Please hold my hand a bit longer - thread 2 -

[MoreLegsThanMe]

I’m so grateful for all the help and support on thread 1.

Please help me keep going, especially at night. I’m not strong enough on my own.

Succor

In ten years when he’s seventy there’s no way she’ll be hanging around - do you agree? She’ll be forty-seven then. He won’t seem much of a catch then, will he

My friend has this age difference with her DH. She is vibrant and active, he is getting frail and has Alzheimer’s. She still adores him they have been together for ever and although things are hard there is real love there.

Your DH with everything health wise he has been through. Particularly the mh implications of the ED is going to need patience and love. Do you think she has that to give in the way you had? I feel you have barely touched the iceberg of telling us what you have put up with over the years. It could be that not having you there to support him means he has to pull himself out of it. But a lifetime habit of this is not easy to break. He’s coming up to 60 heading towards what is often the most cantankerous years. Unless he changes or is just not as selfish with her which is unlikely if it does last it will not be an easy relationship. I wouldn’t want to sign up for caring duties now for someone I didn’t have history with.

It's natural to hope their relationship will crash and burn. However I have witnessed, both times very close to me, where they didn't...

When I was 20, my best friend - who I shared a birthday with, so exact same age - met a man who was the same age as my father, 42. He ended up leaving his wife of 25 years for her after 6 months. They were married the following year, and nearly 32 years later are still married.

The very next year my father left my mother after 23 years of marriage for another woman. They've now been married 30 years.

I don't recount these to make you feel bad, but because I feel that if he came back now you'd still take him back . My wish for you is that you now concentrate 100% on making a good life for yourself, so what he does is no longer bothering you...and that you don't want him back at all.

Thank you all.

@noirchatsdeux I can say now for certain that I wouldn’t take him back. I wouldn’t if he stood in front of me and begged. I spent the last thirty-seven years of my life (more than half my life) putting him first. Now I’m going to put myself first after the DC of course). There’s no way that he could ever make things right. No way at all.

DD3 has another interview tomorrow so fingers are crossed. Like I’ve said before she needs to be able to look for her own place rather than being stuck here with me.

The bit of feeling positive I had yesterday is still there. I know I can get through, at least I hope I can. I’m speaking to the GP next Wednesday so I’m hoping that he will say to stick with the antidepressants for a while at least. I know I didn’t want to have to resort to them but I’m glad I did.

I’m going to try and post one bit of positive news each evening. Today I did DD4 and DS’s rooms, and gave them fresh beds. Hoping to keep busy tomorrow too.

x

That's the spirit MoreLegs I was sure you'd always been the kind, accommodating, unselfish spouse. High time that you do put yourself ahead of him.

Very best of luck to DD3 with the job interview tomorrow.

You definitely can get through. You've gritted your teeth and got through some very tough days so I'm sure you can keep on going now you're stronger.

Positive news is good. Nothing like changing the sheets for a free pick-me-up, especially if they've been line-dried in the sun and wind, I think, because they smell so beautifully fresh.

Sleep well lovely.

The speed of your recovery is picking up pace, it’s making me smile reading your updates now, they are improving by the day compared to 2 months ago.

Have a good day.

It's lovely to read your updates OP. I think 1 positive update a day is a great idea

Thank you. DD3 felt her interview went well, but that’s always the way isn’t it. There was a panel of three and she said they all seemed friendly. Just a waiting game now.

That’s about it for positive news today - the kettle broke this afternoon so we’ll go out tomorrow for a new one.

It’s far too windy and rainy to even think about gardening yet. I’m still waiting for my bin anyway.

Thank you so much for staying with me x

@MoreLegsThanMe sounds like a normal homely sort of day - fingers crossed for DD
Sleep tight

Fingers still crossed for your DD3 MoreLegs. I hope they let her know soon.

Too windy and rainy to garden here too. Yesterday was lovely but 'natch then I was stuck with Google meets to waste the sunshine. Hopefully tomorrow.

I am busy sewing masks. Now that DS will have to wear one all day at school I thought I'd better make sure he has two to take with him so he can change into a clean, fresh one for the afternoon. My goodness threading needles is very tricky these days - worse than the actual sewing!

Take care. Sleep well.

Well the wind has woken me up so I just thought I'd leave a message for the morning.

I hope you recieve good news for your DD, that would be lovely to hear.
And I hope this bloody weather improves so we can all get out and get some fresh air, even the dog won't step one foot outside !

You do sound stronger op, it's so good to hear and I'm pleased that you think the tablets are helping, I'm sure the doctor will help next week youv'e not been on them long. Maybe you could get him to write a percription out for the Queen and Prince Phillip, Ive got a feeling they might be needing one.

Take care
Speak soon

Just found this thread again. Sending all my love op.

So pleased you're feeling a bit stronger OP. Wishing DD3 good luck and hope you get your bin and kettle sorted soon. Spring is here, you made it through the winter which is always the toughest time to deal with awful situations

Your posts definitely have a more positive feel to them. Better days are ahead and in the not too distant future for sure @moreLegsThanMe. Take care, hugs sent your way.

Thank you everyone.

DD3 has the job!! She heard this morning and has been quietly buzzing all day. I am so, so pleased for her. She really deserves this. She starts next month.

I feel sad that her father isn’t here to share her news. I’m not going to tell him anything.

I’ve mostly been resigned when I’ve thought of them today. I wonder if she misses her own DC. Unless they’ve moved into the flat with her and H now.

I know it’ll be hard as his birthday gets nearer. I don’t know if I should message him on the day. My instinct is to say nothing. What would you do?

x

Great news re your daughters job! Lovely to hear of young people finding work at the moment.

Re his birthday?

Say absolutely NOTHING.

I wouldn't even acknowledge his birthday. He needs to know you are not even thinking about him at all (whether that's true or not...)

Excellent news, congratulations are in order.

Yes I think it best not to communicate with him at all .
Radio silence.

You have more important people to think about. Make it all about your children now and the people you know.

Take care

Congratulations to your daughter, fab news !!

Wonderful news! Congratulations to your DD3. It's onwards and upwards for you and the DC.

His birthday. Ignore it. You owe him nothing. And nothing will get under his skin more than echoing silence from the family he thought he could drop and pick up at will.

Sleep tight, MoreLegs.

Great news about the job! I guess your daughter has no intention of telling him either. All these opportunities to be a proud parent are lost for him now.

And I agree with the others, make his birthday about you and the kids, he doesn't need to know you're thinking of him but I bet he'll be glancing at his phone throughout the day, waiting for messages, it'll be a hollow celebration just him and her.

Great news about the job, congratulations to your daughter. As for his birthday say absolutely nothing at all. Why would you ? Xx

Well done Dd3. It’s not your place to say anything anymore, if she wants to tell him she can, she’s probably going through the same turmoil, he abandoned her too. With the exception of the cookie gift.

Also do nothing, say nothing for his birthday. When is it, will we still be in lockdown or is it the end of the month. If it’s allowed I think you should plan something nice for you, meet a friend for a picnic or take the DC’s out for a long walk and pack something nice to eat. If it were me I’d try and get to a beach and swim.

There would be more chance of hell freezing over before I wished him a happy birthday.

He forwent that went he fucked off

Many congratulations to DD and to you for raising her!
Celebrate this and all the children’s many achievements - you are a great parent and you deserve each other. You really have come so far under your own steam in a short space of time.

I admire your integrity it shines through all this keep on keeping on......
Hope you slept well.
PS birthday? What birthday?