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Original poster

Phrases that make you swipe left

423 replies

JimmyJabs · 07/02/2021 17:26

I'm a glutton for punishment, so I've recently gone back on OLD, and I'm finding it something of a trial so far. All the things that used to annoy me about people's profiles are still exactly the same as when I was last doing this! These are my instant nope phrases:

My kids are my life (so where would a potential girlfriend fit in? Also, that's just basic parenting...)

I don't take myself/life too seriously (almost guaranteed to be immature and flaky, and leave all the boring life admin to some other sucker)

Not looking for a penpal (will exchange a maximum of 5 messages with you before suggesting that you meet up for 'fun 😉')

Is anyone genuine on here? (Dude, maybe don't advertise the fact that nobody ever replies to you)

I'm 6ft, because apparently that matters (while being short is not unattractive to me, passive aggression certainly is)

What are your instantly offputting phrases? I'd be intrigued to know what men have to say about this too, in case I'm being inadvertently annoying myself...

OP posts:
stout01 · 08/02/2021 20:55

Depressingly a lot of female profiles are similar.

Must be at least 6ft

We come as a package

Are there any decent men out there (clearly a MN regularWink)

Totally drama free (yeah.....)

Those god awful bunny ears and filters.

YOLO / living my best life

The absolute best are the ones that are confrontational. You like to start an argument in an empty room, count me in....

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 08/02/2021 23:42

Pretty much all the ones that others are saying!

“No drama” really pisses me off, as it does mean “expect nothing from me”

Anything about not wanting a pen pal = I’m determined to completely by pass the safeguards put in place here, and not understand why they are necessary/ why you need to form an informed view before meeting.

Any list of what he does / doesn’t want from a woman in his profile - it’s your chance to sell yourself, not to make a list of specifications.

Weird ones like banning a certain star sign

Never been that out by people who like a glass of wine and a dvd though - not very imaginative but probably is at least true!

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 08/02/2021 23:44

Oh and people who lie about things to get you to meet them. Height is the obvious one - no it should be the be all and end all, but if you're going to start off by lying it’s not a good sign!

GentlemanJay · 08/02/2021 23:46

From women.

Listing Gin or Prosecco as an interest. No it's not it's a drink. Nothing more.

RedWhineandgo · 08/02/2021 23:47

I remember James Corden saying that he only ever went out to meet someone he could stay in with. I thought that was kinda true for most of us. Once you get past the initial honeymoon period, you want someone you get along with.

I really don't like the phrase 'curl up with a bottle of wine'. Makes me think of a cat Confused

onanotherday · 09/02/2021 00:00

Love all.of these!
But confess to being really picky about photos.

Obvious unmade bed..bathroom.. semi nude...obvious bed sit(shallow I know)...motor bike ..standing by a posh car..not theirs....extreme sports...gold necklace..football shirts...pictures with cut out ..ex?...I could go on...
Depressed by the feeling that men are just doing the numbers game..

GreenlandTheMovie · 09/02/2021 00:09

When I read about a man saying how much he dislikes bunny ears and filters in photos, I just read from that he has spent an awful long time messing around on online dating. Also that he is quite disdainful of women but doesn't exactly possess the attributes necessary to attract the most intellectual women out there.

shouldreallynamechangemore · 09/02/2021 00:27

"Does anyone ever read this bit?"
Yes, you just wasted 25 characters.

stout01 · 09/02/2021 07:49

@onanotherday

Love all.of these! But confess to being really picky about photos.

Obvious unmade bed..bathroom.. semi nude...obvious bed sit(shallow I know)...motor bike ..standing by a posh car..not theirs....extreme sports...gold necklace..football shirts...pictures with cut out ..ex?...I could go on...
Depressed by the feeling that men are just doing the numbers game..

Afraid to say that for men it is a numbers game (unless I suppose the man is really good looking).

If you accept most are swiping left then it has to be to work. Realise that sounds crude.

Original poster
JimmyJabs · 09/02/2021 08:08

'I never know what to put here.' You've done it so many times that it is now a familiar situation, and you STILL don't know what to put? Did it occur to you at any point to find out?

OP posts:
Original poster
JimmyJabs · 09/02/2021 08:14

"Doing the numbers game" for certain men usually seems to equate to "swiping right on absolutely everyone and seeing if I get any matches, and then only replying to the ones I fancy, and unmatching the ones I don't". It's both lazy and discourteous. I notice that the ones who are prone to doing this are also the ones who have "don't match if you don't want to chat" and "is anyone genuine on here??" all over their bio too.

OP posts:
JackieWeaverFever · 09/02/2021 08:14

If you want to know, just ask.

Because I am too lazy to do any legwork...

GeordieGreigsButtButtZoom · 09/02/2021 08:16

It sounds like a huge part of the problem with online dating is the nature of the medium itself. Writing a dating profile does sound like an excruciating experience and I'm not surprised that so many people find it hard. It's also difficult if you don't photograph well, as many reasonably attractive people don't.

Some of these are really dire, though...

I wondered for a long time if OLD would eventually give way to old fashioned in-person singles events as people got more and more frustrated with it, but that doesn't seem to have happened, even before the pandemic.

Original poster
JimmyJabs · 09/02/2021 08:27

Match.com does organise singles events during normal times, I think. But the issue with that is that you would probably get all the men who don't have any luck online for one reason or another. At best, that would be the really shy ones who are rubbish at writing a profile and don't photograph very well, but are perfectly nice. But then there's the rest... I think what we really need is singles events run by a company that does only that, in halfway decent venues, with games/activities so it's not just people getting progressively more drunk and asking ten people in a row what they do for a living.

