch" line - but anyone should take that with a pinch of salt, especially when he managed to have three children with her (one would think he'd out a condom on after the first "accident" if she was all that bad) and especially when you're a Mum and have been through a relationship/family breakdown.

Given schools are off, were his children actually party to (or even just able to hear) this "argument" about him being late on their child maintenance .. is that how he actually broke it to them that they're going to have a new sibling??

During an argument with their Mum while maliciously telling her she "couldn't" have a daughter and he was going to, slagging her off for not working - while she raises them and their half siblings.

If they heard a word of it, he's just the scum of the fkg earth, he doesn't care about their feelings at all.

So the question is, was he wrong to tell the mother of his children what the other mother of his forthcoming child does for a job? Well obviously no. They will be half siblings. You need to operate as a broader family.

I gather from your other posts that you don’t want us to comment on your wider lifestyle and professional choices so I will refrain.

Do social workers not have to demonstrate probity and fitness to practice? Some seriously questionable decision-making skills here.

OP, you had unprotected with him and it sounds like he’s cheating on you. You need to use protection with him and get tested for STIs, if you haven’t already done so.

was he wrong to tell the mother of his children what the other mother of his forthcoming child does for a job? Well obviously no.

Cause he told her in a neutral, informative way, right. With no context or agenda.

It wasn't counter poised by saying the mother of his children does "nothing".

It wasnt in the context of an argument about his child maintenance to her being late.

Incidentally it's not her job - yet. He told her she's a social worker, and she's not (yet).

It sounds like you’ve been dragged into this mess through no fault of your own and are just trying to make sense of it by talking it out with people? I’m not sure why that means you won’t be a capable and reliable social worker?

I’d examine boundaries a little more and shore yours up ASAP otherwise you’ll find yourself dragged into this mans nonsense over and over again.

Sorry, but I think you're not fit to practice as a social worker, currently.

I am always 'up there', in a 'it's a very difficult job that requires balance, patience and maturity' when posters sat 'My SW is shit', but frankly, you demonstrate neither.

I am a HCP as well. I have a duty to uphold professional standards myself; and a duty to report a failure of upholding those standards in others.

You aren't yet qualified. You, of course can turn this around. But be aware, if you allow this chaos to impinge on your professional life, you'll be clocked. Sorry, but true.

He got angry and told her exactly this "My new girlfriend is pregnant, we are having a baby girl, which you never could have.

I also caught him on Dating apps everytime we had an argument.

After all this he said I should keep the baby, he doesn't want anything to do with us.

Your boyfriend is a cunt who thinks women should do what they are told and doesn't see them as equals.

And based on what he said about the sex of the baby, that she can't have a girl... he's a fucking idiot too.

Is that someone you want to be with? Really?