The normalisation of OnlyFans and porn

[mistea]

I graduated from uni about 5 years ago, and still keep in touch with my course mates via a WhatsApp group chat. Recently, one of them was asking if anyone knew of any openings in our field, someone suggested that she open an OnlyFans account, and basically everyone else (it was a very male-dominated course) chimed in about how that was a great idea and that they had friends who did that and made 5+ figures a month.

Fair play but I personally know of a friend who went down that route, made a decent amount in the first few months, only to be pushed to show her face and do more and more extreme acts to retain her subscribers who all ended up leaving anyway. She has now quit but her videos are stuck on free porn sites and reposted on forums from time to time. Her case isn't a rare one.

Is it just the people I surround myself with? Or is this really how the world is today? After my last relationship broke down because of a violent porn 'addiction' on my exDP's part I feel just feel like it's all hopeless now.

Mumsnet isn't a single mind. What it is, is women.

So there are a few women on a reddit forum sharing business tips about sex work. Great, they are not being coerced, those women on that forum. That sample of women on that forum.

And then there are all these OTHER women who are seeing the effect porn has on their partners and on their daughters partners and on young teenagers and on society as a whole.

The OTHER OTHER women, the ones who are indeed coerced into sex work for whatever reasons, from poverty to being persuaded that it is fine and cool, well, you probably won't find them posting on either of these sites.

Oh yes Liberated, it's basically Boss Baby meets Pretty Woman. So glamorous.

It is an absolutely awful message and even without OF, just normal tik tok is basically telling women to show their bodies to get followers. And a lot of them are very young.

Hi @LiberatedWoman and welcome to Mumsnet. How interesting that you have apparently been reading for ages and just decided to join today and post on this topic of porn and the abuse of women.

And I see that you have a particular interest in a sub Reddit that happens to be about sex work - as you have posted links to it in both of your posts.

Please do introduce yourself and tell us more.

I think it's depressing af. I also know that it's very common and it has Benn normalised among many of the liberated young people who have grown up with sexting and porn as the norm.
I too worry about my kids, what they'll be exposed to and what they might be encouraged to do if we continue on this trajectory.
I'm nothing like prudish and as a wayward, damaged, highly sexualised young person, I could have easily got into something like this. Thank fuck there was no Internet when I was young.

Some of you PP talk about sex work as if it's all depressing. Like your job brings you such joy...
It's not like thousands have spent the last year sending dirty pics to people they haven't met.

It's not like most pictures get leak by that loving dp/ex you thought you would forever with.

The obsession with only fans is ridiculous, especially when you all grew up around Nuts mag, Zoo and The sun.
It's not a new thing, it won't damage the world anymore than it ever did.

If it's not your thing then don't get involved.

We feed into this ruining your life, but how often has this actually happened??! There are men how have non mols etc against them and still have jobs.

@LiberatedWoman

I used to buy into all of this anti-porn rhetoric on Mumsnet. If you read the other side, on www.reddit.com/r/SexWorkers/ you can see that these are proper business women, engaged in marketing, service provision and running full enterprises.

It's just mumsnetters that seem to find it abhorrent, perpetuating the stigma for some reason. Rather than being so judgmental and prudish maybe we should all learn to get along and realise that it's different strokes for different folks?

Actually ‘any of us have close connections with sex workers or ex sex workers who are very anti porn and will tell you the it’s damaging and abusive You say they are proper businesses with marketing and service provisions . People who support sweat shops say the same The fact that some people benefit off the exploitation of others does not mean the industry is not exploitative I’ve learnt from engaging with pro porners here that any attempt at reasonable discussion is usually futile . Their agenda is the holy grail is orgasm at the expense of female exploitation so all I will say is this You need to educate yourself beyond mumsnet and reddit . Start with Professor Gail Dines work , move on to university of Oklahoma’s work . That should keep you busy for a few months Then come back and tell us all how the ‘anti porn ‘rhetoric is wrong You’re views are about as far from liberated as can get.

@C0NNIE

Hi *@LiberatedWoman* and welcome to Mumsnet. How interesting that you have apparently been reading for ages and just decided to join today and post on this topic of porn and the abuse of women.

And I see that you have a particular interest in a sub Reddit that happens to be about sex work - as you have posted links to it in both of your posts.

Please do introduce yourself and tell us more.

And THIS

@LiberatedWoman

As I keep saying. Before everyone jumps to conclusions of being coerced, exploited, manipulated, please read from the other side. From the woman actually work:www.reddit.com/r/SexWorkers/

What they're saying, and what mumsnet believes, quite simply doesn't match up.

All sex workers do not agree that the sexual industry is harmless . Many many are now out of because of horrible experiences the industry and speak about its abuses

What you are claiming about the sex workers on reddit does not match up to the many many sex workers who speak out against its abuse some of whom I know personally and it’s also doesn’t match up against the actual RESEARCH
So forgive me if I take your reddit with a pinch of salt

It's so depressing.

How have things got worse for this generation rather than better?

How have we raised boys who think anal is a standard expectation in a relationship and naturally pretty girls who feel the need to pump their arses, tits & lips until they distort themselves into fucking sex dolls?!!

Honestly, I despair.

I dutifully read some of the reddit thread.

The women on there didnt seem thrilled with what they were doing, I cant lie.

It was bleak. And if that's the thick end of the wedge, it says alot about the other less fortunate women involved, wilfully or non wilfully in the sex trade.

Sickening.

If it wasn't based in misogyny then these blokes would give another bloke sex work as an option if they came looking for professional work suggestions.
They would never do that, it wouldn't even cross their minds.
They would highlight relevant work opportunities.

