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Original poster

Do I expect too much? Sex and relationship advice for a male

822 replies

Ac198 · 01/02/2021 16:16

Hi

I am a 35 yo male. Been with my female partner for about 10 years. No kids. Both work. We have a nice house.

We have sex maybe 2 times a week. But its boring. I can tell my girlfriend is not enjoying it and doing it as a favour to me which I have.

We do the same position and she wants it over ASAP.

I have a strong sex drive and lots of sexual fantasies. For instance I would like her to give me oral sex and then kiss me, I would like to have sex on the sofa and around the house. Maybe dress up or wear sexy underwear.

We have regimental boring sex. I would do anything sexual for her, so I'm not selfish in that respect. But she does not want me to touch her that way. If I rub her she says she doesn't like the feeling. She is happy to cuddle.

Am I expecting to much? Is this how life is? I feel totally unsatisfied everyday. I have previous partners where sex was great and we both had freedom to express ourselves.

We argue a fair bit about various things. For me it boils down to serial frustration. But I can barely mention it to her. She says I'm lucky to have sex 2 or 3 times a week. But its over too quick. No foreplay and no after play.

If I could walk out and not have a messy split with the mortgage and be set up in a new home I would.

But our friendship, lovely home, fear of being single and covid keep me here.

I love her as a person still as well. But my attraction to her is less as I feel she is not attracted to me.

Please offer your thoughts and advice?

OP posts:
LouJ85 · 01/02/2021 20:37

give a few details of the things you just love doing to get your man off

If you'd RTFT, you'd realise that the sharing of specific details arose from a previous poster suggesting that the OP's expectations were unrealistic and possibly informed by "watching porn". I felt it helpful to give a female perspective on the very things he was saying he wanted, in terms of pointing out that in fact not all women would see these things as unrealistic expectations, and some would in fact (shock horror) enjoy the things he was looking for.

That's where the specific detail sharing came from. Not from "desperation" to prove my love of sex to complete strangers, ffs

LouJ85 · 01/02/2021 20:38

@Iminaglasscaseofemotion

Equally, you have no right to brand women on this thread as "desperate" because they're open enough to share what they enjoy.

You should perhaps think about how much information you share on a public for about what you enjoy sexually.
Again, not desperate in the way you seem to think, just desperate to prove how "open minded" you are in every way.

Not sure why you or anyone else would feel the need to give descriptions of how much you love using sex toys, or "sprawling across the bed in Ann summers outfits". Unnecessary details that not a single person asked for, but if it makes you feel better, you crack on.

Read my previous comment for the context of these comments.

And I'll share as much or as little as I like, thank you, if it's relevant to the OP and their own comments (which it was).

Unless you can point out what MN rules I've broken, I'll just crack on, thanks.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 01/02/2021 20:38

Brilliant thanks for that laugh.
I'm 30 weeks pregnant with my fiancé's baby who I love dearly.
But yes OP, pick me, pleeeease. 😂

Well thanks for the laugh you gave us with tour descriptions of satisfying you man. It's always amusing, especially when no one asked.

LouJ85 · 01/02/2021 20:40

@Iminaglasscaseofemotion

*Brilliant thanks for that laugh. I'm 30 weeks pregnant with my fiancé's baby who I love dearly. But yes OP, pick me, pleeeease. 😂*

Well thanks for the laugh you gave us with tour descriptions of satisfying you man. It's always amusing, especially when no one asked.

😂Sorry are we supposed to wait to be invited to share our views?

No one asked for yours either but you shared them right?

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 01/02/2021 20:42

Desperate 😂
And I suppose you're equally desperate to prove how much you don't love sex, right? Or ... you're just expressing your views from the angle of your own experiences, as am I.

I'm interested in what you think my experiences are based on what I've said here? I mean we all know what you like, bit I think you would struggle to get a view of my sex life from what I've said.

itsureis · 01/02/2021 20:42

Well, I received a gorgeous little something from Bluebella this morning (early valentines gift for me) and plan to surprise my DP with it whilst making his morning coffee, and then have sex on the sofa before thrashing him at monolopy 😉

It took me till I was 49yr old to meet him so there's definitely someone for everyone.

Go find your match OP and be wonderfully happy.

LouJ85 · 01/02/2021 20:43

You should perhaps think about how much information you share on a public for about what you enjoy sexually.

😂On a thread that is specifically about what the OP enjoys and does not enjoy sexually?

If you're so offended by that, I suggest you have a think yourself about why you even commented on the thread in the first place.

OrangePlumGrape · 01/02/2021 20:44

I think women tend to get sexually bored of their partners much faster than men and then it leads to this kind of impasse in ltr. Sometimes you can get the ick a little bit and stop seeing the guy as his sexual self and it can be easier to just go along with the idea that you’ve lost your sex drive rather than admit to your partner (and yourself) that you just don’t see them that way anymore. It’s probably possible to pull it back but you will need to talk honestly and both put the work in. Ultimately you’re not happy, you have no kids, you could easily leave and start over if it’s not going to change. Sometimes things just run their course, the mortgage can be sorted.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 01/02/2021 20:45

If you'd RTFT, you'd realise that the sharing of specific details arose from a previous poster suggesting that the OP's expectations were unrealistic and possibly informed by "watching porn". I felt it helpful to give a female perspective on the very things he was saying he wanted, in terms of pointing out that in fact not all women would see these things as unrealistic expectations, and some would in fact (shock horror) enjoy the things he was looking for.

