Dating Thread 199 - Come on 2021....

[LongtimelurkerL]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Quick update after my video "date" with MrPosh on Saturday. It seemed to go really well, conversation flowed easily and felt that I could have chatted all day with him. Lots in common, and he mentioned a few things that we could do together (after lockdown). He said he would text me later, but I didnt hear anything - so I sent a quick "thanks for the chat, would like to do it again sometime" and he sent back "yes, that sounds great". And that was the last I heard from him, he'd been quite chatty before and we were texting daily, so I guess he wasn't so keen after the chat as I was. Such a shame, I really like him, I don't often fancy people and I am rarely attracted to people by looks, but he was different and found him interesting and good looking - first time I'd felt a "spark" with anyone in years.

@Eesha, I'm sorry that Mr Y isn't dealing with things very well. You definitely deserve and need this to be a two way thing. Leaving you waiting and wondering isn't fair. I'm glad that you are feeling annoyance, you have been super patient, supportive and understanding and whatever the reason behind it, Mr Y hasn't really recognised that. I think stepping away and seeing what his next move is or isn't is the best tactic.
@LongtimelurkerL, woohoo, I was waiting for an update possibly yesterday at some point, couldn't remember if the date was Saturday or Sunday at yours. Now probably those walks actually feel worth it as it sounds like the foundations have been laid for something good to develop.
@Dancerinthemoonlight, I have been on the thread about a year and I am really happy to read your updates. Sad that it's at a point where you feel that you need to distance from your Dad but happy that you have blossomed in your confidence and self esteem.
@Clovertoast, I hope that the rest of your weekend was okay. I think that what has been started for you is looking at your life and hopefully seeing what YOU need and deserve. I think Notcoolmum was spot on when she said that you and Mr P are just in different circumstances/ life stages. It doesn't make him a bad person or you someone who makes bad choices, it just means that for things to work for you you are going to have to review how you spend your time together. Or if he is - and what he offers- what you actually want ?
Life here is trundling along. Mr V and I are doing okay. Funnily enough yesterday we were talking about how actually lockdown dating has meant we have spent a fair bit of time doing mundane and unexciting things, mostly just sitting around watching TV or a film. But now we know that we get on and can do the boring stuff together we are looking forward to doing the more interesting stuff and not have chunks of that time taken up with nervous 'getting to know you' chat. We also seem to have navigated our way past the events of this time last year when he more or less ghosted me for a few weeks, brought on by it being his late mom's birthday and having financial issues which I didn't know about. I was feeling pretty sad and confused this time last year but there's nothing truer than the statement 'if it's meant to be , it will be'. But you have both got to want it.

@newnamenora thats a shame, it's hard to take when you feel a click and perhaps not quite the same for the other person. At least you put yourself out there so the next video dates won't be so hard.

@Onesmallstep67 yes it's left me wondering a bit whether actually the relationship wasn't for him. I have kids and not the easiest ex so it's not the usual relationship where I could have spent days on end at his place etc and it could have grown organically. However, from what I've known of him, he's the type to get caught up with his own stuff with no consideration for others (not in a malicious way though) but it speaks volumes with the silence that I'm pretty low priority. I wouldn't actually be that surprised if he popped up in the next few weeks once he's got a handle on his life, not realising/considering the impact on me.

@Onesmallstep67 glad things are going well with Mr V, definitely if you can navigate the boring things, you can sure as hell navigate the fun ones!

I'm probably coming off this thread soon!

Not for any reason but just because I'm finding dating a bit soulless and boring!

Mr Maintenance - after 2 months of chatting and nothing else I unmatched with him.

An Italian man living in London is speaking to me via Whatsapp from OKC and also another man Mr Property, he deleted his account - not for me just didn't like the site.

@one**@Onesmallstep67 and @orzo15 thanks. Certainly do feel like in some ways it's a very good way to date if you're looking for a relationship - forces you to get to know someone before jumping into bed (not that there's anything wrong with that obvs but slowing it down is quite nice in some ways!) - definitely agree with you @one on the whole both people need to want it. I'm pretty sure that's what I think 'love' is about - dedication to working on it all/towards something.

Take care of yourself @Eesha - maybe use the time to think about if it's working for you?

Sorry to hear @newnamenora - when did you last hear? Could it be the start of the new week busyness?

@Eesha - I think it was hard after the last one who I was dating last year for about 5 months, who was lovely in many ways, but that "spark" was missing from the beginning and I was willing it to happen, but it just didn't. This one was an instant "wow" feeling from the start.
@LongtimelurkerL - last heard on Saturday evening, we normally check in each day with each other, so unusual not to hear yesterday or this morning. I do know he was spending time with his "bubble" yesterday though, so I'm hoping he's just busy.

@newnamenora sounds like he's busy to me if he was with bubble. I'd probably send something this evening if it were me

@SortingItOut thank you. It all came to blows over the weekend and he said something which he can never take back (I'm glad I didn't raise you being one of them)
The job is okay, I'm being given the tasks no one else wants to do so I have 800+ emails to send with personalized attachments. The welcoming email that went round on Friday said that I have been brought on as support for 3 months but that wasn't what the job was sold to me as. I will do the work and hope the time doesn't drag.

I'm all about focusing on the positives this year, surrounding myself with people who add to my life and letting go of things I can't control.

longtimekurkerl so pleased it worked out for you 🥳🥳🥳

I'm feeling lockdown blues. Have been messaging an iron on whatsapp and we're supposed to be doing the "walk" Saturday but I realised its only me that checks in - yes he responds straight away but I'm feeling like I'm an ego boost to him so havent bothered sending today's morning message and I've yet to hear

@newnamenora

Sounds like you’ve done the right thing - clearly letting him know you want to meet again, leave it to him to pick up if he wants.

