Dating Thread 199 - Come on 2021....

[LongtimelurkerL]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@yellowhighheels I've blocked people for similar! Esp if they mention my appearance before even saying hello!

Phew! So glad it's not just me!

[quote orzo15]@CleverCatty height is a big thing for me too, i feel shallow but it usually something I can't get past attraction wise. Having said that the two guys I've dated recently aren't that tall at all but I've really liked them. I think maybe if you meet them not online dating it's something I can get past because I fancy them in general, but it's a barrier for me wanting to meet someone if I know they are short, if that makes sense?[/quote]
I totally agree with them - if you meet them not online dating and they're shorter (like one guy I dated years ago) then yes, personality comes into play etc.

I think if this man were slightly taller I probably would feel more attracted to him.

Funnily enough - a guy I dated for about 6 months in 2019 - we both really liked each other and planned to meet up during lockdown, we met on OKC. Well he's going to be in my area, he thinks, next week, for work and said we could meet for a walk and a coffee. Only texted me this morning though.

Arf at MrFaintPraise @Yellowhighheels

“Quite cute” - I know we all have different communication styles and levels but someone who seems to have this constructed “lack of enthusiasm” just really irritates me.

Especially when like you say, he may be doing it as part of social “negging” to make you work harder for his approval.

I used to go along with stuff like this in my 20’s but now l just block and communicate with people who are a bit more polite and enthusiastic!

I think that's it, Sleepybunk I would have overlooked this in my 20s but now see the possible reasons behind his choice of words and think 'no thank you!'.

sleepybunk that's the word I was looking for earlier - enthusiastic! I just feel that my current iron isn't showing much enthusiasm if he never thinks to check in first I guess and I tend to lose enthusiasm myself if it feels like me doing all the chasing 🤷‍♀️

Hooray for kissing @LongtimelurkerL I've been wondering how it went!

yellowheels mm, I probably wouldn't block for that tbh. Each to their own but dating is a minefield for men as well as women. If they're more effusive they can be considered ott. If you had negging vibes beforehand I can understand it.

sorry I havent managed to catch up on thread yet. just wondered what apps people preferred or are they all much the same?

I tried the Facebook dating and got a very unpleasant reply. woke to 4 messages swearing etc because I hadn't replied to a message from 9pm the night before, even tho I'd said I was going to bed!

I know it probably doesn't matter which apps it's more the people but just wondered if any were better than others?

Thanks for @Heartbeats0708

I think there’s definitely a big mix of people (including rude nutcases) on all the apps and sites.

I believe that in terms of numbers Tinder is probably the highest/most active right now? But Bumble was always quite busy as well in my opinion.

I’d say a few years ago eharmony was the one people used if they were very relationship serious. Or the paid match.com .

That said, I do think there are a lot of people who use both the paid and unpaid but are more active on Tinder as it’s faster and more contacts!

I guess it just takes a few contacts to keep one emotionally busy - and a lot of duds !

Hello- just came across this. Hope it's okay if I join?

I'm doing online dating atm. Have been back on it for a few months since I broke up with my ex, (who I met online)

I'm feeling a bit defeated at the moment with it actually. I was taking to this one guy and it was going well. He sent all the right signals, looked at my profile a lot, was interested etc) and then this morning, said he only wants to be 'friends' no mention of that one before.

I blocked him. I find It sooo frustrating when they give out the 'I'm interested.' Signals and then change their mind! Aaaaggghhh!

I think the Apps and sites vary a lot area to area. I'm fairly rural south west and have found Bumble very active, however a friend who lives in a northern big town finds Bumble dire. I think most are better if you live in or near a big city, I'm seeing the same old faces time and time again and have to throw my net widely (MrPosh lives about 25 miles away), so it means meeting for a walk is quite tricky at the moment.

I have a disability as well (cerebral palsy) so find it hard to find someone who actually understands and accepts my limitations.

I was talking to this other guy (let's call him Mr. Jerk) who claimed he had Asperger's. He broke up with his ex because of her OCD (apparently 'drove him mad.' I asked how he felt dating women with physical disabilities.

He said it 'would concern him.' Because of my independence'

What the hell? We'd only just started chatting!

Soon told him where to go.

Welcome @OnwardsEverStridingOnwards

@newnamenora

yeh agree I definitely do see the same faces regularly or cropping up every few years (they probably say the same about me!). I’m currently good for location (big international city, lots of big employers and universities and satellite towns).

I guess ultimately it only takes one or two contacts to work out fine. Also I think flexibility/willingness to travel/host are important so I try to discount initial location.

