Page 10 | Phrases that make you swipe left

JimmyJabs · 2021-02-07T17:26:45+00:00

I'm a glutton for punishment, so I've recently gone back on OLD, and I'm finding it something of a trial so far. All the things that used to annoy me about people's profiles are still exactly the same as when I was last doing this! These are my instant nope phrases: My kids are my life (so where would a potential girlfriend fit in? Also, that's just basic parenting...) I don't take myself/life too seriously (almost guaranteed to be immature and flaky, and leave all the boring life admin to some other sucker) Not looking for a penpal (will exchange a maximum of 5 messages with you before suggesting that you meet up for 'fun 😉') Is anyone genuine on here? (Dude, maybe don't advertise the fact that nobody ever replies to you) I'm 6ft, because apparently that matters (while being short is not unattractive to me, passive aggression certainly is) What are your instantly offputting phrases? I'd be intrigued to know what men have to say about this too, in case I'm being inadvertently annoying myself...

StillGoingToWork · 09/02/2021 10:29

Met DH on OLD...in 2000!

It was depressing back then, but from what I read here, even more now.

Original poster

JimmyJabs · 09/02/2021 10:31

@GeordieGreigsButtButtZoom

Another friend was told she wasn't "plain enough" - yes, "being plain" is something men on OLD prize.

Sounds like a weird kind of almost reverse negging...."Don't think you've got power because you're beautiful, men actually want plain women, you're not all that!"

They certainly don't want "plain" women - I can attest to that! They want hot ones who are younger than they are. I don't necessarily get negative comments about the way I look, but I do get the thing where men think they can say what they like and I'll be grateful for the attention - admittedly in real life more than online. I've been in some really scary situations where a guy has turned nasty when I've not responded to his advances and suddenly I'm a "fat dyke" who he wasn't interested in anyway...

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ItisLikethis · 09/02/2021 10:40

@stout01 I've just come out of an horrendous OLD experience - a 'near miss' as you put it. So much so I deleted my profile and have just about given up on dating.

I've been single for 3 years and there doesn't seem to be any other viable route for meeting a mate. And yes, the current circumstances don't make it any easier.

GeordieGreigsButtButtZoom · 09/02/2021 10:47

They certainly don't want "plain" women - I can attest to that! They want hot ones who are younger than they are.

Yes, and that's why they try to neg them. "You're too hot, men want plainer women" is just a neg. Sounds like one that has developed as original forms of negging were found not to work. So this way, they aren't pretending you're ugly but they're still trying to make out that you're lacking in some way. Then, they hope, your self esteem will become so low that you'll even date THEM.

stout01 · 09/02/2021 10:52

[quote ItisLikethis]@stout01 I've just come out of an horrendous OLD experience - a 'near miss' as you put it. So much so I deleted my profile and have just about given up on dating.

I've been single for 3 years and there doesn't seem to be any other viable route for meeting a mate. And yes, the current circumstances don't make it any easier.[/quote]
Sorry to hear that. When I say near miss I mean nearly a relationship but we wanted different things.

Can you share your experience

ItisLikethis · 09/02/2021 11:17

@stout01 I don't think we wanted different things, altogether. In fact I would go so far as to say we badly wanted each other at one stage.

I saw good in him and fell in love. He didn't/doesn't know how to communicate, which made me hold back and led to my exit.

I'm still holding on to hope that he's not toxic person I eventually saw him to be. He made me feel all kinds of good and bad. A rollercoaster. Glad it's over, really.

Sounds bizarre, but it happened.

RantyAnty · 09/02/2021 11:46

Do most men ever read profiles?
I've heard they mass swipe hoping to get a bite.

My kids are my world - Almost always Disney dad or guy who abandoned his children and hasn't seen them in years. Has a sad story about his crazy ex keeping him from seeing them.

CrispsTasteSoGood · 09/02/2021 12:01

@jimmyjammy001

"My kids are my world/life" Yeah great can't wait to meet up once every couple of weeks because your to busy with your children.

"If you can't handle my children or you have a problem with them swipe left" don't worry I don't need asking twice!

