Fucking men!

[StoryOfMyFuckingLife]

I am 46. I'm about a stone overweight. I'm atractive enough but no one is going to offer me a modelling contract. I'm single. I'm always fucking single or just about to make myself single again.

In the past 5 years, I've dated two men. Both for less than a year and both I dumped for crimes against respect and decency.

In the past 5 years alone, I've lost a friendship group because one of the married men in it made a really obvious play for me, was far too attentive, giddy when I was nearby and i ended up withdrawing from the group because I didn't like it and it was, quite frankly, embarrassing. I didn't fall out with anyone because I did nothing wrong but friendships dwindled once i started avoiding group stuff because of it.

I've lost another close male friend (he was married and I was close to his wife too) because, after making a pass at me when she was out of the room on one occasion and me rejecting him, he later contacted me to tell me he was in love with me which means I've lost her too.

I could have lost another friend because her husband 'developed feelings' for me - he actually told her he'd fallen in love with me . Fortunately, she is the most amazing woman ever and told me at the time that he was an idiot but she couldn't bear to lose me as a friend. We worked really hard on saving our friendship. They worked things out and it's now like that blip never happened (fortunately).

I've moved on, i've made new friends... every time it happens, i move on and make new friends. And it just happens again.

I dated someone for a few months last year (the second of the two men). I met him through friends. So we have mutual friends/acquaintances in common. Three couples mainly although the wife of one doesn't socialise much with us and has her own friends.

Of the three men... two of the three have made it known for a while that, if I were interested, they would be too. They've both declared love

The third? Well I don't know him well. He's socially awkward, quiet and a bit irascible. And then, tonight, he messaged me to say he was sorry to hear that the his friend and I had split up (4 months ago!) He's never seemed particularly interested in getting to know me or talking to me so i was surprised at his sudden friendliness...

You know where this is going...

Just pisses me off and makes me feel really sad. I know that none of these men are actually interested in me. Of these four men, one I was seeing but he never thought I was good enough for him because I'm not 28 and hot. And the other three are in relationships telling me how attractive I am and how much they fancy me.

Of all the men who have declared love to me over the past 10 years, I haven't been in a relationship with any of them and none of them have been single.

It's just fucking shit.

What is fucking wrong with them??

To the man who sent you a dick pic, I would block and have nothing to do with him

Oh, I did. Immediately. I didn't respond.

I think some men just think single womr are an easy target.

I think you're right.

your view on how much the wives care and why it matters to you is I suspect the root of your problem.

Could you explain what you mean by this please?

Everytime someone posts on here about a partner having an affair, yes, the responses are that, whilst it's the married man's fault, women have a responsibility to not engage.

And besides, I'm pissed off because i just don't like it.

And it might not feel like drama to you but when it happens as often as it does, it just feels a bit shit.

"I’m intrigued because if I make a female friend I don’t often get introduced to the husband. How are you getting access to these men? Most women keep their friendships and blokes separated especially if the woman is single"

I wouldn't say that's true at all. I can't think of any friend I have whose husband I haven't met. With the ones with children, it might be that the husband doesn't come out with us because one parent has to stay at home, but with the childless ones and on evenings when they have babysitters, I see both members of a couple.
It would be really strange to have never even met the partner!

@TinySongstress

I'm 39 and wouldn't dream of mainly wearing skater dresses.

Maybe that's where I'm going wrong....

Yeah, maybe that's why I don't get all these men throwing themselves at me! (or more likely cos I'm not pretty like OP)

I didn't say I was 'pretty'. I'm not. I'm averagely attractive in the way most people are.

Skater dress and DMs is very "little girl", especially at age 46! I'd be worried, bunch of perves. I hope you've been informing all the wives and partners of these scum bags. They basically just want somewhere to put "it". That's the long and short of it.

Ok. So if I were wearing sexy, tight dresses with my boobs pushed up and high heels, it would be my fault for what I'm wearing?

And wearing jersey skater dresses with DMs and a cardigan is also too provocative?

What about when I wear just above the knee wrap dresses with knee high boots? Is that alluring too?

I'd love to know what i should be wearing..! 🙄

@StoryOfMyFuckingLife

Ok. So if I were wearing sexy, tight dresses with my boobs pushed up and high heels, it would be my fault for what I'm wearing?

And wearing jersey skater dresses with DMs and a cardigan is also too provocative?

What about when I wear just above the knee wrap dresses with knee high boots? Is that alluring too?

I'd love to know what i should be wearing..! 🙄

Sigh op. On Mumsnet it would also be your fault if you have long hair, as apparently women only wear their hair long for men. I don't understand the type of 'feminism' that is displayed here.

I wear mostly skater dresses, but I thought it was because it hid my wide hips and bum the best instead of accentuated them, but it's clearly only because I want to steal husbands.

You sound cute, curvy, fun, creative, sociable and slightly alternative and independent.

Basically, you're fucked. Wear hessian sacks and stop playing a musical instrument. It's the only way to be virtuous.

Love the posters who are so keen to tell you that these men aren't really in love with you and only want a shag, as if you hadn't worked that out.

I'm sorry, I haven't any advice. It sounds wretched. It's not your fault in any way, though.

These midlife crisis men are so full of themselves but in reality, they're gross. I don't bother being friends with men anymore. They aren't capable of it.

The good thing about being single is you don't have to put up with your spouse trying it on with every woman who smiles at him.

You sound like you're a very social person. Maybe some volunteer work would be good for making friends.

