Fucking men!

[StoryOfMyFuckingLife]

I am 46. I'm about a stone overweight. I'm atractive enough but no one is going to offer me a modelling contract. I'm single. I'm always fucking single or just about to make myself single again.

In the past 5 years, I've dated two men. Both for less than a year and both I dumped for crimes against respect and decency.

In the past 5 years alone, I've lost a friendship group because one of the married men in it made a really obvious play for me, was far too attentive, giddy when I was nearby and i ended up withdrawing from the group because I didn't like it and it was, quite frankly, embarrassing. I didn't fall out with anyone because I did nothing wrong but friendships dwindled once i started avoiding group stuff because of it.

I've lost another close male friend (he was married and I was close to his wife too) because, after making a pass at me when she was out of the room on one occasion and me rejecting him, he later contacted me to tell me he was in love with me which means I've lost her too.

I could have lost another friend because her husband 'developed feelings' for me - he actually told her he'd fallen in love with me . Fortunately, she is the most amazing woman ever and told me at the time that he was an idiot but she couldn't bear to lose me as a friend. We worked really hard on saving our friendship. They worked things out and it's now like that blip never happened (fortunately).

I've moved on, i've made new friends... every time it happens, i move on and make new friends. And it just happens again.

I dated someone for a few months last year (the second of the two men). I met him through friends. So we have mutual friends/acquaintances in common. Three couples mainly although the wife of one doesn't socialise much with us and has her own friends.

Of the three men... two of the three have made it known for a while that, if I were interested, they would be too. They've both declared love

The third? Well I don't know him well. He's socially awkward, quiet and a bit irascible. And then, tonight, he messaged me to say he was sorry to hear that the his friend and I had split up (4 months ago!) He's never seemed particularly interested in getting to know me or talking to me so i was surprised at his sudden friendliness...

You know where this is going...

Just pisses me off and makes me feel really sad. I know that none of these men are actually interested in me. Of these four men, one I was seeing but he never thought I was good enough for him because I'm not 28 and hot. And the other three are in relationships telling me how attractive I am and how much they fancy me.

Of all the men who have declared love to me over the past 10 years, I haven't been in a relationship with any of them and none of them have been single.

It's just fucking shit.

What is fucking wrong with them??

They are quite loose jeans and the anorak is 2 sizes too big.
Now if I go I'll be hearing this music all the time.

On a slight tangent, when I went out with a ten years older man in my mid 30s (he pursued me) he was actually too insecure in the relationship for it to work.

Constantly worried I'd go back to my slightly younger ex or meet someone else on a night out.

When the honeymoon period sex dropped away and I ended up in my unfortunately standard PMS/lack of sex drive situation, he kept saying "I was wondering how a 35 year old woman could fancy a 45 year old man" etc.

He was, I discovered, quite a chauvanist man, I've never met anyone who uses the word spinster more often (in a derogatory manner), was looks fixated; and he still couldn't actually cope with a younger woman.

Back on the main topic;

Chancers gonna chance.
Cheaters gonna cheat.

Tonight’s job....Looking for some sexy skater dresses online while being grateful as a non feminist that I don’t have a female boss bulling me at work tomorrow.

Grateful.com

@StoryOfMyFuckingLife as an aside you’re very welcome to make friends with me! :)

Went to the supermarket. Pulled on my jeans over my leggings, big anorak, crappy beanie, big scarf, mask. No benny hill music.

On the way home some man came up to me and said Scuse Me. I turned round and he said Sorry. I thought it must have been my hard MN Paddington stare, then I realised that i'd wrapped my scarf over my head. I live in a dodgy area.

@MerryChristmasToYou

Went to the supermarket. Pulled on my jeans over my leggings, big anorak, crappy beanie, big scarf, mask. No benny hill music.

On the way home some man came up to me and said Scuse Me. I turned round and he said Sorry. I thought it must have been my hard MN Paddington stare, then I realised that i'd wrapped my scarf over my head. I live in a dodgy area.

There was Benny Hill music but you couldn't hear it. The married men were aroused as though you were playing a sexy pied piper jig! The leggings will have made your jeans tighter!

I'm having a fit of the vapours.

I've actually had more men offer to get things off high shelves for me and insist I go ahead of them in the queue since mask wearing began. Apparently I'm sexiest when you can't see my face.

Hi OP,

I think the only way you can avoid problems in the future is to cover up your highly inappropriate and provocative skater dresses with something like this.
My only concern is that the colours (not being black) might catch the eye of too many men who simply cannot control themselves. Maybe try a camouflage colour way? 🤔
You are walking a tightrope here but something has to give.

