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Original poster

Fucking men!

422 replies

StoryOfMyFuckingLife · 09/02/2021 04:50

I am 46. I'm about a stone overweight. I'm atractive enough but no one is going to offer me a modelling contract. I'm single. I'm always fucking single or just about to make myself single again.

In the past 5 years, I've dated two men. Both for less than a year and both I dumped for crimes against respect and decency.

In the past 5 years alone, I've lost a friendship group because one of the married men in it made a really obvious play for me, was far too attentive, giddy when I was nearby and i ended up withdrawing from the group because I didn't like it and it was, quite frankly, embarrassing. I didn't fall out with anyone because I did nothing wrong but friendships dwindled once i started avoiding group stuff because of it.

I've lost another close male friend (he was married and I was close to his wife too) because, after making a pass at me when she was out of the room on one occasion and me rejecting him, he later contacted me to tell me he was in love with me Hmm which means I've lost her too.

I could have lost another friend because her husband 'developed feelings' for me - he actually told her he'd fallen in love with me Hmm. Fortunately, she is the most amazing woman ever and told me at the time that he was an idiot but she couldn't bear to lose me as a friend. We worked really hard on saving our friendship. They worked things out and it's now like that blip never happened (fortunately).

I've moved on, i've made new friends... every time it happens, i move on and make new friends. And it just happens again.

I dated someone for a few months last year (the second of the two men). I met him through friends. So we have mutual friends/acquaintances in common. Three couples mainly although the wife of one doesn't socialise much with us and has her own friends.

Of the three men... two of the three have made it known for a while that, if I were interested, they would be too. They've both declared love Hmm

The third? Well I don't know him well. He's socially awkward, quiet and a bit irascible. And then, tonight, he messaged me to say he was sorry to hear that the his friend and I had split up (4 months ago!) He's never seemed particularly interested in getting to know me or talking to me so i was surprised at his sudden friendliness...

You know where this is going...

Just pisses me off and makes me feel really sad. I know that none of these men are actually interested in me. Of these four men, one I was seeing but he never thought I was good enough for him because I'm not 28 and hot. And the other three are in relationships telling me how attractive I am and how much they fancy me.

Of all the men who have declared love to me over the past 10 years, I haven't been in a relationship with any of them and none of them have been single.

It's just fucking shit.

What is fucking wrong with them??

OP posts:
Monty27 · 09/02/2021 06:22

My best female friends know me and so do their partners. There's no messing around and that's why we're good friends.
I've had shit partners of friends coming on to me and in those circumstances I've backed away from both.
Not my problem no siree!

Original poster
StoryOfMyFuckingLife · 09/02/2021 06:24

Dia12

I don't mean to be snippy, I'm just fed up with it.

It's hard. At my age, the single women I know are either very much involved with caring for elderly parents, grandchildren or both. I've tried cultivating friendships with them but they must dont have the time or mental capacity. Its nice to meet for coffee (or it was!) but I've not developed true friendships with them.

Or they still have young children themselves and don't have much time to go out or meet up.

Or they're single and working in careers that dont allow a lot of down time.

Or they're single and want to drink prosecco and talk about men.

Two of the women I've mentioned have been friends for years. Their friendship largely revolves around seeing live bands and that mind of thing. As far as I know, their respective partners have never hit on the other so it isn't that that is always an issue.

I like the individual too. I like the women. I don't want to restrict myself to only knowing single women.

It's just shit.

OP posts:
Backtoblack1 · 09/02/2021 06:27

The married men are bored and see you as ‘available’. Which you are not (to them). It doesn’t matter if you wear a skater dress or thong bikini. I’m single and 45 - a skater dress is the most flattering dress for my body shape so that’s what I wear too.

The men need to grow up tbh.

Eekay · 09/02/2021 06:28

@StoryOfMyFuckingLife you're not the problem. The bloody married men are the problem.
I commented on another thread about three different married men trying it on with me over the years - and I'M married myself! Plus they were each friends with my husband at the time Hmm
There are a lot of the fuckers around.
Wouldn't matter if you were wearing a nun's habit with a visible case of smallpox for some blokes.
I honestly do sympathise. I've lost friendships too because how do you stay friendly with a woman knowing that she's devoted to a bloke who tried to feel you up. Or even said something like "I can't stop thinking about you"
WTAF. Sigh.

duckalemon · 09/02/2021 06:29

@mumieone a woman can wear what she wants but why do marry men feel it's ok to proposition her because she wears sexy clothes? They're in committed relationships

Secondly: tart? Urgh

GCAcademic · 09/02/2021 06:29

Well done MN.

One page in, and so far two posters blaming the OP’s dress sense, and another blaming her for having friendships with people who are married.

Have a word with yourselves.

Original poster
StoryOfMyFuckingLife · 09/02/2021 06:37

These guys who are hitting on you, they want an affair, and you are to hand, so to speak. They are probably propositioning every likely contender in their circle, and the false declarations of love are to get you interested

Oh I'm under no illusions about any of that. I know it's because they see me as available and probably a bit vulnerable and possibly desperate... It just pisses me off.

I know some of them will be hitting on anything with tits that breathes but a few have really upset me because they weren't like that at all. One was a devoted family man whose wife trusted him completely and another, I even had other members of the friendship group encouraging me to take it further because his marriage was dead in the water anyway and he was such a lovely man... they were right about his marriage. Everyone knew and his wife never socialised with us but that was hardly relevant!

OP posts:
Original poster
StoryOfMyFuckingLife · 09/02/2021 06:44

I've lost friendships too because how do you stay friendly with a woman knowing that she's devoted to a bloke who tried to feel you up.