No advice for you - I'm one of the married ones & no one hits on me, but reading through this thread makes me wonder what all the husbands I know are up to?? Propositioning "safe" other women seems rife!!! Is it possible that because of the hobbies you are in these men are trying to re-live their wild youth, or the one the think they should have had with all the sex, drugs & rock n roll?! Or is it just that men in general are grim?!

Perhaps you are actually too nice - they think they can try it on with you because you won't drop them in it with their wives because you won't want to hurt anyone. Maybe you need to develop your ball busting vibe!! Casually drop into the conversation a horrible discussion you came across on an Internet forum about despicable creeps; " You would never inappropriately chat up another woman would you Jonnie, because that would be deplorable and she'd probably go straight to your wife & tell her what a massive dick head you are, I know I would!."

@ChonkyChook

It's men. Not you.

They assume the single woman in the group must be desperately single and oh aren't you just so longing for one of these amazing husbands, also as you won't want to upset and lose your friends they assume you'll keep quiet about it instead of risking losing your social group.

I completely agree with this. It is men. Patriarchy tells them that they can do as they like and some do, without any consideration for their wives/partners or any woman they have their eye on. A woman would never behave like this.

I don't see why you would have to offer negatives about yourself as suggested in a post upthread. That's just stupid and why the hell should you have to do that?

You're in a fix because it's not as if you can loudly tell the man to fuck off because... you'll lose the friendship with the wife. You can't tell her quietly because of the reasons given in previous posts, no woman wants to hear this about the man she's with, it's often taken as a personal affront or upfront declaration of competition. Urgh.

I have no idea what you can do, Story, I wear skater dresses too. I box though so am often seen with my gloves around my neck. That helps. Being flippant there, sorry. I'm really sad to read your post and there's no answer to it that I can see. It is the men. Every Fucking Time.

@prettyfamiliar

Skater dress and DMs is very "little girl", especially at age 46! I'd be worried, bunch of perves. I hope you've been informing all the wives and partners of these scum bags. They basically just want somewhere to put "it". That's the long and short of it.

They're not 'little girl', they're just dresses, no knickers on show. I'm 52 and I wear them.

Would you say that to men? Oh, those trousers are very 'little boy'?

Sorry but you sound like one of the wives who are terrified of their husband being tempted away by a skater-dress-wearing vixen.

basically if you have tits and a vagina on MN, any unwanted male attention is actually your fault....not the men!

OP, I think you sound like a really confident and friendly person and unless you have instigated being flirty with these men (no matter what you wear) then it's just a case of they really are creeps who can't think past their dicks.

Other PPs should STFU about what the OP wears.

@prettyfamiliar

Skater dress and DMs is very "little girl", especially at age 46! I'd be worried, bunch of perves. I hope you've been informing all the wives and partners of these scum bags. They basically just want somewhere to put "it". That's the long and short of it.

Wtf. Women can wear what they want. Jesus.

Skater dresses are actually quite flattering on petite women.
But that's by the by

I know there are a lot of shit men out there. But they are not all like this. You just haven't met the right one.

More posts clothes shaming the OP - FFS. Stop this. How dare the blame of behaviour of these men be placed on the OP’s appearance and choice of clothes.

The behaviour belongs to the men. OP, I am sorry that you are experiencing this in your life and I’m frustrated for you about some of the replies on your post that are implying that a) you are full of yourself and b) you’re asking for it. OP, you are entitled to walk into a room naked in the company of these men and not have them crack on to you. It never fails to surprise me how many women become male apologists in these scenarios... ocht, well, she’s asking for it really, flaunting around in her skater dress and boots. And the advice: stay away from these men? No! Men, stop intimidating and harassing this woman.

Men are such trash

It’s the curse of the porcupine. So many pricks.

OP I can’t remember if I responded to your last post or not.
Don’t listen to the who do you think you are posters above/why are you dressed a certain way.
I’m married- for 10 years. Same partner for 16 years.
I get the same shit still - at 46, with greying hair, a 2 c-section stomach etc. Yes I have big boobs but I’m a stone overweight too.
I’ve been so traumatised by some of the things entitled men do it left me with PTSD (I’ve posted threads on it before): most recently and disastrously my DC’s married gay (male) doctor. I’ve had endless counselling and EMDR therapy to get over that.
I’ve had friends who are single, in long term relationships, older/younger than me say and do things that turn my stomach.
One guy was, I thought a close work friend. He was married. He tried it on when I had to go away for a work event. He was no oil painting but he made me laugh so of course I should have jumped at it.
I’m not flirtatious. I drink ale and cider (and smoke!).
I’m no catch.
I’ve concluded it’s because I’m confident and actually am interested in talking to these people (and their wives!) but it’s ultimately their sense of entitlement that drives it!

People are blaming you unreasonably I think, although I can understand people trying to "problem solve" by looking at things you can do differently because you are the one it is affecting negatively. This is unlikely to work though, because it is largely male behaviour that is the problem. There are 2 explanations:
1.They want to have an affair/extramarital sex and are targetting you because they fancy you and think because you are single you are "available"

1. They are conciously/sub-conciously undermining their wives female freindships. It is sadly quite common for men to be controlling in this way - especially since you sound like a good friend, AND you are single, therefore more of a "threat" than another married woman would be. Because when you lose a female married friend, she loses you as well.

It sucks and I dont know what to suggest. If you want different female friends then you could try single mums (although would be a bit wierd to actively target that demographic). This is a massive generalisation but they are much less likely to be actively looking for someone so more on your wavelength there, and no DH to try to chat you up.

Apologies I have not RTFT but please ignore the frightening number of women blaming what you wear / how you look / being present in their company for the shoddy behaviour of these men!

Is is not you , its them, honestly just be grateful you don't have the misfortune to be married to one of them!