BTW I think you sound awesome and I really hope you soon find a nice genuine single bloke who doesn’t mess you around. And that the testosterone levels of the married ones plummet and they can no longer summon up the energy to send you flaccid dick pics and shit chat up lines.

Most men I know would go right for a woman in a Cthulhu dress. I know I would.

@MrsWindass "have you thought about pretending /identifying /wtf as a lesbian to avoid troubling the men of the world so much ? Expect though they would think you just needed a good seeing to ?"

Noooooooooooooooooo, then they would start making "jokes" to their wives and you about threesomes.

True 😂

have you thought about pretending /identifying /wtf as a lesbian to avoid troubling the men of the world so much ? Expect though they would think you just needed a good seeing to ?

Tbh, it's this thinking that I abhor the most it think.

The idea that men are so incapable of managing their own behaviour that I should pretend to be someone I'm not in order to.manage it for them?

I'm not going to pretend that im gay or that I have a boyfriend or change my personality or change my dress or change my hobbies or change how I communicate with people purely because some men are utter dicks.

What the actual fuck am I reading? I actually just googled skater dresses as I was like "do I think they're something different to what they actually are..?" after seeing the bonkers comments that they are in some way an odd, inappropriate thing to be wearing.

OP, I'm sorry you're still dealing with this, I remember your last thread too. I've no advice, apart from ignore the oddness on here, where some people seem determined to blame you for these men's bad behaviour. It's shit that so many men you are friends with have done this, and I'm sorry it's costing you friendships. You sound lovely and fun, and it's not fair that their putting you in this position

I just need some advice and feel free to be as blunt as you can coz I really need to hear your truth.
I am in a relationship since 2017. We have a 20 month old. He's great, good dad, very family oriented, parents are lovely and very available for help with anything we need. I have no family in the country.
I have lost interest in him, I notice things I didn't pick up on before, he isn't very intelligent, yesterday he couldn't save an attachment on his email app to his phone and I blew up about it. He has a very poor memory and I constantly have to remind him of things and teach and reteach him things. He's 34, I'm 35. When we met he was 31 and living with his parents so that along with him having along with him being deaf from birth meant he was cushioned a lot by his parents so can't cook. He cleans well, helps wit house chores a lot and also with taking care of our baby girl. But I find myself impatient with him as he can't understand me when I talk sometimes. He lip reads. Also I love music and sometimes I just put music on and dance and he can't participate as he can't hear it. He does have hearing aids but is profoundly deaf so can't hear much. I am
Not sexually attracted to him. I wait till he's asleep to go to bed. I never tell him I love him, only reply "love you too" when he says it. I feel we both deserve happiness and I doubt his happy coz I know how I've been behaving towards him. We both have low incomes and have only been able
To achieve things eg mortgage by putting out incomes together so it will be devastating to both of us if we have to split. We are gone away on a nice holiday soon, should I use this chance to try and rekindle the love? Is it even possible? After our sons in bed al
I want is to be alone. I don't know what to do.

@lipalocks

I just need some advice and feel free to be as blunt as you can coz I really need to hear your truth. I am in a relationship since 2017. We have a 20 month old. He's great, good dad, very family oriented, parents are lovely and very available for help with anything we need. I have no family in the country. I have lost interest in him, I notice things I didn't pick up on before, he isn't very intelligent, yesterday he couldn't save an attachment on his email app to his phone and I blew up about it. He has a very poor memory and I constantly have to remind him of things and teach and reteach him things. He's 34, I'm 35. When we met he was 31 and living with his parents so that along with him having along with him being deaf from birth meant he was cushioned a lot by his parents so can't cook. He cleans well, helps wit house chores a lot and also with taking care of our baby girl. But I find myself impatient with him as he can't understand me when I talk sometimes. He lip reads. Also I love music and sometimes I just put music on and dance and he can't participate as he can't hear it. He does have hearing aids but is profoundly deaf so can't hear much. I am Not sexually attracted to him. I wait till he's asleep to go to bed. I never tell him I love him, only reply "love you too" when he says it. I feel we both deserve happiness and I doubt his happy coz I know how I've been behaving towards him. We both have low incomes and have only been able To achieve things eg mortgage by putting out incomes together so it will be devastating to both of us if we have to split. We are gone away on a nice holiday soon, should I use this chance to try and rekindle the love? Is it even possible? After our sons in bed al I want is to be alone. I don't know what to do.