It’s not just about sex workers per se. It has a broader effect on ALL women. Ordinary women who are not sex workers are now expected to “perform” sexually in similar ways. Fetishes, kinks, perversions, sexting, explicit photos etc all are increasingly acceptable and expected - so much weird stuff has been normalised and commercialised.

OnlyFans is what I call 'a porn funnel'.

You start off with some pretty pictures, you get a little cash, then you get told you'd earn more if you show your knickers, so you do, you get a little dough. That's good for a while but the money dries up, you start taking your knickers off, you get a little dough, the money dries up, you start performing with carrots, computer-synched dildos, bring in a friend, etc, etc. Then somebody suggests a 'better' website, or such and before you know it, you're a porn star and/or a prostitute.

aka: porn funnel.

There is some speculation that there are people on only fans (and similar sites) who pretend to be punters and give out cash but who are there, paid by the site, to specifically groom girls to end up at the bottom of the porn funnel.

How true that is, I don't know.

@TheMarzipanDildo

LiberatedWoman

I don’t judge people who want or have to take their clothes off for a living. I judge the dodgy bastards who pay for it even though they don’t know whose the happy sex worker/porn star and who’s doing it out of sheer desperation or being coerced. It’s not easy work and from what I’ve seen it can take a toll on the mental well-being of even the most confident, comfortable people after a while.

Yes agree . I think the thirsty aspect of those paying is really creepy . I think they are the ones deluded themselves and trying to convince others that it’s normal and even good

I feel very sorry for young women today, they often think doing something like OnlyFans is the only way they’ll amount to anything. I personally know 3 girls that do this and they promote on sites like Reddit, Twitter and Instagram so it’s very easy for people to screenshot and save these videos. I think as times went on and more and more people are signing up the content has to be more explicit.

I feel so sorry for what happened to your friend, men can be so heartless and disgusting. I’d be asking them how they’d feel if their daughter/mother/sister was doing it to make some money and people illegally took their content to put on porn websites 🤢

Hold on.

So liberatedwoman thinks it's aok that when a woman asks her old uni mates if they know of any jobs in maths/ computer science, a male dominated area

And the men say, why not try taking your clothes off for money

That that is fine?

No fuck that. It's not fine at all.

I notice she hasn't engaged with that point at all.

@ChampagneCharlene

It’s not just about sex workers per se. It has a broader effect on ALL women. Ordinary women who are not sex workers are now expected to “perform” sexually in similar ways. Fetishes, kinks, perversions, sexting, explicit photos etc all are increasingly acceptable and expected - so much weird stuff has been normalised and commercialised.

So true. As someone who is older and on the dating scene now, the sex and expectations are way beyond anything I was experiencing twenty years ago. Every guy I've been with or chatted to has mentioned or tried anal or varying degrees of violent and dangerous sex. And all seem keen to introduce other people into the 'bedroom' too. My heart sinks each time I think I've found a decent one and they change after a few dates or seemingly 'normal' sexual encounter. Many of my single friends say the same thing.

Every guy I've been with or chatted to has mentioned or tried anal or varying degrees of violent and dangerous sex. And all seem keen to introduce other people into the 'bedroom' too.

This is what makes me despair. Chatted with a few people on regular dating sites and BDSM to varying degrees, group sex, and videos with face included seems to be 'expected' and the 'norm' as 'everyone does it'. I want a relationship but I hate the dating scene.

Those in favour of porn are all about how great it is FOR them and the few women they claim love being I. The industry I wonder what those who support the porn industry think is so great about it for those of us women who don’t support it and who have to put up with the consequences of it , such as the ridiculous expectations , requests , the total disrespect shown to women as a whole such as telling women to go into porn when they ask about jobs like had happened to the OP ?

@Redflaggs

Some of you PP talk about sex work as if it's all depressing. Like your job brings you such joy... It's not like thousands have spent the last year sending dirty pics to people they haven't met.

It's not like most pictures get leak by that loving dp/ex you thought you would forever with.

The obsession with only fans is ridiculous, especially when you all grew up around Nuts mag, Zoo and The sun.
It's not a new thing, it won't damage the world anymore than it ever did.

If it's not your thing then don't get involved.

We feed into this ruining your life, but how often has this actually happened??! There are men how have non mols etc against them and still have jobs.

Porn isn't new, but society has never been saturated with it before. Even as recently as the 90s when I was in my teens, being known to seek out porn was more likely to make you a laughing stock than anything else. Now 14 year old boys are demanding that 14 year old girls send them naked photos 'because that's what you do when you have a boyfriend'. And then before they know it, their photo is everywhere. Forever. Whether any one individual woman feels liberated by doing sex work is irrelevant, the damage is to other women.

And your final paragraph speaks volumes. Men can behave appallingly and still keep their job and reputation. Women can't. Sex work will follow women for the rest of their lives, and not in a positive way.

‘We feed into this ruining your life, but how often has this actually happened??! There are men how have non mols etc against them and still have jobs’

And there are plenty of women who ha e been fired for having their o line images discovered or who have committed suicide because of the social double standards that affects women far more greatly than women . Exactly the issue and a great example of the mysogyny you represent

It's a porn site, don't try to make it seem less bad or somehow acceptable. Recognise the impact it has on what it seen as somehow normal behaviour in relationships when it is abusive or coercive.

Pretty sure there's a YouTube video from someone who works for Talita (in Sweden) talking about how OF and similar sites are a funnel for prostitution. People - that'll be women and girls - are encouraged to move from online to offline. And some are trafficked in the process. Clearly a small number given the huge numbers involved now, but it's definitely going on.