I do think some people in cities get a bit “snobbish” about location - ie if they’re a Londoner they will expect everyone to travel to them, but meh, plenty more other options out there.

@SleepyBunk

Welcome *@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards*

@newnamenora

yeh agree I definitely do see the same faces regularly or cropping up every few years (they probably say the same about me!). I’m currently good for location (big international city, lots of big employers and universities and satellite towns).

I guess ultimately it only takes one or two contacts to work out fine. Also I think flexibility/willingness to travel/host are important so I try to discount initial location.

I do think some people in cities get a bit “snobbish” about location - ie if they’re a Londoner they will expect everyone to travel to them, but meh, plenty more other options out there.

Thank you, @sleepyBunk 😊 lovely to meet you!

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards welcome. Unfortunately some people are just jerks.

[quote Dancerinthemoonlight]@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards welcome. Unfortunately some people are just jerks.[/quote]
Thank you @Dancerinthemoonlight! Indeed they are. Still Hoping my Mr Right is out there, though 🤞🏻🙂

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards so am I. I have a hidden disability but haven't got to the stage in any recent relationship where it has needed to come up

[quote Dancerinthemoonlight]@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards so am I. I have a hidden disability but haven't got to the stage in any recent relationship where it has needed to come up[/quote]
Ah. I walk with a limp so can't really hide mine- wish I could sometimes, though.

Sending love and good vibes to you ❤️

Hi all.
@Dancerinthemoonlight I'm sorry things have come to such a sad end with your dad, you sound so terribly empowered lately though I'm sure you will do the right thing.
@Eesha hope you're doing ok. I've come to the conclusion that the slow fade out is infinitely more painful..
But, is giving you the chance to maybe find some overdue anger, irritation?
You are so patient and kind, autistic or not, he IS taking you for granted.
Hello everyone else, sorry we're all feeling shit.
That was January huh !!!

So yesterday I changed my profile pic on facebook to a new one of me. My hair has grown since lockdown 1 started and I've lost 4 stone gone from an 18 to a 10. I've been wfh since March last year so haven't seen anyone really, certainly not my friends or colleagues, and I received so many lovely messages and comments. I know it sounds silly but it's really boosted me ( ahh the addiction of social media) and I suddenly thought, you know what, I'm constantly worrying about me losing him, he should also worry about losing me !!!!
I hope that doesn't sound massively vain, I just mean I have a good job with the NHS, grown up kids, bags of free time and I look good lately!!!
It's about what I want too !!!
I really really need lockdown to end. I've forgotten what life was like, what I was like before all this and become utterly dependent on this guy.
I like him a lot, I really do and we had lots of chats over the weekend with him telling me how much he loves me, but I wont die if it ends!!!

So......Facebook dating tell me more....😂

@clovertoast I am SO here for the self love in your post!!!!

@Clovertoast lovely to see you are much more positive and yes, you should also think Mr P should be worried about losing you. How did you lose the weight?!

I think I said before that my best friend was on Facebook dating and got about a thousand likes. She's gorgeous but am so goes for gorgeous men who I suspect on there are catfish! But she said the site was good so I think worth a try. Go for it.

I'm ok, less angry really and just getting on with stuff with my family. Mr Yoga isn't this terrible person and I don't harbour any hatred. He has his own shit going on and i just think i dont factor into it. I feel sad but I've only ever been nice and honest about everything and im ok with that.

My friend was telling me about keeping some sort of gratitude journal or at least making a list of things to be happy about. It sounds silly but I think sometimes we undervalue ourselves, especially in dating scenarios. For me, it was useful to recognise what I should be proud of.

@Eesha I love the idea of a gratitude diary. I heard that too. Apparently you should write 3 things every morning that you are grateful for or give thanks for it are happy about. At the end of the month you will have recorded 84 things that you already have in your life ! I'm going to try it too !

My weight loss, I don't really know tbh which isnt helpful. I overate while in my marriage. I didn't go out anywhere, I had no life, so I stayed in and ate.
When he left I stopped. I was also guilt ridden, sad and felt sick at what he would do so my appetite plummeted.
That gave me a kick start and I've just carried on
I track my calories, that's it really. I watch what I eat. I eat what I like because if I deny myself I'm prone to binging but basically i track and try not to eat more then 1200 cals a day.
So if I do fancy 2 massive bits of doorstep toast with peanut butter for breakfast then I have it, but I have to adjust for lunch to keep under.
I dont know if it's good or not but it works for me !!
I'm 5ft 5 and a 10 now, Mr P is 6ft 2 and easily 17 stone, hes a big lad. The other day he called me a " tiny little thing" I thought I'd died and gone to heaven 🤣🤣