Phrases that make you swipe left

[JimmyJabs]

I'm a glutton for punishment, so I've recently gone back on OLD, and I'm finding it something of a trial so far. All the things that used to annoy me about people's profiles are still exactly the same as when I was last doing this! These are my instant nope phrases:

My kids are my life (so where would a potential girlfriend fit in? Also, that's just basic parenting...)

I don't take myself/life too seriously (almost guaranteed to be immature and flaky, and leave all the boring life admin to some other sucker)

Not looking for a penpal (will exchange a maximum of 5 messages with you before suggesting that you meet up for 'fun 😉')

Is anyone genuine on here? (Dude, maybe don't advertise the fact that nobody ever replies to you)

I'm 6ft, because apparently that matters (while being short is not unattractive to me, passive aggression certainly is)

What are your instantly offputting phrases? I'd be intrigued to know what men have to say about this too, in case I'm being inadvertently annoying myself...

A sapiosexual is someone who finds intelligence attractive. Which is fair enough as a preference but I wouldn't call it an actual sexual orientation.

You may find it useful for weeding out people who aren't very clever, though...

I'm sapiosexual.

That is not a sexuality, you pretentious dick.

And its actually code for, 'I think I am Very Clever and I like women who are articulately able to agree with me.'

So glad so many other women hate sapiosexual!

The trouble is, I've not seen a profile without at least some of that shit in it recently.

I've "clocked"* OLD.

Breaking my own rules only leads to annoyance, but sticking with my rules leads to "you have viewed all the profiles, widen your search parameters to see more", er, no ta.

*I gather this is the gaming term for "completed". Watch I Am Hannah on C4, it's pretty depressing, but quite good!

Oh god the big spoon little spoon thing, yuck! Its not cute! They must all copy each others mates profiles or something as I've been unfortunate enough to see all of these mentioned. I have decided in 2021 to stop looking for a man and this has reminded me why!

Urrg at the moment it's the photos that are so depressing! 90% seem to have either one or more of the following:

Completely black photo
Photos of something random that isn't them (house/car/dog/bike/cartoon character)
Photos of groups (and don't say which one they are)
Photos with another woman
Photos with kids
Photos that are terribly lit so you can barely see anything
Pictures of them looking angry/grumpy as fuck
Half face pictures
Pictures in fancy dress
Pictures with helmets/masks/goggles on so you can't actually see their faces
Torso/half naked pics

Why?!?! 😡 So bloody annoying, how can I match with you if I have literally no idea what you look like! I know it isn't the most important thing but especially when accompanied by a less than informative profile. Means I move on instantly.

Ahhh it's been a while since I did old, but for me it was people describing themselves as bubbly or random 🙄 cringe

This thread would make for an excellent drinking game 😂

@GeordieGreigsButtButtZoom yes the ones claiming they don’t want one night stands are all straight men. I’m not sure I believe them. But I think they say it to imply they get lots of offers 😄

I met my XH online. It was in 2004 though so a very different experience. Well there weren't smart phones for a start!

It made for a more paced early stage. No real nonsense like now.

When we split I did try it all again but it just seemed so intense like instant gratification. Chat now. Meet tomorrow. I dunno. Just a bit depressing.

Do people actually have these things in their profiles 😂 jeeees!

I think a lot of people are lacking in what the Americans call "game". I mean, a lot of us probably have these thoughts, but it's just clumsy to throw them out there to people who don't know you and whom you are supposed to be trying to impress. And projecting negative vibes about your preferred gender because of your past experiences...well again, I could understand having these feelings in your head, but how can they not realise that it isn't going to be attractive to start off your courtship with "you better not be one of the shit ones"?

Are people just impatient? Don't want to allow things to happen organically so they're trying to script it from the start?

"My kids are my world/life" Yeah great can't wait to meet up once every couple of weeks because your to busy with your children.

"If you can't handle my children or you have a problem with them swipe left" don't worry I don't need asking twice!

"Just Ask" in the about me section. Can't even be bothered to write the basics

"Full time Mummy to 2 kids but they've allready got a Dad" didn't realise there was such a thing as a part time mum?! And also in a few years time and everything is going good and we want to move in together, are your kids going to live elsewhere or am I going to have to play step daddy to your children?!

