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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

The normalisation of OnlyFans and porn

352 replies

mistea · 28/01/2021 19:45

I graduated from uni about 5 years ago, and still keep in touch with my course mates via a WhatsApp group chat. Recently, one of them was asking if anyone knew of any openings in our field, someone suggested that she open an OnlyFans account, and basically everyone else (it was a very male-dominated course) chimed in about how that was a great idea and that they had friends who did that and made 5+ figures a month.

Fair play but I personally know of a friend who went down that route, made a decent amount in the first few months, only to be pushed to show her face and do more and more extreme acts to retain her subscribers who all ended up leaving anyway. She has now quit but her videos are stuck on free porn sites and reposted on forums from time to time. Her case isn't a rare one.

Is it just the people I surround myself with? Or is this really how the world is today? After my last relationship broke down because of a violent porn 'addiction' on my exDP's part I feel just feel like it's all hopeless now. Sad

OP posts:
namitynamechange · 30/01/2021 21:07

@Soccermom1 No, you are right. No-one is defending those guys. Because (as is the case every time anything like this is discussed) the conversation very quickly gets turned onto which group of women are in the wrong. So no-one has to defend those men, and they never ever have to even try to defend themselves.

Countingthebeat · 30/01/2021 21:08

@MondayYogurt

Pity you left the chat OP. That's what they wanted. Such a thrill dominating women, even online.
There are a couple of men here who always turn up on the porn threads to advocate how harmless porn is , how great it is and make nonsensical statements with absolutely no back up other than mysogyny They are borderline trolls but of course come in the guise of opinions and yes totally agree it’s all about trying to intimidate and upset women , invalidate what they know are real concerns The best approach is to stop feeldinv them , work out when they have simply name changed and pretend to be women and ignore. There are plenty of women on here who Are both for or against porn who do not make mysogynistic statements however it’s pretty easy to pick these guys
Countingthebeat · 30/01/2021 21:10

@Haffiana

The relationships board is the one most invaded by members of various male rights reddit boards. A shame that they do so incognito purely to brag on those boards.
Lol they don’t do a very good job. I’m yet to see one make an arugula f that is coherent let alone backed by research or data
LunaHeather · 30/01/2021 21:11

OP do you really need to be in touch with these people? If it's for work, then could you stick to LinkedIn?

The world is pretty grim but they don't sound like nice people, sorry.

MixMatch · 30/01/2021 21:17

"one of them was asking if anyone knew of any openings in our field"

Is the "field" prostitution? Confused

Coffeeandcocopops · 30/01/2021 21:26

I’m in my 50s. I did a degree and kept in touch with lots of my male students. There is no way a man then would have dared to suggest that a female friend goes into porn. Bloody hell the men of today make my generation look like gentlemen yet they were not. Sexual inequality was rife. But nobody would have suggested porn as a career among my friends.

Coffeeandcocopops · 30/01/2021 21:28

Surely the police must be investigating these sites from a child protection aspect?

LunaHeather · 30/01/2021 21:35

@Coffeeandcocopops

Surely the police must be investigating these sites from a child protection aspect?
I don't know. Wasn't pornhub functioning for years before anyone investigated anything?
NiceGerbil · 30/01/2021 21:50

PornHub only acted when the credit card companies said they would not allow their use on the site.

When they said a few years back they would take down videos of rape/ simulated rape they got a massive round of applause which says it all really!

NiceGerbil · 30/01/2021 21:51

It was a poster upthread who said that it was really common for girls yr11 up to do it.

Yr11 is 15-16.

That poster said one girl had earnt 17k for her college fund!

I think maybe they had an agenda...

yetmorecrap · 30/01/2021 22:48

Some of these young women are really going to regret this in 10’years when they meet a nice middle class bloke who suddenly has his mates find their dodgy past and suddenly decide they arentcquite the kind of girl they want to marry!! I’m not being old fashioned- just a realist . Men might want to wank over them, they don’t want families with them

Soccermom1 · 30/01/2021 22:59

For anyone worrying regarding onlyfans I'm told you have to be verified using photo ID so no idea how anyone under 18 is selling on these. It seems very unlikely really that's there's school kids on there

Countingthebeat · 30/01/2021 23:15

@Soccermom1
Clearly it’s very easy to circumvent these restrictions . It’s as simple as using an older friends if . Very naive to claim or disingenuous to claim this this is unlikely
According to this one third with ‘adult content are under age .

www.internetmatters.org/hub/news-blogs/what-is-onlyfans-what-parents-need-to-know/

mistea · 30/01/2021 23:16

But nobody would have suggested porn as a career among my friends.

From what I gathered it isn't seen as 'doing porn' and more of a 'If you really sit down and think about it, OF tells us that men are inherently valued less than females. Think about it: if you could get rich off of selling dick pics, would most of you do it? Of fucking course.' Direct quote from the chat.

OP posts:
Countingthebeat · 30/01/2021 23:29

@mistea

But nobody would have suggested porn as a career among my friends.

