Phrases that make you swipe left

[JimmyJabs]

I'm a glutton for punishment, so I've recently gone back on OLD, and I'm finding it something of a trial so far. All the things that used to annoy me about people's profiles are still exactly the same as when I was last doing this! These are my instant nope phrases:

My kids are my life (so where would a potential girlfriend fit in? Also, that's just basic parenting...)

I don't take myself/life too seriously (almost guaranteed to be immature and flaky, and leave all the boring life admin to some other sucker)

Not looking for a penpal (will exchange a maximum of 5 messages with you before suggesting that you meet up for 'fun 😉')

Is anyone genuine on here? (Dude, maybe don't advertise the fact that nobody ever replies to you)

I'm 6ft, because apparently that matters (while being short is not unattractive to me, passive aggression certainly is)

What are your instantly offputting phrases? I'd be intrigued to know what men have to say about this too, in case I'm being inadvertently annoying myself...

But if you don't realise how hard it'll be when someone has kids, and that you can't deal with it, the "if you don't like that" phrase isn't going to work. You don't know that you don't like it and can't handle it. If you do know that it's a deal breaker for you, then the only thing you have to be told is that there are kids involved here. Nobody needs an aggressive dig about it.

That kind of thing gives off a very defensive air, that you're punching people away even before they've messaged you. It's not the kids I'd find offputting, it's the feeling that this person is aggressively telling me under what circumstances I should go away before I even know if I want to get any closer. It's just unwelcoming.

@CrispsTasteSoGood

also supplementing that with something negative like "if you don't like that swipe left" is what we find horrible

I suspect its because they have had their time wasted before by men go out with them knowing they have children and then get their arse on when the mother/ father can't see them as often as they would like due to having kids, or have to cancel a date because a kid has broken their arm or whatever.

I think there are a lot of men/ women who just don't realise the implications of going out with someone with kids. So they don't swipe left. So saying, 'if that is a problem, swipe left' is giving them a heads up that saying I have kids actually means something that will affect you. Its not like saying I have two cats.

Yes, I have had experience of a guy I was dating, phoning me, practically in tears, voice heavy with emotion because I had had to cancel a date (he'd actually seem me the day before too) due to my kids, ' I am absolutely devastated, this means we can never be together, I am devastated that you had to spend time with your son, instead, this means we can never be together'. Aye pal, jog on then. So when you have dealt with that shit, you do want to filter our those people (not that I mention I have kids in my profile as I want to filter our paedophiles to, I save that reveal for the chat). So one guy I was chatting to and I told him he had kids replied that he had been out with someone with kids before and hadn't realised how hard it would be and didn't want to do it again. So yes, saying ' swipe left' is giving a heads up that this is a real thing you need to pay attention to. So that no-one's time is wasted.

Thats all just a tad aggressive for me. I avoid people who tell me what to do. I don't care what excuse they make up. Instructing people on what to do with all the sensitivity of a army drill sergeant is an instant red flag. There are ways of phrasing things (which do seem to be lost on the majority of online dating users) and if you can't be bothered or arent clever enough to do that, then best avoided. But not for the reasons you think.

My DSD is 20 and has just deleted her OLD profiles. Shes 5ft tall, stunningly pretty(yes im biased !) And doing her final year at Uni doing a very male dominated STEM subject. Not profile, but DM include-
"Wow you are really short! You are almost a dwarf! I would never normally date someone like you, but because you are so hot I will make an exception"
"Why are you wasting time at Uni? you are too pretty for that ! You would make a fortune in porn/stripping"
" I dont date women as short as you, however if i can see you naked i may change my mind"
"I can only go out with you if you wear heels"
"I can only go out with you if you dont talk about uni stuff and try and make out you are cleverer than me" All these x100. Its horrible.

I think if I had an OLD profile, I'd fill it with the crass, rude, insulting and sexually aggressive IMs I'd received, along with a line saying, "This is the competition, gentlemen. It shouldn't be too hard!"

I've no idea how it would make me look, likely a twat, but at least it would shine a light!

@RantyAnty

Do most men ever read profiles? I've heard they mass swipe hoping to get a bite.

My kids are my world - Almost always Disney dad or guy who abandoned his children and hasn't seen them in years. Has a sad story about his crazy ex keeping him from seeing them.

Oh yes, the kids are my world cliche guy. I just imagine some dodgy guy who has cheated on the mother of his kids, walked out and doesn't see them that often, but wants to come across as a decent guy, the sort of guy that other women would readily get involved with...theres an awful lot of men on OLD who have either walked out or been kicked out.

@GeordieGreigsButtButtZoom

I think if I had an OLD profile, I'd fill it with the crass, rude, insulting and sexually aggressive IMs I'd received, along with a line saying, "This is the competition, gentlemen. It shouldn't be too hard!"

I've no idea how it would make me look, likely a twat, but at least it would shine a light!