Yes because I'm sure in his 35 years he's never came across a woman who enjoys sex and experimenting. Oh no wait, he has because he actually told us he has a couple of times.

Daydreamsinglorioustechnicolor · 01/02/2021 20:46

OK I'm not sure we're helping the OP anymore.

LouJ85 · 01/02/2021 20:46

I'm interested in what you think my experiences are based on what I've said here? I mean we all know what you like, bit I think you would struggle to get a view of my sex life from what I've said.

I said you expressed your own view (not your sexual experiences), as did I. I'm not branding you as "desperate" for sharing your view - it's your view and this a public forum for expressing it. Yet you seem keen to brand others this way for sharing their own views and experiences.

I don't care about your sex life and I've never proclaimed to have an idea of it.

PaterPower · 01/02/2021 20:46

Dragging the thread back on track a bit...

OP I cannot see how staying in this relationship will make either you or your partner happy. And FGS get out before a child is added to the mix.

LouJ85 · 01/02/2021 20:47

@Iminaglasscaseofemotion

If you'd RTFT, you'd realise that the sharing of specific details arose from a previous poster suggesting that the OP's expectations were unrealistic and possibly informed by "watching porn". I felt it helpful to give a female perspective on the very things he was saying he wanted, in terms of pointing out that in fact not all women would see these things as unrealistic expectations, and some would in fact (shock horror) enjoy the things he was looking for.

Yes because I'm sure in his 35 years he's never came across a woman who enjoys sex and experimenting. Oh no wait, he has because he actually told us he has a couple of times.

Again. I was challenging the poster who said his expectations were unrealistic and must have come from porn.

tigerlily20 · 01/02/2021 20:48

Why are you so desperate to tell strangers about you and your partners sex life and tell them that he said that your sex life now is so much better than with his ex wife? (Obviously, he would say that...) Do you need validation from strangers on the internet? That's really sad.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 01/02/2021 20:48

And I'll share as much or as little as I like, thank you, if it's relevant to the OP and their own comments (which it was).

It wasn't really let's face it, but yes, like I said crack on. Not once did I say you were breaking rules, and I didn't aim that post specifically at you either. I just found those posts amusing.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 01/02/2021 20:49

Sorry are we supposed to wait to be invited to share our views?

You sharing details of your sex life isn't really a view on the OPs post though is it?

Mif4 · 01/02/2021 20:50

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

FlyNow · 01/02/2021 20:50

I don't think it's silly or anything to break up. If you aren't happy you should end the relationship. It sounds like you aren't a good match sexually.

One thing I will say though, which may help you in discussions going forward, is there is no point saying "but I'd do any sexual thing that she wanted" which you have said several times on this thread. I'm sure you would but that won't come come across as a favour or generous act to a person with a low sex drive. It's still sex. It's like saying to a vegetarian they can have "any meat" - they don't want any of it.

LouJ85 · 01/02/2021 20:51

@tigerlily20

Why are you so desperate to tell strangers about you and your partners sex life and tell them that he said that your sex life now is so much better than with his ex wife? (Obviously, he would say that...) Do you need validation from strangers on the internet? That's really sad.

😂😂😂
Hilarious.
There's that word desperate again.
And validation, too. Let's throw that in for good measure shall we?

And yes, my partner was telling the truth. A woman who refuses to have sex more than twice a year and brands her partner a "sex freak" for suggesting the most vanilla of vanilla sex more than twice a year. Not hard to see how he's clearly telling the truth.

I'm disengaging from this ridiculousness now.

tigerlily20 · 01/02/2021 20:51

Ok if you say so 😉

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 01/02/2021 20:52

If you're so offended by that, I suggest you have a think yourself about why you even commented on the thread in the first place.

Again, this thread was specifically about the OPs sex life and they asked for opinions on that, not sure that ment give me details of what you all specifically enjoy in the bedroom so I can compare that to my partner.

LouJ85 · 01/02/2021 20:53

You sharing details of your sex life isn't really a view on the OPs post though is it?

If I was sharing for the sake of sharing, then no. But if I'm sharing to normalise the OP's expressed desires and wants, against comments who suggested he must be a porn addict for wanting what he wants..... well yes, that's a view on his post.

BubblyBarbara · 01/02/2021 20:53

Ultimately you’re not happy, you have no kids, you could easily leave

If they did have kids are we suggesting that he should not leave?

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 01/02/2021 20:53

@LouJ85

I'm interested in what you think my experiences are based on what I've said here? I mean we all know what you like, bit I think you would struggle to get a view of my sex life from what I've said.

I said you expressed your own view (not your sexual experiences), as did I. I'm not branding you as "desperate" for sharing your view - it's your view and this a public forum for expressing it. Yet you seem keen to brand others this way for sharing their own views and experiences.

I don't care about your sex life and I've never proclaimed to have an idea of it.

You seem to be struggling understand what Ieant by desperate, even although I've explained it a few times for you now.
LouJ85 · 01/02/2021 20:54

@Iminaglasscaseofemotion

If you're so offended by that, I suggest you have a think yourself about why you even commented on the thread in the first place.

Again, this thread was specifically about the OPs sex life and they asked for opinions on that, not sure that ment give me details of what you all specifically enjoy in the bedroom so I can compare that to my partner.

Again, you're ignoring the original context of my comments. Deliberately at this point. As I've repeated the context several times now