@CleverCatty

I think the feelings of ennui right now are quite common! Especially as we can’t really do much

I don’t think I’m up for anything other than maintaining my current long distance irons right now with the weather and lockdown.

That said I don’t want to completely cut myself off from meeting new people

• I’ll see what MrCs schedule looks like over next few months but quite tempted to do a “desexed meet new people” ad when it gets warmer

(with very low expectations - literally just meet for coffee and a spring walk).

MrC is back this week and contact has been good, but he may be away after a few weeks and if that then extends into the summer (or if he has summer plans which mean he’s not around much) I don’t want to be wasting the pretty

Thanks @Slothmomma - early days so will probs all go wrong.....fingers crossed it doesn't!
Is this Saturday walk a first meet? If so i'd carry on how you have been and see what happens after first meet?

Sounds very sage @SleepyBunk

Yes longtimelurkerl this Saturday would be first time meet as childfree. But I'm not a fan of the walking date anyway (as I've said on here many a time 😆) so just feeling if he can't even be bothered to send a check in then I don't want to waste my time. Will wait and see if I hear anything later

Thank you all for the kind words. I don't think I would have grown this much as a person, have more self confidence, better boundaries and know my worth if it wasn't for this thread 😊

Hopefully I will have some dating updates soon. Chatting to several on Hinge but no one is keen on meeting for a walk. Not getting attached to anyone and just enjoying the chats

[quote SleepyBunk]@newnamenora

Sounds like you’ve done the right thing - clearly letting him know you want to meet again, leave it to him to pick up if he wants.

@CleverCatty

I think the feelings of ennui right now are quite common! Especially as we can’t really do much

I don’t think I’m up for anything other than maintaining my current long distance irons right now with the weather and lockdown.

That said I don’t want to completely cut myself off from meeting new people

• I’ll see what MrCs schedule looks like over next few months but quite tempted to do a “desexed meet new people” ad when it gets warmer

(with very low expectations - literally just meet for coffee and a spring walk).

MrC is back this week and contact has been good, but he may be away after a few weeks and if that then extends into the summer (or if he has summer plans which mean he’s not around much) I don’t want to be wasting the pretty[/quote]
Thanks for saying my feelings of ennui are quite common!

Was talking to Mr Property I think it is - ok chat but nothing amazing and then he tells me he's 5ft5 - I'm same height, I've dated a guy similar height and my brother is only about 1 or 2 inches taller but I'm just not feeling that and guys that height generally don't attract me. Told him about this - to be fair - and he said I was shallow. I probably am!

@LongtimelurkerL I'm glad you've got that anxiety out of the way and hope things now go really well.

Good luck with the new job @Dancerinthemoonlight and making the decision to have a quieter life.

I'm all about the ennui right now. I could do with a kick up the are, truth be told. Self administering, now, on a public forum.

Oh dear @CleverCatty, the famous height thing. It is difficult to get around ( if it's one of those things for you ) and seeing as you are the same height I think I would struggle a bit too.
@SleepyBunk, have you read much Satre ? your use of 'ennui ' always reminds me of him for some reason.
@newnamenora, we used to have someone called menora on the thread. Is that you ?

Arse ! I meant arse.

Thanks @HairyArsedMan - me too :)

Have a kick up the bum

@Onesmallstep67

Oh dear *@CleverCatty*, the famous height thing. It is difficult to get around ( if it's one of those things for you ) and seeing as you are the same height I think I would struggle a bit too. *@SleepyBunk*, have you read much Satre ? your use of 'ennui ' always reminds me of him for some reason. *@newnamenora, we used to have someone called menora* on the thread. Is that you ?

I think if I met him IRL it would be different. But in lockdown, he also doesn't live that near me. I'm sure he's lovely but the height thing is putting me off!

Anyway, even if I did change my mind I've told him now so no turning back!

Am thinking of joining another site rather than OKC.

@Onesmallstep67

Oh dear *@CleverCatty*, the famous height thing. It is difficult to get around ( if it's one of those things for you ) and seeing as you are the same height I think I would struggle a bit too. *@SleepyBunk*, have you read much Satre ? your use of 'ennui ' always reminds me of him for some reason. *@newnamenora, we used to have someone called menora* on the thread. Is that you ?

@Onesmallstep67 - no, that's not me

Hope everyone is well, I dip into this thread but have given dating a long swerve.

Got a feeling I may have overreacted somewhat. A man on OLD has just said, after a longish conversation with some flirting etc 'has anyone ever told you you're quite cute?'.

I just got such damning-with-faint-praise, neggy vibes from that that I blocked him (on the app). He was a bit posey in his photos. Not saying I'm Helen of Troy and need reminding of it but if you're trying to scope someone out for romance, that seems a bit lukewarm, surely?

@Yellowhighheels I think I'd find that a really odd comment on a dating app when that's the whole point of swiping on someone lol. That would annoy me as well sounds a bit cringe!

@Onesmallstep67

Oddly enough I keep getting recommended Sartre and de Beauvoir though I haven’t read them (apparently I’m an overthinking psycho like Simone ).

I think identifying that feeling of listlessness/lack of oomph (that also seems to play into dating a fair bit) is more coming from eastern philosophy for me (Sarte may have been influenced?).

There’s so much craving/attachment/longing in online dating

although of course I’m not immune to sitting on a zen cushion somewhere, I do try to recognise when my own mind is making myself suffer through setting myself up a bit?