Genius! I'd be happy to look like a twat just to see what sort of responses I got. It might actually work if it stirred some competitive instincts.

Genius! I'd be happy to look like a twat just to see what sort of responses I got. It might actually work if it stirred some competitive instincts.

Try it! And let us know what happens.

@WitchWife My cousin once listed his interests as "running and walking", I did ask him if he was going to add crawling as well. Maybe rolling.

😂😂😂

Not a phrase but a profile picture with a big fish. What’s that all about?! ‘Look I must be a great catch (bad pun intended) I can feed you with my amazing fishing skills’! I don’t know if they are trying to come across as the out door type with varied hobbies or they genuinely think women find the ability to catch a giant carp attractive?!

@Redannie118

My DSD is 20 and has just deleted her OLD profiles. Shes 5ft tall, stunningly pretty(yes im biased !) And doing her final year at Uni doing a very male dominated STEM subject. Not profile, but DM include- "Wow you are really short! You are almost a dwarf! I would never normally date someone like you, but because you are so hot I will make an exception" "Why are you wasting time at Uni? you are too pretty for that ! You would make a fortune in porn/stripping" " I dont date women as short as you, however if i can see you naked i may change my mind" "I can only go out with you if you wear heels" "I can only go out with you if you dont talk about uni stuff and try and make out you are cleverer than me" All these x100. Its horrible.

I think that unfortunately that type of negging is quite common in the younger age groups online.

If she was tall, she would be too tall. If she was curvy, she would be too fat. If she was slim, she would be too thin. If she was athletic, she would be too muscular.

I really think that more and more putting your photos on OLD is just setting yourself up for abuse from a bunch of misfits.

I think that unfortunately that type of negging is quite common in the younger age groups online.

Dear God. I truly thought negging went out of fashion circa 1999. When we said it was fun to be vintage and retro and relive the long gone past, we didn't mean that!

@CrispsTasteSoGood

I have two children whose lives I'm very involved in, so my free time is a bit limited

But its more than 'my time is a bit limited' Kids aren't a hobby you spend a lot of time on. They will always be your number 1 priority, they are the key part of your life and identity and will regularly be a topic of your conversation, they will take up you emotional and mental head space. I think all you have done there is show how hard it is for people without kids to understand what it means to be in a relationship with someone who does have kids. Hence parents getting pissed off and shortening things to ' if you don't like it, swipe left.'

Yes, it's bloody obvious to any adult, therefore there's no need for people to emphasise "they're my world".

You've clearly had different dating experiences than the rest of us.

You're also hypocritical, you say people should include this, but you don't include it, and then you're surprised when a guy dating you doesn't understand about the time you spend with your child (cancelling an arrangement with him), who you hadn't told him about. Baffling, frankly.

By the way, as a person without kids I've been in many relationships with men with kids and no, it's really not that hard to understand the impact that has.

I'd actually far, far rather spend time on threads gently mocking internet dating than actually do internet dating! The first is fun, the second is less enjoyable than getting a numbing injection at the dentist!

I avoid people who tell me what to do.

Quite, me too!

I think someone on this thread is projecting rather.

@VanGoghsDogYou're also hypocritical, you say people should include this, but you don't include it, and then you're surprised when a guy dating you doesn't understand about the time you spend with your child (cancelling an arrangement with him), who you hadn't told him about. Baffling, frankly

OMG, appropriate user name as you are absolutely barking with all the stuff you have put there. I did not anywhere say people should include this - you made that up about me just to call me a hypocrite - I simply explained why I think people are including it. You also made up that I didn't tell the guy I was dating that I had kids. I did. When he said he wanted to date me I said, 'are you sure? you know I have kids, dating me won't be easy and I won't be able to see you that often.'
I couldn't have been clearer really. If you are going to criticise people how about doing on things that have actually said and rather than stuff you have made up? Pathetic.

Baffling, frankly Yes you are. You really, really are.

You've made some rather unpleasant character judgements about me

Well I am sorry you feel like that. I really wasn't making a character judgement just wanting to make the point that if you (one) doesn't understand what it is like to date someone with kids you are likely not to continue the relationship. Sorry you took it so personally, or at least I would be if you hadn't taken such a deliberately personal swipe at me.

You implied that, because I had used the phrase "spare time", I must therefore think that children are a hobby that you could put to one side. That's a lot to read into what I said. How else do you think I should have put it which would have conveyed the fact that your children are an inseparable part of your life and that they will always come first, without it coming across as if you don't have time to date? We're talking OLD profiles here, a first impression that's supposed to make people more interested in getting to know you. Once you do get chatting to someone, there are all sorts of things that might come to light that makes you decide not to take it further, of which children/no children is only one. Are people time wasters if they don't explicitly state everything in their profile that might conceivably put someone else off? Or don't you think that dating necessarily involves talking to or going out with people who might turn out not to be compatible when you get to know them better?

