Dating Thread 199 - Come on 2021....

[LongtimelurkerL]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@sleepybunk il join you in the Scrooge corner for sure!!

@SleepyBunk I'm normally really generous myself if I like someone. I'm not anticipating anything for Valentine's though. My ex was very much flowers and presents on the day but obviously that hid a darker, more frightening side of his personality so I think then I was a bit freaked out by gifts etc. I was chatting to a friend who says if you really like someone, you want to go overboard for them.

@Eesha

It’s such a mystery isn’t it people are so different? Different love languages and all that

I do like a nice chilled out atmosphere (a four poster bed country weekend somewhere for a romantic weekend this year would be my idea of heaven)

but I think with tight schedules and budgets and lockdown I’m going to lower expectations and keep my hopes to the side for the year!

I’ve dated guys who aren’t good at the outward performance social stuff but who are very generous and giving in terms of my life 99% of the time.

@SleepyBunk my valentine's tradition is to buy myself half price flowers on the 15th. Other than that will be joining you in the Scrooge corner

Fuck it maybe we’ve been going wrong somewhere though with V Day .....maybe the advertising people are right

Might buy a couple of these and send one each to MrMilitary’s and MrC’s uber-manly workplaces.

Wrapped in cellophane so you can see the contents

I’ll be Mrs Bunk by March at this rate!

Was wondering.... what are the best apps and websites to try and meet someone? So far I've been on OKCupid, E Harmony and Match.

I've found that:

OKC- full of people who just want sex. I did have an iron on there for quite a while, but he got a bit inappropriate after a while and he didn't want the same things I did, so I had to end it.

E Harmony- my mum recommended this one to me after she heard that it was good. I paid for a year's membership and just found it a bit slow, nothing much happened on there at all. I did try to have conversations on there, but they all fizzled out.

Match- I have been on Match a few times. I keep coming back to it as it's the only site I've had any form of success on, since I met my ex on there. I'm finding that it's full of blokes who just want to chat and do little else.

I do want a serious relationship and I want things to go somewhere with the right person. All to often, I'm getting the 'friendship.' Thing happening, and while that's great for some people, I really haven't joined a dating site looking for a friend. I know I'm young, but I do worry a lot about this, and all I want is a partner who'll love me and a family.

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards

Try Tinder or bumble?

I was a bit scared to start as I’d only used other sites before- they’re definitely very fast paced and intense as the usage is so high

and obviously like any site, you have to filter through all the weird encounters to get round to meeting anyone ok, but in terms of numbers of people I’m completely hooked!

I was feeling a bit disillusioned by the other sites -think it was where most of the people I wanted to meet were!

@SleepyBunk PMSL Mrs Bunk by March 😂😂😂

[quote SleepyBunk]@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards

Try Tinder or bumble?

I was a bit scared to start as I’d only used other sites before- they’re definitely very fast paced and intense as the usage is so high

and obviously like any site, you have to filter through all the weird encounters to get round to meeting anyone ok, but in terms of numbers of people I’m completely hooked!

I was feeling a bit disillusioned by the other sites -think it was where most of the people I wanted to meet were![/quote]
Thank you @SleepyBunk 😃 I'll look into those 👍🏻

So me and MrSpaniel (he has the most adorable dog!) have been chatting for three weeks now and get along really well. He can be a little bit soppy and gushy but tbh I think I'll excuse it and put it down to long time single / lockdown lonliness! We are scheduling a call hopefully this weekend and I feel so nervous! Can't say I've ever spoken to a guy on the phone that I've never met! Anyone else overthink these things?

@havecourage8bekind

So me and MrSpaniel (he has the most adorable dog!) have been chatting for three weeks now and get along really well. He can be a little bit soppy and gushy but tbh I think I'll excuse it and put it down to long time single / lockdown lonliness! We are scheduling a call hopefully this weekend and I feel so nervous! Can't say I've ever spoken to a guy on the phone that I've never met! Anyone else overthink these things?

good luck! I have a tendency to overthink too. It'll be fine though. Just relax and enjoy yourself!

@onwardseverstridingonwards thank you! I'm sure it will be fun! X

[quote havecourage8bekind]@onwardseverstridingonwards thank you! I'm sure it will be fun! X[/quote]
🙂🙂🙂

@havecourage8bekind good luck - have a glass of wine beforehand?

@longtimelurkerL Maybe two!!