God, you sound absolutely awful. The poor man has a disability! Do you have any idea of how hard life is when you're deaf?! One of my siblings has been deaf since birth, and everything is such a slog. School was much harder, they didn't pick up on a lot of stuff many of us take for granted because they couldn't hear conversations and random comments. My sibling was treated as being stupid when the reality was they were very intelligent - they just missed out on so much of the world because they couldn't hear.

You feel impatient that he can't understand you? He is DEAF! You feel hard done by that he can't dance to music with you because of HIS disability? What a hardship that must be for you! You knew he was deaf all along so if it was such a problem for your ableist self, why did you pursue things with him?

Do him a favour and leave him so someone who won't mistreat him because of his disability can have him. You said yourself he's kind, he does his share of cleaning and childcare. How very unfortunate for him to have met someone so selfish and downright cruel. You don't deserve him and I feel disgusted by your post, to be honest. Perhaps when you're fishing on the dating apps, being ghosted, being ditched after sex, stood up and cancelled on at the last minute, you'll feel a deep sadness and regret about taking a lovely man for granted.

Ha, this thread popped up, I read the title, opened it.

Thought it lookd familiar and then realised it was mine!

lipalocks

You'll need to start your own thread. Your post will just get lost on this one

However, it's a very timely resurfacing of this thread.

Because its happened again in the past few months.

An ex boyfriend from school who I bumped into on a night out who has recently divorced and two male friends neither of whom should really have said anything to me for different reasons - one is engaged and the other is an ex's best friend. Oh and a 25 year old I've known socially for a few years.

One only told me on Saturday at a Halloween party because he was quite drunk. I put the whole declaration down to being drunk but he actually said some quite touching things including specific occasions when I've made an impression on him

It's still pissing me off. And is a bit of a headfuck.

All I want is a nice relationship with a nice man. Not endless declarations from men who are either friends, unsuitable in other ways or married.

An actual relationship or love within a relationship are still eluding me but this shit? Well this shit continues.

It's bizarre really. Despite how many people on here think and talk, the majority of married blokes aren't chasing affairs, declaring love to their wife's friends. You are the common denominator in this so subconsciously it must be a vibe that you're giving off. The only mystery is why this doesn't attract single men, only married ones??

@altmember

It's bizarre really. Despite how many people on here think and talk, the majority of married blokes aren't chasing affairs, declaring love to their wife's friends. You are the common denominator in this so subconsciously it must be a vibe that you're giving off. The only mystery is why this doesn't attract single men, only married ones??

Tbh, I've wondered about that. But I can't see what it is. I'm exactly the same with everyone.

I certainly don't go around flirting with married men! Quite the opposite in fact.

The one who said something at the weekend completely took me by surprise. They all have but that one particularly so.

@altmember

It's bizarre really. Despite how many people on here think and talk, the majority of married blokes aren't chasing affairs, declaring love to their wife's friends. You are the common denominator in this so subconsciously it must be a vibe that you're giving off. The only mystery is why this doesn't attract single men, only married ones??

Aren't they, though?

In my experience, a hell of a lot of married men hit on other women and try to cheat. I started experiencing it as young as 21, with older men hitting on me at work. The only thing she's likely doing 'wrong' is just existing as a single woman they see as prey.

Yes, I was 19 the first time I experienced it. By the time I was 21 it had become common place. It stopped when I had my first child at 24 and was in a relationship. Men do tend to respect women more when they recognise us as another man's property.

But as soon as I was single again...

I could count the number of successful relationships I've had on a muppet's 3 fingered hand and still have spare.

I could count the number of single men who've been interested on my own 5 fingered hand.

Married/attached men? Well I'd need both hands and I'd have to take my socks off too.

There's another woman in one friendship group. I've caught her husband looking at me many times but he hasn't said anything. The other two husbands - nothing from them. But the other two male partners have both made declarations.

The fact they do it pisses me off. But what makes me sad is that these two particular men actually said some really nice things about me - really touching observations about who I am as a person. And similar observations to each other. If a single man ever made those observations...

@altmember

It's bizarre really. Despite how many people on here think and talk, the majority of married blokes aren't chasing affairs, declaring love to their wife's friends. You are the common denominator in this so subconsciously it must be a vibe that you're giving off. The only mystery is why this doesn't attract single men, only married ones??

You must be a man Married men running around doing this is absolutely very common I don’t think it’s ‘ just says something about the op ‘ unless it also just says something about myself and almost every women i know who’s experienced married men behaving badly I think you just have no idea But that’s the trendy thing isn’t it now , to blame it on women and their ‘ vibe ‘ rather than to accept than many many men have an issue with objectifying and harassing women , and being married doesn’t stop that