I have been dating a lovely man for 8 months. He has been separated from his wife for over 10 years and I have his been introduced to his 3 adult children and his teenage child, plus multiple friends as his "girlfriend". So far so good.
We met as single people on the internet but I have done a reasonable amount of background checks on him because of this, so I don't think there's a massive cover-up of anything.
However, I as my divorce gets closer to completion I am more and more bothered about why he isn't yet divorced. I have asked him and answers range from "she wouldn't sign off on it", "head in the sand" and "no need to". They are "friends" he says and have known each other since childhood.
Things have come to a bit of a head for me as he is buying a new house further away from his ex but nearer to his work (now that the teenager can travel independently between the two on the public transport). Again, all good. However, he is willing to pay a lot of extra stamp duty because of the fact he is still married and even when he sells the house he lives in now, he still owns the original family home his wife lives in too.
It's really upsetting me and makes me think that he will never divorce if he will voluntarily pay a 3% surcharge on his house for the privilege of staying married to a woman he hasn't lived with for over a decade.
Why would he do this? Help me rationalise it all.
I'm not intending to move in with him and don't even want to marry him myself in the short to medium term but I can't see myself being happy with this status quo in the longer term and I really don't know if I would still want to be the "girlfriend" of a (legally) married man in 10 years time. Not least, because it would cause a monumental mess for me if we lived together and he died whilst still married. I've already lied to my mum and told her he's divorced.