Good luck all of those going on first dates or early dates, it's so exciting and lovely at the start.
I've woke up feeling really jaded and down about everything today after a few really positive days.
Mr Ps children go to their mums today and I would usually go over this evening but the new normal seems to be I dont now.
I'm trying really hard to not think about him at all really, but lockdown is making this whole thing incredibly difficult.
I saw him on Sunday and he was very down, he actually sat and booked a holiday for himself and the kids in front of me. It was only when I casually asked what he was doing he told me. He said he needed something to look forward to so was booking a break for August and needed to get it done so he could let his ex know when he was having the kids.
Was that weird not to even mention it to me? I feel like I I don't feature in his plans at all tbh..

I'm sorry @Clovertoast but I agree he isn't factoring you into his plans. Great he's taking his kids on holiday. But yes I'd expect my partner to talk to me about something like that. Both in passing but also to make sure we weren't going to have consecutive holidays meaning we wouldn't see each other for a long time. I also think it's a bit weird he did that whilst you were there. Your time together doesn't sound focused on enjoying each other's company.

Well it isnt. Sunday morning we lazed in bed and he spent 2 hours looking to change his energy provider. We then slept. I made lunch. He sat on his ipad and researched holiday's in the afternoon. No mention of dates or when we are going to see each other or not. We then ate dinner in front of the tv, and went to bed.
He apologised for being sad and down but said this is how he feels and that's that.
I have asked if he would like to end it as I'm starting to feel uncomfortable and annoying now but he says no. I've asked if he is slowly backing out in order to not hurt me and he says no.
I've never felt like this in a relationship ever !!! He says he's depressed and its lockdown

@Clovertoast it seems like he's taking you for granted a bit and in wifey mode. Do you think it's worth you taking a step back, maybe introducing date nights, injecting some more passion and fun into things. And with the holidays, did you say to him that you thought he might have mentioned it to him before that?

I think if you want this to work to your advantage, you need to set some different ground rules, so you feel more appreciated rather than a stand in wife (who doesn't seem appreciated)

@Clovertoast I agree with @Eesha lockdown is hard and it's ok for him to feel down but that doesn't mean he can just have you over and then ignore you

@Clovertoast

Can you not just stop going round there, stick to messaging/dates etc? Just for the time being.

I think this dynamic where men “take women who go into the domestic role for granted”
is quite common?

My second serious boyfriend declared love to me soon after we met . So we semi-lived together, socialised in the same group from the first moments we met, I spent time with his (awful) parents. I adjusted around his killer work schedule.

The women he was excited about and genuinely wanted to be friends with were all those who would “occasionally send him a few messages and they’d meet for lunch”.

My self-esteem was on the floor and I spent ages trying to be sexier or cooler or more interesting.

The whole experience was horrendous and dehumanising and I felt unwanted and like I was less of a woman (bear in mind I was a stunning 22 year old at the time?!!!)

You don’t need to be nasty or play hard to get

but do have your own life and your own feelings and schedule as No. 1.

[quote havecourage8bekind]@sleepybunk il join you in the Scrooge corner for sure!![/quote]
me three!

@Clovertoast

Well it isnt. Sunday morning we lazed in bed and he spent 2 hours looking to change his energy provider. We then slept. I made lunch. He sat on his ipad and researched holiday's in the afternoon. No mention of dates or when we are going to see each other or not. We then ate dinner in front of the tv, and went to bed. He apologised for being sad and down but said this is how he feels and that's that. I have asked if he would like to end it as I'm starting to feel uncomfortable and annoying now but he says no. I've asked if he is slowly backing out in order to not hurt me and he says no. I've never felt like this in a relationship ever !!! He says he's depressed and its lockdown

Oops - sorry that's not good boyfriend behaviour from him.

He seems to be happy enough to research holidays so he can't be that depressed. He also needs to take your feelings into account too.

@SleepyBunk if I stop going round there I won't see him at all
It's the ONLY place we see each other.
He doesn't come to mine because my children are in my house all the time. They don't see their dad and lockdown means they dont go out and we haven't introduced children.
We haven't been on a date since April.
We went on holiday in August for a week to Devon but.....we stayed in every night and nearly every day because he was tired

Wtf am I doing...

So even your holiday was rubbish @Clovertoast ? Not an exciting sex fest? I would be making a list of pros and cons right now. I can't see what he brings to your life other than not being as bad as your ex.

Lockdown has definitely taken a lot of fun out of dating and me and Mr B have settled into watching too much tv. But we do snuggle and interact at the same time. Our sex life is hampered by teenage children but we still have a very active, albeit it quiet, one 🙈 i would be very unhappy if he spent hours on his laptop whilst I was with him. I'd be pulling back and saying I wasn't having a lot of fun right now and was missing date nights and see how he responded.