Sex 'I've had better'

[Bellapinkfis]

I am writing on here as i don't have anyone i wish to talk to about this but would hugely appreciate some advice.

My partner and I have been together a year - no children of our own - he was two .

He cooks , cleans, hoovers , is generous, is fun and is supportive . We have great sex BUT he wants sex each day and I don't. For an easy life i gave him sex almost each day but in the past he has said -
I always approach you
Sometimes you just lie there

I explained - i want sex 3/4 times a week and if this was the case i would be alot more up for it and initate .I often 'lie there' as i don;t want the sex and i feel frustrated. This has caused a few heated arguments.

Last week we had a huge row and he said 'i was boring in bed and then some other stupid comments. Anyway, he agreed to less but better sex . a week goes by, I dont want sex on Sunday night - I can feel him trying it in the bed - i gnore him and he flips out. He says i gave him the signals ! He then says people who are happy and this early on should have sex each day because they want too. He then said some rude comments, swore and was shouting at me about sex saying i havne't had a mature sexual relationship et

I turned around and said - I have had much better sex with other people. He went mental and said he doesn't want to be with me , os moving out, i am a slag etc!!!

I am shocked - immature i know but i think - he should know what it feels like to have nasty comments made. He has said vile things to me and said my sex was boring. His ego is bruised so now he is upset!!

When i was listening to him last night , i thought - i don't need this bollocks. Or am i just shutting the door on something great and we just need to get through this blip?

Is it common for people to argue about sex? Especaiilly after the honeymooon phase? Am i odd for not wanting sex each day ? I have never had an issue with a previous partner and having sex 4/5 times a week

I don't know ?
Please advise

OP you do not deserve this abuse. You can be happier with someone who doesn't abuse you, respects your wishes and who won't coerce you into sex or anything you don't want to do. Do not stay with this man, he will get worse. You must leave him.

Gosh op.

My partner and I do argue about sex, its probably the thing we fall out about most because we have mismatched drives BUT he is respectful of my boundaries / wishes and would never speak to me like that. We fall out because we pussyfoot around eachother. Get rid.

You want sex 4 times per week but lie there when you do it? Tbh before we had kids we had sex every night and not in bed bed sex is boring lol

This is sexual abuse on his part.
It will only get worse

Get out now.

These are the terms of your current relationship:

• you are there to meet his sexual needs, your feelings on the matter are secondary to his
• if he wants sex and you don't, this is your fault
• he is free to insult you sexually, but if you retaliate, it is relationship-ending
• as he said, it is the honeymoon period yet he is shouting at you and called you a slag (very revealing of his true attitude towards women who enjoy their sexuality)

Listen to the voice: you do not need this bollocks!

It's only going to get worse and worse.

@o8O8O8o

The trash has taken itself out 🗑️ Bye-bye trash🌬️ Job done ✔️

Exactly this. Don't look back. Don't discuss.

Excellent he's binned himself.

Bin him

He was getting sex nearly every night and still complaining? What an idiot!

He’s probably addicted to porn and wants kinky bedroom gymnastics every night. HE is the one with unrealistic expectations.

You’re well rid!

Any man who actively has sex with you knowing you are just lying there and not enjoying it is not worth your time and is abusive. I promise any normal partner having an inkling you weren’t enjoying it/just lay there taking it, would stop.

@Christmasfairy2020

You want sex 4 times per week but lie there when you do it? Tbh before we had kids we had sex every night and not in bed bed sex is boring lol

how edgy of you

You’re having sex you don’t want, he doesn’t respect your boundaries and he’s called you horrible misogynistic names. He’s not for you OP

He's an immature controlling person. You are completely normal and you deserve better.

Of course you’re not going to want to have sex with him everyday! Even if you a huge sex drive his attitude is enough to turn you off for life.

It is not ok to be arguing so much about sex. It is meant to be a fun bonus of a relationship not a chore that must be completed everyday!

And actually you have sex a lot more than other couples I know. From now on only have sex with him when you REALLY want to - if this is once a month so be it, maybe he’ll try harder to please you instead of just pleasing himself.
Or better yet find someone else.

glassacorn Great post.

OP if I was you after him calling you those names I would cut off sex for a month (if you’re not going to LTB). I think this will show his true colours more than he already has and make you’re decision easier.

@Christmasfairy2020

You want sex 4 times per week but lie there when you do it? Tbh before we had kids we had sex every night and not in bed bed sex is boring lol

She'd be happy with sex 4 times a week, nice consensual sex. However because he bullies her into it she ends up lying there letting him fuck her 7 nights a week because it ruins everything.

Let this one go OP

He sounds very abusive to me and you deserve better.

I am also certain that you have had better sex than with him haha

@TerrifiedOfTrying4No2
Sounds like he has the libido of a horny teenager and that’s just a bit gross.

I want (and have) sex every day with my long term partner. I am 34.
Does that make me gross?
That’s the same as me calling you a frigid old hag because you want sex once a week.

Get a grip. People have different preferences.