OP posts:
TheChampagneGalop · 09/02/2021 08:45

@JimmyJabs

"Doing the numbers game" for certain men usually seems to equate to "swiping right on absolutely everyone and seeing if I get any matches, and then only replying to the ones I fancy, and unmatching the ones I don't". It's both lazy and discourteous. I notice that the ones who are prone to doing this are also the ones who have "don't match if you don't want to chat" and "is anyone genuine on here??" all over their bio too.
That is definitely what many men do, so you never know if your likes and matches are genuine.

And when I used Her (lesbian dating app that have since gone woke), it seemed a lot of women were just there to get likes on their selfies.

So discouraging.

stout01 · 09/02/2021 09:32

I think Tinder can be both the best and worst site. Best in the basic functionality and the way the site works (haven't seen any that better it and the others seem to replicate to some degree). There is clearly also a lot of people on the site.

When I first did Tinder I did what I though was the right way. Gave the details of my situation etc. However, realised its actually best to keep simple and minimal. Match with the ones you can tell have liked you and then watch out for the red flags etc. Works for me as I don't have a 'type'.

ItisLikethis · 09/02/2021 09:45

So @stout01 As a man, what sort of reception have you had? Any reasonable with dating?

ItisLikethis · 09/02/2021 09:50

Any reasonable success

boohock · 09/02/2021 09:51

Maybe my standards are too low but "my kids are my world" or telling you they have kids in general in men's profiles doesn't really bother me that much but I DO hate "they've already got a mum not looking for a substitute" --- Erm yeah I've already got my own thanks and I wasn't offering Hmm

Also the first couple of messages are perfectly fine and normal then they suddenly turn into "what are you wearing?" Or "so describe what you'd like to do to me Wink" Block you. I'd like to block you...

God it is depressing isn't it

Candyfloss99 · 09/02/2021 09:52

"I am a nice guy"

Why would you even have to state that?

GreenlandTheMovie · 09/02/2021 10:13

Perhaps dato g sites have become worse in the last couple of years. I do see them as a place where a lot of weird men that no one with any options would like to date, or for casual sex hook ups. I wouldn't make myself vulnerable by putting myself on one. Thats the sort of male contact I want to avoid, not encourage.

If a man in the street that I didnt know came up to me and asked me to describe what I was wearing under my clothes, I'd possibly report him to the police. Normal on OLD.

Likewise, if a man I didnt know approached me and asked me where I lived and then suggested coming back to mine straight away, I'd be horrified. Again, normal for OLD.

Ugh, the one I did meet up with, in a public place for lunch. He was kind of OK. For lunch. Lost contact, then got back in touch. Exchanged I think 3 messages, then woke up one morning to a message saying he was playing with himself. Told him not to use sexual talk or I'd defriend him (now I'd just block immediately but I was more innocent then). He then messaged sporadically a few more times until I had to ask him to stop using sex talk again. He then asked me "so you're saying you would have sex with me". Of course I then blocked, but thinking about it, he was trying to get me to agree to sex with him in writing, so he would have evidence of something happened...

And how can I say it? OLD is no place for attractive women. The abuse is terrible. An attractive appearance brings out all the neggers. It's got such a reputation in my area for women, that if you're on it, some men will talk about you as if you're available to all for casual sex. In my area anyway.

I'd like to say Tinder is kind of OK for under 30s, but it's just more of the same. My ex flatmate started seeing someone from Tinder, he messed her about and told her he couldn't be seen speaking to her in public (they were both at the same university) as it "wasn't good for his image", then shagged her friend he also met off Tinder a few weeks later. Neither of them knew at the time. Another friend was told she wasn't "plain enough" - yes, "being plain" is something men on OLD prize.

stout01 · 09/02/2021 10:14

@ItisLikethis

Any reasonable success
So I split with long term partner about two and half years ago. I was with long term partner for twelve years and aside from that relationship hadn't had much experience (so I would say quite naive).

Its been interesting. A fair few dates, maybe 10-15.

A couple of short term relationships, one near miss and the one I'm dating now. Also still in contact with the odd one or two on a friends basis.

Its been interesting. Ive had a couple that clearly didnt like what they saw when I turned up, some were good company but they weren't interested in pursuing, one that was close but she wanted kids so it didn't ultimately happen and then the others where a relationship of sorts has happened. Last twelve months have made it obviously tough mind.

I think to be honest its similar to what you ladies put in the dating threads but obviously less the dic pics!

Tinder as mentioned is arguably both the best and worst. Pof I found horrific. Bumble is nice and I found Zoosk surprisingly good last year.

I've not tried a really serious site yet, like match but I get the impression they're all similar - ish other than I imagine you get less time wasters on paid sites. Also the same people appear on different sites.

stout01 · 09/02/2021 10:20

Sorry I should add that Ive been told that women around my age, 40, find it harder to find a decent man than a man a decent woman. At first I didnt really understand that as I thought that surely there must be a fair amount of interest etc. However reading these boards I think I get it.

GeordieGreigsButtButtZoom · 09/02/2021 10:21

Another friend was told she wasn't "plain enough" - yes, "being plain" is something men on OLD prize.

Sounds like a weird kind of almost reverse negging...."Don't think you've got power because you're beautiful, men actually want plain women, you're not all that!"

GreenlandTheMovie · 09/02/2021 10:25

@GeordieGreigsButtButtZoom

Another friend was told she wasn't "plain enough" - yes, "being plain" is something men on OLD prize.

Sounds like a weird kind of almost reverse negging...."Don't think you've got power because you're beautiful, men actually want plain women, you're not all that!"

I think it's because regulars on OLD don't want women who have "other options" or get attention from other men. Possibly on the wrong place if using OLD then but that type are pretty thick anyway.