"Just Ask" in the about me section. Can't even be bothered to write the basics

"Full time Mummy to 2 kids but they've allready got a Dad" didn't realise there was such a thing as a part time mum?! And also in a few years time and everything is going good and we want to move in together, are your kids going to live elsewhere or am I going to have to play step daddy to your children?!

"I won't speak first"

I don't quite get this sneering nastiness to women (or men) making clear they have children. They are being upfront about telling you they have kids and that will affect the relationship they can have with someone else. So that if its not for you, and you don't want those constraints, you can move on. They are trying not to waste your time or theirs if that is a deal killer for you.
its kinda weird to be nasty and affronted by this like the quoted above poster was.

VanGoghsDog · 09/02/2021 12:23

Saying they have kids is fine, and important. It's usually a tick box option anyway.

Using twee phrases like "full time mummy" or "my kids are my world" and also supplementing that with something negative like "if you don't like that swipe left" is what we find horrible.

But I like the poor profiles, it's good to know up front of someone is a knob.

OLD is no place for attractive women. The abuse is terrible

I don't get much abuse really, so I must not be attractive, which is good to know. Though I don't really recognise anything from the post this comment came from, across my many years of experience of online dating.

LApprentiSorcier · 09/02/2021 12:32

My kids are my world/life"

Does anyone ever put: "I've got two kids, but I'm not that bothered about them"?

GeordieGreigsButtButtZoom · 09/02/2021 12:33

I would imagine it's not so much the mentioning children as much as the aggressive "if you don't like that swipe left". You can safely assume that once you've mentioned kids, anyone who isn't prepared for that will swipe left so there's no need to come over angry and confrontational to everyone who's looking. It would put me off too.

HighSpecWhistle · 09/02/2021 12:34

@skybright59

On my profile I'm pretty ninja level sarcastic (but only because its warranted) so here we go

I'm 34 years old, with a degree and a set of brains..no I'm not after ibsta followers,no I dont have duck lips,I'm made from no plastics I am completely au natural..

Looking for engaging and enthusiastic people who have the capability to form a paragraph..if your going to struggle move along.

I think that's pretty neat

Comes across as arrogant and judgemental to me.

greybluegreen · 09/02/2021 12:38

There's nothing wrong with being up front about having children. If people were more upfront, then OLD would be a lot better.

I think it's the way it's said.

For example, "I have two children who take up a lot of my time, so am not looking for anything too intense or serious." Is fine.

"I have two children that I see every other weekend" Let's people know what's going on for you and whether that works for them.

"I have two children who are my world, I'm a full time mummy and if you have a problem with that don't bother." Comes across as immature and a little aggressive.

Likewise, "My children are my world." Has people on a dating site, wondering where they fit into that and it's off putting. They are there to meet people and you are obviously totally consumed with your children.

LApprentiSorcier · 09/02/2021 12:39

I would have thought all you needed to do was set the scene: 'I've got two children aged 7 and 10 who are with me alternate weekends' or whatever. It should go without saying that anyone who doesn't accept that will swipe left.

LApprentiSorcier · 09/02/2021 12:39

x-post with above

HighSpecWhistle · 09/02/2021 12:44

I don't agree about "my kids are my world". I know a few cheesy men who would say this who are very active in their kids lives and are honest when they say their kids mean everything.

Tis a bit of a cheesy cliche but doesn't automatically mean their bad fathers. Just not good with words maybe or not "cool".

CrispsTasteSoGood · 09/02/2021 13:19

also supplementing that with something negative like "if you don't like that swipe left" is what we find horrible

I suspect its because they have had their time wasted before by men go out with them knowing they have children and then get their arse on when the mother/ father can't see them as often as they would like due to having kids, or have to cancel a date because a kid has broken their arm or whatever.

I think there are a lot of men/ women who just don't realise the implications of going out with someone with kids. So they don't swipe left. So saying, 'if that is a problem, swipe left' is giving them a heads up that saying I have kids actually means something that will affect you. Its not like saying I have two cats.