This thread was about offputting phrases on OLD. Plenty of people have explained why they don't like "if xxx bothers you, swipe left", other people are less put off by it, but it's fairly clear that it's unpopular enough that anyone considering using it might want to think of a rephrase

This thread is eye opening. I've never tried OLD and never will (not interested in having another relationship) but it's so depressing that men (and women probably) use the same clichés to the extent that many of them have been quoted here by multiple posters. What happened to originality and authenticity? Just being yourself and letting your personality speak for itself?

I did an media interview recently about being widowed and it was shown on insta. Within four hours I had DMs from 3 men, one of which was a dick pic, telling me I look hot or pretty or sexy. Objectively, I did not. My roots haven't been done since October and I was wearing no make up in case I got upset talking and ended up with mascara trails. I was not asking for this sort of contact and actually my interview was about not wanting to date again. The approaches were tone deaf so I dread to think what I would elicit on OLD.

theres an awful lot of men on OLD who have either walked out or been kicked out.

@GreenlandTheMovie I strongly suspect this to be the case. No matter how well worded their profiles are, I'm beginning to realise that majority of men on OLD sites are likely to be bitter, miserable, bored, have MH issues they're not addressing or are not very serious about love and genuine fulfillment.

Of course I could one day be proven wrong on this.

@ItisLikethis

theres an awful lot of men on OLD who have either walked out or been kicked out.

@GreenlandTheMovie I strongly suspect this to be the case. No matter how well worded their profiles are, I'm beginning to realise that majority of men on OLD sites are likely to be bitter, miserable, bored, have MH issues they're not addressing or are not very serious about love and genuine fulfillment.

Of course I could one day be proven wrong on this.

It's hard to know how to respond to this as the assumption is it's basically the mans fault whether he left the relationship or the ex ended the relationship.

For fear of re-awakening an argument, I think the difference between 'I have children' when on a man's OLD profile and 'I'm a Mum' on a woman's is that, for the men it's a selling point. So 'my kids are my world' = 'I'm a great guy,' (if only that followed, the CMS wouldn't be so busy)

On a woman's it is more a statement of fact or even a warning to get rid of time-wasters. It is not a selling point in the slightest.

It's hard to know how to respond to this as the assumption is it's basically the mans fault whether he left the relationship or the ex ended the relationship.

@Stout01 Ok, yes. I see your point. Divorces are by and large initiated by women, however. Perhaps my own experiences with exes, and reading the many threads on MN detailing the unreasonable and abusive behaviours of men, have shaped my view on this.

Also, I know myself and what I have to offer. I would never ever treat my partner in the manner that I have been. So, I'm doing some work on myself to try figure out why I allow/have in the past made excuses for 'red flags', why I'm attracting men who can't (or don't want) to have a healthy, authentic relationship.

I genuinely would have given the moon and stars to this person I recently had to walk away from... and I'm still rather disappointed it didn't work out. Saying that I'm content to stay single until I come across someone who truly wants and appreciates something real.

[quote CrispsTasteSoGood]**@VanGoghsDogYou're also hypocritical, you say people should include this, but you don't include it, and then you're surprised when a guy dating you doesn't understand about the time you spend with your child (cancelling an arrangement with him), who you hadn't told him about. Baffling, frankly

OMG, appropriate user name as you are absolutely barking with all the stuff you have put there. I did not anywhere say people should include this - you made that up about me just to call me a hypocrite - I simply explained why I think people are including it. You also made up that I didn't tell the guy I was dating that I had kids. I did. When he said he wanted to date me I said, 'are you sure? you know I have kids, dating me won't be easy and I won't be able to see you that often.'
I couldn't have been clearer really. If you are going to criticise people how about doing on things that have actually said and rather than stuff you have made up? Pathetic.

Baffling, frankly Yes you are. You really, really are.[/quote]
You said: So yes, saying ' swipe left' is giving a heads up that this is a real thing you need to pay attention to. So that no-one's time is wasted.

How is that not saying that people should include this in their profile?

@stuckinatrap

For fear of re-awakening an argument, I think the difference between 'I have children' when on a man's OLD profile and 'I'm a Mum' on a woman's is that, for the men it's a selling point. So 'my kids are my world' = 'I'm a great guy,' (if only that followed, the CMS wouldn't be so busy)

On a woman's it is more a statement of fact or even a warning to get rid of time-wasters. It is not a selling point in the slightest.

God, the number of men who post actual pictures of their kids on their profiles to win Good Guy points. Are they really so clueless about online safety? I always imagine they'd try to introduce you to their kids after you'd been on a couple of dates too.

@WitchWife

OMG how had I forgotten those seeking their "partner in crime".

I am assuming these people are the most boring feckers alive, and their idea of "crime" is having a second fig roll or forgetting to iron their pants.

🤣🤣🤣