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Original poster

Dating Thread 199 - Come on 2021....

993 replies

LongtimelurkerL · 26/01/2021 14:50

The Rules:

  1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
  2. Develop a thick skin.
  3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
  4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
  5. Trust your gut instinct.
  6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
  7. Know your worth.
  8. If it's not fun, stop.
  9. Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

OP posts:
Thread gallery
8
havecourage8bekind · 07/02/2021 20:39

*phonecall last night. Not tonight

Eesha · 07/02/2021 20:45

@havecourage8bekind Im so sorry, what an idiot. Either already in something or too chicken to say he wasn't up for it. Either way really horrible. I'm sorry. There are gazillions of people out there and this is just one.

Eesha · 07/02/2021 20:49

@VanGoghsDog i do wonder about these weirdos out there. Was the weight thing all he could muster up? He sounds like a nasty piece of work.

WingingItAtLife · 07/02/2021 21:01

So the walk date went well. He bought a coffee each with him and we walked around the park twice before it got waaay too cold so we sat in the car. There were loads of people around so I felt safe. We did have some kissing. It was good kissing!
And we've arranged vaguely to meet up in two weeks, the next time my kids are at their dads x

WingingItAtLife · 07/02/2021 21:04

@havecourage8bekind oh no!! That's awful! Sorry that's happened.
What an idiot for not being able to say it wasn't working for him

Slothmomma · 07/02/2021 21:15

havecourage it really is them not you - he was probably married or something. I had been chatting to the iron I was suppose to meet yesterday for 2 weeks, he asked me to meet, then cancelled yesterday with lame excuse - haven't heard since so clear he had no intention of meeting and was just another penpal or married 🤦‍♀️

havecourage8bekind · 07/02/2021 21:45

It's hurt more than I care to admit. Not because I'll pine for him as a person - just because it's brutal?! How can you seem so genuine on the phone to someone, text all morning and then just decide randomly to block them Confused Ahh well, we live and learn! X

havecourage8bekind · 07/02/2021 21:50

I'd dropped into convo that I was married (separated but not divorced yet, so very much single still) and he'd said it wasn't a problem and didn't change anything...that he understood I was single just not on paper and we all have a past. I'm thinking that was bullshit and it was maybe too much!

WingingItAtLife · 07/02/2021 21:50

@havecourage8bekind

I have no idea because not that type of person, and neither are you.
Its definitely not your issue.
It probably hurts because am I right in thinking this is your first time at this? Just thinking how I'd feel.
Its my first time x

Heartbeats0708 · 07/02/2021 21:52

That's so rotten courage and it happened to me v early on too- it's hard but do try not to let it put you off. It's prob happened to us all at some point, it's so cowardly!

havecourage8bekind · 07/02/2021 21:53

@wingingitatlife yep first time! I'm definitely not ready for OLD I don't think...i can't take anymore confidence knocks lol. Really hoping all works out with you though...nice that you got a little smooch!! X

havecourage8bekind · 07/02/2021 21:54

@heartbeats0708 it's crap isn't it! I'd much rather someone had the balls to say "sorry this isn't for me" than just vanish! It's childish

WingingItAtLife · 07/02/2021 21:59

@havecourage8bekind
Aww don't let it put you off too much. I can only imagine the confidence knock it's given you. This is all new to me too so I have no idea what I'm doing lol.
Thanks, I wasn't expecting it and it was pretty scary after not kissing anyone other than the ex for so long but I enjoyed it. Feel free to PM me about all the other stuff if you want x

orzo15 · 07/02/2021 22:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

havecourage8bekind · 08/02/2021 09:01

Thanks everyone! I've woken up feeling much better..I think last night it was just a shock after how well we'd been getting on. I definitely think the married thing scared him off which is fair enough, I should've mentioned it sooner but we hadn't spoken about past relationships. He knew I had two children from the start - I thought that would scare a man off more than someone being separated but not yet divorced. But like a PP said, I'd rather him duck out now, before meeting. All messages and pictures, along with his number have been deleted....next Grin haha! X

Eesha · 08/02/2021 09:37

@havecourage8bekind great you are feeling better. I still think he should have been mature rather than blocking. Better you know now than later.

havecourage8bekind · 08/02/2021 11:28

@eesha so childish! He'd seemed so lovely and not like that at all, didn't get any bad vibes from him in the four weeks we chatted so was shocked more than anything. Confidence knocked but il be fine! X

CleverCatty · 08/02/2021 11:33

SleepyBunk - glad you had a nice walk and cuddle with Mr C, sounds very satisfying!

Eesha - so sorry to hear things didn't work out with Mr Yoga but it sounds for the best for you and it's good you're realising you were slotting into 'rescuer mode' which you don't want to do. I, myself, sometimes, but not often, find myself making excuses for one ex when really unless he's sorted his shit out (he's not autistic!) he shouldn't be dating, he realises that now etc.