From what I gathered it isn't seen as 'doing porn' and more of a 'If you really sit down and think about it, OF tells us that men are inherently valued less than females. Think about it: if you could get rich off of selling dick pics, would most of you do it? Of fucking course.' Direct quote from the chat.

Be interesting to ask them if they think men are valued less than women who are unattractive disabled or elderly or women who might not attract an audience on OF Men are the deciders and are the ones who have the power NOT women . It’s about THEM deciding who gets the views , who makes the grade who gets the money It’s an illusion that women hold the power If it were true all women Would have power not just the ones men decided are sexually appealing to them That’s the humiliation they attempt to put on women They call the shots . To the women who think OF is so empowering to women If they were suddenly- physically disfigured and unappealing to men do they feel them they are empowered by OF ?
OuiOuiKitty · 30/01/2021 23:38

@Soccermom1

For anyone worrying regarding onlyfans I'm told you have to be verified using photo ID so no idea how anyone under 18 is selling on these. It seems very unlikely really that's there's school kids on there
There was a documentary I think it was on BBC a while back about young ones on Only Fans and yes there are under 18s on it. At the time you had to show an ID, it could be your sisters, your cousins, your friends.
TheChampagneGalop · 30/01/2021 23:47

Women are so lucky because they can prostitute themselves.
Men are victims because they have give the women money.

These reversals are the product of misogynist brains. The men who buy look down on the women they pay, yet they are angry because they have to give away money, which make them loathe the women even more. An attitude common among punters and now among the men who buy sexual content online.

MixMatch · 30/01/2021 23:57

Be interesting to ask them if they think men are valued less than women who are unattractive disabled or elderly or women who might not attract an audience on OF
Men are the deciders and are the ones who have the power NOT women . It’s about THEM deciding who gets the views , who makes the grade who gets the money
It’s an illusion that women hold the power
If it were true all women
Would have power not just the ones men decided are sexually appealing to them
That’s the humiliation they attempt to put on women
They call the shots . To the women who think OF is so empowering to women If they were suddenly- physically disfigured and unappealing to men do they feel them they are empowered by OF ?

This is such a good point.

I've also never been able to understand the ridiculous logic from some people that women who take their clothes off and function as sexual objects for male desire are somehow "empowered".

TheChampagneGalop · 30/01/2021 23:58

I've also never been able to understand the ridiculous logic from some people that women who take their clothes off and function as sexual objects for male desire are somehow "empowered"

It is also a reversal. It empowers the men.

Soccermom1 · 31/01/2021 01:47

Just from digging around tonight the policy is that you have to send a photo of yourself holding the ID if you want to sell content so maybe that's closed the loophole of using some one else's ID

Countingthebeat · 31/01/2021 02:49

@Soccermom1

Just from digging around tonight the policy is that you have to send a photo of yourself holding the ID if you want to sell content so maybe that's closed the loophole of using some one else's ID
That mean nothing
  1. Does it say photo id?
  2. And even if it does specify photo Id ....It’s extremely easy for one teen girl to look similar to another In a photo . We did it all the time . Using an older girls photo I’d to get into clubs etc
3 what’s to stop the older girl registering and you gets girls images being on the pages 4 All this depends on OF heavily policing both the registrations and after the registration. For all pictures that are posted on the site to check they even match the id of the person who register . Porn sites ( or because you don’t like to call or porn . Sites that profit of selling women’s images for men to masterbate to ) have a disgusting history of NOT properly policing such stuff That’s why one out of every three adult accounts on there are apparently underage girls There’s a name for people who view these pages ...
NiceGerbil · 31/01/2021 03:06

ZOMG yetmorecrap.

You have hit the nail on the head.

Young woman who do this as an income source, paid by men, in the OP, encouraged by men. Are making themselves unmarriagable! Great point.

And this ties into other stuff as well.

The whore/ virgin dichotomy is natural for men. Some women are for fucking. Some are for marrying.

Over the world this is Very Important. And rightly too! No man wants a sullied woman.

There are methods including

Male chaperoning
Ostracism
Stoning for female rape victims
And I'm sure much more besides

That really does. Bring home the message that men want two classes of women. A disposable class who are for fucking. And a protected class who are good wives.

This is very healthy indeed. Men know what they want. And women, well. Can choose which side they are in. Virgin or whore. Some go from A to B via child abuse, rape. But. Their purity is sullied. They are low value.

It's totally natural for men to feel this way. Understandable and to be supported.

Yay?

Soccermom1 · 31/01/2021 03:35

@nicegerbil What the hell? Angry

NiceGerbil · 31/01/2021 03:43

What the hell what?

Soccermom1 · 31/01/2021 03:43

@countingthebeat It says photo ID either a driving licence or a passport and you have to hold it up so they can check it's you, so at least they're taking it seriously. Obviously no one wants underage girls on there. I'm not on OF myself but the sites I used to be on were age verified too, it was a pain but if it stops underage girls using it then it's worth it