"I won't speak first"

'Let's match and not talk 🤨'
'University of hard knocks/ life'
'6ft as apparently that's important'
'Snapchat filters swipe left'
'No time wasters'
'Back on here again'
'You can message first ladies'

Pictures of chins
Pictures holding fish
Topless pictures
Millions of group pictures
Gym selfies 🤮
Picture next to a car

Awful awful awful

I've had "you look nice and natural, slim yet curves in the right places" from a man who looked old enough to be my grandfather!

It wouldn't matter if it was Ryan Reynolds saying it, there is something really creepy about a total stranger commenting and passing judgement on your body from photos.

Why do they even feel the need to comment? Not wanting to boast, but I'm an 8 or a 9, they are a 2 or a 3 at best, do they really think I'm so short of compliments that I want to hear their input?

Asking me whether my pubic hair matches the (very artistic and colourful) hair on my head.

Yep, they really do

I love being single

I can’t believe people write these things!! This is a really funny thread 😂

I can believe they write in them, because they're the kind of base and uncensored thoughts that I imagine a lot of us have, but I can't understand why they put them in profiles when they're supposed to be trying to attract people. Would they go to an old fashioned singles event at a club, glare at everyone and open conversations with this stuff?

I’m not incredulous because they’re base and uncensored, I’m incredulous because there are so many ridiculous dull cliches 😂

@GeordieGreigsButtButtZoom

I can believe they write in them, because they're the kind of base and uncensored thoughts that I imagine a lot of us have, but I can't understand why they put them in profiles when they're supposed to be trying to attract people. Would they go to an old fashioned singles event at a club, glare at everyone and open conversations with this stuff?

There's a lot of potential for a comedy sketch there - if people behaved in real life in the same way they do on OLD. Picture the scene - a scowling, slightly out of focus man with no shirt on stomps up to you at a bar. He looks you up and down, then launches into an aggressive monologue about how women are all fake and his exes are nothing but drama, and he has two kids, so if you've got a problem with that, you'd better fuck off. If you even acknowledge his presence, he then shows you his dick.

Actually, I think everyone's online experience could be improved by more people thinking "would I say this to a woman I'd just met in the pub?" and then adjusting their behaviour accordingly.

That quote from 'Always sunny in philodelphia'. Its not coming to mind right now but I feel like every 3rd guy on tinder uses it.

It's a quote with - 'Dislikes: peoples knees'
Dunno how the rest goes.

@UpSchittsCreekWithoutAPaddle

I've had "you look nice and natural, slim yet curves in the right places" from a man who looked old enough to be my grandfather!

It wouldn't matter if it was Ryan Reynolds saying it, there is something really creepy about a total stranger commenting and passing judgement on your body from photos.

Why do they even feel the need to comment? Not wanting to boast, but I'm an 8 or a 9, they are a 2 or a 3 at best, do they really think I'm so short of compliments that I want to hear their input?

Kind of feels like they are appraising a horse or something doesn't it? Eurgh

There's a lot of potential for a comedy sketch there - if people behaved in real life in the same way they do on OLD. Picture the scene - a scowling, slightly out of focus man with no shirt on stomps up to you at a bar. He looks you up and down, then launches into an aggressive monologue about how women are all fake and his exes are nothing but drama, and he has two kids, so if you've got a problem with that, you'd better fuck off. If you even acknowledge his presence, he then shows you his dick.

Actually, I think everyone's online experience could be improved by more people thinking "would I say this to a woman I'd just met in the pub?" and then adjusting their behaviour accordingly.

This is hilarious, but true!

Unfortunately, I've had men coming up to me in real life and saying unacceptable things. There was one man, he must have been 20 years older than me, who looked me up and down appraisingly when I was walking on the street near my home, and said "Very nice!" but in a really creepy way. I'm not very nice at all, so I told him to fukc off.

I've had creepy men say creepy things to me in pubs and been told to "watch what you're fucking saying" when I've told them to leave me alone.

But yes, I get your point. Its as if online dating sweeps away what few social inhibitions these misfits have left and you get the full force of their misogynistic misbehaviour. I refuse to use OLD as I dislike it so much.

Theres quite a lot about this on TikTok just now if you like a laugh.

When men write “I’m a trustworthy and honest guy” always think it means the opposite 😂