I've got a query - had one guy match with me and message me and say he was out dogwalking (I was out dog walking too), we swapped maybe 2 messages then he unmatched me - is this a thing or not?! Really finding OLD a struggle now!

SleepyBunk - I agree with men who say on the profiles they'd like a hookup etc - or even anything else - nothing wrong with that - I can't stand the ones who do the little word games too! But re this I'm sure women play similar games too!

SortingItOut · 08/02/2021 11:55

@havecourage8bekind Possibly the issue with being seperated but not divorced is that some divorces are messy and take years and maybe he doesnt want that.

Without telling him the ins and outs he cant make an informed choice and its right not to tell him so he can only decide based on experience (family/friends)

I know some on here have said they wouldn't date someone seperated and not divorced due to the potential for issues and drama.

Its definitely a minefield and of course people could just lie about their situation so unless we ask to see divorce papers we have to take things at face value.

His behaviour is not excusable and he should not have ghosted you but at least you know early on what his communication style is like and you wouldn't want that in a relationship.

havecourage8bekind · 08/02/2021 12:08

@sortingitout exactly! Everything you've said there is spot on so thank you. I knew it was a big thing and told him I'd understand if it was a deal breaker..it was the fact he replied saying it was absolutely fine and changed nothing in his eyes!? Be a man and say it how it is lol. Definitely glad it happened early like you say, because I don't wanna get involved with someone who would block/ignore at every bump in the road xx

VanGoghsDog · 08/02/2021 12:33

had one guy match with me and message me and say he was out dogwalking (I was out dog walking too), we swapped maybe 2 messages then he unmatched me - is this a thing or not?! Really finding OLD a struggle now!

Happens all the time to me. I reckon it's because I'm not a good little woman who encourages and carries the conversation.

I think some, needy, pathetic men (maybe women too but I don't contact women) want you to fall over yourself at the sight of them and feel blessed that you have their attention. I just want to chat with someone and see how we get on and then see if it's worth meeting up.

I had one yesterday. I said hi, how are you, he said fine, you? I did a bit of normal chit chat about how cold it is, was going to get a walk, etc, did he have any plans for the day? He answered with yes, it's very cold.
No impetus, nothing for me to respond to. I'm not jumping straight to "so what are you looking for", so just left it as no conversation happening and he unmatched. Which is fair enough, I don't want some needy twat who thinks OLD is a shop and all he needs to is say hi and I'll fall on his cock.

VanGoghsDog · 08/02/2021 12:34

[quote havecourage8bekind]@sortingitout exactly! Everything you've said there is spot on so thank you. I knew it was a big thing and told him I'd understand if it was a deal breaker..it was the fact he replied saying it was absolutely fine and changed nothing in his eyes!? Be a man and say it how it is lol. Definitely glad it happened early like you say, because I don't wanna get involved with someone who would block/ignore at every bump in the road xx[/quote]
To be honest, he's probably just not single. Lots of people just play with OLD and then jump off if it gets too close for comfort.

havecourage8bekind · 08/02/2021 12:44

@vangoughsdog I did wonder that, guess il never know!

Slothmomma · 08/02/2021 12:52

"Which is fair enough, I don't want some needy twat who thinks OLD is a shop and all he needs to is say hi and I'll fall on his cock." vangoghsdog this made me laugh as you are so right 😆

CleverCatty · 08/02/2021 12:59

@VanGoghsDog

had one guy match with me and message me and say he was out dogwalking (I was out dog walking too), we swapped maybe 2 messages then he unmatched me - is this a thing or not?! Really finding OLD a struggle now!

Happens all the time to me. I reckon it's because I'm not a good little woman who encourages and carries the conversation.

I think some, needy, pathetic men (maybe women too but I don't contact women) want you to fall over yourself at the sight of them and feel blessed that you have their attention. I just want to chat with someone and see how we get on and then see if it's worth meeting up.

I had one yesterday. I said hi, how are you, he said fine, you? I did a bit of normal chit chat about how cold it is, was going to get a walk, etc, did he have any plans for the day? He answered with yes, it's very cold.
No impetus, nothing for me to respond to. I'm not jumping straight to "so what are you looking for", so just left it as no conversation happening and he unmatched. Which is fair enough, I don't want some needy twat who thinks OLD is a shop and all he needs to is say hi and I'll fall on his cock.

Ah good - thanks for that!

I was wondering if/why he expected me to be stuck to my phone when I was with my friend (she has the dog not me!) - he was saying it was 'busy outside in the park' - yep it was a nice day!

Again - no way am I going to be stuck to my phone though waiting for crumbs from a man!

I agree with you - they just want conversation online to validate the fact that they're 'attractive/charming etc' to the opposite sex. Twats!

Had a nice enough man match with me today but on his profile - he states 'I'm not a mask wearer etc...' so that's obviously not going to be for me - LOL. What are some of these men on?!