Quite. In one case, we were family friends. My children were friends with their children. I was married when we met and they were a huge support to me when I separated. What was i supposed to do? Cut them off because i was no longer in a couple? Was my family invalid for family friendships because it only had one adult.in it?

OP posts:
ChonkyChook · 09/02/2021 06:47

It's men. Not you.

They assume the single woman in the group must be desperately single and oh aren't you just so longing for one of these amazing husbands, also as you won't want to upset and lose your friends they assume you'll keep quiet about it instead of risking losing your social group.

Lifeinaonesie · 09/02/2021 06:57

Perhaps when you first meet the men just casually drop into the conversation that you have a very bad vagina problem that makes it smell like an old binbag and perhaps you'll change how they think of you.

Blueskytoday06 · 09/02/2021 06:58

Sorry to say, they don’t love you, they want to fuck you.

Monty27 · 09/02/2021 07:06

@Blueskytoday06

Sorry to say, they don’t love you, they want to fuck you.
I've just dumped a man like that It's not easily done if you don't have self respect but I have He just loves to fuck you Sad as it is 🥺
category12 · 09/02/2021 07:08

The only thing I can think, is keep the men very much at arm's length, avoid being alone with them and don't have independent interactions with them.

So like, say they message you individually, immediately add their partner to the conversation, and stick with the women when you're together, like follow to the kitchen or loos.

But it's shit really, you shouldn't have to. And it's sad that so many blokes are just disloyal and cock-led.

Original poster
StoryOfMyFuckingLife · 09/02/2021 07:12

Sorry to say, they don’t love you, they want to fuck you.

Thanks for stating the bleeding obvious! Grin

I'm well aware of that which us why I'm moaning about it and not lamenting all the opportunities for love that I've missed!

Lifeinaonesie

I might try that because all the direct, "I'm not interested in married men," and "I'm worth more than being someone's bit on the side," falls on deaf ears.

OP posts:
TeachesOfPeaches · 09/02/2021 07:12

My mum became single in her late forties and was inundated with offers of affairs from married work colleagues.

One even took her to lunch and declared his undying love even though he already had an office affair, dumped his first wife and married the other woman who knew my mum Shock

Monty27 · 09/02/2021 07:15

They're called players
Step away

dREt · 09/02/2021 07:18

I think some people both men and women have that something that makes them very appealing to the opposite sex and they often don’t know it themselves. Maybe you have that. It does seem odd that so many have “fallen” for you though. Most people get than in their life once but not every they make a friend. Not a lot you can do really other than rebuff their advances as you do. It’s a shame though as it means you are missing out on lots of potential friendships.

joystir59 · 09/02/2021 07:20

An awful.lot of men behave this way. An awful lot of men are not capable of platonic friendship with a woman..I have experienced it time and time again. Friendship feelings in men just go to the groin after a while. Depressing but true.

Original poster
StoryOfMyFuckingLife · 09/02/2021 07:25

The only thing I can think, is keep the men very much at arm's length, avoid being alone with them and don't have independent interactions with them.

So like, say they message you individually, immediately add their partner to the conversation, and stick with the women when you're together, like follow to the kitchen or loos.

Yeah, this is what I started doing. It has improved but not eradicated it. It's impossible to maintain constantly and is very unnatural!

The guy who messaged me last might caught me unawares. He's barely spoken to me in the past and messaged to say he was sorry to hear I'd broken up with his friend and that he'd thought we were weĺl matched. I thanked him and said we were still on good terms so all was ok. And then he told me how attractive i am and how he always thought I was too good for him and he's sometimes thought about me himself... I didn't respond.

OP posts:
Melange99 · 09/02/2021 07:31

The guy who messaged me last might caught me unawares. He's barely spoken to me in the past and messaged to say he was sorry to hear I'd broken up with his friend and that he'd thought we were weĺl matched. I thanked him and said we were still on good terms so all was ok. And then he told me how attractive i am and how he always thought I was too good for him and he's sometimes thought about me himself... I didn't respond.

I am embarrassed for him @StoryOfMyFuckingLife

something2say · 09/02/2021 07:38

Hiya.

I also don't think it's you. Its them. I agree with the poster who said that she's experienced it many times too. I am in a new friend group now and most of the men have either liked to take a goodnight too far, or made some remark to me or slid their hand down my waist or wanted done sort of moment. I'm engaged and my partner came out with me at first so everyone knew him and knew I was taken. Years ago i just stopped being friends with men. My friends were women and men were for dating. I've not had many married men crack on tho. But in general I see men for dating and am very careful the rest of the time. Even the CEO once cracked on. I just ignored it and forgot about it. I'm over the disappointment.

You say you go to gigs. What you need is a nice bass player huh! A best friend man. Then you can dance on the dancefloor and just ignore the bullshit.

LaurieFairyCake · 09/02/2021 07:39

Just ugh AngrySad

I have no idea why women like men most of the time

If mine dropped dead I'd never look at another

Eekay · 09/02/2021 07:40

Quite. In one case, we were family friends. My children were friends with their children. I was married when we met and they were a huge support to me when I separated. What was i supposed to do? Cut them off because i was no longer in a couple? Was my family invalid for family friendships because it only had oneadult.init?*
In my good friend's case, it wasn't just a family friend, but actual family: her sister's husband.

Eekay · 09/02/2021 07:41

Sorry, bold fail

Idratherberude · 09/02/2021 07:42

I think single women of this age must exude some sort of magical mystery that men find intriguing. They think they're so amazing (as a group) that how can you, a mere woman, resist them and be happily single?
As usual, they think the world starts and ends with them!