Yes, I have had experience of a guy I was dating, phoning me, practically in tears, voice heavy with emotion because I had had to cancel a date (he'd actually seem me the day before too) due to my kids, ' I am absolutely devastated, this means we can never be together, I am devastated that you had to spend time with your son, instead, this means we can never be together'. Aye pal, jog on then. So when you have dealt with that shit, you do want to filter our those people (not that I mention I have kids in my profile as I want to filter our paedophiles to, I save that reveal for the chat). So one guy I was chatting to and I told him he had kids replied that he had been out with someone with kids before and hadn't realised how hard it would be and didn't want to do it again. So yes, saying ' swipe left' is giving a heads up that this is a real thing you need to pay attention to. So that no-one's time is wasted.

CrispsTasteSoGood · 09/02/2021 13:22

@LApprentiSorcier

I would have thought all you needed to do was set the scene: 'I've got two children aged 7 and 10 who are with me alternate weekends' or whatever. It should go without saying that anyone who doesn't accept that will swipe left.

You'd think, eh? But it really doesn't though. Hence people trying to ram home the point in their profiles.

Original poster

JimmyJabs · 09/02/2021 13:32

Well, I think we'll have to agree to disagree. For me, it's about tone - something like "if you can't handle that, don't bother swiping right" is aggressive and spoiling for a fight. Whereas "I have two children whose lives I'm very involved in, so my free time is a bit limited" gets the message across without being confrontational. I can see that, if you're a person with children who has been messed around by someone who expected you to drop the kids for them, you'd have a different view!

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Original poster

JimmyJabs · 09/02/2021 13:38

There's also a flip side, which is that people on a dating site are there to meet someone they can date. If you see a profile that is essentially telling you off for wanting to find a partner who is able to spend time with you, you're going to pass them up, even if you are perfectly willing to date someone with kids.

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CrispsTasteSoGood · 09/02/2021 13:40

I have two children whose lives I'm very involved in, so my free time is a bit limited

But its more than 'my time is a bit limited' Kids aren't a hobby you spend a lot of time on. They will always be your number 1 priority, they are the key part of your life and identity and will regularly be a topic of your conversation, they will take up you emotional and mental head space. I think all you have done there is show how hard it is for people without kids to understand what it means to be in a relationship with someone who does have kids. Hence parents getting pissed off and shortening things to ' if you don't like it, swipe left.'

CrispsTasteSoGood · 09/02/2021 13:43

If you see a profile that is essentially telling you off for wanting to find a partner who is able to spend time with you, you're going to pass them up, even if you are perfectly willing to date someone with kids

Again, see all you've done there is show again that you don't really get what it means to date someone with kids. If you dated someone with kids thinking it just means I'll spend a bit less time with them, but otherwise it'll be just like dating someone with kids, then you will end up being the next time waster for that person with kids. As you are going to disappear into the sunset as soon as you realise what it is like.
They are not telling you off for wanting to spend time with them, they are making clear that you need to realise their kids are a non-negotiable part of who they are - not just a time consumer.

CrispsTasteSoGood · 09/02/2021 13:43

but otherwise it'll be just like dating someone with kids

Should have said someone without kids.

LApprentiSorcier · 09/02/2021 13:51

But if someone hasn't thought through the implications of dating a parent, or has no experience of this, do you really think 'if you don't like it, swipe left' is going to make any difference? It's aggressive without explaining anything. I can't see it being effective in filtering out time-wasters.

Original poster

JimmyJabs · 09/02/2021 13:58

@CrispsTasteSoGood

If you see a profile that is essentially telling you off for wanting to find a partner who is able to spend time with you, you're going to pass them up, even if you are perfectly willing to date someone with kids

Again, see all you've done there is show again that you don't really get what it means to date someone with kids. If you dated someone with kids thinking it just means I'll spend a bit less time with them, but otherwise it'll be just like dating someone with kids, then you will end up being the next time waster for that person with kids. As you are going to disappear into the sunset as soon as you realise what it is like.
They are not telling you off for wanting to spend time with them, they are making clear that you need to realise their kids are a non-negotiable part of who they are - not just a time consumer.

Well, OK. If dating you is such an unrelenting nightmare, I suppose it's better that people know about it before they get involved. You've made some rather unpleasant character judgements about me, in response to what I thought were not especially inflammatory comments about the way things are worded, so I'm just going to leave it there now.

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